Original subtitles

I can't hear you. Okay, pal, I understand about the Nazi thing, but why

guys wearing red plaid skirts?

It's not a skirt. It's a jumper.

I heard Sandy say.

Guys, I just put Chrissy down for a nap. Can you please be quiet?

Hey, guys, give me a break. Come on, I'm going to do some work here. I'm just

trying to carry on a simple conversation here. Why do you shave your head?

I don't shave my head.

Rusty does.

Come on. First of all, it's too loud.

Secondly, it's time to turn it off.

Hey, Dad, would you please check out my homework assignment? Filed.

What did I say?

What did you say?

Like in 12 years, you've never asked me to look at your homework. I don't know

what to say.

Well, I just want you to check out the grade I got on the psychology

Sure. Great.

Hey, this means a lot to me. You have no idea.

For you to come to a C -minus? Yeah, see, that's what I wanted to talk about.

wait 12 years, I get a C -minus. I can't look. I work my butt off for that

grade, you know? I mean, I shouldn't deserve to be.

I think the teacher just hates me. I mean, you're a psychiatrist. Would you

please check my answers?

Whoa, you even remember what I do for a living. I'd better sit down.

You know, when Theo has a problem, Bill Cosby never jokes.

Okay, well, look. Let's see now. Look.

Common definitions of psychological complexes. There's your first problem.

It's an edible complex, Mike. Not an edible complex.

It's a psych class, not a spelling class.

I mean, the point is, I put down the right answers. What a guy wants to date

mom. And you're in luck. It's guys who date their moms who've gone down to you.

My, dinner's in the oven. Don't fill up on all of that. I'm just trying to get

something to eat. Would that be okay with you?

Well, excuse the holy heck out of me.

Hey.

You cursed at me.

See, look, Julie, come on. I didn't mean to snap at you. It's just that, I don't

know, you don't have one of those days when you just feel completely... All the

time. Yeah.

And then I just think about you, and I feel better.

Really? Really.

Aw.

Hey, how about that? I feel better.

I'd love to feel great.

Your dad's in the living room. You don't want to find out about that. Right,

right, right. But we're still going to study together tonight at your place,

right? You bet.

Right. The keyword is study.

Gee, the keyword for me was together.

Of course, the other keyword was your place.

Actually, that's two keywords, your and place, but... I'll see you at 7. Okay.

And this time, bring your books.

Hey, Mike, look, I know you're upset, and, uh... About what?

Oh, oh, yeah, right. You better believe I'm upset, Dad. You know, this C -minus

really makes me miss the days when I just never studied and got crummy

Yeah, there were some great times.

You know, back then, I would have paid big bucks for a C -minus. A couple times

I did.

an expression, Dad.

Hey, Mike, I'm just pleased that you're now trying for good grades. I mean, that

alone is quite an accomplishment for somebody with your pitiful academic

I mean that as a compliment.

Yeah, Professor Rosenfeld is a complete bozo. Wait a minute. Maybe he's being

tough on you for a reason.

In college, the competition is tougher. You have to be more precise. Say what

you mean.

That unclarity that was somehow okay before, now it's clearly it's unclear.

I have no idea what you just said.

Let me be more precise. Dad, look, it doesn't matter because I'm dropping that

class tomorrow.

You're going to drop psychology?

My first love!

Dad, look, I have been working hard all semester. Really working.

But I just can't seem to please this guy.

I mean, he says I have to hand in all this makeup work tomorrow just to bring

C -minus up to a C.

Yeah, well, I had a teacher like Rosenfeld in college, too. A real

detail.

His name was Dr.

Hancock.

I don't even want to tell you what we used to call him.

It took me years to figure out that he was just trying to get the best out of

me. I think you'll realize that, too. Just don't give up the class.

Well, if you think that... Hey, for the rest of your life, you're going to find

people who are tough on you when you don't really deserve it. I mean, first

all, it's a teacher. Then it's going to be a co -worker.

Then it's a boss. Finally, it's a wife. What about a wife?

that without a wife, life would be impossible.

Oh, thank you, honey.

You're welcome, my darling. Oh, boy.

I wonder where I get it.

You ordered him not to drop psychology, right?

Hey, you're missing the big picture here. This isn't a lesson about school.

a lesson about life. So that's a no? Yes. Yes, yes, or yes, no?

No, I didn't order him to do anything. So he's not dropping the class?

Yes.

Maggie, the important thing for Mike to realize here is that he's not being

treated unfairly by this professor.

Okay, Jason, you looked at Mike's homework. Was it graded unfairly? Yes

Here we go again.

Mike's answers are imprecise.

I told him that in college, especially psychology, it requires a certain

that he's not used to.

Yes, he has to have an ability to communicate clearly without the

which, while acceptable before, is now clearly unclear.

I have no idea what you just said.

It's like in kindergarten.

Remember how Mike used to complain that Mrs. Kling made him work with the

hardest clay?

Then I went down there and I pointed out to him, Mike, your little pile sits as

soft as the other kids.

I've done it again.

Pardon me? Well, I just told him that all through his life he's going to run

into people who make it tough for him over ways he doesn't even deserve. First

of all, it's going to be a teacher, then it's a boss, then it's a co -worker,

finally it's a wife.

Fool ourselves like yourself.

You had to be there.

I was.

I told him about Dr. Hancock, remember?

Remember how I hated that guy? Then I grew to respect him. Yea, revere him.

Revere him? Jason, you still hate him. You wouldn't even shake his hand at the

reunion. And you called him that awful nickname.

Maggie, I was parenting.

Don't muddy things up with the way they really happen. Oh, Jason, you still

haven't answered my question. Is he going to drop the class or what?

Hey, right now he's up in his apartment, he's doing his makeup assignment, and

he's learned a valuable lesson.

You're sure about that?

Honey, when the old... communicator steps in, you can put that in the bank.

Mike, it's only me.

Got a little snack to study with, Mike.

Mike, you in there?

Hey. Hey, Dad.

You're supposed to be studying your psychology makeup at times. Uh, yeah,

I did.

Yeah, it's right here, Dad.

Just give me a minute.

Come on, cut the drama.

I know you've been out goofing around.

I've not been goofing around. I was studying with June.

Jewish people.

What? Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah. And some Christians and some atheists and Muslims.

Hey, education has no religion.

Obviously, my little talk with you meant nothing, Mike.

Uh -huh. Here it is. I knew I didn't leave it at Herbie's.

Who's Herbie?

He's that Jewish guy that I was studying with.

Weren't you listening?

Let me see this.

You actually finished your makeup assignment?

Yeah.

Want a cookie?

Oh, no, no, no, thanks. I, um, I had a big meal over at, uh, um, it'd be safer

if I went to the bathroom.

So I'm not crazy.

I'm getting to that boy after all.

That's good, good, good.

Bad, bad, bad.

to double -check your ancestors before you turn them in. Hey, what's the point?

I mean, Rosenfeld's got it in for me. Hasn't got it in for you, Mike. He's got

it in for sloppy work.

Remember that clay in kindergarten?

Yeah, I still say Miss Queen stuck me with stiff clay.

How am I going to get you to understand?

Let's show them what kind of great, precise answers get.

Huh?

Try that.

Yeah, Ben, what's up?

Well, I need some help with my math homework. Sure, in just a second.

Oh, but, uh, I gotta talk to Mike first, all right? You just stand by.

As long as I can eat.

So, how'd you do on that psychology makeup assignment?

Not well. I cut class today.

How you doing, Ben?

Standing by.

Thought you were Mike.

Well, you were pretty close. He was behind me at the stoplight. Why? What's

going on?

Hi, Mike.

So how'd that darn psychology makeup go?

I ate it. He gave me a D.

And why do you suppose he gave you such a good... A D?

Yeah, I know. I should have deserved at least a B. Well, never mind that B. You

should have gotten an A. Oh, Jason, let's not get carried away. No, I'm

you, all of these answers are correct.

You bet they are.

I know they are.

I wrote them.

What?

Mike Seaver didn't get a D here. Dr.

Jason Seaver did.

Uh, Dad, no offense, but I think I'll figure my homework out myself.

You wrote Mike's psychology answers and got a D?

Well, I...

You don't know this stuff, and you're charging people?

All of these answers are correct. I don't understand it. Yeah, well, I do.

if my name is on that paper, right answers are marked wrong.

Mike, you're getting carried away here. This is the clay thing all over again.

Hey, look, Mom, you can argue with me, but you can't argue with this.

Dad, I wasn't sure about dropping this class until today.

I can't thank you enough.

This should have worked, Maggie.

It was a great idea.

How much do you charge your patients?

Aha! Jason, it's two o 'clock in the morning. What are you doing? I just

up every single one of the questions on Mike's assignment.

And every one of my answers is absolutely 100 % correct.

So that means Mike is right about this professor being unfair.

Well, he could be, or it could be something else, like maybe a teacher's

assistant graded this paper.

When I was a TA, I graded undergrad papers, and I didn't know what I was

You sure didn't.

Jason, I want to go down and give this bozo professor a piece of my mind.

Maggie, come on. This is college.

How's Mike going to feel if his mommy goes down and talks to the professor?

He'd be embarrassed.

Embarrassed? Come on. He's still bitter about the scene I made over the clay.

Talking to the teacher would be absolutely the wrong thing to do.

Excuse me.

Hi, I'm Jason Seaver. I'd like to talk to you about my son.

Okay. Speaking colleague to colleague, I think it's important for him to be

exposed, at least, to the excitement and the wonder of our field.

I could agree more.

Well, I'm just afraid he's going to drop it without giving it a fair shot.

Oh, now that'd be a shame.

Colleague to colleague, if your kid don't want to be a janitor, why push

Dr. Rosenfeld?

Yes. Yes, I'm Jason Seaver. I'm Mike Seaver's dad.

Mike Seaver? Yeah. Mike Seaver? Uh -huh. Yeah, he's in your intro to psych

class. Curly hair, funny kid.

Well, I've got 300 students in that lecture class.

At least 100 of them have curly hair.

All of them think they're very funny.

Well,

I just came to maybe clear up a little misunderstanding over his makeup

assignment. Excuse me, but I always like to make a note when something bizarre

happens. Bizarre?

Preposterous, ludicrous.

Queer.

Yes, I know what it means.

In all my years as a college professor, I've never had a parent -teacher

conflict. Oh, well, don't think of me as a parent, please. Oh, so you're not a

parent. No, yes, I am a parent.

But I would like to talk to you, if I may, colleague to colleague.

Colleague? Equal. Comrade?

Peer? Associate.

Coadjutor.

Messmate.

I can go on.

In other words, I had a little book to write in.

I am a psychiatrist.

Oh, well, why didn't you say so? Please, sit down, sit down. Are you an

educational psych? No, private practice.

Oh, that's great.

I almost went that route myself.

Well, I'm just investing a leather couch here, and you're halfway there.

Pipe? No, I don't smoke, thank you.

Neither do I.

So, Dr.

Seaver, what's on your mind?

Well, it's this darn makeup assignment in psych. It seems that you or more

likely one of your teacher's assistants may have misgraded it.

Misgraded?

Yeah, like right there, that one.

I don't use TAs, and I don't misgrade papers. If there's a crimson checkmark

next to it, it's wrong.

Oh, no, believe me, this one's not wrong. No, I checked this one carefully.

So did I.

Okay, well, let me show you here. For example, look. A, Freudian analysis. B,

Jungian analysis. C, transactional analysis.

D, A and B but not C. E, A and C but not B. F, B and C but not A. G, all of the

above. E is clearly the right answer, and yes, it's marked wrong.

It's not as much wrong as it is imprecise.

Imprecise? Ambiguous, unclear. Yes, I know what it means. Yes, how is that

imprecise? Well, the correct answer is D, A and B, but not C.

Of course, if the study in Paris goes the other way, I'll consider changing

answer, but we'll have to wait until spring of 94.

Uh -huh.

Okay, look at number five. The correct answer is checked, B.

Hyperkinesis is a physiological and psychological disorder.

Smart draw. Sure, because it is wrong.

Since when?

Since Dr.

Kirchenbauer's recent project with white rats.

Pardon me?

I'm sorry, I can see where your point of view might be considered correct in

some circles.

Then so we're both right. Yes, but I'm teaching the class, which makes me more

right. What?

Dr. Seaver, how can I say this?

I suggest that you're looking at your son's work through a father's eyes, and

not through the eyes of a competent professional.

Which, of course, I'm sure you are in your own little world.

I'm not looking at my son's work that way. Yes, you are. No, I'm not. Yes, you

are. I'm not. R -R -R. I'm not. This is not my son's work, bub.

Pal, messmate.

I wrote these answers myself.

Well, then I definitely should re -evaluate this grade. Thank you very

should hope so.

You're using a red pen.

No.

Crimson.

Maurice? No, the other one.

Something's wrong.

No. Where are your books? I thought we were sitting for sight tonight.

How would you like to stand on the windblown deck of the Staten Island

watch the sun go down and the lights of Manhattan come up?

Would you be with me?

Of course I'd be with you.

Then I don't want to go.

You can't keep ignoring your problems in psych class.

I'm not.

I'm dropping the class.

Yeah, listen, listen, listen. Before you say another word, remember how I asked

you to constantly remind me to study?

Yeah. Well, I no longer want you to do that anymore.

Why? Because you constantly remind me to study.

Hey, listen, Julie, I've made up my mind about this class thing, okay?

Now, can't we have a nice romantic evening involving two burros of the city

New York?

Okay. I'll get my coat.

I even made dinner reservations.

Well, this will be fun.

And it's good that we're spending time together now.

What do you mean, now?

Well, you'll have to make up this class, and that pretty much takes care of our

summer plans, and they were great plans.

Well, maybe I was being a little busy.

You think so?

Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, hey, I'm halfway through the semester already, and so if

I can just hang in there a couple more weeks.

Well, if that's what you want to do. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I should study.

But I left my books at home.

So, look, we're going to have to go out another night, okay?

I was looking so forward to going out tonight.

Yeah.

See ya.

Hey, at least I won't have to review the chapter on manipulation.

Hey, Mom.

Hey, Mike.

I thought you were eating out.

Yeah, so was I.

What's for dinner?

That's what I'd like to know. Have you seen your father?

Many, many times.

He didn't make anything for dinner.

Hey, Mom, between the two of us, I think the man slipped a cog.

No, no, no, honey. He has always been that way.

Here you go.

I brought a hummus for everyone.

You might be on to something.

Okay, why beat around the bush?

Bush? Shrub Small Tree, President of the United States.

You're definitely on to something.

I'll be the first to concede that things didn't go exactly as I'd planned.

What things?

Okay, I'll tell you.

But keep in mind there is some good news all the way at the end.

Why don't we go right to the good news?

The good news is I believe in Mike.

Thank you.

And the other news?

I met your psychology professor today.

What? You went down there after telling me not to?

Dan, that is the worst thing you could have possibly done.

That's exactly what I told your mother. I can't believe this. My daddy goes to

see my college professor?

How am I supposed to show my face there again?

My, come on. I didn't go down there as your father.

I went down as a colleague.

All right, I see you're having trouble making the distinction here, right?

You didn't bring him hummus, did you?

No.

Well, good, because I got to go face that guy in the morning.

I thought you gave up that class. I changed my mind.

What did you do that? for him. Mike, you were right about that guy. He's a bozo.

You're never going to get a fair shake.

Jason, what are you doing?

Trust me. Not a chance.

I was halfway through the semester.

I mean, I just have to make up that D that I got on the makeup assignment.

Yeah, well, I told him that all the answers on that test were correct.

And so, um, and you don't, uh, you don't exactly have a D on it anymore.

Uh -oh.

What do you mean?

You mean you got him to change my grade?

me any day.

Okay, I'll be frank.

I, uh, and then I also, uh, when I was there, I mentioned, I said to him, I

said, and I, I myself wrote the answers, and so, uh, he changed your grade, and

you have an F.

What? What?

It wasn't part of the plan, Maggie. Oh, Jason, you shouldn't have even had a

plan. Oh, so now I gotta go and work off an F?

Oh, what, like you've never had an F before?

I'm upset.

I've never had an F before.

And may I remind you, this is the proper place for that good news I mentioned

earlier.

What good news? That I believe in Mike.

Yeah!

Dad, it'll be another 12 years before I ever show you my homework.

Oh, well, with that attitude, you'll still be in the same grade.

I mean, of all the things that he could have learned out of this, that there are

no pat answers in life, that occasionally people are going to treat

unfairly, that sometimes a father maybe gets a little nutty when he's looking

out for his kid. But no, what does he take home?

Don't show me his homework.

Oh, boy.

Honey?

Works for me.

Kel can do this next problem in two seconds.

All right, you're on. Kel? A chance to see a mic? I love it.

Okay.

X equals the square root of 12.

That'll be five bucks, please.

All right, double nothing says she can't do the next one.

You're on.

My pleasure.

Y equals 6 .7. All right, that's ten bucks. Okay, double nothing says she

finish the whole page.

You don't stand a chance.

Mike, get ready to lose your behind.