Original subtitles

All I'm saying is that if my wife, a woman that I cherish, thinks getting a

is more important than our marriage, let her die.

Mr. Lepepki, think for just a moment. Isn't this woman the same person you

married ten years ago?

No. She's fat.

But does she not also have a right to her own professional fulfillment?

Why, you're whipped.

Mr. Lepepki, let me share with you a personal anecdote, if I may. I was in a

similar situation about four years ago.

Oh, your wife was putting on the pounds, too, huh?

No. No, but after 15 years as a homemaker, she suddenly decided to

career. I couldn't believe it. I mean, I certainly didn't want to give up

everything I'd worked for and come home.

After all, I mean, the patients that you deal with at a home practice, frankly,

aren't always that interested.

With the exception of you.

So I had a decision to make. What came first, my career or my marriage?

I came home.

And quite frankly, Mr.

Lepepki, I couldn't be happier.

Now, does that sound whipped to you?

You could put it on pumpkin pie.

All right, well, that's our session for today.

I'll be remodeling this office, so next week we'll be at another address, okay?

Oh, a real office, huh?

This is a real office, Mr. Lepepki. I do real work here.

No, I didn't mean to insult you. I welcome the change.

Psychiatrists with real offices are so much more interesting.

Jason, I'm home.

She could whip me any time.

We can take it.

My pancakes are cold.

So sit on them.

Ben, what are these little black things in my pancakes?

The ones without legs or red nets.

You are never going to cook breakfast again.

That's my plan.

Hey, look, you are only seeing the downside of Dad going to work here. Now

is an upside, too.

Okay, with Mom at work and Dad safely out of the way all week, when you get

from school today... You will behave exactly as if I were watching your every

move.

Isn't that crazy? The man read my mind. Yeah.

I brought extra diapers. You see, he doesn't use the daycare.

Well, where's that contractor? I should have left five minutes ago. There's all

that traffic and then the toll.

Oh.

Maggie, I'm going to need an exact change for the toll.

Allow me, Dad.

Ben, give the man a buck.

Maggie, come on. You said you'd get me some extra diapers for Chrissy.

I did, Jason. You're nervous.

Well, I'm just not a guy who's comfortable with change.

Then give me my quarters back.

You know, everything I need is right here at home. I don't have to commute

don't have any interruption. You get to watch Oprah.

Everybody knows, Dad.

All these years, I thought you were doing me a big favor by working at home.

Well, I'm not the kind of guy to bring it up, but I am.

Oh, finally.

Yep. Hi, I'm, uh...

Dr. Steven.

I thought my truck got on the lawn. I hope it's okay.

Yeah. Everybody, this is Frank. He's gonna be remodeling the office.

My beeper went off. I gotta call it in.

I heard the stinking beeper. Get off my back, will you?

Oh?

Is any one of you named Maggie Malone?

No.

Gil something or other from Esquire magazine.

Did you make it quick?

I heard. Your beeper went off.

Gil, can I call you right back on my husband's line?

Okay.

Frank, about my office. Just a sec.

Go ahead, talk. I can do two things at once.

Is there anything you want to have done? Any certain ideas?

Well, just a few random thoughts off the top of my head, really.

I got to let you go.

Yeah, I got another one of those.

Hey, wait a second.

I'm going to have the whole house to myself every afternoon for a whole week.

It's a good thing I've got a poker face.

Believe me, Gil, I would love to do the article, but they keep me so busy.

Losing these bookshelves will open up a whole workspace here. Chase and I am on

the phone with him.

Don't we subscribe to enough magazines already?

Oh.

Well, we need some time to check these plans.

Gil, I have to try yet another phone.

Be patient with me.

Sorry.

So, what this office really needs is just a new face.

You know, I'd like to have an office that says a professional psychiatrist

here. A professional psychiatrist calls me home.

I was just wondering about what time are you going to get home tonight?

I don't know, Ben. If I don't get out of here soon, I may not be home at all.

This is better than I thought.

What would Mike do in a situation like this?

Party, party, party.

I mean, does this office say anything to you?

Not a peep.

Sorry, I have no time to write anything.

Bye.

Do you believe I had to turn in another terrific freelance assignment?

Do you believe $3 ,000 for textured walls? Sure, now that I've been offered

articles to write, I'm too busy to take them. Now that I've bothered with

medical school, I find out the big bucks are in contracting.

Oh, Chrissy, I'm sorry, Daddy. I wouldn't leave without you.

Oh,

Chrissy, don't cry, baby. Don't cry. Take care of yourself.

Bye -bye, Chrissy.

Hi.

Hello.

You're a little early. The doctor's not in yet.

Yes, he is.

Sure he is.

Oh, I'm Jason Seaver. I'm going to be in Dr. Friedman's office. Right. We were

expecting you. I'm Kevin Randall.

Just putting my daughter in daycare.

So, what's your area of expertise?

Typing, filing, you know.

Oh, you treat secretaries?

I am a secretary.

In fact, I'm yours.

Ah, a male secretary.

That's kind of strangely fascinating as an idea. Yes.

Well, I'll be in my office.

Which is where?

Jason Siever. You son of a gun! How long has it been?

About a week.

Oh, and why am I hugging you? Well, I don't know. You always do that when you

see me, and you're starting to get on my nerves.

Hey, have you seen your office?

No. Oh, I've got to show you.

Whoa. Yeah.

All right.

A male secretary?

Come on, where have you been, Jase? Well, it's just that I've never had a

secretary with hairier legs than mine.

Once, maybe, but that's another story.

I really have to thank you and Phil for letting me use this office. Hey, please,

don't mention Phil, huh?

He's off at a Zurich conference, and I'm here stuck with a double patient loan.

Oh, well, at least you're not bitter about it.

Nice furniture, huh?

I own it, but I lease it back to myself through my own corporation for a double

write -off. You still practice psychiatry, though?

Nice chair, huh?

It vibrates. Oh, good. I thought it was me.

And it's got a built -in phone.

No. Yeah, yeah, okay, let's see now. Uh, you know about the daycare center? You

know there's a running track on the roof here?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I've got to get going.

I've got two patients waiting for me. All right, well, if you get swamped this

week, I'll be happy to pitch in.

Oh, I may take you up on that. All right, I'll just have your chair call my

chair.

Hello?

Hello?

We have got to be kidding. Thelma, have you seen the signage sheet?

Thelma, you typed it.

Well, yeah, but I didn't read it. That way I don't get involved.

I'm supposed to do a feature entitled Winterizing Your Dog.

So rather than writing an insightful, respectable, journalistic piece for

Esquire magazine, I'll be showing people how to put snow tires on their shih

tzus.

Nice alliteration.

So this is the day I take my stand.

Mr. Sidlovich, I... am a darn good reporter, and I have worked very hard to

you that, but it's not easy when the biggest story I've done in months is

gingivitis or your gums trying to tell you something.

I have failed to make use of your journalistic talent.

I accept full responsibility.

As of today, I'm out of here.

Oh, well, I didn't mean that you had to quit.

I didn't quit. I'm fired.

You're kidding.

No, I'm fine. If I were kidding, I would not be packing all of my worldly

possessions into this pathetically small box.

You want my happy feet?

Mr. Sedlovich, how can I do this to you?

Station manager's unhappy with our image.

So we hired a media consultant.

They consulted.

I'm gone.

But that is so unfair.

Oh, what if we're all gone?

Oh, I don't think you have to worry, Maggie.

I said some very nice things about you.

Of course, I said some very nice things about me, too, and look what happened.

Well, I guess that's about it.

Mr. Sidlovich, if there's anything I can do, let me know. I mean it.

Anything.

You know, I might take a shot at print journalism again.

That guy from Esquire that keeps calling you?

What's his number?

Oh, it's, uh, 56...

Wait a second. Mr.

Sidlovich, I may need that number.

Bye, Maggie.

Bye, Sid.

Bye, office.

No number, no feet.

Oh, yeah. I forgot Dad was at work, and I thought I'd have to make my own

dinner.

Good to see you, too, Mike.

Oh, Mom, you've had a hard day at work, huh?

Hey, you know, you should really ease up. I mean, you're getting some major

frown lines.

If you value your life, Mike, back off.

Hello, Mikey.

Hello, Mike.

Dad, get a grip on yourself.

Well, you certainly seem to have had a good day. Oh, good doesn't begin to

describe it, Maggie. I had a great day. I'm telling you, I have the most

fabulous office. The people down there are terrific. And today, two, count

two doctors consulted me on their cases. I have never been so excited.

How was your day?

My boss was fired.

Oh, sweetheart, just because you're being evaluated doesn't mean you're

be fired.

You're a good reporter. They're going to realize that.

That's true.

I am a good reporter.

Oh, remember that story on gingivitis? Please.

And that cute little dog wedding, honey, when that little beagle caught the

bouquet in his teeth.

You're telling me.

Hi, Carol.

Hey, as long as you're fixing breakfast, can I get a scrambled egg?

Dad, do you want me to be late for work?

All right, Frankie, I got a whole new way to go.

You don't take suggestions well, do you?

Sorry.

What? I just figured that, you know, if you're tearing out all these bookshelves

anyway, why not maybe put in a whole wall of Japanese screens, you know?

do the rest of the room in some blue -gray tones, huh?

What do you think?

I think I should have charged you by the hour.

Well,

I gotta run.

My colleagues are expecting me.

Well, I guess I can't put it off any longer. I'd better get into the office.

Honey, you don't have to fake being down for me. I'm fine.

You sure?

What can I do without my hands?

Well, that's a very good attitude.

But if what I think is going to happen to me happens and you have another great

day, fake your little heart.

doing the weather forever.

Dr. Klaus, not you too.

Auf Wiedersehen.

If that's the way they're going to be, I don't care if they fire me.

Maggie Malone.

Oh, God, I hope they don't fire me.

So, I thought maybe I was wrong about my wife wanting to work.

Then we're making progress.

I took your advice.

I told her, if you don't want to be at home anymore, fine.

Bravo.

Haven't seen her for three days.

I'm very sorry.

I'm not.

I'm just waiting for the day she comes waddling home with her tail between her

legs.

Excuse me.

Dr. Seaver, is that your chair ringing?

Yes.

My secretary will get it.

Well, our time's up, Mr. Lepevki, and we'll be meeting again next week, but

that'll be back home at my place.

Oh.

I knew this place was so good to laugh.

Hey, uh, Kevin.

Kevin.

Kevin.

Kevin, did you get that call through to my wife?

He was in a meeting.

You got a minute, Chase?

Yeah, sure. Come on in. What is it?

Well, Phil called from Zurich this morning.

He's taking a teaching job there. Oh, are you kidding? What a great

for him. Yeah, teaching job and good cheese whenever you want it.

Well, it's a great opportunity for him, but what about me?

I mean, he's abandoned me.

Just like my father did when I was a child. I was only five years old, which

know is a very vulnerable age.

Well, there's a reason your father abandoned you, Paul. He hated you.

Everybody hates you.

Is this the way you talk to all your patients? Well, I do when I think

trying to con me about something. Oh, I don't believe this.

After 20 years of friendship, college, a professional relationship, Jason, do

you really think I'd be less than honest with you?

Oh, yeah.

I'm not crazy about me.

But wait a second now. Here's the deal.

How would you like to take over for Phil here?

Are you serious?

Look, it's obvious you enjoy being here.

And you'd fit in perfectly. Come on, what do you think?

It's a very unexpected offer.

A very attractive offer.

Maybe we could do something finally about that free clinic idea we talked

at lunch.

Absolutely. This is exactly the kind of work situation I have always wanted. Oh,

Jason's fantastic.

I can't do it.

Jason, I promise I won't hug you again.

Paula, I have a deal with Maggie. We have always believed that one of us

be there for the kids at all times. It's her time for career opportunities, not

mine. Oh, come on. Give me a break, Chase.

I mean, look, you can make a lot of money here.

And that's important to your family, too. Besides, you're the man of the

I mean, what you say goes, right?

Well, that's a very sexist thing to say.

Agreeable, but sexist.

Think, Chase. I mean, this office can be yours permanently.

Yes, even the chair.

Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I can't. No, and I'm happy at home, Paul.

Wait a second. You're happy?

I'm happy.

I'm happy.

Are you sure you're not blocking or displacing or repressing? Yes. Yes,

repressing? No, I'm not.

Well, then you're blocking. No, I'm not. Yes, you are. No, I am not. I am not. I

am not. I am not. I am not.

I am not. I am not. Jason is blocking.

blocking, blocking, blocking.

Hey, Mike, check this out.

What the heck is that?

It's a laser light show machine that pulses with a jungle animal rhythm that

cannot be denied.

Too much of that laser light, Benny, and you'll go blind.

It's for my party tomorrow.

What party?

The one I didn't tell you about. The one that's a secret from everybody,

especially Dad.

Hi, guys.

It's Mr.

Ben.

There you go, baby.

So, that brings us to the end of my illustrious sophomore year.

As a junior, I faced the future with... Dad, just because I'm being friendly

doesn't mean I'm flirting.

This is a perfectly acceptable outfit. Give me a break.

So, what do you think?

About what?

About the troubles in the Middle East.

About this office.

Oh, yes. Well, no, it's getting there. It's really getting there. I just wish

those Japanese screens were over here, you know, on this wall, over where Kevin

sits. Who's Kevin?

Kevin, my secretary.

Do you know what I'm doing?

Not a clue.

I'm trying to make this room look like my office at work.

All these suggestions I said I was making randomly, they're not random.

my subconscious talking.

All this time I thought that I was tired of working in this room. No.

What I'm tired of is working at home. Isn't that something?

I'm stunned.

Me too. I'm glad I figured this out.

I mean, this changes nothing.

No.

Peggy put her career on hold for 15 years to stay home with the kids. Now

my turn.

That was our deal, right? Yes, right. Of course it is.

Still, would you pass up an opportunity like this? Why?

I didn't think so.

Let me ask you this.

You think that a man should be boss? You think what a man says goes?

Well, that's a pretty sexist thing to say.

Agreeable, but sexist.

Well, I don't feel that way.

I feel that if Maggie's happy at her job, and by the way, I'm not so sure

Maggie is all that happy at her job.

In fact, it may not even be her job anymore if they decide who they're going

fire.

Oh, wouldn't that be something to make a good cast?

No, no.

No, I didn't mean that.

Hello, Jason?

Anybody home?

Oh, hi, honey. Oh, hi, honey.

How was your day?

Well, since you asked, actually, there was something I kind of wanted to talk

you about. Mine was absolutely without a doubt.

The most fabulous day of my entire life. Not only did they not fire me, you were

looking at the core of Channel 19's new news team. From now on, we're a...

I'm the number one hard news reporter. They don't want to fire me. They want to

sign me to a seven -year contract.

Seven years.

Honey, is something wrong? No.

No.

No, that's fantastic unexpected news.

Sweetheart, what was it you wanted to say?

Well, um... It doesn't compare to your news.

Seven years!

Oh!

We'll be back in a moment.

Now it's time for a little dirty dancing.

Benjamin Hubert Horatio Humphrey Caesar.

Yeah, uh -huh. All right, everybody, out.

What is going on here? You were home, too?

Hey, Benny, here are those CDs that you absolutely cannot borrow from this

illegal party that I knew absolutely nothing about.

You kids can't be trusted. What was I thinking?