Original subtitles

Make breakfast? Coffee?

Wake up? You better wake up first.

I made breakfast?

Did I make coffee?

I did.

I wonder what else I've done this morning.

Hey, good morning, Dad.

Mike, you're up. Yep.

I've overslept. It must be noon.

Dad, it's only 6 .30.

Oh, well, that's terrific, Mike. Your very first day of the new semester, and

you decide to stay out all night. That's very smart.

Dad, I did not stay out all night. Well, I call 6 .30 a .m. staying out all

night. Dad, I didn't just sit in. Look, I woke up early, and I made breakfast.

Who's the girl, Mike?

Dad, do you see a girl in here?

No, I'm talking about the girl in your apartment that you got up early to make

breakfast for. Dad, I got up early because I am excited about my first day

class.

So any class in particular?

Yeah, Dad.

Look, introduction to acting. I mean, Dad, this class is not just a bunch of

books and papers and other pointless, useless garbage that Carol lives for. I

mean, all that we do is act.

Jason, who are you a hind to at this hour?

Well, Mike got up early, he made breakfast, and he's excited about a

Where is she?

Mom, come on.

So, what

about the acting class?

one in that class didn't start till noon.

That's it. He's taking a nude acting class.

Mike's in a nude acting class?

Yeah. Yeah, but I'm in a nude acting class. And I've got a girl hidden up in

room, plus a spare one stashed under the counter, and I've made breakfast.

They're all yours. Take your pick.

Testing out the acoustics here. Mike.

Mike.

Sounds good to me.

Mike Seaver. Tony DiStefio. Hi.

So, you ready for this class?

Oh, I sure am. I'll tell you the truth.

I've never been early for a class in my whole life. No.

Except that nude photography course last year.

I don't remember you in nude photography one.

I was in two.

Hey,

listen, wait. Before I get to like you.

You're not one of these big -deal actors with a list of credits from here to

Broadway just slumming in this class.

Oh, no, no, no. I've only done a couple of things.

Off -Broadway.

Off -Broadway.

All I got is a couple seasons of summer stock.

Oh, whoa.

Now there's some summer stock.

Oh, so I guess you two know each other.

Hi, my name is Mike Seaver.

Kate McDonald. Nice to meet you, Mike.

Pleasure's all mine.

Well, okay, it's mostly Tony's.

So, uh, what do you guys hear about this teacher?

Well, I understand that Professor Thorne is a master of the Strasberg method.

Oh, well, heck, that's good to know. I mean, any one of us chokes on our gum,

got it covered.

Now, why did you believe that you were about to be scolded?

You.

Uh, because, um, well, because I've had teachers do that to me.

Because you were acting.

Precisely.

Good morning, everyone.

My name is Professor Peter Thorne, and welcome to Drama 102.

You just had your first lesson in how to make an entrance.

Oh, and you're laughing at my jokes already. Very good.

Tony, did you hear? There's no papers or texts or anything. Oh, just in case. I

want to look up something later.

So, is acting merely the ability to memorize lines and not bump into the

furniture? Oh, by the way, you should all know who said that.

Spencer Tracy.

Very good.

I hope you'll agree with me that it's incorrect.

But that's all acting is.

So,

what exactly is acting?

Is it something you see on a stage?

Maybe. Something you see in the cinema? Sometimes.

Something you see on television?

Doubtful. And so, throughout this... Throughout this semester, we will be

drawing upon standards from the masters.

Masters you're all familiar with. O 'Neill, Ionesco, early Pinter, middle

Strindberg, late Ibsen.

Not to say there aren't others.

I write, can't I be?

Who was that last master's guy's name?

Ibsen.

Ibsen.

I -B -S -E -N.

Now, you do know who he is, don't you?

Oh, sure, sure.

He was the old guy in Beverly Hillbillies, Buddy Ibsen.

I see.

And what is your name, young man?

Mike Seaver.

Mr. Seaver, you either A, have a lot to learn, B, don't know when to make a

joke, or C, A and B.

Is there a D?

We'll have to wait until the grades at you, won't we, Mr. Seaver?

Hey, Mike, you want to spit some out? No, thanks, Benny. I've got a long

reading ahead of me, all right? Mike, Mom and Dad aren't around. Don't pull

stuff with me. Benny, listen, it's true.

Yes, she's crying about a music.

Oh, well, listen, I've got to see her.

On purpose? Yeah, I need to use her dictionary.

The 50 -pound one? The bug killer?

Yeah. Yeah, Benny, that's the one. The roach is back, huh?

Benny, look, I have to look up a few words.

Uh, well, hey, nothing gets by you, Benny.

You know, if you go upstairs and you ask Carol for that dictionary, I'll let you

squish the ones in the pizza box.

Deal. All right.

What are you surprising me with tonight?

Well, I thought maybe after the kids went to sleep, we could, uh... Sloppy

Joe's! Hey,

Mike. Hey.

How's that acting class you were all excited about?

Oh, uh, it's, uh, great, Dad. It's great.

What are those?

Um, they're books, Mom.

Yeah, it's cool having a paper drive.

No, Dad, this is, uh, some stuff I just want to read tonight.

Oh, that's good. You're acting now, right?

Very convincing.

Look, Dad, is it that unbelievable that I want to take home a few thousand pages

to read for my own amusement?

Well, I'm sorry, Mike. I didn't know you were so serious.

Well, I am, Dad. No.

I mean, look, I may not be as well -read as Carol. I may not be as academically

inclined as Carol. I may not be as smart as Carol. May not be?

Carol, this is not the time to make fun of your brother.

I'll take him where I can get him.

Here.

Clean up the roach guts when you're finished.

Carol, I am not killing bugs, all right? I'm looking up words. Big one. Big,

humongous words. Giant words. Words no one's even heard of.

As hard as that is to comprehend.

Well, I have never seen Mike like that.

Whatever's wrong, I can fix it. No, honey, no. Wait, wait. He's 19 years

Come on, you gotta give him a chance to try to work out whatever's bothering him

on his own.

Gotta have a little faith in him.

Jason, this is Mike we're talking about.

I said a little, babe.

And so, my fellow actors, I trust you all have audition... Sorry,

I'm late.

And so, my fellow actors, I trust you all have audition opportunities to share

with each other this morning.

The East Village rep is holding tryouts for Oedipus next week.

Oh, wonderful challenge for the young actor.

And if any of you boys should be lucky enough to get cast in Oedipus, don't

forget to invite your mother.

I heard they're holding auditions for After the Fall this weekend at the Soho

Theater in the alley.

It's a wonderful play.

Arthur Miller's best.

Don't you agree, Mr. Seaver?

Uh, well, uh, actually, um, I prefer Death of a Salesman.

Yeah, so do I.

That's the one I read last night.

So, any more auditions?

Mr. Seaver. Yeah, I read that they're having auditions tomorrow for McGregor's

Fish and Chips.

McGregor's Fish and Chips.

Is that the new mammoth play?

Oh, no, no, sir. That's the old restaurant. I mean, you know their

Our fish don't stink.

Somehow that one got by me.

Oh, yeah, well, it says right here, play Swimmy the Happy Fish.

Twelve commercials, personal appearances, big money. A television

What will you have for us tomorrow, Mr. Seaver? Something for a sitcom?

But don't you have to start somewhere?

Somewhere, Mr. Seaver. Not nowhere.

Hey, look, when you go, say hi to Buddy Ipsen for me.

enough frivolity, ladies and gentlemen. Let's loosen up with another exercise.

Move the desk for me, please.

And I shall want you all in two teams.

Mr. Seaver, you shouldn't be here.

Oh, but sir, I'm sorry, but this is what I've always wanted to do. No, no, no. I

mean, I'm going to demonstrate the exercise from here. You'll have to move.

Oh.

Oh. Right.

He didn't show up for dinner, dessert, or even a snack.

That's it. It's been 27 hours. I've been a good sport, but now it's time to find

out what's bothering my little boy. Maggie, honey. Don't say anything

correct that I'll know was right in my heart of hearts. Honey, I was just going

to say.

Jason, sometimes you amaze me. Our little boy's in agony, and you're about

stuff your face.

Where are you going?

I'm taking Mike a snack.

But you said it was a bad idea to go up there. Yes, I know. I'm inconsistent,

Maggie.

the wackiness that makes me so damn interesting.

When he himself might his quietest make with a bear bodkin,

who would fartles bear?

There's only one word in the sentence. I don't have to look up.

Come in.

We brought you something to eat.

Oh, uh, thanks. Just put it down. I'll get to it later.

What do we do now?

Hey, Maggie, I got us this far, didn't I?

So, Mike, you're studying, I see.

Yep.

When he himself might his quietus make with a bear botkin, who would fartles

bear? To grunt and sweat under a weary life.

Am I the only guy on this planet who does not get this Hamlet junk?

You know, if you ask me, this does not speak very well of the education that I

got at Dewey High School.

Well, maybe you just weren't paying attention the day they covered that.

Well, maybe if it was so important, they'd cover it for two days.

If you'll excuse me, I have to get back to some more of this reading that I

probably won't understand.

Mike, honey, if it'll make you feel better, I don't have a clue what a

is.

Well, the kids in my class do understand this stuff.

You know, and some of them have even done plays by checkoff.

Until two days ago, I thought Chekhov was the Russian guy on Star Trek.

You can't know every play that's ever been written.

Tell me about it, Mom.

I've been up till 3 a .m. reading these stupid things, and I made a bigger fool

out of myself in class today than I did yesterday.

If I keep reading this stuff, they're going to lynch me.

Mike, what if you only thought you were making a fool of yourself, and you

really weren't?

A lot of times your father thinks he's made a total fool out of himself, and,

uh...

What else happened in class?

All right.

Okay, today, like, I brought in this audition, this audition notice for a

television commercial.

A real job.

McGregor's Fish and Chips.

Oh, I know their commercial.

If it smells bad, you're in the wrong place.

Or something like that.

Dad, now you see how you and I are staring at Mom like she is out of her

Well, Dad, the whole class stared at me today.

You know, I just don't get it. I don't get it. You know, I feel like I don't

even fit in.

And I have always been able to fit in with everybody.

And at Dewey, I mean, even though Principal DeWitt would punish me for

years every single day, I know that deep down, the man liked me.

He loathed you.

He did.

Well, it's just that the kids in my class know more and have done more than

ever will.

You know, maybe I'm just... kidding myself about this whole acting thing.

So what are you going to do about it?

I don't know. I'm supposed to ask you that.

Well, we can't answer that, Mike. Speak for yourself, Jason.

No, honey. He's not a little boy. He's got to make his own decisions. I think,

Mike, that this is your dream and only you can decide if the pain is worth it.

So is it worth it?

Mike, you're going to have to figure this out on your own.

I can be wacky, too.

Let's go.

Let's go. Let's go.

I don't know where was I.

Oh, yeah, I was looking up Bodden.

If I do improve and

make a big change...

Would you be? I mean, could you be? I am now.

I always have been.

So I guess this is a pretty important talk we've been having.

Yeah.

Yes.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay, this isn't Oedipus, this isn't Hamlet, it's not even Death of a

but it's a start. It's not nowhere, it is somewhere, and I am not too good to

make my start right here, today, now.

Fish or chip?

What? What are you auditioning for, fish or chip?

Oh, well, uh, are the chips making personal appearances?

Who'd come out to see a chip, huh?

You're gonna see Swimmy, the happy fish.

Oh, all right, well then, uh, Swimmy it is.

Excellent choice. Have a seat. Thanks. Break a fin.

Is this seat taken?

My friend auditioned for this a little earlier and told me all about it. They

make you wear fins and gills and lie on your stomach and grin like crazy with a

hook in your mouth while all the chips sing, our fish don't stink.

Well, uh, hey, whatever they make me do is fine because after the way I've been

humiliated this week, it doesn't matter.

Whoa, so you're married?

Whoa!

Look at the gills on that one.

Hey, wait a minute.

I know them.

they doing here?

I mean, they've been in plays and summer stock.

And they laughed at me when I told them about this audition.

I mean, they're no better than I am.

Boy, have I been a chump.

Go home, people. The part of Swimmy has already been cast.

What? Hey, I've been eating worms for three days.

Once again, gentlemen, very clever material.

I just hope my Swimmy lives up to your vision.

seemed at all.

Apparently, not a lot of people are.

Wait.

I, uh... Why don't we just start over?

My name's Mike Cedar.

I've done two plays my whole life.

Both in high school.

Tony DeCipio. And I have done Summerstock.

I built scenery.

Kate McDonald.

Yeah, and, um... I'm not used to this honesty stuff. It's gonna take a while.

Me too.

Oh, me too.

Hey, I just called my service. New York Zoo's looking for people that look like

walruses. It's not right for me, but I figured I'd toss it your way.

Make breakfast.

Make coffee.

Oh, you guys, don't worry. I'm not just getting home, okay?

Don't worry.

We believe in you.

Yeah, I'm just thrilled that you're excited about your class.

Any class.

Oh, you bet. Thanks.

And you guys letting me make that decision on my own, it's really changed

life. Well, Mike, I guess we can finally say that we trust you.

Oh, well, thanks, Mom.

Mike!

We're still waiting for the coffee.

Oh, uh, just one minute. One second.

Let me help you.

Here, come on out here. I'll be right up, okay?

Look, Mike.

Mom, Dad, listen.

You know, if I weren't in that stage in life where you trusted me and wanted me

to make my own decisions, then I would feel the need to explain here.

But I don't.

Hold on a second. You think you can walk out of here without... Gotcha.

We'll be back in a moment.