Original subtitles

Man, how the heck did I let you talk me into getting up before the pig just to

get tickets to a stupid concert?

Because you're broke and I'm paying you five bucks an hour.

I hope we get there while there's still some good tickets left.

Hey, hey, all right, there's another five bucks in my pocket.

And why, you stole a forum.

So, all these people are here to see Jonathan Keith.

Eh, boy, kids today.

What's wrong with him?

Nothing, I just said, hey, let's face it, he's not the whatever.

The who?

No, no, not the who. That's that old group of deadlifes.

Whatever. Now, they are hot.

Hey! Hey, what the heck are you doing?

For breakfast.

Uh,

what's your name? Ellie.

Hey, that's the same name as Jonathan's wife.

I know.

What's your name?

Jonathan. Wow.

Yeah, what a coincidence, huh?

Don't listen to him. His name's not Jonathan. He's just my taxi driver.

You talking to me?

I'm the only taxi driver here.

You ever see the movie Taxi Driver?

With Danny DeVito and Louie?

No, with Robert De Niro as an insane person.

See, he starts to, like, talk to himself and makes no sense whatsoever.

Kind of like I'm doing right now.

Uh -huh.

Hey, look, Jonathan's on.

that doesn't hear any music?

He said it.

Hey, folks, can you believe it? The concert's sold out.

I've been camped out here for three days, man.

I cannot believe this. I've been saving my money for months.

going to do? Hey, look on the bright side, Benny. Now you can pay your tax.

brought over that big tip that he deserves.

It's all going to me?

Listen to what you say.

Man, sold out. The cruelest word I've ever heard.

Well, actually, Ben, it's two words.

Carol, I can think of another two words.

Ben, sorry, I'm just upset.

Come on, Ben, there'll be other concerts.

Not Jonathan's.

Well, I wish there was something I could do, son.

Well, you could call a scalper, Dad.

I'm sure the tickets will only be about 200 bucks apiece.

Like I said, I wish there was something I could do.

Well, I was reading in a fan magazine that Jonathan's dad's a psychiatrist.

Yeah, well, I don't know every psychiatrist.

Dr. Alexander Keith?

Alex Keith?

Uh -huh. From Boston?

Uh -huh. I know him.

From med school, Maggie, remember?

Oh, yeah, is he the guy that threw all those parties?

This is great!

Oh.

Well, what's the matter?

I'm married to a man old enough to have a son that's a rock star.

I think I like it.

Alex's number is right here.

When's the last time you spoke to him? Well, it's the last reunion.

Honey, that's quite a while ago. Oh, yeah, but you remember the kind of guy

is. You can go for years without talking to him, and the minute you do, it's

like not a day has passed.

Hello, Alex.

Hey, Jason.

Seaver.

Medical school, Cornell.

Right, right.

No, no.

Yeah, like, I was wondering, you know, since you and I spoke at that last

reunion a couple years ago, and you said make sure you keep in touch, and...

Yeah, you said that.

Well, you know, my son, he thinks that your son is just the most un... No, I

have no idea how many people hit you up for tickets.

No, you have every right to resent that.

No, no, no, that's it. I just...

wanted to touch base.

Yeah, so I'll see you at the next reunion.

Or not.

Yeah, go ahead.

How many tickets did you get? Maggie.

Oh, I'm just trying to cheer you up with a little joke.

Ben would have been so happy.

Now I gotta go call a scalper and spend 400 bucks.

I've got an idea.

I love it.

why I didn't think of this before.

What is it? I'm going to call the entertainment editor at the station.

Yes, this is Maggie Malone for Steve Juergens.

He's always bragging about his music contacts.

Yeah, well, it's worth a shot.

Hello, Steve.

This is Maggie.

I've got a question.

See, my son Ben is a big fan of Jonathan Keith, and he would just kill for

tickets if... Uh -huh.

Don't feel bad, sweetheart. I've failed, too.

That would be wonderful.

And how about if you and I take Ben tonight?

Sure. Oh, Steve, I can't thank you enough.

Oh, no, no. Three tickets is plenty.

Oh, don't be silly. You don't have to send a limo.

Yes. And, and this afternoon we can go down to the arena and watch them do the

sound check for tonight's concert.

I get to watch Jonathan set up for the show?

Uh -huh.

Oh, you conned your old pal into giving you the tickets. All right, Dad.

I knew I got my gift from someplace.

Thank you, Dad.

Thank you, thank you. Benny, Benny, look, I think it's about time you learn

difference between gratitude and groveling, all right?

Yeah, easy, Ben. That look on your face is thanks enough for me.

Did I forget to mention that your mom actually got the tickets and arranged

everything? Because I meant to mention that. I just...

I might have mentioned it to... Well,

Chrissy's napping and her food is in the refrigerator and the number to the call

is... Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why are you telling me?

Because you're going to babysit this afternoon.

Oh, Mom, I would, but I told Debbie that we'd go to a movie.

Oh, honey, your father and I are really stuck. What if I offered you $10?

Mom, I do not expect to get paid to babysit. It's my family duty.

But, you know, I just can't break a commitment to Debbie. $20?

Who's Debbie?

Honey, Mike has graciously agreed to babysit today.

Yeah? How much?

Mother, I do not expect to be paid to babysit. It's a family duty.

Jason? Twenty bucks.

Okay, Carol, you can go to the movies with Debbie.

But, Mom, I really need the money, and you promised.

Mike, that lets you off the hook. Now you can go to your party.

What party?

I mean, what do you mean, Jason? I mean, I was like, I'll psych to babysit

tonight.

Besides, I'm broke.

Hey, Maggie, this is quite a bargain. Two babysitters for the price of five.

Jonathan Stratton's got to be around here somewhere.

Jason, would that sound check especially loud or I'm getting older than I

thought?

Your hearing's fine. You're a young woman.

That's the door. I bet you that's it.

Then that door says janitor.

That's probably just a fool proposal, but it didn't fool me.

Well, you know, he may have gone back to his hotel or something. May not even be

around here. That's the way Elvis used to do it.

Dad, Elvis is dead.

All right. Jonathan wants some hot coffee in his dressing room ASAP.

Where am I going to find hot coffee at 3 o 'clock in the afternoon?

Okay, I'm on it.

He's here, Thomas, he's here.

I gotta go to the bathroom again.

That's not a bad idea.

Well, the excitement's too much for you two.

What? Just go to the bathroom.

Thank you, thank you.

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see. No sweat, Pops.

Pops.

Yeah, they say the eyes are the first to go.

Oh, God.

Excuse me, Jonathan.

Jonathan, could I get your autograph?

Yeah, no problem, man.

You know, it's nice to have fans your age.

I'm not a fan of yours.

No, my son is a big fan of yours.

His name's Ben.

Can you make it out to Ben, please?

Oh, boy.

Dad, you know.

Yeah, me too.

Yeah.

Medical school. Cornell.

Did he ever tell you the story of the missing cadaver?

No.

No, he didn't. I guess I better not tell you either then, eh?

Oh, thanks.

I'm Jason Seaver. Ah, Jonathan Keith. I know.

Oh, boy. My son's going to die, you know. He's had us out here for the last

just to try to get a glimpse of you.

His kidneys pick now to pull him away.

Yo, Jonathan, coffee will be here in about ten minutes.

All right, thanks, pal.

Well, it's been a pleasure. You got to run. Oh, hey, hey, whoa, whoa.

Hey,

Jonathan, pardon me. I know you got a million things to do. It's concert day

everything, but he'll be down here in about any second, I swear. So if you

just... If you'd wait just a teensy -teensy minute, you'll say hello. All

all right. I'll tell you what, man. If he's back within ten minutes, just bring

him by my dressing room. He'll be more than happy to say hello. Oh, that would

be so terrific.

Yeah, um, mine's the one marked janitor.

Helps keep the bozos away.

Didn't fool me.

So, uh, I'll see you around. Hey, I'll see you. All right.

All right.

All right.

Oh, nice guy.

Hey, boy.

Tony, where you been, man?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but is it not your job to protect me? Oh, I was

a donut.

You're out stuffing your fat face, man. Some bozo hits on me to meet a stupid

kid. I'm sorry.

Oh, oh, you're sorry.

Well, sorry's not good enough.

Now, I will meet this guy's brat. Why?

Because I'm a nice guy.

So go grab this paint -in -the -butt photographer and let's get some PR

out of this, please.

And make sure the future bozos stay out of my bank!

Hey, it's all right. I belong here. I'm the original bozo.

Maggie. Where's Ben?

Still in the bathroom. Oh, they say women take forever.

Hey, I just met Jonathan Keith, and I... Oh, and he signed it.

Yeah, well, I was just standing here, and I came over, we started talking, and

before I knew it, he said Ben could meet him in the dressing room. Are you

kidding? Yeah, but look, I gotta tell you... Ben, Ben, your father has

news. He's arranged it so you can go back to Jonathan's dressing room and

him. Whoa!

Yeah, Ben, wait a minute. Just before you do... Ben.

Nice to see you.

Make me believe it.

Okay, so where was I?

Oh, yeah. My name's, um, um... Ben Thiever. Yeah.

And, uh, Jonathan, this is my wife Maggie. She's also met your dad. Very,

nice to meet you. My pleasure.

And this is my road manager, Tony.

He takes care of me sometimes.

I've heard.

Uh, Jonathan, hey, how about one with your arm around it?

All right.

Make me believe it.

I bet Ben is your biggest fan. He knows everything about you.

Oh, well, I hope not.

Well,

I know you're 24.

You're from Boston.

I know that your song, My Only One, was written for your wife, Ellie.

Well, she is my only one.

She did Home with the Baby.

Oh.

I know all the words. Don't be down.

Don't be down. Uh -huh, uh -huh. Don't be down. Uh -huh, uh -huh.

you're interested in what he's saying.

So how'd you end up crashing backstage?

All right, make me believe it.

My mom called the Skyder TV station.

See, I'm kind of a celebrity myself.

I'm a reporter for Channel 19.

Oh, yeah, very cool.

I think you know our editor, Steve Jerkins?

Yeah, yeah.

You gotta press these.

I got what I need.

It's been nice meeting you. Is it true you've got a dog named Grammy?

Yeah, I'm gonna have to let people know. Is that your favorite guitar?

Okay, uh, Tony, would you make sure our guests receive front row tickets for

tonight's show?

Front row?

Hey, I got connections.

Thanks, Jonathan.

Thank you. All right, bye -bye. You folks enjoy the show.

Bye.

Bye -bye.

Jonathan, coffee's here.

Juan Valdez would approve.

He likes me. He really likes me. What a great guy.

Hey, he sure seems like a great guy.

Man, I can't wait to show my album to Vito and Stinky and the Vox Brothers.

Oh, no, I forgot my album. Be right back.

Jason, after a while, didn't you get the sense that Jonathan was... I don't

know. Full of bull?

So was his father.

Sorry, Jonathan, I forgot my... Dammit, I'm busy.

That's not Ellie.

Would you get the hell out of here, you... snot -nosed brat.

Get out!

Out! Out! Out! Shut the... Get out!

He called you a bozo? Mm -hmm. But he doesn't even know you.

I mean... I know what you mean.

Oh, here he comes.

Pumpkin, are you ready to go?

Mm -hmm. Yeah, got your album?

Mm -hmm. Yeah, got to see Jonathan?

I sure did. Okay.

needs to be changed.

No, she doesn't. Then you do.

All right, all right, she does. All right, we'll decide who changes Chrissy

and square.

All right, we'll flip for it.

Heads, you look.

Heads. Let's go, Chrissy.

Yeah, it's a good thing we're both babysitting tonight, Carol. You know

they say, two heads are always better than one.

Especially on coins.

Hey, guys.

Hi, Mike.

Hey, how was that sound check?

but it was exciting.

Yeah, very.

Where's the aspirin?

I'm going upstairs.

Yeah, you gonna go up and call your friends? Tell them?

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Tell them what?

Ben got to meet Jonathan Keith.

Hey, all right, Benny.

So, is everything you hoped you'd be?

More.

Why do I lose every single coin flip?

This belongs, right?

Come on, Ben. We're going to be late.

Carol will be back from the concert by 11, okay?

Okay.

Hey, is this the right house?

It is for us. Can I help you?

Yeah. I'm Boom Boom.

You're not here to pick up Carol, are you?

Carol?

No. Oh, good.

I'm here to pick up tickets.

What tickets?

For the Jonathan Keith concert, front row.

I know it's going to put me into hock, but hey, who among us hasn't been there

before, right?

Hey, listen, um... Oh, boom boom. Boom boom, yeah, look, I don't know anything

about this.

Oh, well, I talked to a guy named Mike on the phone. He said it's a done deal.

He said just go to the back house and be sure not to disturb his parents.

Yeah, look, Boom Boom, I don't want to break the news to you, but these tickets

aren't for sale.

Oh, well, sorry to disturb you, then.

Are you Carol?

No.

No, she's not.

Ben? Yeah?

A guy named Boom Boom just left here, and he said... Ben?

Dad, I don't feel too good.

Oh, what's the matter?

I've got a fever.

128.

So I should probably stay in tonight, huh?

Yes, and you should be basted, too.

I knew it was bad.

What's going on, Ben?

I told you, I'm not a well man.

You held this up to the light bulb, didn't you?

Okay, so maybe I don't have a temperature, but I'm still sick.

Mm -hmm.

And what's this about Mike selling your ticket?

Well, since I wasn't going to the concert, I figured I could make some

money.

You used to have a poster of Jonathan Keith up there, didn't you?

I took it down.

Why?

It was making me sick.

The ink or something.

Something happened today when you went backstage to get your album, didn't it?

Hmm?

Hey.

It's me, remember?

Dad, Jonathan is a real jerk.

I saw him kissing this lady who wasn't his wife, and he called me a snot -nosed

little brat.

I'm sorry, Ben.

Hey, I had a feeling that maybe Jonathan wasn't exactly what you thought when

you... He's just a big phony. I hate him. I wish I hadn't seen him today.

I don't ever want to see him or his stupid music again.

I'm going to get rid of his records right now.

Hey, hey, hey.

Oh, no.

What? What if all the guys whose records that I like are jerks like Jonathan?

What if all the famous people are scum bucket?

Hey, come on. Hey, come again. Wait a second. Hey, Ben.

Now, just a second.

Now, I don't know every famous person, but I'll tell you one thing. I imagine

they're just like everybody else.

I mean, some are going to be nice and some aren't so nice. You can't hate

everybody just because of one person.

Alan, I thought Jonathan liked me.

I thought I liked him.

Well, but you didn't even know him, Ben. Come on, all you know about him are

what you hear on his records and what he says on TV, what you read about him.

So?

So, well, the image isn't always what the person is really like.

Now, take your mom, for instance. People watch her on TV. They think she's this

cool, rational, all -business -type newswoman.

You and I know that's not the truth.

That's not the whole truth.

Man, how can Jonathan act like that? I mean, doesn't he know what a slime he

Maybe not.

Maybe not. Maybe you know him better than he knows himself.

That doesn't make me feel any better.

Hey, remember when you first heard that Kermit wasn't a real frog?

Whoa.

Don't remind me.

Yeah, well, it took you months before you could even watch Sesame Street

But you did.

I couldn't help it. It's a good show.

Okay, so just because you found out the truth about Jonathan Keith doesn't mean

you can't enjoy his music.

Come on. What's that song that you like so much?

Don't be that one.

Don't be that one.

A man sure does write a good song. Yeah.

So, come on, why don't you and I just go to that concert and see if we can have

some fun?

I don't know.

All right, if you don't want to see Jonathan Keith, Gary Puckett's in town

I happen to know. He's a real nice guy.

Dad, I don't like Gary Puckett's music.

Oh, so you go to a rock concert for the music?

Hey, Benny, Benny, I got some great news. I got this guy who's coming over

willing to pay big bucks for those tickets.

His name wouldn't be Boom Boom, would it?

Yeah, you know.

We went to med school again.

Yeah, yeah, well, anyway, Benny, listen. This guy is willing to... I don't want

to sell him.

We're going to the concert, right, Dad?

Right.

You are willing to give up 300 bucks a ticket?

We don't care about the money, do we, Dad?

No.

concert me too what'd you say pumpkin me too you know kids after a while i got

used to the noise i did too who says we're all fogies what