All language subtitles for Growing Pains s05e01 Anger With Love

I've got something I'd like to say.

Well, go ahead, Mikey.

First, I'd like to thank Mom and Dad and
Grandma Irma and Grandpa Wally for

showing us all how great love and
marriage really can be.

And I've also got kind of a surprise for
everybody.

Oh, wait till you hear this.

Do you know what's coming? Yeah, another
kid's buying me.

I want you all to know.

Heck, I want the whole world to know
that I love Julie Costello.

And I want her to be my wife.

You knew about this?

Well?

Yes.

that romantic?

When I get married, I want it to be on a
bug.

You want a whaler?

Hey, can we please just not have any
fighting for maybe... What did you know,

Jason, and when did you know it, huh?

Huh?

Maggie, I only found out Mike and Julie
were an item an hour ago.

The wedding news came as a complete
surprise to me, and I'd be freaked out

now, too, if I weren't trying to calm
you down.

You're trying to calm me down? Yes.
Well, you're doing a

I didn't.

Didn't you see my eyes go boing?

Well, at that little, and I'll just say
it, blonde, since you can start out

taking care of Chrissy and end up taking
away my son, she has got another thing

coming. I mean, after what she did, I'm
expected to just smile and welcome her

to our family?

You didn't even congratulate us yet.

Welcome to our family.

Show me that smile again. Show me that
smile.

Don't waste another minute on your
crying.

We're nowhere near the end.

We're nowhere near the best we've ever
done.

on a family cruise again next year?

Sure, Ben. Right after we have a family
root canal.

Oh, by the way, Mom, that reminds me.
Before he left to take Julie home, Mike

said I get his apartment after he gets
married.

Oh, is that what Mike says?

So he's making decisions for everybody
now. How nice.

Do you think it would be okay with Mike
if I took Chrissy upstairs?

Sure, I'm thinking... What'd I say?

Ben, Ben, Ben.

So big in body, so small in... brain.

Haven't you noticed since Mike's big
announcement how tense Mom and Dad have

been? Mom and Dad are always tense. What
house did you grow up in?

Ben, wake up and smell the nuptials. I
mean, the last thing they want is for

Mike to get married.

How's he ever going to have sex?

Forget about sex.

I can't. I'm 12.

This has nothing to do with sex. It has
to do with romance and the fact that

Mike is finally doing something mature.

and responsible.

The problem is, Mom and Dad, in their
foolish blindness, think if Mike can't

pick up his own dirty socks, he's too
young and irresponsible for marriage.

Oh, is that what it is, Carol?

Well, thank you for your razor -sharp
analysis.

I'm sure your wisdom comes from all the
kids you've raised.

Well, actually, bye.

Dad, all I know is we weren't talking
about sex.

We should have never hired Julie in the
first place. I mean, putting her and

Mike, two attractive young people in
close contact, we were just begging for

something like this to happen.

Hey, Maggie, after all, I hired her. You
shouldn't blame yourself.

I wasn't.

But what if they ask us if we want to
have kids?

Then you say yes.

But I'm not ready to have kids. Then
just say no.

Julie, look, this is not some kind of
final exam where they hand out pets and

grade our papers.

This is my family we're talking about.

You're right.

Yeah, look, we're just going to sit down
and we're going to break bread

together.

And maybe a few dishes.

What? I'm just kidding.

Okay, how about a kiss for luck?

Do you really think we'll need luck?

Oh, lots and lots of it.

Which one's yours?

Both of them.

I still don't see why I have to eat in
the living room with the giant rat.

Your mother and I would like to have a
nice private talk.

With Mike and his scheming hussy.

I don't think we have to use terms like
scheming hussy. Hello, hello, hello.

Kids, kids, sit down, sit down, sit
down.

Would you please check on Chrissy for
me?

Just do it!

Maggie, why don't I help you serve this
delicious dinner you've been preparing

all day?

Now, don't you feel silly for worrying?

Everybody help themselves here to your
mother's all -time famous weenies and

beans.

Well, I was going to make something
tasty and delicious, but then I

Maybe you two should get used to the
crud most struggling newlyweds eat.

Wiener?

All right, well, that brings us to the
real reason that we invited you two over

for dinner tonight.

Look, Dad, we already know the reason,
so let's just let the yelling begin,

okay? Now, hold your horses, Mike.
There's not going to be any ranting or

over what a stupid thing this is for you
to rush into.

Well, we're all open -minded here,
aren't we?

Like a civ.

So?

I have come up with a list of 46 items
that I call things you haven't thought

enough about.

Gee, Dad, don't you have copies for the
rest of us? Matter of fact, I do.

Here you go. Here, everybody gets one.

You can read along, follow the notes. If
you want to make a few, you're welcome.

Everybody, let's jump on number one
here. Why get married now?

Why not?

We're getting married in three months.

All right, well, then why three months?

Well, why not?

That's it?

That's your answer?

Ha! The wedding's off. Let's eat.

It might fit because we're in love now.
Yeah, Dad, we love each other. Well, I

deal with what real love is in the
corollary to question 38 there, so we

just move on for now. Let's go to
question two.

Where will you live?

In my apartment.

I mean, our apartment.

Well, I do cover... Community property
in toto.

Jason, your wiener's getting cold.

Now, let's take a look at number three,
then. How will you support yourself?

Well, I have my job here as Chrissy's
nanny, and I'm going to get a job at

Columbia University Library after
classes.

And you don't mind supporting this bum?

Maggie.

Eddie's dad says that I can work for him
on the weekends in his construction

business. It pays like $200 a day.

$200?

Right, okay.

Take a look at number four here. How are
you going to keep up with your studies

when you have a brand new wife and a new
part -time job?

Well, look, Dad, all I know is that ever
since I met Julie, my grades have only

gone up and up. I mean, she makes me
study.

He says I'm even tougher than you are.

Well, we'll see, won't we?

Okay, okay.

Let's just move on to number 43.

Can I have another copy? I got weenie
juice on my 40th birthday.

Here, take mine. This is getting us
absolutely nowhere.

Maggie, we agreed we wouldn't yell at
them, remember? Chasing between tabling

corollaries and weenie juice, we've
covered absolutely nothing. Oh, good. So

what do you want me to do? You want me
to just give up my calm, rational

approach? Should I just blurt out
they're about to make the biggest

their lives?

The biggest mistake of our lives? Oh,
come on, Mikey. No, it's true.

I mean, you get all swept up in a little
forbidden romance, and before you know

it, ba -bing, ba -bang, ba -boom, whoa,
and you're scrolling down the aisle.

Forbidden romance?

We hired you to take care of Chrissy's
knees, not Mike's.

I did not take care of Mike's knees.

Yeah, what the heck are you talking
about, Mom? I don't think we need to get

into that now. Oh, Jason, don't tell me
what there's a need to get into.

Listen, I will not sit here and listen
to this. Come on.

No.

Oh, sure, when it gets a little tough,
you just turn tail and run.

Hey, if you can't stand your mother's
poo -poo, this relationship doesn't have

chance.

Maggie, why is the kitchen table set?

I thought you said we were going out for
dinner.

No, I said you were going out for
dinner.

I said I was sorry about that poo -poo
thing.

Jason, it has nothing to do with that.
You're going to dinner with Mike.

What's going on?

Well, I just wanted to have a nice, calm
chat with Julie.

You know, just the two of us.

No witnesses, huh?

Yeah, right.

You think I'd put arsenic in the goose
liver pate?

Here, taste it.

Yeah, maybe later.

Hello. Hello.

So far, so good.

So, Dad, Mom tells me that you want to
take me out for a burger.

Yeah, she tells me that, too.

Well, Mike, Jason, you two better get
going. I'm going to burn my roast.

Hello, hello, hello.

Hey, Grandma, Grandpa.

Mom, Daddy, you're early.

Early? You didn't mention your parents
were coming over.

Well, you could be a little grateful
here.

Dad. Grateful?

I mean, we dropped everything to get
down here to fill in for this nanny that

you fired.

What?

That's your idea of a calm chat?

Firing the nanny?

Oh, come on, Dad. Don't start acting
here. We know you're behind this whole

thing, too.

I am not. Tell him, Maggie.

No, you did this nut bar thing on your
own.

I did this nut bar thing on my own.

Oh, sir, I haven't seen him this tense
since, uh, well, the last time we were

here.

Do you know what this is about, Miss,
uh... We've met before, Mr. Malone. I'm

Julie Christie's nanny, until you told
me otherwise.

Oh.

Okay,

okay, so I was gonna canter. Sue me.

Listen, Mom, you cannot fire my future
wife.

Hey, nobody's going to fire anybody's
future anything, okay? Listen, you're

quitting anything.

Don't tell me what to do.

Excuse me, I know sometimes I'm slow
catching on to things.

Sometimes.

But did I just hear you say that you and
Mike were engaged?

You bet, Grandma.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Well, it's about time, young man.

What?

I want you two to make me a great
grandma real soon.

Oh, Dad, you're not helping me out here.

Super idea to call your parents, Maggie.

Well, at least I was doing something
about it, Jason. Well, I'm doing

about it, too. What? I'm trying to think
of the next logical step in this thing.

Well, by the time you think of the next
logical step, Mike and Julie will be

happily married. And then what are we
going to do? Nothing. Because we'll be

happily married.

I just want you to raise your voice. We
can have a nice, calm, rational

intercourse here. Margaret!

Now, you see, by that example, I can see
why your children are yelling at you.

I guess that Maggie's super idea.

Listen, you guys can say whatever you
want, but Julie and I are getting

I mean, we'll elope if we have to,
right, Julie?

Mike! And I'm not talking about three
months from now, Mom. I'm talking about

tonight. Ba -bing! Ba -bing!

Uh... Ba -boom? Ba -boom!

A family wedding?

Oh, you two must be so thrilled.

How could you say something so crazy
like we're a loping? Would you just calm

down? I mean, isn't that something we
should talk about instead of you just

blurting it out?

Yes, yes, we'll talk about it, okay?

Calmly and rationally.

So, what do you think?

I didn't subscribe to Brides Magazine
for six years just to end up in front of

some justice of peace in some scummy
chapel.

it smells bad.

You'd rather just not get married at
all?

Yeah.

What?

No.

Yes.

I don't know.

I know.

Let's just elope.

Grandpa, Grandpa, we didn't know you
guys were coming.

That was a well -guarded secret.

So, Carol, looks like you're gaining a
sister -in -law. And losing a brother.

And I'm gaining an apartment.

Maggie, isn't this Julie the same girl
that you've been raving about all these

months? The very same.

And Maggie, didn't you say once you
hoped Mike would meet and settle down

girl like Julie?

Mom, of all the things I've ever said,
You picked that one to remember?

That Michael is a lucky man.

He is not a lucky man. He is a boy. And
when did you two get so lenient? We've

always been lenient.

Mom, Dad, did you two drive 200 miles
just to torment us? With the shortcuts I

know? This old copper's cut that down to
about 183.

Mom, Dad, why don't you two turn right
around and go back to Boston? Maggie!

Maggie! Dear, is something bothering
you?

What are you doing? Stop it! Stop it!

Mickey, come on. Under normal
circumstances, I would applaud you

parents to hit the road.

Heck, I'd do the wave.

But I think tonight you have strayed
from your original purpose.

You're right. Let's find her and fire
her. No!

No, no, come on. Whatever happened to
the calm, rational discussion?

Whatever happened to the little chat
over dinner?

What happened to dinner?

I figured she'd never make it past the
pate.

Look, I don't feel so great about what I
just did, but I am worried to death

about Mike.

He is this sweet kid who's nowhere near
ready for the trials and tribulations of

marriage. I know that, but... Jason, do
you remember how tough our first year

together was?

Remember the pain?

We almost didn't make it.

I just love him so much, I don't want to
see him hurt.

How do I, honey? But you don't think you
should go ahead and... No, no, not at

all. No, but I do think that those two
should hear what you just said to me.

Now, come on. I think the four of us
should sit down and talk this out

You're right.

All right, now, treat.

Ed, you're not going to tell me just to
thread him again, are you?

If I have to.

But enough of this malarkey. I think the
four of you should be together in the

same room to talk this... Dad blasted
the thing out.

Ed, I couldn't agree with you more.

Okay, what's the head shrinker trying to
pull?

Nothing, Daddy.

You know, I was just thinking.

This is all so funny.

You are reacting to Mike's fiancé just
as I reacted to Jason.

Call Julie a hippie fleas ball who
wanted to be some second -rate rock

Second -rate?

Have I ever said to Mike, until you
regain your senses, we will do the

for you? Young man, it's time to nip
this thing in the bud.

Jason?

Did you ever hear that demo I cut with
the new bass player?

No, I haven't, because I would never
talk that way to my son.

Jason, we no longer think of you as a
hippie sleazeball.

Oh, thank you, Kate. That's very sweet.

Oh, don't mention it, darling. I just
thank God you had absolutely no musical

talent.

You don't have to say another word. I
mean, why should you go down there and

treated like a child?

Yeah. Why should you be subjected to
that just for defending this little

What?

Listen, that's my future wife you're
talking about. Mikey, just between the

of us, you don't marry gals like this.

Gals like this? Hey, listen, Grandpa, as
much as I love you, you say another

word, I'm going to have to hit you. Come
on. You can't honestly tell me you

think this marriage is a good idea.

I sure can. I think it's a great idea.

And nothing and nobody is going to stand
in the way of me marrying Julie because

I love her.

What are you talking to me for?

Go down there and tell your parents
that.

I will.

Let's go, Julie.

Grandpa, thanks.

For what?

Calling me a tramp?

My pleasure.

Well, I for one am glad that we're all
finally sitting down to reason together.

And I want to apologize for being overly
emotional earlier.

Just out of my love for Mike.

I can relate to that.

Right.

Yes, well, just to make sure that this
thing starts off right, I want to say

that we accept the fact that you two are
going to get married.

What? How?

Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute. I bet
there's a catch.

Relax, there's a catch.

I knew it.

Well, no, the whole issue here, Mike,
is...

Really one of timing.

I mean, why do you want to get married
in three months? Why not wait a year?

Why do you want to jump into this thing?

There you go again, Dad. Just jump into
this thing. I am not jumping, okay? Do

you see anyone in this room who is
jumping? We're all sitting.

Look, I'm not going to sit here and be
accused of jumping when I am clearly

sitting.

All right, let me rephrase the question.
Is this the right time for you to be

planning a wedding?

Planning? They haven't planned diddly.

Well, I'm not going to sit here silently
when I know they haven't planned

diddly. You're not sitting. You're
standing.

Oh, come on. Come on. Stop it, both of
you.

Now, remember I said a little while ago
I wanted to think of the next logical

step to this thing?

And? And?

There is no next logical step to this
thing.

Thank you, Doctor.

Here's $100.

What do you mean? We've got to start
from scratch.

They're not kids anymore. They're
adults.

Yes, Jason, but I think...

and I know you do too. And if you won't
say it, then I will.

I'll say it.

You should wait.

Look, I don't care what you say. Julie
and I are getting married no matter

And I say, until you regain your senses,
we will do the thinking for you. Young

man, it's time to nip this thing in the
bud.

Nip this thing in the bud?

Oh, my God.

It's true. You do turn into your mother.

But, Jason, when was the last time you
heard that?

I don't know. Five minutes ago in the
kitchen.

No, no, 20 years ago in my parents'
kitchen.

I... I can't do this. I can't do to them
what was done to us.

Mike, I am not going to stand in your
way.

You're not?

No.

Well, what's the catch this time?

There is no catch.

So you're saying you approve of this
marriage?

Not in three months, I don't. But you
will never hear another bad word about

from me.

Dad?

I'm with your mother.

But it's a start.

It's a start.

Julie, welcome to the family.

We'll be back in a moment.

I just want you to know that I cannot
imagine spending another day of my life

without you.

And I mean that. I am as sure of that as
I was the day that I proposed to you.

Mom, look, I am not in the mood to hear
one more time all of your sensible

reasons why Julie and I should wait.

So you admit they're sensible reasons?

Mom, you're missing the key idea here.