Original subtitles

All right, anybody for seconds on the fish sticks?

No, no, no.

All right, Boner, how about third?

Well, you know me, Dr. Siva.

Yeah.

Jason, we have to drop Ben at the Sullivan's on the way to the dance.

Yeah, me and Stinky get a camp in his garage in a tent.

Hey, that sounds like fun.

Look, I still don't see why you guys have to chaperone this dance tonight.

Because we said we would.

Well, who needs chaperones? I mean, Dewey High Dance is a boring nerd

Oh, Sammy and Shelly, we're riding to the dance together.

Why, that's it.

Shut up, Mike.

Mike, if these dances are so bad, why do you always go? Because the one time

that I don't, something great's gonna happen. Yeah, like girls getting in a

fight and ripping each other's clothes off.

Ben, promise me you won't do anything embarrassing at the Sullivan's tonight.

Mom, you can't do anything embarrassing when you're with a kid named Stinky.

Oh, right.

Dr. Seaver, Mr.

Seaver, Mike tells me you'll be chaperoning our little soiree this

I just wanted to thank you for taking the time out of your busy personal lives

to be there for us.

See you there, Eddie.

Okay, now, take care for Dr. Seaver.

Couldn't talk the old stiffs out of this, huh?

No, not a chance.

Mike, let's forget this dance. It's going to be a zero. You know that?

Oh, no, no, Eddie. No way, man. I got a feeling something's going to happen

tonight, all right? Something big. Now, I don't know how to explain it, but I

can just sense it. I feel it. I can almost taste it.

That's the fish talking.

presented to me.

I appreciate you guys going with me to my first dance.

Well, since I broke up with my guy, his name is Bobby.

I remember his name.

And don't worry, I know for a fact Bobby won't be there.

Oh, great.

I heard he's dating a college girl now.

Anyway, we're happy that you're back in the single life again with us. Eating

between meals, looking for guys with buns so tight you could bounce quarters

them.

Maybe I'm not. ready for this.

I'm not ready?

Carol, you've got to get on with the business of living.

And that includes going to dumb dances and getting groped in the dark by guys

with major zits and bad breath.

Adolescent jerks pressing their sweaty, smelly bodies against ours.

We're going to be late.

Ladies, you're looking very hot tonight, right, Eddie? Oh, red hot, huh, Mom?

Two of them do.

Ah, he's such a kidder.

Anyway, we were wondering, since Eddie only has a two -seater, if Boner could

get a lift with you guys to the dance.

Sure, if he doesn't mind riding in the trunk.

Ooh, do you mean it?

Have fun, Ben. Everybody change your underwear.

Bye.

See you in the morning.

Tonight, I'm boogie.

Stinky.

My mom thinks I'm stingy at your house, remember?

Of course I remember.

It's my plan.

You ready?

Heck yeah.

This is going to be the night we become men.

Let's go.

Oh, that kind of takes you back, doesn't it?

I remember this one homecoming dance there with this lame DJ with these tacky

clothes on. I can't even begin to describe how silly he was. Hey!

Adios! Adios!

Yeah, you!

Where do I get my juice? My essence?

My power?

Well, something is plugged there, Meg. Oh, excuse me. Do you work here?

Nah. Keys are my hobby.

Well, this man needs to plug something in.

Backstage. Gracias, dude.

Shit. We were looking for the other chaperones. I bet you are.

Well, we figured there'd be other parents here.

Well, maybe there will be. What about teachers?

Might be some of those, too. I don't know.

So are you staying with the old... Don't sweat it. Nothing much ever happens at

Dewey Dancers.

Basically, they're nerd festivals.

Kids, it's your mommy and your daddy's worst nightmare, the Whaling Whaler.

Welcome, Dewey Hooters and Hooterettes, to Motown Night.

Now, I got two.

I said I got two that'll turn your dopey gray and make your Marvin gay.

You had a feeling something big was gonna happen.

Let's kick it off with a cut from some dear, close, personal friends of mine,

Martha and her band.

Okay,

girls, let's synchronize our watches.

Shelly, why did you park in the dark? I mean, there was a place right under a

streetlight. It's safer.

Exactly. But I don't understand. Carol, pick the word that doesn't belong.

Dance. Dude.

Neck. Light.

She's stinky. Nothing is going to stop us from getting there.

Did you hear that?

I didn't hear nothing.

Let's go back.

Stinky, we are going to where no kid has gone before.

And we are coming out of there rich men.

But how did people get killed there?

nothing what are you doing out so late what are you doing hugging that little

boy you guys are pretty far from home for this late at night

shake the need to do it. I couldn't do... No, I would... I'd feel awkward.

How would you feel if that were her?

Hey, hey, hey, come on. Come up for air, will you, pal?

Gee.

I can't believe I just did that.

I used to hate cats who did that.

I still do.

What's your name?

Latoya.

What's your name?

Oh, this is going to be fun.

Lee.

Let's dust this place, go to a burger joint, and not eat anything.

Oh, sounds like a plan.

But you said it was important to come to this dance.

It was.

We did. And now we're out of here.

Here comes that goofazoid, Roddy Rockman.

Hi, girls.

Hi. Carol, I'd like to dance.

Oh, that'd be great. Carol's all booked up. I am? You are.

Thanks a lot.

Why did you do that?

Because somebody's got to see you don't make a fool out of yourself.

If you don't care about your image, at least think of ours.

But I was just going to dance with the guy.

Nature dudes at 3 o 'clock.

such phony pigs.

All they care about is the girl's hair, makeup, and bra size.

Mike, Mike, Mike, you were right about something big happening. Yeah?

Yeah, there's Rita Sabatini.

Who?

She is the only girl in this entire school who is president of the Latin

Oh, funny.

Hey, and what's your name?

Boner.

Boner? Woo!

Boner, boner, boner, boner.

Hello, Mikey.

All

right,

I was wrong. Nothing special is going to happen tonight.

Oh, I don't know about that. I thought that was pretty special.

That's all I'm going to say. Are we out of here? All right.

Yeah, I was almost out of fish sticks anyway.

You brought them with you?

Sir, they brought breath mints, too.

Fun.

Now, Stinky.

I thought you knew the stops.

I know this one.

Trust me, Stinky. Trust me.

We'll still make it. I mean, you got bikes, don't you? Sure, mine and my

sister's. Okay, I'll take yours and yours.

Listen, I'm only going to say this once.

You can stay if you want, but I'm going to that secret place.

That's what I told everybody at school.

And I don't want nobody calling me Weenie. Do you, Stinky?

Weenie would be an improvement.

I didn't bring my bankroll just to wimp out at the last minute.

Are you a man or a little girl?

A man.

Okay, then. Grab your... Bike and let's roll.

First you want to stay, then you want to split. Now you want to stay again?

Look, man, I've got to take my shot at Lydia, all right?

Michael, this is Lydia Shane, head of the drill team, homecoming princess, and

property of the very large Mr. Butch Norelski. I say you've got no shot here.

Butch and Lydia broke up exactly two weeks ago tonight at precisely 8 .46 p

So the waiting period is officially over in nine minutes.

You do keep track of these things.

She's gone out there, right? I mean, that's why she's here alone tonight.

Seaver, you are something.

No, man, she is something. That's something special I had a feeling about.

And I have had my eye on her since I first saw her shake her pom -poms.

And when I said something big was going to happen tonight, I had no idea it was

going to be this big.

Hey, what's your name?

I still don't understand why you didn't want me to dance with Robbie Rothman.

I've known him since the second grade. He's in the chess club.

Trust me. See, these dances are something you missed because you went

from being a dud to going steady.

Well, yeah, but how could you know what's what now that you're a dud again?

Debbie, what the heck are you doing there?

So I'm not supposed to dance with anybody?

You're not supposed to dance with just anybody.

guys say, look at the set of shoulders on that one.

Well, no, but that's... Well, me either.

Let's party.

Jason,

you followed the mic, huh? Yeah, I did.

Jason? I'm not dancing. I was shifting my weight.

Olivia Shane in Fair Game.

Okay, this is it, right? Go, go, go. Well, Mike, you can do it. There's no

doubt. Yes.

All right, if you can't have done that last, you're really going to groove now

because this dance is Lady Joy.

Let's go.

There's three of them and there's three of us.

You mean you guys are actually going to dance to this dance?

Isn't that why we're here?

Hey, dude. Sorry.

Have you ever heard anything so rude? Do you ever see a bigger couple of

phonies?

One, two.

No reason.

Ladies' choice. I was close

enough to smell her perfume.

Hi, Eddie. Hi, Mike.

Hi, Rita.

Rita, Sabatini, how the heck is Latin Club? I quit.

I'm trying a different tongue.

So how come you guys aren't dancing?

Uh, well, we can never decide who gets bullied.

Oh, Michael, you're being big.

That fever sure is something, isn't it?

Yeah.

So, you want to dance?

I was going to, but this one's ladies' choice.

So do you want to dance?

No.

Come on.

Okay.

No, behind the curtain.

What's wrong?

Get out of town, dude.

I need my chiropractor.

Is there anything I can do to help?

Oh, yeah.

Keep the music going, baby, or I'm out of the gig.

Oh, but I don't know how to ride one. Oh, honey, don't get yourself off bed in

this city.

No offense.

to another school.

I don't know.

Maybe she's good.

Just give her a chance.

See?

Oh,

Eddie, Lydia is amazing. Oh, she should be a leader. Oh, yeah.

Hey, what'd you say when you asked her out?

Well, I haven't actually talked to her yet. But see, the body language out

was just so good, I figured, why mess it up with actual words?

Well, you ain't the only one, Mikey. You know, Rita's a lot more interesting

when she's bilingual.

I don't want to brag or anything, but I think... I know what you think.

Gentlemen. What?

Well, since you asked, I'm doing quite well for myself this evening. Thank you

very much.

Oh, yeah? Which one, redheads?

I know the brunette over there.

The only brunette I see over there is Carol.

I think she kind of likes me.

You're dancing with my sister?

Ew.

What the heck are you thinking?

After telling Mikey all those things you expect from a girl, now you got the

nerve to tell him you got the hots for his sister?

Not the hots.

It's the warmth.

Why are you dancing with Carol when there are real girls here to dance with,

huh? I don't know. We were just dancing, having a good time.

I felt sorry for her.

Well, knock it off, man.

You're giving me the creeps. You got it?

I got it.

Ew!

Boner!

Well, we were jealous. There are things that are just not done, and Boner is one

of them.

Well,

that was a nice little ditty.

Actually, it was kind of pretty.

That rhymes.

Well, here's another song, and don't get me wrong, let's

boogie.

Excuse me, I believe you were saving this dance for me.

We haven't officially actually met yet. My name is Mike. I know, Dad. I'm Lydia.

Oh, that's great. How do you do that?

How do I do what?

So, you want to dance some more or do you want to talk?

Dance.

What? Maybe later we should.

Yeah.

So

what

the heck's going to happen with all these people anyway?

Will Mike find something to do with that girl with the weird voice?

I should have known.

Will Carol get the nerve to dance with Boner again?

Or even the other way around?

What, do you want to dance with this girl?

It was the only time I was having fun all night.

Will Dad get a chance to play DJ too? Which is really what he'd rather be than

psychiatrist. It's just that a man is traditionally the best person for the

of DJ.

Jason, it's too bad you're not married to a guy.

Will the wailer live to wail again?

And most important... and the story I didn't think got enough screen time this

week, Dinky and I finally get to our secret destination, Blackies, where you

gamble for real money.

Oh, no, I gave it away.