Original subtitles

Jason, if I tell you something, will you promise not to laugh?

Sure.

I miss Mike already.

Excuse me.

Eggs

or

pancakes? You know what I think?

Well, I'll tell you what I think. I think you miss Mike as much as I do.

he just moved out seven hours ago, for crying out loud.

And it's just over the garage.

I guess this is something that all parents have to go through.

Facing the day when their baby leaves the nest and doesn't need anything from

them anymore.

Dad needs toolbox.

Basement behind the drawer.

All right, thanks. Mike, have a meal.

Sorry, Mom, no time. I got tons of work to do in my place.

And believe me, you guys will not be disappointed.

I am taking to independence like Carol takes to food.

Hey, Karen, I need you. Come on, where's the rest of my stuff?

You sure don't? I'm coming.

Still missing?

Good morning, all. The first Mike -free morning. I love it.

Behind the washer and dryer.

Dryer. I thought you moved.

I thought you showered.

I have to change the baby. Carol, will you set the table, please?

But it was my day yesterday. Today is Mike's day.

Well, Mike has chores at his own place now. Some of the load is going to have

shift. So how come every time a load gets shifted, it plops on me?

Carol, I'm trying to cook food here.

Okay, okay. It's beneath me to complain.

Anything beneath you. One word from you, and you'll wish, as I do, that you had

never been born.

But I thought that now that Mike's gone, it's your job to insult me. You got it,

Jumbo?

All right.

Electrical tape. Living room and table drawer.

Thanks. Oh, and, uh, Mike, just so we get this rental agreement off on the

foot here, you know that rent is due, uh... In advance. Yeah. All right.

That would be today, Mike.

What, you mean like right now?

That rent is 50, Mike. You're 30 short.

Now, how the heck could that be?

All right, I will be back in less than a minute.

Ha! He said he'd be back. He didn't say he'd have the money.

Mom.

Yeah, honey?

Hi, Chris.

You know, Mom, what with me fixing up my new place and all, I've kind of run a

little out of money for food.

Oh, of course.

How much do you need?

Oh, just 30.

40 would be terrific.

Well, congratulations, Mike. Your first month's rent on your first apartment

paid in full and on time.

The first of many, Dad.

Carol, I think you should consider having a little more faith in your

now that he's out on his own.

Jason, do you have any cash? I need to go shopping. I just lent all mine to

Mike.

Mike? Hey, Dad, what's up?

You're scammed.

Did you really think it was all right to borrow your rent money from Mom?

Here, could you hold this?

Mike, come on. We had an agreement about you renting that we, uh, agreed to.

Now, here it is your first day, and you... Yeah, you didn't say anything

where I got the wrong money. No, but... Can you hold it a little tighter? Sure.

Thanks. Come on, Mike. Now, the spirit of our agreement is that there's a price

that you pay to be on your own. And here you are, and right away, and you're...

You're splicing into our cable TV, aren't you?

Yeah, and you're helping me.

Mike, this is wrong.

Well, then don't do it. I'll just get banned.

We've got to talk.

What, now?

Yes. We've got to get this agreement of ours cleared up if it's going to have

any future. If you're going to have any future.

Dad, can we just talk about this later? I've got class in an hour. No, we can't.

You've got a what?

Class in an hour.

Class? Yeah.

Huh?

Sure, no, good, okay.

Okay.

Thanks. Yeah.

Hey, Dad. What?

Uh...

I just wanted to say that I didn't like borrowing that rent money from Mom. It's

just that, well, I really wanted to honor our agreement.

Uh -huh.

Honor's good.

Okay. Sure, go on.

Thanks.

Bye -bye.

Well, what do you know?

What do you know?

You know what Mike just said?

Mike's not here, Jason. You're hopping up and down all alone. No, but he was

here. He just said he was going to class.

Mike who?

Our son.

That's not all. He also said that he wanted to honor our agreement.

I'm not making this up.

Wow.

And he also apologized for borrowing the rent money from you so he could pay the

rent.

Why he wanted the money?

Yeah. But he said that was for food. He lied to me.

He realizes it.

Well, of course he realizes it. He did it.

Calm down. Well, Jason, I certainly can't let him get away with lying to me.

yes, you can. Wait.

I can.

He lied to you to honor our agreement.

Oh, and that's more important.

No, I'm just saying, look, that finally I think he's showing a little maturity

and responsibility. He's actually choosing to go to class.

And I think that's the direct result of us giving him a little independence and

space, treating him like an adult.

Well, if you're convinced that your agreement is working, I can hold off

to Mike. It's working better than I dreamed.

Good. Now, I need cash for the market. Can you give me the money that I gave to

Mike that he gave you for the rent?

You know, Jason, if I didn't know better, I'd think that Mike just got out

paying his rent.

Can I help with those groceries?

No. Your timing, as usual, is perfect.

Not really. I was hiding in the hallway till I heard you close your trunk.

That's okay. Mike helped me.

Mike's still here?

And he was so sweet about it. I didn't even have to ask.

I mean, I gotta hand it to you, honey. You were right. And wait a minute.

There's a bag missing.

Well, we're gonna have his son missing, too. You don't know he took it. Took

what? What have we been talking about?

Talking about the fact that Mike is still here when he said he was going to

class. We were? Yes, Maggie.

He lied to me.

You seem upset.

Of course I am. Wouldn't you be? I would.

I was.

I am. Let's go talk to him. No, Maggie, wait a minute. Now, the easiest thing in

the world for me to do would be to go up there and treat him like a spoiled

child.

But we agreed we're going to give him some room, some freedom. The freedom to

fail. We gave him the freedom. He failed. Let's go.

Maggie, no. There's got to be a way to get some action without violating our

agreement.

Same thing happens with my Baba.

Boner?

Do you want an only? Oh, where's Mike?

Oh, you just missed him. He had a history class and he needs someone to

here for a delivery.

I thought his class started half an hour ago. Oh, it did.

Well, I guess a little class is better than none.

That's my motto.

Boner, you said you were waiting for a delivery?

No, I didn't.

Yes, you did.

Don, Don, Don, I wasn't supposed to tell you. What else weren't you supposed to

tell me?

Well, that Mikey bought a... No, no, you don't, Dr. Seaver. You almost tricked

me. I was foolish to try.

Listen, do you mind if we don't talk anymore? Because I don't trust myself.

I don't. Shh.

Thanks.

Although I've got to hand it to you, Dr. Seaver.

I think it's great you're letting Mikey move out and school around, stay out all

night and miss classes and not yelling at him or anything.

That's what I call being a decent father.

You have no idea what hearing you say that means to me, Boney.

I mean, my dad gets nervous if I spend more than five minutes in the bathroom.

Imagine what he'd do if I spent 300 bucks on a waterbed.

Whoops.

Hey there, Dad.

Oh, hi, Mike.

Long day.

Hey, college ain't no nine -to -five job.

Hungry? Oh, yeah, just a little bit.

Oh, never mind that cold bologna. I saved you a plate.

Oh, thanks. That's mighty nice of you, Dad.

A good hot meal will help you study.

Didn't all through high school.

So that's meatloaf, green beans, and potatoes?

Yep, sure is.

What's this?

Your check.

Agreement includes meal privileges.

When you're on time.

Oh, so because I'm a couple of measly hours late, you're going to make me pay?

Look, I'm not really charging you, Mike. This is an object lesson.

I just want you to see that you have to be more faithful to our deal.

Yeah, if there's anyone who is violating our agreement, it's you.

Wait a minute, you're the one who didn't pay the rent. I did pay it. Oh, yeah,

with Mom's money. And we were going to talk about that, except we couldn't

because you said you were off to class.

I did go to class.

You're half an hour late.

And why were you late, Mike? Because you're out there waiting for a delivery

some damn waterbed that you bought with money you should have set aside for your

rent. What'd you do, hire some private detective or something? Oh, come on,

don't change the subject. I'm not. The subject is that you have been acting

like a dad ever since I moved out than you did when I lived here. Look, I gave

you total freedom, Mike.

Unfortunately, you showed you can't handle it. So now I gotta take it back.

Yeah, well, you can't have it. Oh, what, so you don't want my help anymore, my

guidance? No.

Well, wait a minute. Just before you say that, Mike, just think.

Think.

Yeah, I can treat you like a stranger, like a tenant, with no freebies and no

bending of the rules.

Or I can treat you like my son.

Now, yes, there's occasional interference that goes along with that,

all the love and support.

Now, come on.

So what's it going to be, tenant or son?

I'll take tenant.

Oh, well, fine, if that's the way you want it.

I have bent over backwards for this boy. I've approached him with love and

kindness, understanding.

What's this?

Oh, nothing.

Students, meatloaf special, $8 .95.

Okay, that's the check I gave Mike for his dinner.

It was an object lesson.

Jason, you charged our son $8 .95 for your cruddy meatloaf?

I could have charged a la carte.

Jason, you are missing the point. How can you have this attitude when you know

full well that the only reason he borrowed money from you was to buy that

waterbed?

Knowing what?

Oh, don't play dumb.

I didn't mention that?

No, you didn't.

Well, I meant to.

Okay, I should have.

Can we fight about that after we fight about this?

Did you tell Mike that he can't waste his money on a waterbed? No. Then I

No, Maggie. Look, if he wants to be treated like a tenant, then that's how

treat him. He has no idea what he's giving up.

Uh -huh.

Okay, let's see. So at this point, Mike has his own place without paying the

rent, he's skipping classes, and he has a waterbed.

And he's naive enough to think he's got it made.

Us three guys are gonna have great times in this bed.

Shut up, bonehead.

Michael, I'm ashamed of myself. Man, when I heard you were moving out over

garage instead of a real apartment, well, I... I'll just say it. I thought

were wimping out.

Bite your tongue.

Hey, you bite it. But I now see how it was wrong.

You have got your parental units all wrapped around your little finger, you

Well, I don't have any units. My parents disowned me.

You lucky stiff.

You know, this apartment ain't quite as big as mine, but, uh, it'll do.

Yeah, well, you gotta share yours with your cousin.

Yeah, well, Dennis goes his way and I go mine.

At least I still don't live at home with Mommy and Daddy.

Hey, I wanna move out.

You're just not allowed to.

Hey, have you turned off the water?

Hey, what's going on?

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Seaver, but until the tenant pays his rent, there'll be no

water. Oh, come on, Dad.

Oh, your father's here?

I'd love to meet him.

So, what do you want to do, Mike?

No, no, what do you guys want to do?

Hey, let's see what's on the Ecstasy Channel. Nah, I'm having cable trouble.

Oh, no, I didn't even go to your house and watch TV.

Oh, sorry, guys, I can't. My cousin's having a party.

Well, I'm into that.

Oh, right, there's going to be tons of babes there.

No.

Well, I know. We can go to my house and see what my mom's got in a crock pot.

Oh, hey, I could use a home -cooked meal.

Mikey? No, no. You guys go ahead and do that family thing. I'm going to stay

here and get something happening with my half -empty water bed.

I like to think of it as half -full.

I like to think of you as a half -wit.

See you later, guys. Have a good time tonight. All right.

Yeah, this is great.

I can do...

Anything I want.

This is living.

Hold up here, Ben.

Come on, that's it. Yes!

Swish! Almost swish.

Good, all right, let's see how you do against a little defense.

Ready? Up and in!

Hey, great move, son.

Thanks for showing it to me, Dad.

Well, that's what fathers are for. spending some quality time with their

I appreciate that when you get a little older.

And speaking of getting older, Ben, isn't it about time I raised your

They sure is.

What would you say to another $10 a week?

How about we make it $20? We rehearsed this, Ben.

So you will give me $20?

Well, there it is, lad. Another $20.

TV and the older son is okay.

All right, that's enough, Ben.

if I lived here my whole life. I'll get carried away.

Man, when I grow up, I'm never moving out. Okay, it's my lunchtime.

Ben, what was that?

I was acting.

Yeah, well, don't plan a career on it.

Geez, Dad, I did the best I could.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

That was good.

Now that was acting.

Yeah, with you and, uh, Mom, Carol, the baby, and, uh, you know, everybody.

Well, Carol's in a panic because she gained a pound and a half, Mom's not

talking to Dad, Dad's not talking to Mom, and I made 20 bucks. Is this thing

legal?

Yeah, it's not fake. Hey, why don't you stay for dinner?

Dinner? Um, I'm supposed to... I got your favorite.

Fake beans.

Um, no, see, that's what I'm here for. I'm supposed to invite you to a family

dinner at that restaurant with the 99 -foot salad bar.

Family dinner?

Uh, who's inviting me?

I'm not supposed to say. Dad would kill me.

Dad. Oh, no, um... Hey, don't worry, Benny. I won't tell Dad that you spilled

your guts.

Thanks. Well, well, Dad's inviting me to a family dinner.

Isn't that interesting?

Did you tell Dad that you invited Mike? I didn't tell him anything.

When you're married, he'll understand.

Mom! Oh, did you get Mike to come with us? I sure did. I got his beans, too.

Boy, was I great. He even thinks Dad invited him. You know, Ryan's fun when

call it acting.

That's good, Ben.

Sort of. Let's get in the car.

Well, what do you know?

Yeah, what do you know?

You finally decided to join the... I finally did? You wanted to be the

I'm the father. I'll talk first, okay?

I thought I didn't have a father.

I said I was a father, not your father.

And this father is taking his family out to a Saturday dinner. The question is,

what are you doing here?

I invited him. Can we please go now?

What?

I'm not going.

That's it.

That's it. I am not going to stand here and listen to the two of you buttheads.

Do you hear what she called us?

Maggie, you're getting so excited.

You bet I am.

And I should have gotten excited the minute you two started acting like

and landlord instead of father and son. I mean, what a... a load of poppycock.

Pardon my language.

But the truth is, Mike, you can never be just a tenant.

I mean, if it were that easy to get rid of a child who's acting like a total

jackass, and let's face it, Mike, skipping class, lying, not paying your

because you wasted it on a waterbed, is being a total jackass.

If it were that easy to turn your kids into tenants, There would be parents

renters in every home and every garage in North America and Canada.

And, Jason, what burns me up is that you know better.

But, honey, sometimes you got the temperature on high and nothing in the

Well, I'm... Don't interrupt me.

I'm hungry.

Me, too.

I don't want to go out anymore.

I want to cook for my family, my entire family, even the ones that are acting

like major loons.

Dan Carroll, out of the car!

So I'm going to walk back inside, and I'm going to start dinner.

And if the two of you are two hours late, or even 20 years late, you will

have a place at my table.

No!

Boy,

something's bothering her.

Boy.

I don't think she should have treated us like that at all.

Me either.

I mean, she thinks we're being irrational just because we applied a

of... to a very difficult kind of... Yeah.

Kind of complex. It was... Yeah.

So what are you going to do?

Well, I'm not going back in there.

Not yet.

Yeah. Me either.

I think I'm just going to go upstairs and eat my beans.

Good luck.

Thanks.

Yeah, I'm just going to stay out here.

You're just going to stay out here?

Mm -hmm.

Isn't it kind of cold?

Not as cold as it is in the kitchen.

Okay.

See you later.

Yep.

Hey, Dad.

Here.

What's this?

The rest of my rent money.

And not a cent of it is from Mom.

Really? Or Carol or Ben.

Well, you cornered Boner.

You really don't know me at all, do you, Dad?

Now, Dad's got his arm around Mike.

He's probably strangling him. No, no, they're laughing.

And talking.

Thank God.

Carol, set the table, please.

For five.

Carol? Before I do anything, I want to make sure that they're actually getting

along.

Darn it, I'm sure.