Original subtitles

Oh, hi, guys. Hi, Mike.

Well, your timing's terrible. We just finished dinner.

Oh, really?

Gosh, I didn't even realize it was dinner time. I've been working all day

English term paper.

All day?

Yeah, pretty much. But I need a break, so I think I'll just go out and drive my

car a little bit, kind of clear out my head, and then settle in for another all

-nighter. Uh -huh.

Yep, yep, that's pretty much it. Just want to stop in and say hi.

Okay.

Oh, darn, I think I'm out of gas. Can I borrow a few bucks?

What?

All I said was that I needed a little study break. Yeah, what you really

was money. I bet you haven't even started writing that term paper yet.

Are you suggesting that this is some kind of, what's the word, con?

I'm not suggesting that, Mike. I'm flat out saying it.

Mike, what brings you here, money or food?

You see how you're raising your daughter? I mean, your basic disrespect

is rubbing off on the geek woman here.

I need to do some research for my book report at the junior college library, so

could I borrow the car tonight?

Sure, Carol.

Oh, my Volvo's in the shop.

Oh, that's okay, Carol. You can use my car.

Better take some money for gas, just in case.

20 bucks?

Be careful.

I will.

Bye. All right.

All right, now what the heck is going on around here? I mean, I can't even get a

lousy couple of bucks for gas, but you give her 20 bucks and a car?

Makes you think, doesn't it?

No, nothing makes me think.

The difference is, Mike, we actually believe Carol is going to the library to

study.

Oh, seeming like if I was going to go to the library, you'd give me gas money,

too? Mm -hmm.

Oh, well, that's exactly where I was headed.

Not earlier? Boy, I was sure I did.

Glad we cleared that up.

A five?

All I get is a five?

Smaller car.

To let it to begin

have to see the inside of one, so I thought I'd get it out of the way.

Anyway, when Mom and Dad ask you if I was here, tell them you saw me, all

I'm out of here.

Well, what about your term paper?

No, I didn't actually have one.

Well, what did you tell Mom and Dad you did for?

Well, because I needed a couple extra bucks, and I couldn't just ask for them

straight out. It's not my style.

See ya.

I was just looking for Joyce.

Oh.

James Joyce. Oh?

Well, I don't know where they came from. I don't go to this school.

Oh, really? What college do you go to?

College?

NYU, you.

Isn't there just one you?

No, I meant NYU.

Where do you go?

Oh, well, I go here.

Sophomore.

So I see you're a fan of F. Scott Fitzgerald's. Oh, I'm doing a paper on

is the Night.

What a great book. I know. It's such a sad story. It's so romantic.

Love the idea of expatriates sitting in a Paris cafe, sipping good wine, talking

about art and life and love. Want to get a beer?

Huh?

Oh, I'm sorry. That was a little abrupt.

My name's Sandy. I'm Carol.

Hi. Hi.

Well, I was just thinking of taking a study break, and I was wondering if you

wanted to go with me across the street to the beer keg.

Me? Go to the beer keg?

Well, they have wine, too.

We could talk about love and art and life and Paris.

Oh, gee, it sounds great, but I have a lot of work to do.

Oh, right.

Well, maybe some other time.

How about right now?

Boy, you're very decisive.

All women are at NYUU.

This isn't a dream. This is a nightmare.

Come on, Mike. Get out of bed.

Hey, hey. I don't have any pants on. Stay in bed.

All right.

Now, Mike, what did you tell Mom and Dad all those times you were late and

didn't call?

Nothing. I just snuck in.

What if they expected you home a lot earlier?

Carol, it was me they were dealing with. They didn't expect me home a lot

earlier.

Are you just getting home now?

Yes. Oh, holy moly. It's 1230. No wonder Dad said he was going to kill you.

just kidding about the pants, too.

All right, now, how am I going to explain this to Mom and Dad?

Explain what?

What the heck were you doing anyway?

None of your business. I'm not telling you, ever.

Yeah, probably be boring anyway.

Cory, well, for your information, I was out with a man. What do you have to say

to that?

Carol, I just hope that never in your life are you entrusted with government

secrets.

What did I come to you for?

Hey, don't get so excited.

I mean, it's no big deal. So what? A guy picked up on you. It was bound to

happen. There's plenty of desperately lonely guys out there.

I was not picked up. It was completely innocent. And for your information, I

only had one sip of wine.

Wine? Woo -hoo.

Sure. Why? Because he was older. Well, not older. He was a sophomore.

Uh -huh. Which is really only a couple years older than I am. But not old like

dirty old man.

You're a pig.

Thank you.

The truth.

Oh, yeah, that'd be real good, Carol.

I'm going to tell them that I met an interesting guy.

Who's probably in his 20s. That we went to talk. In a bar. And that I lost track

of time.

Which had nothing to do with all the wine you knocked back.

One little sip.

And when the waitress said it was the last call, I jumped in my car and rushed

home at top speed.

Look, wait. I can prove it.

I even got a speeding ticket.

Oh, my God, I can't tell them that.

Look, you don't need to worry about what you're going to say to Mom and Dad.

I mean, they'll believe anything you say.

What do you mean?

Carol, look, they think of you as St.

Carol. You know what I mean? You can make up any excuse and they'll believe

You can tell them that you were stuck in a herd of cattle.

Tell Mom and Dad I got stuck in a herd of cattle?

That's your great advice?

Yeah, you're probably right.

They probably wouldn't buy that since you lost all that weight.

Okay, thank you.

No, Debbie doesn't know where she is either. Oh, Jason, what if she's been in

accident? Honey, don't worry. It's probably some little thing so silly

laugh that you ever worry.

Laugh? Okay, you'll chuckle.

Ken, are you okay?

Uh -huh.

Well, then where the heck have you been? The library's been closed three and a

half hours.

Well, I'm really sorry, but I ran into this huge traffic jam driving home.

Well, why didn't you call us?

Well, I couldn't get to a phone. Traffic barely moved.

You were stuck in traffic for three hours?

Uh -huh. What was the problem?

Problem? What tied traffic up till midnight?

Uh, cattle.

Cattle? Uh, yeah.

One of those big trucks that carry cows got in an accident and cows were running

all over the street.

It took forever to round them up. And you know how a herd of cattle can be.

Cows on the street.

It was something silly.

Oh, Carol, I'm just glad you're safe. Safe and sound.

No hoof prints on the car, huh? No.

I guess it was kind of hard to steer the car.

Probably couldn't get your hands on the wheel.

Oh, good night. Good night, Mom.

Turn out the light.

I will. Night, Dad. This is exactly why we need a car phone.

Only those Hollywood types have car phones.

Yes!

Hello,

Sandy. This is your friendly brunette wake -up call.

Hello, Sandy?

Hi, this is your friendly brunette wake -up call.

babysit tonight.

I mean, I have to leave my dorm and go over to my parents' place and babysit

of their children, who's also my baby sister.

You want to come here? I mean, there?

I don't think I should.

french toast okay honey breakfast is getting cold be right down

the beer keg open till midnight nightly students welcome

sandy five five five eight three two one the beer keg

like somebody just hit you in the head with a hammer.

I'm thinking. A concept I'm sure you would find confusing.

Mike Benigno? Yeah, you already left for school. What's that?

The smoking gun.

The beer keg? What?

Nothing that would concern either of you.

It doesn't? No, not unless you're lying about your age and sneaking into bars.

Not me.

Well, apparently Mike Mike is.

Met a girl named Sandy and got her phone number.

All right, Mike.

Shame, shame, shame.

Dad, instead of me going over to Vito's tonight, would it be all right if I

invited him over here? No.

I mean... Well, what do you think, Dad?

Ben, you know the rules. When your parents aren't here, the kids aren't

to have anybody over.

But Vito's mom doesn't want us over there. Why not?

I don't know. She said something about us driving her around the bend.

set to see Vito some other time. You're staying here tonight.

Oh, nuts.

You don't see your sister complaining about not having somebody over?

Ben, I have an idea.

You know, why don't you go over Stinky's tonight?

You know, Dad, I bet you could drop him off on your way to the play.

Yeah! Okay, well, that's fine with me. Just check with Stinky's parents. I'll

call them right now.

Well, I gotta run.

Carol, were you at the library last night?

Yes, yes, I was the entire time. Why? And did you see Mike there?

Yes. Was he really there? Yes, yes, he was. So you're not just covering for

Covering? Well, covering so he could go to this beer bar.

No, no, I saw him.

Well, there must be some other explanation.

What am I asking about? I knew that you wouldn't be lying to me.

No, no, I wouldn't.

See ya.

Morning, honey.

Hey,

when I was asleep last night, did you sneak out?

Go to a beer bar called The Beer Keg and meet a guy named Sandy?

Who told you?

It's almost 7 .30. You're going to miss the beginning of the play.

I always hate to leave the baby.

Well, Fiddler on the Roof is a great musical.

And I think that Joe Namath is going to surprise you.

Well, I'm ready to go to Stinky's. Well, bye. Enjoy the show.

Bye.

Oh, Carol, did I give you... 555 -2423, row 12, seats 7 and 8. I did. Okay, good

night, honey. Bye.

Oh, I don't know how am I does it. I cannot take this tension.

Mom, Dad, anything I can do to help run the house?

David, Mike, they're gone. I don't have any money either. Goodbye.

Hey, hey, look at this. They even made you clean the house while you were

grounded. So what'd you get? One week? Two weeks?

No weeks. They took your advice and they believed my excuse. Thank you. Now get

out. What excuse?

the cattle.

What? I was being sarcastic. They bought that?

Totally. Now, would you just go?

Wait, wait, wait. What's the big rush? There's no rush. Just leave.

Uh -huh. You got somebody coming over.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

And it's the guy. The guy you partied with last night. Whoa.

So, does Mom and Dad know that you got this nerd dude coming over?

It didn't come up in the conversation.

What? You're starting to cut corners just like me. Carol, you are really

over to the dark side.

He's just coming over to lend me a book. Yeah, right.

What is he, a library?

Mike, you're not going to say anything, are you? Me?

Carol, come on. Look, I am not a snitch.

As a matter of fact, I kind of admire what you got going here.

So, uh, I'll just be on my way.

Thanks.

As soon as I find someone to type my English homework.

You have the nerve to do this to me after I lied to Dad to get you out of

trouble. What trouble?

It's a shame that you went to the library just so that you could go to

No, I did not go to a bar.

You did.

Oh, my gosh.

That's right. I don't know a lie from the truth anymore. What's happening to

I'll get that.

All right, all right. I'll type your stupid English paper for you if you just

leave right now. Double space.

Yes. No misspelled words. Go.

Deal. You drive a hard bargain, Carol.

It's worth it.

Hi. I brought the book. What book?

Oh, the book.

Gee, thanks.

Uh, can I come in?

Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. Of course. Of course you can come in.

Oh, this is your parents' house, huh?

Yeah. Well, where are they? I'd love to meet them.

Oh, they're gone.

My brothers are gone.

Everybody's...

the time we got it going, we were too late for the play.

Oh, what a shame.

Oh, Carol, don't tell your dad, but I don't care if I ever see Joe Namath in

Fiddler on the Roof.

Where is he? Oh, I imagine about right now. He's center stage trying to sing If

I Were a Rich Man.

No, where's dad?

Oh, no, I was looking for the mechanic, Phil. I guess the mechanic didn't put

new spark plugs in the car and your father's fuming.

You know how it gets when he thinks someone's trying to pull a fast one on

Oh, yeah.

Honey, was the house dark?

when we drove up?

No, no.

It's not in the glove compartment.

I'll be looking in the office.

Jason, don't worry about it. You'll get your money back. Oh, it's not the money,

Maggie.

Yes, it is the money, but I hate being lied to even more.

I'm going to peek in on Chris.

Sorry about the car, Dad.

Oh, I just feel sorry for your mother. You know what a Joe Namath fan she is.

You're right. He really is nuts.

The back door.

No, no, get out. Come on.

Carol? Yeah, Dad? Did you say something?

for you to say your father's not going to shoot you.

It's not fair to shoot you.

The hallway's a mess.

I told Ben to clean it up. He sure will. Where's your father? In the office.

I'll do that. I'll make you tea.

Oh, that's okay, Carol. You're off duty.

Sorry we messed up your Friday night.

Oh, no, you didn't. Not at all.

You know, it's only 8 .30. You can still go out if you want to.

the receipt, and it's all right there.

Six new spark plugs. Look!

Jason, I believe you. Yell at the mechanic, not me.

Yeah, you know what gripes me? The guy thought I wouldn't notice.

Can you imagine the nerves? Somebody trying to pull a fast one, and me

right there?

Dad, Dad, I have an idea. Why don't you go into the living room, and I'll bring

you your tea?

You can't trust anybody anymore.

Oh!

female deals.

I just had a major fight with Mom and Dad.

Oh, yeah? They home?

Oh, yeah. And they sent me to my room, but I refused to go.

Oh, so they caught you with that guy that you were sneaking in.

Yes, I...

I mean, the one fever kid that they could always trust just went over to the

enemy.

Yo, well, nobody's perfect.

Not anymore.

Are you saying it's different when I mess up because Mom and Dad actually

me, unlike you?

No. I'm saying I got homework to do. Now get out.

You're right.

They trusted me. Uh -huh.

They've always trusted me, and now I do something like this to them.

Hey, look, could you go babble in your own room?

with your sister.

Fine. Alone?

Take her away.

Could you leave?

Hey, this is my own apartment.

Yeah, you want to keep it?

All right, but if I mess up my English this time, it's on your head.

Carol, we sent you to your room. And if you raise your voice, it'll be three

months grounding.

Now, let's go back to where we left off. I'm sorry.

Well, you should be, young lady. Look, I didn't mean...

was worse.

Yeah, well, what you got to understand... And I understand why you

at me.

I mean, you were really disappointed in me. I betrayed your trust. Yes, but

what's important here... And I had never done that before.

At least not for something as serious as this.

So I guess under the circumstances, I understand why you grounded me for

three weeks.

Uh, I think we've pretty much covered it now.

I'm sorry.

Oh, honey, that's okay.

I mean, it's not okay. I mean, you know what I mean.

And hopefully you'll let us know the next time you want to sneak a guy in.

I mean, uh... I know what you mean.

And Mom, Dad, it won't ever happen again.

Trust me.

Well, I think we're finally getting the hang of this parenting business.

Well,

I think I handled that rather well.

Jason, you didn't say anything.

Maggie, there are times when it's better not to say anything.

Times like this.

The important thing is that everything's under control. Yes.