Original subtitles

Who says Chinese food can't be filling?

Ben. That stuff looks like snot.

Oh.

Now, now, let's not get down to the little lad. I mean, after all, this

Ben's last meal.

Hey, I don't need to hear stuff like that when I got major surgery tomorrow.

Ben, minor surgery.

Say that when they're going to cut your throat.

Ben, having your toxins out is a simple thing. It's nothing to worry about.

It's probably fun.

Funny. I went too far?

Yes.

Okay, everybody, fortune cookies, and I'll go first.

All right.

Your home will always be filled with the sounds of laughter.

Chow's takeout Chinese kitchen, be sure to try Chow's Mexican kitchen.

110 south of the border entrees served in that customary oriental

stylish flair.

Now back to your meal.

Dad, you got a commercial.

You're up, Mike.

Okay, okay. What will Mike Seaver's fortune be? Fame?

Fortune? Clear skin.

Every dog has his day.

Sorry, Carol, I got yours.

So this must be yours. A handsome gentleman will ask for your hand.

Kids, cut it out.

All right, Ben, your fortune.

Beth, before I open this, what makes this minor surgery?

Well, you're the patient and you're a minor, so it's minor surgery.

I'm joking, Ben.

I'm joking. The reason I'm free to joke is because there's really nothing that

can go wrong.

I'm telling you again as your father and as a doctor that a tonsillectomy is

about the easiest kind of surgery there is.

And we'll be with you at the hospital all day, sweetheart.

But I like my tonsils. I'm attached to them.

Not for long.

Oh, um, yeah, right. Well, I gotta go study for that test with Boner.

Mike, you said you'd play some video games with me.

Oh, I'd love to, Benny, but schoolwork comes first.

Carol, a little Super Vito Brothers?

Sorry, Ben, I've got homework that I'm actually going to do.

Well, Ben, I'll take some of that Super Vito action.

But, Dad, you stink.

Ben, what can I say? It's true.

Okay.

that it may be the final game I ever played. Ben, enough.

This is not the final game of any kind. You'll be back here tomorrow night as

good as new.

Maybe better.

Yeah, right.

Come on, open that fortune cookie so we can finish clearing.

What?

that the doctors use to feed healthy fluids directly into your body.

I'd rather feed myself the old -fashioned way.

Just remember, sweetheart, that the doctors and nurses are here to help you.

I had Chinese food last night.

I'll tell my family.

So next thing, Ben, they'll take you into the operating room and then they

you the anesthesia that'll put you to sleep just like that. You won't feel a

thing. Do we have to do this?

Honey, your tonsils keep getting infected. They have to go.

But I'm scared.

Oh, I know, sweetheart, I know.

You'll be fine, I promise.

You sure will.

Hi, Maggie.

Hi. Oh, hi, Jerry.

Hey, James. Ben, say good morning to Dr. Marquez.

Forget it.

Benjamin, don't tell me you're afraid of a little snip -snap.

I see.

Yes, well, Jerry, he's a little nervous.

think you're going, Betty?

I was going to the bathroom, and my name's not Buddy.

Well, it's too late.

What if you have to go?

Here. The motorman's friend.

I'll wait.

So, Benjamin, what do you say? Are we ready?

Oh, come on, Ben. Buck up.

Show him what you're made of. Be a seaver.

I am a seaver, and so are my tonsils.

Well, fevers face their problems head on. They don't run away from things and

they don't let their fears get in the way.

All of the fevers? You bet.

Then I don't want to be a fever.

Oh, Ben.

I mean it. I'm not a fever. Can I go home now?

Here we go.

Can you feel the anesthesia yet?

I don't feel anything.

What's going on?

Sometimes I find patients your age relax and go to sleep a little quicker if

they do something like naming their favorite TV shows, you know, like Dr.

Kildare, Medical Center, Chopper John M .D.

Huh? You know, with Gonzo.

What do you like to watch?

Um, TV's Playhouse, Gilligan's Island.

Other stuff, like who's the boss, moonlighting, and the one that comes in

between them.

You know what I mean.

No, I don't.

Oh, you should see it sometime. The little kid on it's really good.

Going somewhere, little buddy?

What's with you people? My name's not Buddy, it's Ben.

Hey, going somewhere, Ben?

Yeah, hey, can you give me a ride?

You see this sign on my cap?

I couldn't walk around with this sign on my cap if that wasn't what I do.

Are you ready? I'm ready.

How embarrassing.

Where to, Benny boy?

were going to do to me?

Cut my tonsils out.

No, just because they kept getting infected, right?

You know it. And I bet they told you they were going to put you to sleep and

wouldn't feel a thing.

Yep. Did you believe them?

What do I look like, a dope?

Well, you do look pretty silly in that getup.

Yeah, I know. They made me wear it.

Look, why don't we take you home, 15 Robin Hood Lane, and get you some real

clothes. Then you can decide where we go next.

Great idea. Take me home.

I just said that.

But how'd you know that?

Like I told you before. That's what I'm here for, little buddy.

Okay.

You know, you look just like the skipper on Gilligan's Island.

Oh, I wouldn't know. I don't watch TV much myself.

Boy, you know, your seats are really old.

Okay, now we got dinosaur heads, baloney ponies, silent pedestrians.

I'm sorry.

Boy, am I impressed. I didn't think he'd go through.

Fools out!

Kids, your brother's bravery at the hospital this morning was, frankly, the

stuff of legends.

Are you sure you don't want any more ice cream, Ben?

No, thanks, Mom.

Gotta watch my weight.

Oh, boy. How come you think this guy's me?

Okay, then.

Oh, sure, put the ice cream away. You can't hear me, you can't see me, why

me?

house before dinner.

Poor son of mine.

Oh, now you're gonna get it, Mr. Watching My Weight.

Oh, wow, Bansky. Oh, look, now this is the leather jacket of mine that no one

allowed to touch, especially you, remember?

Hit him, Mike, hit him.

But, uh, you know, I've been thinking and, well, I... I don't want it anymore.

Heck, why don't you just keep the darn thing?

What? You really mean it, Mike?

I sure do.

Keep!

I'm gonna puke.

I'll just wear your old one, okay?

All right, I'll see you guys later.

See you, Mike. Have a neat old time. Hey, thanks, bro.

Holy moly, what was I thinking?

Now, how could I just leave this house when I can stick around here and play

with good old Ben?

Hey, Ben, how about a little Super Vito Brothers?

No, no, no, wait, Carol. I'm playing with Ben. No, I am. But I want to. Well,

do I. No, I said it first.

Well, then what?

Double big laugh. Oh, Jason.

puke right now.

Because you got them fooled doesn't mean anything. I know you're not me. I mean,

you...

stupid like that. In the hospital hall. Right before the operation you chickened

out of. Remember?

Then I don't want to be a Seaver.

I did say something stupid like that.

So I got the job.

I guess I should thank you. It was a good deal.

I didn't mean it. I want to be a Seaver. Too late. See?

Sorry, buddy.

My name's not Buddy. It's...

If you like that, you're going to love this.

Just scream all you want to. It's not going to help.

You're right. I'm done talking.

I wouldn't do that if I were here. And I am.

What gives here?

Rousseau's upstairs.

Now I'm downstairs.

It was day and now it's night?

Who says Chinese food can't be?

filling. Ben.

This duck sauce is divine.

Wow, you know, this is gonna be Benny's first tumble -free meal.

It was only minor surgery, Mike.

I'm a minor. It was surgery. Get it?

Oh, that's a good one, Ben.

You would say that, Dad.

Okay, everybody.

Fortune cookies, and you go first, Ben.

Okie dokie.

life with your loving family.

This can't be happening. I must be dreaming.

Mom, Dad, I'd like to propose a toast.

To Ben, the best little brother. Or son.

Oh, excuse me. Or son a family could ever have. To Ben. To Ben.

I would have that dumb old operation if I would have known I wouldn't be a

thiever anymore.

I should have never left the hospital.

What is it?

Hey, Benny, you okay?

You're looking kind of pale.

I can turn this around.

It's not too late.

I'm going to go get some milk.

It's good for me, and it tastes good, too.

If I go back to the hospital, I can get my life back, can't I?

No. No, you can't. Yeah, I can, I can. That's it.

No, it won't work, Ben. I made it. You said it.

You're not Ben. I'm Ben.

Who was that?

I don't know. I heard it, too. It sounded like a kid.

Yeah.

Kid we know and love.

Ha!

Quick, quick, quick! Back to the hospital!

Oh, no can do. I only take one -way rides. Company policy.

But you've got to, you've got to, you've got to! No, I don't, I don't, I don't!

I don't understand.

I've got to get my life back.

Well, if I let you get your life back, then I've got to let everybody get their

lives back.

If you can figure out a new place to go, then I'm your man.

Short trip, long trip.

Heck, three hour...

Let's call it a day.

Save your voice. Don't try to talk.

You guys can hear me?

Always.

I changed my mind.

I'm happy to have my tonsils out. Well, sorry. You're too late.

No, no, no, no. No, honey. What your father means is you can't take them out

again, Ben.

You called me Ben.

Yeah?

Well, we've been doing that since you were a kid.

Not today.

and you guys were there, but you didn't see me, and there was this weenie guy,

and you called him Ben.

Ben, you're the weenie.

That must have been some dream pumpkin.

Call me Ben.

Ben.

Thank you.

So your fears about this operation and all those wild dreams you had, well,

that's all up here.

That's about the only thing up there.

Oh, Dad, everybody.

I just want to say that being a Seaver makes me feel really... swell.

Swell?

I'm serious.

From now on, I'm going to try and be the best Ben I can be. No more peeing out,

no more screaming, no more weird stuff.

What kind of anesthesia did they give him?

Mom, Dad, I just want to say that I'll be proud to be a Seaver.

stink, remember?

Ben, don't touch that candy. You'll spoil your dinner.

I mean it, Ben.

Sure is great to be home.