Original subtitles

Baby, I can't stay here, and neither can you.

I mean, for once in our miserable lives, we've got a chance at something good.

And who knows, this could be the only shot we ever get.

So we've got to try.

We've got to do it again, Mike.

Why? You were looking right into the camera. What do you think you're doing,

moonlighting?

Look, Ben, this tape is for me so I can do a better audition tomorrow, all

right? Okay, but all I'm saying is you should never see Michael J. Fox look

the camera.

Look, when Monica gets here, I won't look into the camera. I'll look at her.

Just keep shooting.

Mike, if I ask you a question about girls, will you tell everybody so they

at me?

Girls, huh?

No, no, no. Okay, all right, all right.

The play can wait.

Okay, ask away.

Okay. Well, there's this new girl at school, and... And she's the only girl

my class who wears a bra.

Every time I see her, I start sweating and saying dumb stuff.

I either want to kiss her or slug her.

Okay, always kiss, never slug.

What if I do kiss her and she slugs me?

Well, then there comes a time in your life when you've got to take a chance,

know? I mean, at some point, you're going to have to stop playing with G .I.

Joe.

Maybe I'll just slug her.

Oh, it's no use, baby. I'm just a bum.

And there's no place in this world for a guy like me.

I think you're very entertaining. I mean, I think you say all sorts of witty

things. And you are a wonderful dancer.

Hey, how's it going?

We are going to get these parts. I can feel it. We are going to make this

production of Picnic the best thing Dewey High has ever seen since we did

Town. Well, we shouldn't brag.

You don't think we were a smash in our town?

Yeah, well, of course I do. But we shouldn't brag.

I bet that new production at Lincoln Center won't be half as good as the one

did. What production?

You didn't read about it in Variety?

Uh, no, I must have missed that issue.

Right here.

The first Broadway production of our town to open in 20 years. Oh, really?

Come on, let's get back to Picnic.

Why don't we start out with... Wait a minute, Monica.

Why do we want to do another high school play?

What?

Why don't we audition for this?

Broadway? Mike, that's the big time. Exactly.

Mike, how do you expect to go from Dewey High to Broadway?

I wasn't going to drive.

Broadway is not like trying out for a high school play.

What, you don't go in and read the parts of these people?

Well, sure you do, but the people you're reading for aren't teachers.

They know what they're doing.

Isn't this what you've always dreamed about?

Well, yeah, sure.

Yeah, it is. Yeah, me too. I mean, I know what it felt like to be in that

at Dewey, to be good at something, you know? And I want to have that feeling

again, but in a real theater.

And you said it yourself, wasn't bad.

I mean, we can show them our reviews.

From the Dewey Hooter Press.

Oh, come on. You don't fool me. You love this idea.

Mike, the auditions in New York are tomorrow, the same day as trials for

at school.

Monica, we're not going to audition for both. I mean, how can we be in the Dewey

play when we're starring on Broadway? Be realistic.

But we have to cut school.

So what?

You never cut yourself shaven before?

Oh, hi, Dad. Hi, Mike. Hi, Monica. Nice to see you again. You too, Dr. Seaver.

Okay, so where were we? Oh, yeah. You were convincing me to... I'll try after

this.

Mike, I'm scared.

Oh, well, look, you'll be with me and I'm too dumb to be scared.

You're right.

Yeah.

About going to Broadway or about me being dumb?

You can't like girls and soldiers?

No.

What?

Never mind. See you later.

Yeah, Ben, have a nice day at school.

Where's Ben? His butt's at the corner.

He just left.

Does Ben know any soldiers?

No. I didn't think so.

Good.

He didn't even touch his fudge flakes.

Morning.

scrambled eggs in the microwave, and... Well, why are you so dressed up?

Well, I'm... Cutting school today?

That really hurts, you know? I mean, all I try to do is follow your advice about

cleaning up my act, and you get suspicious.

What can I say? I'm scum.

It's okay. I mean, what do I have to do to convince you people that I can be

trusted and depended on?

Well, you could give your sister a ride to the doctor today.

What, I should do it for her next rabies shot?

Mike, you said you were trying to convince us that you could be dependable

trustworthy. You're right.

Your sister needs to ride to her gynecologist.

Oh.

Oh, what's the matter, Mike? Does the word gynecologist make you nervous? Oh,

Mom, make her stop.

Mike, Dad and I are both busy today. Now, can you take her after school or

Um, well, see, we have the auditions for the senior play today.

Oh, wow, yeah.

You sure don't want to miss those.

Yeah, they're today.

Well, that's why you're so dressed up.

Yep, that's why.

Well, we sure don't expect you to miss the audition.

Thanks. You can take her after the audition.

After? But why can't you take me? I can't say.

Oh, and you expect me not to tell Mom and Dad about this?

Yeah, I didn't tell them when you and your friends were into that dirty movie.

It was an art film.

Yeah, the guy in the mask was named Art.

Carol, I know everything, all right? Now, can't you find another way to your

doctor and not say anything to Mom and Dad?

But you won't tell me why.

Let's just say that today I have a chance to make a dream come true.

Oh, does this have anything to do with that Swedish exchange student?

No.

All right, I'll cover for you. All right, thanks, Carol. But the least you

do is tell me what you're doing.

Okay, all right, here it is.

Today, Monica and I are going into Manhattan.

to audition for a Broadway play.

Oh, fine, don't tell me this.

Attention, people.

The following students are to report to the auditorium immediately.

Monica Shackleford and, oh, this is a big surprise, Michael Seaver. And I mean

pronto.

Hello, Mike?

Monica, hi. Look what I got. These are the costumes from our town. We can

audition any. Somehow they found out we were going to cut school.

No, they didn't. They did. Didn't you hear the principal call our names over

loudspeaker? And here's the real surprise, Michael Seaver.

Why didn't they have an accepted lecture? Yeah, thanks. All the teachers

that, too, so when we don't show up for classes, they'll just figure that we're

being punished.

It won't work, Mike. Teachers aren't that stupid.

Well, okay, Seaver. What did DeWitt catch you doing now?

Uh, Coach Lubbock, hi.

Don't give me that.

Now, look, I need both of you in my production of Picnic, so if this

is going to interfere with the trial... today. Oh, it won't. It won't. Good.

I'm counting on both of you. Because what you did last semester in our town

a milestone in the history of dramatic art.

I gotta go to the can.

Mike, did you hear what he said?

Yeah. A milestone in the history of dramatic art. Mike, no.

Coach Lubbock is counting on us to be here. And if we don't show, we're gonna

get in trouble.

Monica, just imagine.

Lincoln Center presents Our Town, starring Michael Seaver and Monica

Shackelford.

How about starring Monica Shackelford and Mike Seaver?

We can talk.

Starring Mike Seaver.

No, Michael Seaver. No, no, I got it.

Starring Michael J.

Seaver.

Almost right.

I've got the perfect date name for you. What?

It is famous.

He was a great pitcher.

Oh, so you can't use him?

Um, look, okay, what do you even use for your stage name? Okay, are you ready?

Monique Desamont.

Doesn't that sound like in French? Yeah.

Say it. Okay.

Monique Desamont.

Oh, I like it. Yeah, now you speak French.

I can't wait to be going to the theater every night, putting on our makeup, and

then after standing ovation, going to school.

Yeah, then we can... Oh, wait a minute. You know, if I'm not home by 11, I'll be

grounded.

But you have a friend who lives in the village.

I bet we could stay with her.

Oh, yeah.

I can't believe this.

Monica Shackelford on her way to Broadway.

No, Monique Desimones is on her way to Broadway.

You know, Monica, I'm really glad we're here together.

And, you know, you don't have to be nervous. I mean, look at it this way.

finding the way you belong, getting a chance to do what you do best.

Break a leg.

Hey, Mike, you look great. Yeah, we both look great. Okay, come on.

Look, that's Alice from Mel's Diner. Linda Ravitch is one of Tony's best

actresses. Yeah, and then that old chick that solves all the crimes.

Then there's Mary Martin from Plumber. Dustin Hoffman. Oh, yeah, from Ishtar. I

love that movie.

Mike, if it weren't for you, I wouldn't be here right now.

Thanks.

Well, you can thank me later.

must have auditioned in this building. Yeah.

I think I'm starting to get nervous.

Hey, look, all right, just take a deep breath and you'll be okay. All right,

remember, we're the best, there's nobody like us. Right, we're the best, there's

nobody like us.

There's nobody like us?

You, sweetie.

Uh, hi.

We're here to audition for our town.

Okay, sweetie, fill out these forms. We sure enlist your agent and or manager,

day phone, night phone, union affiliation, and I'm going to need

Where'd you get that?

I have it set down every year, just in case.

And you?

Uh, yeah.

Um, oh, yeah.

Yeah. Sure, fine.

Your driver's license?

Yeah, well, hey. I don't just act. I drive, too.

112?

Number 16.

Do you have any idea there'd be this many people?

Oh, sure. All auditions are this way.

Why? Did you want to leave?

Uh, no.

No, why? Did you want to leave? No, not at all. Yeah.

I mean, look, how many of these people could have just finished a standing room

only production of our town?

Really?

Thank you. You can put your hands down.

So you do play with G .I. Joe.

Ben, I was just... Ben, what happened to your eye?

That's what I'd like to know.

Did you get in a fight with somebody?

No, I kissed somebody.

Hi, honey. Hi, Ben.

Look.

Oh, what happened to your eye?

You kissed someone.

Hello.

You're Coach Loving.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down.

You're shouting.

No, Mike's not here. No, we thought he was at your auditions.

Hi, everybody.

Just a second.

Carol, did Mike take you to the doctor before auditions?

Mike? Oh.

Uh... Well, I have to go cram for a test, so I... You're not cramming

young lady.

No, no, thank you, Ilya.

I'll be sure to say yo to Dustin for you.

Love, if he needs me, I'm winging to the coast tonight.

Ciao.

Mike, I'm not sure about this.

What? People wing to the coast.

So what? We don't need to wing. We live ten miles from the coast.

No. The West Coast, Hollywood, the motion picture capital of the world.

Oh. Oh, yeah.

And that guy over there, he does underwear commercials.

Oh, yeah.

Wait a minute. Is he the banana or the grapes?

Drake, these people are trained professionals.

We don't have agents or credits for... Number 111.

Okay, we're next.

I've got to get out of here.

Monica?

I'll better luck next time, sweetie.

Oh, don't forget your driver's license.

Uh, no, no, we're not leaving. We're just, um, merely going to the ladies'

Monica!

Oh, you do have to go to the bathroom.

No, I don't.

What do you mean?

Mike, all of this, this is my dream.

Yeah, I know. It's mine, too.

So I don't want anything to happen to it.

So you want to leave?

Yes.

Monica, what good is a dream if you're not going to do anything about it?

112?

Mike, come on.

Mike, we're kidding ourselves.

We're not ready for this.

We're never going to know if we don't go through with it. Well, I don't want to

know.

112,

left.

Look

out,

Dustin.

Number 112.

Auditioning for a Broadway play? That's ridiculous.

That's what he said.

Carol, you expect us to believe that? No, I don't. Then why are you telling us

this nonsense?

Because that's what he told me.

Look, I know the truth is that he's off doing something disgusting.

Probably illegal.

Most likely involving that Swedish exchange student. Okay, thank you for

help. Does he mean it?

No, he means leave the room.

Fine.

I just want you both to know, though, however you decide to punish him, I'm

solidly behind you.

Jason, I am going to scream. He skipped his audition.

I thought he was serious about drama.

And for the record, I do think he should be severely punished.

Thank you. Get out.

Oh, I remember that look in his eyes after his first play. Boy, he had me

convinced. Yeah, me too.

I remember when we saw him backstage, he almost had tears in his eyes. It was...

You don't suppose it would be possible at all for him... Oh, don't tell me you

believe this crazy Broadway story.

Well, not exactly, but I... Oh, no. It's the famous Jason Stever butt.

Pardon me?

Jason, even if he went to Broadway, he still cut school.

Yes, but did you ever specifically forbid him to be in a Broadway play?

Well, no, but... Well, there you are.

Neither did I.

But we never specifically forbid him to blow up buildings, either.

So we're lucky he's only trying out for a Broadway play.

And if that is what he did, then he did it for a reason. He did it because for

the first time in his life, he really feels like following through with

something. Which isn't necessarily bad.

Well, no, but... This audition would take a lot of guts and very little

sense. Okay, that's Mike, all right, but I... And if that's something that we

really ought to punish...

So you're saying that we should hope that Mike didn't lie to us and cut

to waste time.

We should hope that Mike lied to us and cut school to take his chance on

Broadway?

Yeah, that's about it.

But you agree we should punish him?

Absolutely.

But then we should take him out for dinner.

You know, you couldn't do more wrong.

I haven't said anything.

Well, maybe I wouldn't have made such a fool out of myself if you had gone in

there with me. Mike. I mean, at least I didn't chicken out. I mean, I proved.

What, Mike? What did you prove?

Well, that... I've been kidding myself.

We've both been kidding ourselves.

I just thank God I got my driver's license back.

Well...

Well, well, well.

If it isn't the kid who left me hanging like a piece of meat, rotting and

twisting in the sun.

Don't high -coach me.

You didn't have to sit through the night of the Living Dead audition.

Look, I'm sorry I let you down. Beaver, you were the only reason I volunteered

to direct this stinking play.

And then you didn't even show up.

Now I got the entire faculty lounge giving ten to one odd that I'm really

to crash through the old outhouse floor with this one.

Like I said, I'm sorry I let you down.

Oh, good. Well, next you'll be begging.

Oh, please, coach.

Please carry auditions over for another day.

No, I won't.

Don't tell me how to run this production, Seaver.

I'm carrying the auditions over for another day.

Sign up sheets on stage.

No, thanks.

Don't use that language with me, mister.

Look, I'm just going to decide that there's no future for me in acting, all

right? Hold it.

Hold that.

I said hold it.

Jeez, if I wanted to be ignored, I'd go home.

Now look, Steve, I know something's been bothering you. I just want you to know

that the doors to my ears are always open.

You can talk to me about anything.

Home life, school, even...

S -E -X.

All right, all right, look.

Today, I went to New York to audition for a Broadway play.

Are you nuts?

You didn't stand a snowball's chance in Florida.

Well, look, you know, if I was good, really good, I would have gotten that

But I'm not good enough for Broadway, Ava.

I'm just good enough for some stupid high school play with a P .E. coach as a

director, and boy, am I sorry I just said that.

Hey, hey, hey, you don't have to apologize to me for what I am.

I'm just the guy they'd send in whenever they can't get a real teacher to do the

job. Come on, Coach.

Let me tell you a little story how I ended up here.

You see, my mother never actually wanted another child.

Is this one of those stories where you face some big challenge when you were a

kid and you didn't cut it, so that's how you ended up where you are today?

No, I ended up here because I graduated last in my class.

And you know why I graduated last in my class?

You're not going to answer that one.

Very smart.

You see, I never figured I was going to be a teacher.

I was going to play pro ball, so I never studied.

Well, one day the scout showed up.

And you know what, Seaver?

I choked.

And I bet you were so bummed that you made the mistake of giving up your

football career.

No, I didn't, Seaver. I went right back out there in that field the very next

week. And the scout was there again. But this time, I didn't know he was there.

And you know what?

I still stunk.

Coach, what's the point of this story?

The point is that I tried, like you did today.

It doesn't make a difference that you made a fool out of yourself.

I mean, if I caved in every time I thought I'd make a fool out of myself, I

wouldn't be where I am right now.

And where's that?

Standing here with a chance to work with the most talented high school kid I

ever saw.

I gotta go to the can.

Mike,

you awake?

Mike, are you awake?

I am now.

What do you think, Ben? It's two in the morning.

I just gotta know, when does the pain go away?

Ben, when a girl hurts you, nothing takes the heartache away except time.

Time and lots of other girls.

Not the pain in my heart, the pain in my eye.

Oh, a couple of days.

Goodnight, Mike.

Goodnight, Romeo.