Original subtitles

It's 2 .25 a .m., and this is for all you lovers who still believe she's stuck

in traffic.

Yeah, yeah, probably. Kate's probably just stuck in traffic. I mean, the

is all the way across campus.

Okay, I'll give her five more minutes. If she's not here by 2 .30, then I'm

going home.

I can't decide my whole life in a moment.

Well, a moment's all we got.

Well, Caitlin, I can't find my feelings for you anymore. I wish I could, but I

can't. Maybe this is wrong. No, no, it's not wrong.

Look, we'll explain it to David.

Yeah, well, just tell him that we didn't plan for it to happen. Yeah, and that

we didn't even want it to happen. He'll understand.

Oh, yeah, he's a great guy. Oh, he's a great, great guy. Great guy.

You guys.

You guys were great.

Oh, look, honey.

I know I've been a total jerk for the last few weeks, but I know we can get

things back the way they were, Katie.

I love you.

All right, people, it's time for the bows.

Let's go!

Oh man, where could she be? The play's been on for hours.

All right, I'll give her four more minutes, and then I'm out of here.

All right.

All right, one more minute, and I'm calling it a night.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, what are you doing so long?

Getting the morning paper.

Oh. You just getting in?

You spent the night at Kate's, didn't you?

Don't deny it, Mike.

That's where you were. I saw the way you kissed her.

That's where you were, wasn't it?

Yeah. Oh, God.

I'm glad your mother isn't alive to hear this.

What?

I'm sorry. It's early. I'm a little groggy. I had to come up with something.

Relax, Dad. I spent the whole night in my car, alone, waiting for Kate.

Oh, Mike, that's pathetic.

Thank you, Dad, for that boost.

Sorry, Mike. I didn't think we'd hit on anything this important before my

morning coffee.

Where are you going?

Going up to my room so I can shower and get to school, find out where Kate's

first class is, get there and ask her where she was last night.

Or is that too pathetic for you?

Why don't you bring it up, Mike? Yeah.

Come on, Mike, if this girl... You say you're so nuts about she isn't coming

home all night. Maybe you're misinterpreting her feelings for you.

out of your way to talk to her. I don't have to, Dad. She's in my drama class.

You're missing the point. You can't go chasing this girl around.

Not until she's worked out whatever she has to work out with her boyfriend.

You've got to find another class. Find another girl. Find two. Find three.

Oh, so just to be honorable, I'm supposed to switch to the 7 a .m. drama

and then I'm supposed to distract myself?

With one beautiful girl after another, after another, after another?

Well, what do you want to hear from me, Mike? Want to hear forget on her?

Forget about hurting David?

Just go for it.

That'll be good.

Well, you came to the wrong guy.

All right, present this to the registrar, and I will see you tomorrow

7 a .m. sharp.

Great.

Mr. Seaver, you're entitled to switch your classes around, of course, but...

You don't strike me as the sort of student who would relish an early

commencement to his academic day?

Uh, pardon me?

I never pegged you for an early bird geek.

Well, I'm half geek on my sister's side.

Oh, pardon me.

Any time.

Professor Thorne, I worked real hard, like you said, and I think I finally got

Shakespeare.

I could, Cynthia.

Don't. It's always the vowels.

Yes.

Uh, it's okay.

Wait a second, Mike. We've been in this class together all semester, and you've

never even given me the time of day.

Well, that's because I guess I've just never been ready for a girl like you.

You know, hey, what about tonight? How about maybe a movie, dinner, just a fun

night with no spelling whatsoever?

What do you say?

Oh, yeah, I transferred out.

Mike, hold on. Listen, Kate, your class is starting.

Well, I'd like to talk about this. Yeah, I know, but your class is starting.

Look, I wanted to call you last night. You see what I want you to... Mike,

about tonight, I forgot what time you were picking me up.

Oh, uh, well, I didn't say.

Oh, oh, good.

Now I don't feel so bad.

Cindy, Cindy,

8 o 'clock.

that you wanted to call me?

Class is starting.

Oh, David.

Hey, Mike. If we don't watch where we're going, one of us is going to get hurt.

Tell me about it.

Still confused.

Okay, okay. What exactly didn't you get about the movie?

Well, why does Chevy Chase keep going on vacation when only bad things...

that he has different kids.

Um, look, Cindy, I don't know about you, but sometimes thinking too much gives

me a headache.

You're so wise, Mike.

Oh, Cindy, I can't do this.

Oh, right.

Better?

No, no, no, Cindy, it has nothing to do with your breath. It's just that, look,

when I asked you out, I did it for...

Not the normal reasons.

What exactly are you into?

Mike, Mom says to tell you... Well, hello.

Hi, I'm Cindy.

And I'm actually taller than you are.

Ben, Mom said to tell me what?

To share, Mike.

To share.

Oh, am I in the way here? Yes.

Say no more.

Oh, Ben, Ben, Ben, I didn't mean... I know what you mean.

Now, where were we?

Look, Cindy, I'm trying to explain to you. I only went out with you as a

diversion. I mean, I only wanted you for your body.

What a coincidence!

Is there something wrong with me?

All right. All right, all right. I'll just come out and say it. It's your, uh,

your spelling.

Mike, I have... Oh, sorry.

Didn't mean to interrupt anything here.

Don't worry, you didn't.

Mike, please don't take this the wrong way.

You're a dud.

Mike, I have to talk to you.

Okay, sure.

I gotta ask you a favor.

Okay, ask.

I gotta find out what's bothering Kate.

Uh -huh. See, something's changed.

Uh -huh. She's talking about needing some space, redefining our relationship,

our needs.

Crazy stuff.

Uh -huh.

I can't talk to her. Uh -huh. Will you? Will I what? Will you talk to her? You

mean about what's bothering her? Mike, I need to know, all right? And she likes

you. I mean, hey.

You've been kissing her more lately than I have.

Hey, you made me.

Look, Mike, I know it's very difficult to be put in the middle of situations

like this, but... Oh, you have no idea.

Well, listen to me. You're my only hope.

All right? I tried to talk to her last night. I tried to get her to open up,

we ended up fighting till dawn.

You guys fought?

Yeah. Oh, that's great.

That, uh, that you guys still have that kind of passion between you.

Look, Mike, I'm not leaving till you tell me you talked to her.

I know 7 a .m. is very early, my fellow thespians, but remember, the purpose of

this exercise is to tap the inner passion.

I'm ready to tap, sir.

Good, Kaiser, good.

Now, I want to hear the passion.

Release the beast within.

Get out, get out, all of you.

was fun, Professor.

I've never released my beast before.

So when do you want to start rehearsing?

Rehearsing what?

While you were sleeping, I volunteered us to do a scene from Death of a

Salesman. So who do you want to be? Willy Loman or his wife?

Guess.

Come on. We can't both be the wife.

It is so nice to share my time in hell with another human being.

I'm going to talk to you, and this time you're not going anywhere.

Well, look, Kate, if someone should do some talking, it should be you and

I know what you're doing, and I don't appreciate it. Huh?

Oh, tell me you didn't ask out little Miss Bimbo to force me to make a

I didn't. It was my dad's idea.

Right. And now you're going to tell me that she wasn't a bimbo, huh?

Huh? All right, all right.

All right, there was a high level of bimbosity there.

Mike! Okay, what am I explaining Cindy to you for, huh?

It's really none of your business.

Just like it's none of my business where you were when I was waiting outside

your dorm for you till dawn.

Look, I'm just trying to stay away from you and David. But now I got him coming

over and jumping in my bed, and you coming over and grilling me about some

who can't even spell yes, though she can sure say it.

You waited for me?

Till dawn?

Yeah.

Mike, David and I just argued, that's all.

Yeah, I heard.

He told me that when he asked me to find out what's wrong between you guys.

Ooh, big mystery.

I have tried to tell him. He just won't listen. He can be so bullheaded.

Look, Kate, I'm just trying to do the right thing here.

You know, I'm trying to get you out of my mind.

But it's not working.

Good.

Mike, I thought it over, and I've been a pig.

You can be the wife, and I'll be your Willie.

What did Kate say?

Look, David, there's no need to put you through this torture.

Kate doesn't love you.

She loves me, and I love her.

What?

You took my girl?

You took my one reason for living?

Why didn't you just shoot me?

What'd you shoot him for?

For us.

I'm going to go through a wallet.

But that would be stealing.

Taking me, was it?

No, no, no, Kate, look. Look, this is not how it's supposed to go. Look, this

all wrong.

Except for that outfit.

Do you really like it or are you just saying that?

Kate, Kate, pay attention. Come on, this is how it's going to go.

Mike, Mike.

What did Kate say?

Look, David, there's no need to put you through the torture.

Kate doesn't love you. She loves me.

And I love her.

Oh.

Okay.

Okay? You mean you're not mad?

Why should I be mad?

I know you two are just friends. You didn't plan any of this. I'm the one who

made you kiss in that play.

I mean, if anybody should be apologizing to me, that's me.

Oh, well, I thought you'd be a little bit angry. Come on, I'm too happy for

two kids to be mad.

I just wish Kate were here to share in this joy.

How's this one, Mike?

You two kids are going to have some fun, aren't you?

Who's that?

Oh, that's me.

But you're here.

Oh, no, I'm not.

Mike!

Mike!

Did I wake you?

No, David, I was in the middle of a really long blink.

Sorry, I couldn't sleep.

Couldn't you have not flipped back into your place?

I know you talked to Kate.

You do?

Well, she told me that much, but that's all.

Well, look, David, if Kate doesn't want to tell you what's bothering her, then I

don't think it's my place to... Mike, I'm going crazy here. I gotta know. I

mean, even if it's over, it'd be better than this.

It would?

Anything would be better than this. Mike, what did Kate say?

Look,

David, we were just friends, all right?

Look, we didn't plan for any of this to happen, and nothing went on behind your

back. We only found out how we felt after we did that play together.

What are you talking about?

Look... There's no reason to put you through this torture.

Kate doesn't love you.

She loves me and I love her. And the last thing we wanted was to hurt you.

Honest. Look, I give you my word as your friend.

Friend?

This isn't how it's going to go at all.

But this is how it went.

Kate, come on, wake up.

Mike? Yeah, it's me. Come on, open the door.

Mike, it's the middle of the night.

What's going on?

Look, Kate, I just can't wait.

Oh, Mike, what happened to your eyes? Yeah, I know. Look, David came over, and

was half asleep, and I didn't mean to tell him, but... Tell him what?

Look, he knew that I talked to you, and you know what a hothead David can be. So

when I told him that I was the reason that you two were having problems, he

me.

What? Yeah, can you believe he hit me?

You told him about us? Yes, look, at least now it's out in the open and David

knows. The worst is over now.

You hit me.

How dare you tell him about us? Now get out.

Get out. Get out.

Well, if that's your attitude, then I'm leaving.

I understand everything you said, Mike. The only thing I don't get is why Kate

hit you.

Makes perfect sense to me.

Yeah, women are nuts.

Right, Dad?

Well, psychiatrists rarely like to use the term nuts.

Besides, we're out of space.

Mike, you had no business telling David how Kate felt. She probably wanted to do

that herself. I would.

Well, then why didn't she?

Well, she probably has pretty deep feelings for David. Feelings that have

around a long time.

Well, then how could she be so crazy about me?

Mike, you don't know if she's crazy about you, and you don't know if she's

about David. You never gave her a chance to decide.

Hey, well, somebody had to say something. Oh, that is so male.

Well,

you see things your way, and you assume that everybody else sees things the same

way. So you act, and it doesn't matter who you hurt?

Who I hurt?

Oh, I'm sorry, Mom. Excuse me for being so thoughtless and ramming my face into

their fist.

I'm surprised you didn't tell him to stay away until they worked this thing

That's exactly what I told him. Well, then how did our son get those shiners,

huh?

Huh?

You know, you're right. Women are nuts.

But we do have excellent hearing.

Honey.

Mike? Hey, hey, look, Carol, the last... The last thing I need right now is you,

all right?

Mike, I'm not here to gloat or to take pleasure in your pain.

You're not?

Well, I was eavesdropping in the hall, and I heard what you went through. And

I'm really sorry, because it sounds like you tried to do the right thing, but

nobody would let you.

Well, yeah, that's true.

Well, I just wanted you to know that Mom was a little off base, and Dad was

right. Women can be a tad insensitive.

Well, gosh, Carol, I don't know what to say.

Say cheese.

Got it.

Great class today, Professor.

And thanks for those super -duper acting tips.

Don't mention it, Kaiser.

That means a lot coming from a future bank teller.

Oh, my. No.

No, Kaiser, for the 20th time, I do not have my dress for our scene.

Women are nuts.

Hey, David.

Hey, look, man, I just wanted to say that I was wrong for telling you what

wanted, because I don't have a clue as to what Kate wants, and those things

I said, they were more wishful thinking than anything else.

So, look, I got carried away, and I'm sorry, and I really hope that you two

work things out.

Yeah, right.

Hey, look, man, I really want you to know that I'm truly sorry, and...

I think of you as a friend.

On another day that might mean something, all right?

Hi.

Hi.

I've been waiting for you.

Hey, look, Kate, I just want you to know that I've already explained to David

that I was completely out of line by speaking for you.

No, you weren't.

Pardon me?

I mean, even though you shouldn't have, it was the right thing to do.

Look, Kate, I think it'd be a lot easier if you'd just hit me again.

Mike, I'm... Look, Kate, I just want you to know that I am going to back off,

okay, until you and David can figure out whatever it is between you guys.

I broke up with David today.

No, Kate.

Kate, I don't think you should have done that for me.

I didn't do it for you. I did it for me.

You know, something that I should have done a long time ago. Because then when

met you... Anything might have happened.

Might have?

David feels lousy, you feel lousy, and I feel lousy.

You're leaving?

I don't know.

Pete, why did you come?

I'm not sure.

Would now be a really bad time to put my arm around you?

Yeah.

I'd like it anyway.

Back in a moment.

Maggie, we got 58 people coming here in 21 minutes.

And they'll find a house unprepared for a party. And who are they going to

blame? The respected, responsible husband?

Or the long -suffering wife?

What about the idiot Darth?

Let me help you with that. Hey, I got it.