Original subtitles

Mike, I really had fun today. Well, I must say, today has gone pretty much the

same for me, too.

So far.

Knock on wood.

All right. Do you like card tricks?

They're my favorite. All right. Pick a card, any card.

Okay. All right. Now, think of that card.

The whole card?

Yep, the whole thing.

Okay. Now, was your card the ace of spades?

No.

What's that say?

It says...

Now, wow, you read my mind.

And I can read your thoughts, too.

Shame on you.

Shame, shame on you.

Julie! Don't mind me.

Mike, who is this woman? And what's she doing with your shorts?

Oh, she's an employee.

That'll be all, my good woman.

Like a word.

Later. You know, you pay someone a salary, they think they own you.

Mike, you know you're not allowed to have girls in your room.

What are you, babe?

Dinner's on as soon as your mother gets home.

Mother? Um, listen, Tony, where were we?

Mike, I'm very sorry, but I've got to leave.

No, no, no, Tony, come on, don't listen to Julie. I mean, she just told me that

my parents hired to take care of my stupid little sister.

No, see ya.

I just don't date guys who aren't allowed to have girls in their rooms.

I have a reputation.

Come on, you can't do this. I mean, just come walking into my room, turn off the

lights, start talking suggestive, and then just leave?

Mike, I'm dumb, but I'm not stupid.

The best is ready to begin.

you permission to come barging up into my place anytime you want, and who the

heck gave you a key?

You did, right after you said, Julie, come up to my place anytime you want.

Look, I hereby withdraw that permission, and you give me back my key. You have

no right to come barging into my, my, uh... Into your what?

Into my what what?

You're the one talking.

Well, look, I would appreciate it in the future if you would just keep your,

your, your, um... Keep my what? Keep your what what?

Uh, look, please, maybe I could finish if you'd just stop interrupting me. I

haven't said a word. Look, Mike, I'm just trying to do my job.

Well, uh, speaking of your job, Julie, what time do you get out of here?

Uh, pretty soon. Why?

Well, I bet I could make that right now. See, I got a little bit of pull with

your, uh, mom.

My mom?

Hey, gang.

Hey, Maggie.

Dinner's on the stove. Oh, great. Were you able to arrange that thing that I...

Oh, Mike, could you go tell everybody the dinner's ready? Yeah, sure.

Anybody go anyplace?

So you can make the trip with us? Yeah, it's fine. Oh, great. I can't wait to

tell the family. All at once is a surprise.

Now, I'm not ruining any weekend plans you had, am I? Well, I had a date, but

was no big deal to change it.

Julie? Maggie, believe me, things weren't going anywhere with this guy.

He already failed my little Willie test.

Pardon me?

Oh, well, Willie's my little baby brother. See, I bring guys to my

house to meet Willie.

If they start getting real uncomfortable and say, hey, hey, hey, you're messing

with my suit, then I know he's a waste of my time. But if he starts playing

around with them and stuff like that, then I know I think I've got a, you

a... A keeper.

Exactly. Pretty nuts, huh?

No, it's pretty smart. In fact, could you mention that to Carol and not make

sound like I said, could you mention that to Carol?

Sure. No, Chrissy's upstairs sleeping. I'm going to go home and pack. I'll be

back in an hour. Great. See you then. Okay.

Yeah, Julie, leave. Uh -huh. Now, where'd she go?

Well, as a matter of fact... Oh, hi, everybody.

Sit down. I have wonderful news. Yeah, Mike already told us. Dinner's on.

No.

It's even better than that.

You know how we've been talking about doing a getaway family weekend?

Well, how does leaving tonight for two days in Martha's Vineyard sound?

You know how much those beach houses cost to rent?

stuck watching Chris while you guys have a great time.

Drop me a card.

First of all, Jason, my boss is letting us use his beach house free of charge.

Free? Well, well, well.

Hey, this sounds like fun, eh, kids?

Carol, Julie just told me that she can come with us and help out with Chrissy.

Oh, then great, I'm in.

And Mike, well, if you're not interested in a family weekend... Hey, Mom, Mom, I

live for family fun. Count me in.

So the fact that Julie's going has nothing to do with your decision to go.

going? Yeah.

She just fell asleep.

Jason, if we leave now, I think she'll sleep the whole way.

Let me see if Maggie's ready.

Okay. Well, Dad, listen, I'm ready now. We've got to take two cars anyway, so

why don't I just take Chris?

Okay. Yeah, sure. Here's the address.

And why don't you take this map just in case? Me get lost?

Dad, Dad, Dad.

Mike, cut out the macho stuff. Will you just take the map, please?

Well, no, I thought that maybe I should leave it for you.

Me? Get lost?

Mike, Mike, Mike.

Okay, kids.

Ben and Carol's still packing.

Okay. Mike and Julie are going to hit the road now so Christy can get some

sleep. But I wanted the baby with us.

Maggie, let sleeping babies lie.

Enough said.

Jason, why is a four -hour ride taking so long? Five hours. It did not take

hours. Excuse me, four hours and 58 minutes.

You promised if you couldn't find the cutoff, you'd look at the map.

Well, I didn't. I didn't bring the map.

He's kidding, isn't he, Mom?

Carol, do I seem to be in a jocular mood to you?

Of all the silly, macho things to do. Maggie, we're going to be just fine. I

have a feeling we'll be there. We'll be there before we know it.

Then we could have left you at Stinky's for the weekend.

All of this could have been avoided if you just brought the stupid map. Maggie,

it wouldn't have made any difference to bring the map. I mean, obviously,

they've moved the sign for the cutoff. The one that reads... To the ferry boat

landing. See? Even Ben remembers.

Of course I remember. We just passed it.

What?

Is this where you buy the ferry tickets to Martha's Vineyard?

I just said, yes, it is.

Can we get on the boat now? Good, son.

Don't say why you'd want to.

Doesn't pull out till morning.

What? There's no other way to get on the island?

Or off the island, for that matter.

Unless you got fins and a blowhole.

Local joke.

The guy got a teenage son and he's trapped on that island with a 19 -year

blonde. What will become of him?

A living room, bedroom, and indoor plumbing with a flusher.

I'll get Christy settled upstairs.

Right.

I'm sorry, but you look so familiar.

Maybe you met my twin brother, Chester.

Runs the ferry from the mainland.

I got the looks and the personality.

He got the ferry.

Right. Well, my family's going to be coming up with the next ferry, so when's

that get here? Tomorrow.

Pardon me? There's no way on or off this island till morning.

Unless you've got fins and a blowhole.

Local joke.

So we're stuck here all night, alone?

Little lady, you and your hubby. He is not my husband.

Well, it makes no difference to me.

I'm a liberal thinker.

Not a prude like my brother.

Good night.

Looks like it's just you and me tonight.

You, me, and Chrissy.

Oh, right, you, me, and Chrissy.

What will they think of next? These sleeping bags zipped together.

Mike, I've got to tell you something.

Yes? Oh, this isn't easy.

Oh, come on, Julie, you can tell me. You can tell me anything.

Don't hit on me tonight.

Almost anything.

Well, I didn't... I mean, that's the way that it sounded, but it's just that

I... Julie, Julie, hey, it's fine. No, no, no, that's fine.

In fact, I am very relieved. I mean, I was thinking, how am I going to fight

this poor girl off who so obviously wants all of me?

Uh -uh, no touching.

Hello? Mike, it's me.

Hey, what the heck happened to you guys?

Well, we missed the last ferry, so we're here at the, quote, historic Whale

Watch Inn.

I was lucky enough to get the thar she blows, sweet.

So, uh, you guys doing okay?

It's gotta be a while, Carol. The fat guy from Ohio's still hot in the

Never better.

So how about you?

Yep, things are looking good here.

Mike, look, just remember that Julie's there to look after Chris, okay?

And I do not, I repeat, I do not want you to think of her as a pretty girl.

You gotta think of Julie as, uh, as your mother.

Dad, that's sick.

Come on, I'm dying out here.

Uh, Ben, will you tell your mother I got Mike on the phone?

I can. I don't want to waste my shot if the fat guy gives up the can.

I'll get her.

Mike, hold on, will you?

You sly dog.

Hey, what are you talking about?

Oh, come on, you bribed that ferry boat guy to cancel the last boat so you could

put some moves on Julie, didn't ya?

Well, uh, it is a bit chilly now, but I am expecting a warm front soon.

Here comes Mom.

Sleep well.

Hi, Mike. How's my baby?

Please, Mom, I'm fine.

I met Chrissy.

Oh, oh, uh, she's fine, too.

Ah!

Mom, when have I ever not been a gentleman?

That's funny.

Look, I just want you to think of Julie as, well... You?

Mike, that's sick.

But you get the idea.

Okay, let me talk to Julie. Okay.

Julie, my mom.

Hi. Hi, Julie. Is my baby okay?

Well, now that we got the ground rules down, I think you'll be just fine.

Really? I'm just kidding.

Chrissy's great.

Great. Well, thank you, Julie.

Bye -bye. Bye -bye.

Honey, you look worried.

Well, it's just that it's my baby's first night alone.

With a girl, I know.

That, too.

Notice anything different?

You're wearing that silly smoking jacket.

Very observant. It's not mine, though. I didn't think so.

All right, Julie, pick a card, any card, and I will read your mind.

Okay, was your card the ace of spades?

That's not it.

Okay, but the answer to my question is... It's another card.

So the one -word answer is... Forget it, I hate card tricks.

You know, Julie, I really respect a woman who's into the book thing.

You know, I mean, I'm not the type of man who thinks of every woman as a mere

plaything. Just every other woman.

Julie, I'm surprised at you. You know, I mean, you act like I'm trying to put a

move on you or something.

Mike, just be honest.

Honest? Yeah, I like honest.

You like honest? Very much. All right.

I'll give you honest. I'll give you honest up the wazoo.

I mean, I think you're cute.

That's sweet, Mike. I think you're kind of cute, too.

Really? Yeah.

Well, I also think, as long as this honesty deal is cooking, that we could

possibly make a cute couple.

Mike, it takes more to get me interested in a guy than just being really cute.

Oh, now it's really cute. You know, a minute ago, you just said it was kind of

cute. Now, it sounds to me like you're not being totally honest. I can't

continue in this conversation.

Okay, Mike, I do think you're attractive.

I believe you said really attractive.

But if people just went for people they found really attractive, where would we

be?

Exactly. I'm holding out for an ugly woman.

You're a pretty funny kid.

A kid?

That's funny.

You really meant that, didn't you?

Well, yeah.

So I have absolutely no shot here whatsoever?

Oh, fine.

Fine, fine, fine. I mean, I was crazy to think that you'd think that I was...

You'd probably think of me the same as you do Ben, right?

Yeah. Yeah, well, fine. And I wore a stupid smoking jacket and everything.

Mike, I didn't mean to insult you.

Maybe it's better if we just don't talk.

So just to be totally clear, you have absolutely no attraction here

I didn't say that.

So you admit there is some kind of attraction.

Were you always like this as a child?

Eh, pretty much.

Maybe a little shorter.

What about you?

I mean, were you like this when you were a child?

Oh, no.

When I was a little girl, I was very uptight.

You've come a long way.

Actually, I have. I'll tell you something. I was so shy that I didn't

first date until I was 16.

That's not so weird. I mean, I didn't have my first date until I was...

Well, it's hard to get to know any boys. We moved around a lot. See, my dad was

in the Marines, and gosh, I've lived just about every place in the world

people don't even speak English.

Well, maybe I did get asked out before I was 16, but I really never knew what

they were saying.

So I decided to sign up at Al Flanagan Junior College and see what happened.

But you're serious about wanting to give acting a try?

Yeah, I think so. I mean, it's the only part of high school that I was really

good at.

But the thought of actually doing it scares me to death.

That's something I never told anybody.

Isn't this kind of neat? Just talking like friends and not like, you know...

Yeah.

Yeah, it is.

Who knew?

So, uh, we were talking about the guys you were dating.

When were we doing that?

Hey, look, if you're uncomfortable with the subject of who you're dating, then

we can change the subject.

Fine. So who's dating you?

Okay, I've been dating this guy.

Yeah, are you guys kind of serious?

No. No? He's probably not into this talking thing like I am.

Well, what about you? Was that girl in your apartment your girlfriend?

Tony? I don't know.

Why? Is there something wrong with her? No, there's nothing wrong with her. It's

just that... I don't know. If I'm gonna have a girlfriend, she's gotta have...

more.

Tony looked like she had plenty to make.

No, I don't mean more like that. I mean, uh...

Mike, I like you when you don't know what to say next.

Well, gosh, I don't know what to say next.

You know, Mike, I guess I'm looking for more, too.

Yeah? What?

Well, it's hard to put into words, but I think I'll know them when I find them.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

I've dated a lot of girls like Tony before, but I don't know. Lately, it's

getting tough. I mean...

It's like last week. I went out with this incredibly hot babe at this drive

and I fell asleep.

Please, don't ever tell anybody I told you that.

Julie.

Oh, and a shower.

All right, I'm coming, Chrissy.

I'm coming.

Hey, look, if you stop crying, I'll give you my car.

Yeah, how you doing, Chrissy, huh?

Hey, I think you're going to like my car. It's a five -speed. Can I drive a

stick? Good. All right.

Hey, you want your rattle? Here you go.

Here you go.

Hey, come on.

Hey, hey, we're the monkeys.

We'll keep the monkey around.

I will keep on singing because you're smiling now. Hey, hey, we're babies.

Uh,

hi. Uh, how long you been, uh... You were listening when I was telling your

about my little willy test yesterday, weren't you?

Huh?

No, you couldn't have been.

Look, Julie, why are you looking at me like that?

Because you're not who I thought you were.

Well, who am I?

You're more.

Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. You're going to make me start thinking I got a shot

again, and then you're going to tell me no, right?

No.

Then a no -no or a no -yes?

Yes.

Yes, yes?

Shut up, Mike.

This can't happen. I work for your parents.

You don't work on the weekends, do you?

Yeah, but I'm older than you. And when you were one, I was twice as old as you.

Yeah, but when you were ten and I was nine, then you were only ten percent

than me. And now that you're nineteen and I'm eighteen, that makes you only

Well, look, the point is I'm gaining on you.

Just wait. I could maybe even pass you.

Don't pass me, Mike.

Maybe just catch up?

Chrissy needs changing.

Yeah.

Hey, Julie?

Uh -huh?

It was nice spending the night with you.

Michael, see if you really are new.

I'm neat.

Hey, Mama.

Daddy -o, how's it going? Hi, Mike.

Where's Christy? She's up in the room with Julie.

Hey, Dad.

So, Mike, you sleep well?

No, hardly at all.

I mean, look, Dad.

Nothing you were worried about happened, so you don't have to worry about it,

right? Ben, I can't carry...

What's your angle?

No angle.

Maggie, Mike says nothing happened between him and Julie, and I'm very

Why?

Because I believe him.

I don't see them together. They don't have much in common. Well, I can see the

attraction in Freudian terms. You know, men are often attracted to women who

remind them of their mothers.

Oh, you think Julie reminds them of me?

Yeah, sure.

She's blonde, she's smart, she's cute.

Not much of a sense of hue.

Mike,

you filled me with this great card trick.

Let me show you mine.

Okay.

Pick a card. Any card. Pick a card. There you go. Okay.

Now, I am going to read your mind. Is that card the Ace of

Spades?

Yes, it is.

Yes, yes.

Impressive or what?

Can you do it again?

Um, what's that say?

No.

Pretty slick, huh?