Original subtitles

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.

Benny, just pretend the snow is your food and that shovel's your fork, and

you'll do fine.

Let's see why we don't just let it melt.

Melt? Ben, that could take days, weeks.

Yeah, then how am I supposed to get my car out to go to school?

I don't see why we just don't let it melt.

I'm not lifting the shovel again until you start moving some snow.

Oh, I'll move some snow.

Hey, Carol!

Excuse me.

Hey, Sit Nose, eat this.

You eat this.

Come on, Sit Nose.

Hey, I'm looking for Mike Siva. I got a special delivery package for you. Sign

here, please.

Oh, whoa, something for me? I can't believe it. Yeah, you don't know anyone

can write.

Oh, wow, food. That's right.

Not just some gift certificate, the real thing. An eight -pound bag of

pineapples that somebody had to carry for two miles.

Oh, wow, it's from Maui.

Where we went on our vacation last summer.

La -di -da.

Oh, wow, it's from Malia.

Malia, was she the one with the coconut broth?

Mike, show me that smile again.

Show me that smile again.

Don't waste another.

from Hawaii.

I had to let you know I'm finally getting off the island.

Next weekend, I'll be in Los Angeles for a tour guide convention.

I'm so excited.

I'm so excited.

Me too.

Too bad, though. My first trip to the mainland is still 3 ,000 miles away from

you. Well, that's life.

Anyway, I wanted you to know that someone far away remembers you very

Love, Malia.

It's been such a wonderful ten days.

I'm really going to miss you.

When are you coming back to Maui? I don't know when you're coming to New

Oh, you're never coming to New York, are you?

All right, all right, we'll forget New York. But if you ever make it to the

mainland, and I'm talking any place, you just let me know and I'm there.

Mike. No, no, I'm serious.

You'll forget all about me in 20 years or so. Ah, no way.

Well, just to make sure.

Here. Oh, wow. This is a good luck charm.

If you hold it tight and make a wish, it'll come true.

Really? Next time I see you, I want this back.

Shh, I'm wishing here.

Oh, it didn't come true.

Oh, yes, it did.

Yeah, I'd like to check on your flights to Los Angeles.

Oh, hold yourself.

Evening, Carol.

Dad, um... Dad, I know I missed my curfew, but we, uh... I am so sorry,

Dad. I can't lie to you.

Carol, you disgust me.

Why? Look, you know, you're my sister. You should be able to lie.

You won't tell Mom and Dad when I came in, will you? Of course I will.

You will?

No, that was a lie. See, it's easy.

So you won't?

Ah, no.

Oh, thanks, Mike. You're so sweet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm here. I'd like to check on your flights to Los Angeles

tomorrow.

I'll need to come back on Sunday.

And how much is that going to cost?

No, seriously.

Hello?

Mike, you're flying to California to see Malia, aren't you?

No, I'm not.

Now, I know that's a lie.

You wanted to buy a ticket.

Yeah, for you, one way.

No, you want to see Malia.

What a wonderful thing to do. I mean, forgetting everything and flying

all the way across the country, all for the love of a lady. This is the kind of

romantic thing that you only read about.

A rich, powerful man.

Maybe a duke.

One day, he sees this simple peasant girl.

Not doing anything provocative, just pumping water.

Does Dad know you read this kind of stuff?

He can't forget about her. And from that day on, he's willing to give up his

power, his fortune, his stable of mighty... Carol, Carol, forget your

right? Michael Seaver, I am proud to be your sister.

Oh, come on, look, I don't mean that.

What's wrong?

Well, unlike your stupid Duke, I'm a little short of funds.

Well, how short?

$279.

Oh, how much is the ticket?

$279.

Mike, I have more than that in my savings account.

Congratulations.

Mike, I can lend it to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You can?

It's for romance.

Well, I'll pay you back real soon.

Don't ruin this moment with a lie.

Okay, okay, it'll be weeks, maybe even months before I pay you back. That's

better. If I ever do it all. Don't push it.

Now, with this one weekend in California, more coffee, mother?

Okay.

I'll be able to check out some of the finest colleges in the country. Can I

freshen that for you, Dad? No.

You got it.

You know, I mean, like USC, UCLA, the Rose Bowl.

The Rose Bowl is not a college, Mike.

Oh, well, good thing we had this talk before my trip.

My guess is this has something to do with all those pineapples Malia sent

Okay, okay. I meant to mention that to you guys, but I just got so busy taking

out the trash, cleaning up my room.

Heck, pouring a coffee.

Traveling by yourself on a trip like this is a very big step for somebody

age. But, Dad, I mean, when you were 17, didn't you bike ride through Europe, a

whole separate country, I believe?

Why do they always remember these things at a time like this?

But your father didn't go to Europe to meet a girl.

Oh, sure he did. That Mindy Boom Boom knockman. He told me all about it.

Nothing.

I told you nothing.

Mike, this trip isn't practical for many reasons. For instance, the airfare to

California is very expensive.

Oh, yeah, yeah, but Carol's lending me the money.

Get out of town. Thanks, Dad. Wait, wait, hold on.

Carol's doing this of her own free will?

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right. I mean, she understands that sometimes a duke

to see his peasant girl pumping that water.

Well, Carol explains it a lot better than I do.

Honey, you really like this girl. Oh, yes.

Maggie. Jason, he really likes this girl.

Mike, we're sorry, but the answer is no.

Okay, okay, I accept that, Dad.

Work on him, Mom.

Maggie, there's a part of me that wants him to go, too.

I mean, you've got to admire a guy who's willing to go to any end, travel any

distance, just to make a fool of himself over a woman, as much as I just did

now.

Jason is 17, and he's got the money, and he's got a chance to spend two days

alone with a girl he really, really likes.

Not a snowball's chance, Mike!

Oh, Mike, you'll get in trouble, big trouble. Be logical. You can't do this.

But you've got to do this?

You're so romantic.

Yeah, that's me.

All right, now fork over the bucks.

All right, sure, okay.

Now, what's your plan?

Well, I get on a plane in New York and I get off in Los Angeles.

You call that a plan?

Well, where do you expect me to get off? Denver?

I'm just saying that you should work on your cover.

I mean, wait till it's real late and then sneak out. Have me make up stories

about you being at Boner's house for the day.

And I can always say you're in another room if they ask.

I can lie.

I can lie.

I can lie.

Agent Fenton, reporting for duty. Ready to do my part in Operation Coconut.

Where's my suitcase?

I hid it in this garbage bag.

Oh, no.

Just go.

Do you know what the yellow bird is? I'm sure it's nice. Now get out. It's the

taxi. Whatever. Go.

All right, Carol.

Mom and Dad are upstairs, and they don't suspect a thing. Everything's going to

be just fine, so just calm down. Okay, Mike. All right, Mike. Here are all the

flight times, okay?

You take New York into Denver, then a five -hour layover, and then into L .A.

five -hour layover? That's crazy.

It's cheaper.

But this is romance.

This is my money.

Sound perfect. Okay. All right. Agent Pham reporting. The yellow bird has

landed.

Huh? The cab's here, boy.

Okay. All right, Carol, can I go?

I haven't moved yet, have I?

Mike, the cab's waiting.

Carol, look, maybe it's not such a good idea that I go. I mean, Jason Bateman's

hosting Friday night videos tonight.

Papa Bear at 8 o 'clock.

What?

Dad's coming. Gee whiz.

Hi, Carol.

Come on, Ben. I thought I told you to take this up.

I did.

Is Mike with you?

Not anymore.

No, no, he's in his room.

Yeah, his car wouldn't be here if he wasn't in his room. And it's here, all

right. See?

What was that?

What was what?

I'll see you inside.

Operation Coconuts to Papa Bear before the yellow bird flew the coop.

Mike!

I was in here first, dog breath.

Mike, don't call your sister names.

All right.

Mom, he's been in there all morning and he says he's going to stay in through

breakfast.

Mike, you...

breakfast this morning, Mom.

What are you doing in there?

Whatever it is, it sure smells good.

Mike,

are you all right?

Oh, well, we'll see you downstairs in a few minutes, okay?

Uh -huh.

in a few minutes? I don't know.

Sure smells good.

Another eight inches out there.

Gonna be a lot of shoveling today.

Where's Mike?

Carol said he changed his mind and doesn't feel like breakfast.

You still upset about not being able to go to Los Angeles?

Yeah, I'm really enjoying my five hours here in Denver.

Why am I whispering?

Mike, telephone!

I'll take it upstairs.

Carol, who's on the phone?

Mike.

Um, um, and Boner.

He's going over to Boner's house. Wait a minute.

Mike. Uh, Dad.

You're not going anywhere, mister.

I'm not?

Who's Dad talking to?

Mike, bye.

Don't worry, he's not taking off until he does his share of the shoveling.

Dad, that's going to be a little tough.

Mike, I want to see you outside in five minutes. No excuses.

Say goodbye, boner.

Uh, goodbye, Dr. Siva.

I'm Mike, remember?

Keep your face covered.

Whoops. And just try and shovel like a normal person, okay?

I'll do what I can.

Jason, Mike's been out there shoveling like a man possessed.

Yeah, after all that nonsense on the phone about trying to get out of it.

You know, it's funny.

Just when you think you know your kids, they surprise you.

Hot chocolate.

All right.

Mike?

Oh, come on. You especially deserve a break.

Malia? Malia, it's me.

Mike? Mike!

Hey, you look so different.

What are you doing here?

Well, what do you think?

Seriously, now, what are you doing here?

What am I doing here? I'm here to see you.

Come on, you came all the way from New York just to see me?

Yeah, well, I just happened to be in the neighborhood.

Mike, you should have told me you were coming.

Yeah, well, I did. Remember our last night in Hawaii?

But I got this convention business all weekend.

Uh -huh.

Mike, you got to understand.

It's not like I can just... Just forget your whole convention and everything?

Exactly.

Well, there's going to be this closing banquet tomorrow night. I could get an

extra ticket.

Would you want to go?

Tomorrow night?

I mean, I feel so terrible. You flew all the way out here just to see me and a

book. Oh, no, I didn't.

You didn't? Oh, no, heck no.

I was out here just checking out the colleges. Yeah, you know, ULA, UCSC, the

Rosebud. The Rosebud.

Oh, yeah, it was a great interview.

Well, anyway,

I got to get back on my plane. It leaves in about ten minutes.

Oh, five minutes.

Oh, real soon.

I see.

Well, I just wanted to make sure that I...

I got a chance to come out here and see you and say hello.

And I did.

Hello.

There, I said it again.

Mike, I... No, no, no, I gotta go.

My plane's gonna leave here.

Ben, would you call Mike to dinner?

Uh, Mike Seaver?

Yeah, that's the one.

Why do I look like I know where he is?

Ben, is something going on?

Uh, Carol might know.

Know what?

Where the heck Mike is?

Well, um, he told me that he was going over to Boner's house for dinner.

Jake, did you ask Mike to shovel the backyard?

The backyard? You mean the lawn?

He hit the edge of the driveway and he kept right on going. We could play

croquet out there.

He's been shoveling all day. I'm worried about him.

Well, well, well.

What do you know?

Looks like Mike found a new hobby, huh, Ben?

I don't know nothing and I'm not saying a word.

Hit me again and I'll bite you.

Is it clear?

Boomer, what are you doing here? They'll find out.

I'm just returning Mikey's clothes.

Mike?

Is Mike in here?

Mike Seaver?

No, he isn't, and that's the truth.

That's fine.

Good idea.

Mike? Oh, hi, Mom.

Mike? Mike, there you are.

Yeah, there he is, just like I've been saying all day. Why think he... Ben,

Ben, there's no reason to go over all that. I mean, everybody's hungry. I'm

hungry. Mike, are you hungry, or did you eat on the plane?

I'm still here, Dad.

Grounded. I'm not going anyplace.

Just wanted to check if it was live or Memorex.

She don't feel very live, Dad. This has been the worst day of my entire life. I

mean, I've been rejected by a girl. I got my car taken away for a month, plus

owe Carol $279, plus interest.

No, she never even mentioned the interest, Dad.

I wish I'd never even gone on this stupid trip.

Remember what I told you about my trip to Europe to meet Mindy, what's her

Nachman. Nachman, yeah.

Well, you know, after spending $407 on airfare, $63 on a 10 -speed, $84 on

assorted sundries, you know what she told me?

What? She said, I just hope that we'll always be good friends.

Yeah.

Evidently, she didn't think my sundries were that well assorted.

Why, Dad? Why do we do it?

You want my professional opinion?

Yeah. Men are nuts.

Or maybe it really is true that it's better to have loved and lost than never

have loved at all.

Hawa! You ought to write that down.

It's already been written down, Mike.

Every guy I know at some point or another ends up making a chump of

a woman. Maybe you just got through it early.

Night, Mike.

Hey, Dad.

Was your trip to Team Indian Europe worth it?

Not at today's prices.

But, uh... Yeah.

Yeah. Oh,

what a night.

I've grounded more kids tonight than the FAA's grounded planes.

but it looks like everyone involved in this mess has been caught and dealt

and that is just fine with me, because I have had enough surprises.

Hi, Boner.