Original subtitles

So what we have is a stock which should yield significant profits, Dr. Seaver.

Please call me Jason.

But I also have to tell you that all stocks can go down, Jason.

Son, Ken handles all of our investments. We swear by him. Oh, gosh darn it, we

do.

Dr. Seaver will be fine.

Ken, I think we've heard enough. Yeah, we're not interested. Oh?

Excuse us.

Jason, your mother went to the trouble of bringing her stockbroker all the way

out here. He's just a boy. He doesn't even shave. I already give money to a

who doesn't shave. His name's Mike.

Fine, you embarrass your mother.

Ken, look, we, um... We'd love to invest.

Well, that's great. Well, I need a check for $1 ,000.

Hi,

everybody. Oh, hi, Carol.

There you are. Where have you been?

Shopping with friends. I didn't know you'd be here.

Yeah, you saved some big -time money, Carol.

Yeah, I like how you meet Ken, a stockbroker, recent Harvard graduate.

Carol Seaver, Ken Singleton. Oh, Singleton.

Hi,

Carol. Hi.

I've heard a lot about you.

Oh, I'm very proud of my beautiful, intelligent, and completely unattached

granddaughter.

Well, I've got a... lot of stuff to do upstairs.

Bye. Carol.

All right, Ken.

Here you are. $1 ,000.

Thank you, Dr. Seaver.

Oh, you forgot to sign it.

Imagine that.

All right. Well, Mrs. Seaver, Wally, Irma, I hope to see you soon. Hopefully

very soon.

Bye, Ken.

Well,

what do you think?

Well, Mom, I think it could be a risky investment. Oh, not about the

Jason. I didn't have him out here to sell you kids. I brought him out here to

meet Carol.

You did?

Well, don't you think he's just perfect for her?

Well, actually, he is. Well, excuse me, but can the guy I just wrote a check for

$1 ,000 to? Does he or does he not handle your money?

Well, yeah.

Not very well.

We did it.

Let me put it another way. I wouldn't if I were you.

Well, I never expected you to invest. You're usually so, so, well, cheap.

Right.

Oh, Jason.

I'm really worried about Carol.

Ever since her young man died in that terrible accident, she hasn't gone out

all, and that's not right.

She needs someone to do for her what you did for me after Dad died.

You got me out.

If it hadn't been for you, I never would have met Wally. Yeah.

And that one act makes up for all your other shortcomings.

Now, Maggie, listen, if I thought that fixing her up with Ken here was

necessary, believe me, I'd gladly pay $1 ,000.

In fact, I did.

So, Maggie, here's my idea.

Wally and I are going to throw a little party on Saturday night, and I will tell

Carol that Ken is just dying to ask her out. And I'll mention that the party is

a nice, safe place for a first date, and then I'll get Ken to ask her out. Oh,

how are you going to get him to do that?

Well, I will tell him that Jason wants to invest more. Hold it.

Boy, you are tight.

No, it's not the money. It's just that these lies aren't necessary.

I mean, look, if you want to invite Carol, you want to invite Ken, you put

together and let nature take its course, fine.

Maggie, he's right.

I know.

Does it irritate you as much as it does me?

Carol!

Well, honey, you're the psychiatrist.

No apology necessary. A lot of lay people would make the same mistake.

No pressure.

Yeah? Carol, Grandma and Wally are going to have a party Saturday night. Oh,

what's the occasion?

Our anniversary.

And we're all invited.

And because of the romantic flavor of the evening, it is couples only.

Mom, we agreed. I have to bring a date.

Speaking of that, you know, Ken, the young man you just met.

He is dying to ask you out, isn't he, Maggie?

Maggie?

Say, why don't you just have him take you to our party? I really don't know

Carol, there is no pressure here, okay? If you don't want to bring a date,

sweetheart... You can't come.

I can't go out with this guy.

Why not?

Well, because I'm already seeing someone.

You are?

promise each other that we wouldn't see other people. Oh.

Really?

See?

Carol, I think that's just terrific.

I think it's very nice. Wait, you're going steady with a guy we haven't even

met?

Well, it never seemed like the right time.

Well, then I'll be looking forward to meeting your sweetheart on Saturday.

Saturday? I don't think he can.

Well, then fine. Then Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, I don't care, Carol,

but I would like to meet any guy that you consider has to be kept some deep,

dark secret.

Right. Saturday's fine.

No pressure.

Hey, Dad, can I borrow a... Hey, hey, hey, Molly, how you doing? Hi, Dad.

what do you know about this guy Carol's been seeing?

Uh, you desperate?

Just a guess.

Jason, it's not Carol style to keep the guy she dates a secret.

Yeah, but it sure makes sense from the guy's point of view.

I look forward so to our evening together.

Yes, I'll wear a tie.

Bye.

What the heck was all that about?

I just made a date for a Saturday night with the lovely Laura Lynn.

Saturday night?

You're taking a date to Grandma's party?

Everybody's supposed to.

Hey, Carol, are you taking a date to Grandma's party?

You too?

What is it with you people?

I don't interfere in your lives. Must you interfere in mine?

So is that a yes?

Yes, yes.

I have a date. I must have a date. I'm going to see him at work, my sweetheart,

my honey man.

Shall I take pictures for you?

Honey man?

Good

morning,

Carol. Morning, Estelle.

miserable day for the last 28 years.

Uh, come on, we'll make room.

That's a case I'm waiting for one with men.

Honey, it'll never come.

Have a good day, Carol.

Hi, Big Al.

What, is something hanging out of my nose again?

I sure hope so.

But sir, I'm right, too.

Who?

Look, I need to ask you for a silly favor.

Will it hurt?

Just a second.

Hi. Hi.

Look, I don't usually do things like this, but my name's Carol Seaver, and I

need to be seen somewhere Saturday night with a date. And I thought... Hey,

sounds great.

Well, that's fabulous.

Oh, does that take the pressure off of me?

So we have a date?

Chuck. Chuck, pleased to meet you. Just so we don't have a misunderstanding, I

want you to know my philosophy on dating.

No, no, no. First, I don't see dating as social interaction between men and

women. No? No. I see dating as an opportunity for sexual experimentation.

And since you asked me out, I think it's your call.

What's your pleasure?

What is it?

Never mind, I just feel stupid.

Well, at least you feel something.

Okay.

Well, I need to be seen somewhere Saturday night with a date, and I...

You will?

Sure.

Mother will just have to do her aerobics alone.

Well, thank you.

My pleasure.

It's a family party. What is?

Where are you taking me to?

Is a bow tie too crazy for them?

No.

Look, I'm embarrassed about asking you this, but there's more to it than just

taking me out.

Oh. Well, could you pretend like we've been out a few times before, like we're

going steady?

Sure, no problem.

I've been telling Mother you're my woman for weeks.

I just want to call everybody and tell them to stay home.

Too late.

I'll get them to leave. I'll do something rude and obnoxious.

Jason usually handles that.

Oh, Benjamin!

Hi, sweetheart. This is... Hey, Mom! It seems all right. Nothing looks that

weird.

Oh, hi!

I'm Laura Lynn. My mom's nuts.

And this is Wally, my husband. Hi.

Your apartment is très chic.

Oh, well, thank you, dear.

Would you care for a soft drink?

Oh, that'd be lovely.

Go over and get the fire extinguisher.

Hi, Wally, Wally, this is Kate.

Here's a tip.

You're having a lot more fun out there than you will in here.

I'm Irma, Mikey's grandmother.

Okay. Mike told me so much about you both.

Oh, don't worry. It's nothing that'll stand up in a court of law.

Yeah, which one of you has tattoos?

Oh, boy. Are you the gal for Mikey?

See, that's what I've been trying to tell you all the way down here.

Your brother Mike is so cute.

Do you think there's a chance that you'll wind up looking like him?

Any chance you're going to end up looking like your mother?

Maggie. Hi, Irma. Hi, sweetheart.

Is he here yet?

Is who here? Oh, the guy Carol's dating whose name we don't even know yet.

Well, I know why she's been hiding him from us, too. He's probably some muscle

-bound beach bum in a torn T -shirt. Oh, come on, Carol.

Oh, come on, Mother. Women always say they want somebody sensitive and

intelligent. Then you end up picking some guy with bulging biceps and raw

passion. I didn't.

Hey, Dad.

Dad, this is Kate.

Uh, hi, Kate. Maggie.

Hi. Jason. Hi.

Hi. Well, now I see where Mike gets his good luck. Oh, thanks.

Let me help you with that. Oh, thank you.

Oh, Mikey.

Where you been hiding her?

Dad. I'm sure Jason to Carol it's who you've been sneaking around with. But to

Mike it's, oh, Mikey, where you been hiding her?

This would be a good time to answer the door.

What door?

That one.

So nervous.

Don't be.

Whatever happens tonight, we still have each other, honey.

So this must be Carol and... her date.

Hi, everybody.

This is Big Al.

Yo, everybody.

I took the liberty of bringing some sun tea and a very special homemade

surprise.

Homemade salami.

May I use the kitchen?

Oh, it's right in there.

I'll help, honey.

Honey?

Whoa, who's the old dude?

Jason, do something.

I don't know what to say.

Well, that's never stopped you before.

You are so funny.

You're doing great.

Why are they all staring at me?

Well, they've never met a man who makes his own pork product.

Maybe this is Carol's way of reacting to all the pressure you put on her. Honey,

come on. I just wanted to meet the guy. I didn't know she was going to show up

with Oscar Mayer.

Mike, what do you know about this guy she's seen?

The guy smokes his own meat?

He's a swell winged egg.

Oh, thank you, Al.

Irma, please.

Oh, sorry.

Big Al.

Oh, I understand that you and Carol have been seeing each other for some time

now. Oui, oui.

Eight weeks.

Eight weeks?

Oh, by the way, Mom wants to have you over to dinner to celebrate.

Oh, sweet.

Well, she likes you. Oh, otherwise she never would have approved of our weekend

together in Atlantic City.

What weekend together in Atlantic City? You look so damn familiar. You know, I

swear I've seen you before.

What, a weekend in Atlantic City?

Were you in the Army?

You bet.

Union or Confederate?

Oh, stay down.

Don't you take another step, young lady.

Daddy, I will not stand here and have you insult my honey man.

Well, I had a lovely, lovely evening.

And I think in time your parents will be able to see past the age difference and

accept me.

Big Al, you do realize that tonight was a pretend date?

Sure, I, uh, sure. I just wanted to pretend a little longer.

I had a lovely evening tonight, Big.

All right, if I pretend right up until I get into my car.

What the heck?

Why don't you pretend all the way home?

Hey, listen, when Mom gets home, tell her that I paid for a Christmas dinner

of my own pocket, get the money, and then tell Dad the same thing.

Oh, and listen, Carol, I gotta ask you, where in the heck did you get that guy?

You didn't like him?

Oh, no, he was fine. He was actually better than I thought you could get.

Oh, yeah? Well, I lied. I had a lousy time.

And you already look like your mother.

I'm never gonna beg a blunt for anything.

Okay, Carol, what's the real story?

Real story?

I happen to have found someone mature and wonderful... Who lives with his

and makes his own sausages?

Carol, come on. This is Mike you're talking to.

Okay, I'm not really dating him.

I just get so tired of everybody.

I mean, they act like there's something wrong with not dating. Well, there

isn't. I mean, so I want to be on my own. I mean, why can't I... What am I

doing? You don't understand.

Okay.

Kate? The girl that I went to the party with?

No, I'm not really dating her.

The one who was all over you?

Yeah, she was a girlfriend of a buddy of mine from acting class.

She was acting.

She was very convincing.

Tell me about it.

But why would you tell? I mean, you know, I just haven't really felt like

ever since Julie and I... You know, since we called the wedding off.

And I...

I didn't want Mom and Dad to do to me what they're doing to you.

So you do understand.

Yeah.

I'll tell you what.

I did like my pretend date.

What are you saying?

I'm saying that I beat being alone.

But I don't want to date anybody. I'm fine.

Okay. Okay, if you're sure. I am sure.

And I'm going to tell Mom and Dad to keep their noses out of my business.

And if they don't, Then I'll just bring home Rob Lowe.

Oh, well, listen, that's Mom and Dad. And, uh, listen, good luck.

And I would not mention Rob Lowe to Mom and Dad in your opening remarks.

Carol, honey, let's talk. Mom, Dad, let me save you some time. Big Al and I have

not been dating.

Yeah, we figured that out.

You what?

Figured it out.

It was pretty obvious that you brought Al tonight to make a point.

Well, I certainly did, and I'm glad you finally realized that. Good night. Whoa,

whoa, whoa.

You think that says it all, Carol?

Well, if it'll make you feel better to apologize, go ahead.

Well, all right, maybe I should apologize.

Because these past few months, Carol, I've been wanting very badly to believe

that you were okay. And I didn't realize the truth until tonight.

What truth? What are you talking about?

We're talking about Sandy and what happened to him.

He died, Mom. He died. You can say it. I'm over it. But tonight had nothing to

do with Sandy.

It has everything to do with Sandy. Dad, please. Let him talk.

Why haven't you dated?

I don't know. I guess I just haven't found anyone who's worth the trouble.

What trouble?

What trouble? Well, it's obvious you guys have not dated in years.

I think you're afraid to go out with somebody you might eventually care

I think the thought of losing somebody close to you again just terrifies you.

You actually think that's what I'm doing?

Yes, I do.

Mom, do you believe that?

Yes, honey, I do.

Well, you're wrong. I mean, I'm fine.

I'm not afraid about caring for somebody or falling in love with somebody.

You're crazy. You're both crazy.

Oh, it's okay, sweetheart.

It's okay.

I can't go through that again, Mom.

I know.

so much.

I don't know what to do. I mean, when does this get easier?

When? Well, that's the hell of it, sweetheart. It never gets easier.

And the best you can hope for is just little by little, day by day, you just

keep living.

And then one day you're going to realize that you can be happy again.

Hi, Mr. Seaver. Oh, hi, Ken. Come in.

Dr. Seaver. Hey, hi, Ken. I didn't know stockbrokers made house calls.

Oh, my God. You've lost my money.

No, no, I... Hi, Ken.

Let me just grab a jacket. I'll be right down.

Well, Carol and I were going to go catch a matinee, if that's all right.

Oh, sure. It's fine.

But as long as I'm here, I might as well tell you that stock you bought, well,

it hasn't been doing so well.

Just thrilled you're here.

We'll be back in a moment.

So, are you free tonight?

Uh, free tonight? Why?

Well, I figured we could go out. There's this great movie I've already seen at

the drive -in.

You've already seen it?

Oh.

Because of you, an 18 -year -old woman is forcing me to go to the driving with

her in her car to do God knows what.

And this is bad?