Original subtitles

Whoa, you guys must find the Civil War stuff pretty interesting to stay five

minutes late.

I believe I just did an involuntary fandango.

Yeah, uh, Mr. Tedesco, how can I help you?

Actually, I... I wanted to speak with your father.

Ah!

Sorry, I was just showing the class that history is full of surprises.

Original.

At any rate, I can't seem to locate your father anywhere.

Oh, well, he's with my mom. They're in Washington.

My mom's giving a speech on consumer rights.

Oh.

Something has come up regarding Luke Brower.

Uh,

anatomy.

Look, Mr. Tedesco, when it comes to Luke, I'm pretty much second in command,

maybe I can help.

Don't tell me.

The physics of trajectory.

No, they just don't like you.

What about Luke?

The Bureau of Child Welfare has located Luke's natural father, George Brower.

He's come to New York.

Really?

And he wants his son back.

Show me that smile again.

Don't waste another minute on your crying.

It's Shakespeare.

You'll love it. I'd rather see this one.

It's Raining Guts.

I'm not going to take you to see some gory, disgusting slasher movie.

Come on, Ben.

Okay.

Ben, listen to me.

Luke's father is in town, and he wants him back.

Why didn't you tell him? Ben, I can't just tell him.

I mean, the father leaves when he's two years old and doesn't show his face for

13 years.

I'm not handing Luke over to this guy until I know he's absolutely perfect.

You better call Dad.

Don't you think I already tried, Dad?

There's no one at the hotel named Seaver.

Well, then you just have to wait till they get back.

I can't wait till they get back.

Luke's father could show up and take Luke away any second.

And I have no idea how to find out anything about this guy.

I do.

Luke!

You can't just ask him. You have to be very subtle about these kinds of things.

Mike wants to know all about your dad.

My dad?

He's all yours.

What about my dad?

Well, uh, do you remember anything about him? How could he?

You just said the guy skipped out when he was two.

Well, I don't know much. All I know is he was involved in some kind of

government work.

Really? Like, what are we talking here? CIA?

FBI?

USDA?

Yeah, yeah. The man was an undercover meat inspector.

So your dad, he never made contact with you in all these years?

Well, he was some kind of secret agent. He was hiding with some witness

relocation thing.

He was trying to protect Mom and me.

I know someday he'll come back for me. Maybe sooner than you think.

Can we talk about this later? I'm in the middle of a Godzilla movie.

He's got Tokyo between his toes.

Ben, what am I going to do?

I mean, if he finds out that his dad's in town, he's going to go straight to

him. He idolizes him.

Hey, if our dad was a secret agent, I'd idolize him, too.

Get out of here, you heavy metal doorstop.

I have to deal with this by myself.

move, Dorfberger.

You're on a space phone.

Mom and Dad are gone, and for once, I can play as loud as I want.

You want loud?

Here's loud.

Killed my amp.

Hi,

may I speak with George Brower, please?

I really wish you could come with me today, Maggie. I hate being the only man

the wives' tour.

Well, I'm sorry, sweetie. I've got meetings all morning and I give my

this afternoon.

I don't know if I can stand another day of shopping and fashion shows.

And by the way, those earrings are way too large for day wear.

Well, I guess you just have to bite the bullet and put in another day with the

ladies. Speaking of which, what's on the agenda?

Well, highlights are the White House tour lunch at the Smithsonian and ooh, a

complete makeover at Lady Be Lovely.

Who could ask for anything more?

Don't mock me, Maggie. If this weren't free, it would be downright humiliating.

Well, now you know how the other half lives. What about all the times I've

with you to psychiatric conventions?

You never told me you didn't like the paranoia seminar.

I was afraid to.

You've reached the voicemail for room 547.

Maggie Malone is in a conference, and Jason Seaver is at a waterproof eyeliner

seminar.

Please, please, please don't let that be George.

Be right with you, George.

Excuse me, George.

Oh, big guy. We got to sauce that puppy down before it stains.

We need a couple of more napkins and make sure my compadre here gets a fresh

slice of that Boston cream pie.

I hate Boston.

Okay, partner, we got you covered for dry cleaning. Our new shirt, if the

moves you.

Gotta fly, big buddy. Catch you later on a midnight... Oh, shut up.

Tenfold. Thank you very much, but I still have to talk to that guy. Not

you want a belly button on both sides.

I'm the George you want. You're Mike, right?

Yeah, you're George Brower?

Known and respected wherever hard -working men on the road stop to catch

breath and drink. I said shut up!

Lock that coffee. Sit down.

Coffee made a fresh pot yesterday.

Sweetie Pie, you have got the most breathtaking, gorgeous pair of hands I

ever seen.

You didn't bring my boy, did you?

You wanted to check me out first.

Breathtaking pair of hands.

Does that kind of line really work?

Oh, from Tucson to Tupelo.

Here, check out my brood.

Wow. These are all Luke's brothers and sisters?

Half brothers and sisters. Don't get me wrong, I tried like heck to marry each

and every one of their mamas, so help me God.

What stopped you?

There's something out there on that stretch of black between city and town

that's bigger than life itself.

The feel of the wind on your cheeks as your heart's pumping to the sun

ecstasy of freedom.

Sometimes you just have to scream out the window because it hurts so good.

You know what I'm saying?

Sure, I kind of like when you eat ice cream too fast.

It doesn't really sound like you need a kid to tie you down.

Oh, maybe these other little puppies might be a problem, but Luke's my

firstborn. It's time for him to get out and scratch his name across the sky.

Look, I don't think you understand. See, Luke's in school now, and Luke's got

friends. I'm going to teach Luke things he can't learn inside four walls. He's

going to make friends all over this country.

I don't know.

Look, Luke's my son.

Either you bring him to me, or I get an attorney.

Either way, I get him.

So have him back here by 7 .30 tonight, and we get to stay buddies.

Where were you? You said you'd be back before lunch.

Hey, what's that all about?

Oh, I just want to give you a hug, you little knucklehead.

Mike, if you're trying to thank me for doing your math homework, I'd rather

money.

Hey, come on. Can't a guy walk in and give another guy a hug without everybody

getting the heebie -jeebies?

No.

please dress like this.

Uh, no.

Petticoats make me look hippie.

Carol did this.

She made me look like a geek.

Uh, hey, consider yourself lucky. You should have seen what she used to do to

Ben. Oh, I'm, like, bummed.

Yeah, me too.

Ready, Precious?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, Carol, look, I really need your help.

I have been waiting to hear those words, Carol, I need your help.

And now that I've heard them... I'm trying to get a hold of Mom and Dad.

And I called the hotel, and there's nobody registered under Siever.

Well, did you try under Malone, you Neanderthal?

Malone?

Carol, Carol, I'm going to show you what a stupid idea that is, okay?

Hello, uh, yes.

You don't have anybody there registered under Maggie Malone, do you?

Oh, thanks.

Mike, a lesser woman might feel the need to say, I told you so.

But I'm secure enough for myself merely to say... Hi,

Mom. Ah, man, it's just a voicemail.

Luke says you're acting weird.

Hug me, and you're wearing baloney.

Did you see him making a phone call, you little geek?

Okay, Mom, Dad, listen, call me back the second you get in. Luke's father's in

town, but I just figured out how to deal with him.

George Brower?

Meet your son, Luke.

a disappointment on your face. He's just not all that you hoped for.

We're stuck with him. I understand.

Goodbye. No, no. He's become a fine, strapping young man.

At least to meet you.

Yeah.

You know, it's funny, but you don't seem to resemble Alicia.

Who? Your mother.

Oh, her.

I always just thought her name was Mom.

Son, why don't you sit down?

And take off your coat and hat and earmuffs and muffler and gloves.

No, it's nippy in here. I could catch cold.

Luke, all you need is a change.

You and me are going to drive 24 hours straight under cotton candy skies in

South Dakota.

Cotton candy gives me gas.

Well, then we'll race up the windy road to the glaciers of Montana where the air

is so fresh and crisp you can take a bite out of it.

Cold air gives me nosebleeds.

Well, then, in Arizona, we'll kick up some dust on the Hopi Reservation where

you can dance with the prettiest maidens of the tribe.

Dancing makes me dis... maidens, you say?

Luke. Like, uh, how old are these maidens? Luke, what? Luke!

Oh, me, Luke.

You, Mike.

You, Daddy.

Uh, George, would you give us a minute?

Uh, sure.

What's the matter with you? Will you quit, idiot? Will you stop acting like a

bunny? Why don't you shut up? You shut up. No, you shut up.

Stop it, stop it, stop it.

We've got to get rid of this guy. Fine. Fine. Okay. Okay.

So, Luke, you ready to come with me and spin an 18 -wheeler around a cloverleaf?

I have motion sickness.

In fact, I can't start the day without a major hurl.

You toss your taters every morning?

Doesn't everybody?

All right, let's cut through this sickness of the week song and dance. I

what you're up to.

You do?

Luke, if you don't want to come with me, just say the word.

Oh, that.

Yeah, right, that's what I'm up to. Right, and I'm right up there with him.

Well, maybe this was a bad idea.

Maybe it's easier if I just stay out of your life. It is much easier.

Well, I guess this is goodbye then.

You're a decent egg, Mike Seaver. I would ask you to take care of Luke for

but seems like you got that one down. Yeah.

Goodbye, Luke.

Oh, where are you going, man?

I want to get the address for that Indian maiden thing.

What was I thinking, taking you to see It's Raining Guts?

I didn't see it. You dragged me out early.

It was almost over.

It isn't over until the fat lady blows up.

I can't believe I pulled it off. What do you mean? Every two seconds, I had to

yank your foot out of your mouth.

Hey, guys, what's going on?

You guys need a dog.

Can't a couple of your best buddies give you a little hug, you little button

nose?

A big, goofy dog.

Mom, Dad, what are you guys doing back?

We grabbed the first flight we could so we could stop you before you went ahead

with this idiotic plan.

For your information, it was not idiotic. It worked like a charm.

and Mike will take it from here.

Mike, do you mean to tell me you actually pulled that hair braid scheme?

had to. I mean, George Brower is a truck -driving flake, and he was starting to

go to court to take Luke. Mike, Luke is 15 years old. If he tells a judge he

doesn't want to go, he's going to be listened to.

Oh.

That's not the only reason that I did that. I mean...

Luke thinks that his dad left him because he was some kind of secret

Abandoned kids make up all kinds of stories to keep from feeling they

wanted.

You mean you think Luke made this up?

A long time ago.

And somewhere along the line, he started to believe it.

But, Dad, if he meets his father, he's going to find out the truth. And that

hurt, Mike.

But facing the truth about his father is an important part of his growing up.

Okay. All right. I'm sorry. I screwed up.

But, kid, I don't want to lose Luke.

Well, none of us does, Mike, but staying has to be his decision.

You owe it to Luke to tell him that he can meet his dad right now.

Today.

Okay, fine, I'll tell him.

But I brought Luke into this house, and if he's leaving, then I want him to be

the one to see him off.

Huh. So, what's going on?

I know we're not going to the Knicks game.

Oh, yeah?

How'd you figure that one out?

Well, for one thing, the game's sold out.

For another, it's in Utah.

Okay, Luke.

Listen, I'm taking you to Manhattan.

Now, you don't have to go if you don't want to, but... but your father's there.

My dad?

My dad's here?

Yeah.

You see, the Bureau of Child Welfare tracked him down, and they got a hold of

me.

I saw him this morning.

You saw him? Why didn't you tell me? I know, and I'm sorry. I should have. I

mean, he's your family and I'm not. But I feel like you're family. So what kind

of guy is he?

Well, he's friendly.

Colorful.

He's well -traveled.

Does he know we're coming? Is he going to be surprised to see me?

Oh, yeah.

Let's sit down.

All right.

You look just like Alicia.

Yeah, I know.

I look like you, too.

Tap your thumb when you're nervous.

It runs in the family.

Hey, you got the Brower eyebrows.

Can you do this?

Even better. That's great.

Look, I know this is supposed to be top secret and everything, but could you

tell me why you had to leave Mom and me?

No secret. I was just a big kid and scared to death.

How could I take care of either one of you? I could hardly take care of myself.

It's okay. I know you were a secret agent or something.

Where'd you get an idea like that?

Well, I don't know. I just sort of, you know, figured it out. Well, you figured

wrong. I was just a snot -nosed kid with a played -out 8 -track of the Allman

Brothers sketching sunlight on my dashboard.

There was no reason?

You left because you felt like it?

Oh, come on, son. What's past is past.

All this time, I thought you were saving the country.

You were just running away.

Hey.

I came back to make it up to you. Come with me.

You're old enough to ride right here in my hip pocket without slowing me down.

You and me, town to town, bar to bar, in and out of scrapes like a couple of

compadres.

Compadres? Hey, kiddo, it gets downright lonesome on the road. We can kick some

butt, take some names, paint the country red.

There was a time when I really would have jumped at that.

Let me just fill you in on something.

I was on the street for three years, eating out of a dumpster and scared to

death I'd get beat up or worse.

Every night I hoped and I prayed that you were looking for me, that you were

going to find me.

Here I am.

You're too late.

Mike was the one who found me.

Mike put a roof over my head. Mike put his arm around me and told me that I was

smart and told me that I was okay to care.

He gave me a family.

I'm your family.

That's why I tracked you down.

No, you didn't.

The Bureau of Child Welfare had to track you down.

If they hadn't, you'd still be God knows where not giving a damn about me.

I care about you the only way I know how.

I got a spare seat and an extra sandwich in the glove compartment.

I want you right there beside me.

What do you say?

Hey, Luke.

What's going on?

Hey, can't a guy give another guy a hug without everyone getting the heebie

-jeebies?