Original subtitles

Tonight, some lucky contestant will walk out of here with fame, fortune, and the

total respect of the journalism community.

Yes, it's time for... The Food Surprise!

And here are our contestants. From the Washington Post, Woodward and Bernstein.

From his retirement home... in Martha's Vineyard. You know him, you love him,

and boy, do you trust him.

Walter Cronkite!

Hearing from the Long Island Daily Herald, Mary D.

What were you thinking, Maggie?

I mean, what were the birds?

Walden, you're not in that league.

Let me thank you for having me.

Jason,

why are you talking to me like this? Don't ask me, Maggie. It's your

dream.

Would I wear polka dots?

Maggie, what is this? Maggie!

Jason?

Yes, it's Jason, honey.

Oh, honey, I had the weirdest, furious dream.

Oh, I was a chicken, and I was nominated for the Pulitzer Prize with Walter

Cronkite and Woodward and Bernstein, but then everybody started laughing at me

and making fun, and I felt terrible.

You were a chicken?

Even you were cruel to me.

Honey, I know what this is. Aren't you even going to apologize?

For what? For being so cruel.

Honey, it was your dream. That's exactly what you said in my dream, and I didn't

buy it then either. So?

That's better.

Honey, your dreams are just little messages from your subconscious.

You have to think of it as being sent little telegrams.

So what's the message?

Well, all right, we went to the journalism awards dinner last night.

Yeah. And you didn't win anything.

Yeah. So you're afraid that...

Well, that means you're not a good reporter.

Jason, I am certainly not afraid I'm a good reporter.

I know.

I mean a bad reporter. And it doesn't matter to me one little bit that I was

overlooked for the second year in a row.

No. What do I need a silly little Long Island Journalism Award for, huh?

Afraid I'm a bad reporter.

What kind of a crack is that?

Don't waste another.

Courtney, I can't help you if you don't communicate.

If I tell you things, how do I know you won't turn around and sell it to 60

Minutes? The patient -doctor relationship is practically sacred.

I've never violated it, and I never will.

Okay. I'll tell you everything.

I'm sorry your time's up.

You know, Mr. Whitey, one of these weeks we're going to have to get around to

why you're here. Yeah, right.

Right, right.

Next week. I promise.

Max Drummond. Max Drummond, right!

Anyway, out of the blue, he calls me and says he thinks I'm talented and ready

for the big time.

Then he offers me a job on his paper.

Jason, me, running for the New York Clarion.

Isn't that fantastic?

Well, isn't it? Yeah.

Then he said he wanted you and me to have dinner tonight with him and his

He said he'd like to get to know us socially.

Isn't this exciting?

Bye, sweetheart.

Well, don't just sit there. Call me.

Well, Maggie, we're going to be in Manhattan by 8.

What do you think?

This guy doesn't hire you.

Why wouldn't he hire me? Well, sure.

Then again, why would he hire me?

He's got to know. Maybe there isn't a job. Maybe this is all the same bad

Honey, relax. If this were a dream, I'd be wearing more comfortable shoes.

Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. I'm just being a big chicken.

That's why I was a chicken in my dream.

Will you forget that dream?

You're a talented, experienced reporter who just happens to lay eggs.

Right. I hope not.

I mean, I must know what I'm doing. I mean, why else would a New York City

editor want to hire me? Right. Thank you.

It's about time you tuned into what everybody else already knows, and that

how totally terrific you are. Oh.

Hey, get that woman out of here. Mom's upstairs.

Is that a hot, sexy babe, Mom?

Isn't he sweet?

Among other things.

Carol, Ben, we're leaving.

All right.

Good luck. Yeah, you guys have fun. And don't worry, we'll keep Carol in line.

Oh, good.

Bye, guys. Bye -bye. Bye.

Ice cream!

We'll keep Carol in line.

Yeah, come on. I mean, we know what a nutty troublemaker you are.

Oh, uh, don't forget the other one, Carol.

Oh, I won't.

Here, cat.

I didn't do it!

Monsieur and Madame Drummond should be along shortly.

Bon appétit. Thank you.

Wow, when they hired me at the Herald, all they bought me was chicken

what my dream was about. Maggie, if you love me, you'll forget that dream, okay?

Relax, sweetheart.

You're good at what you do.

Oh, honey, you're right. You know, I do belong here.

Oh, no, I don't smoke.

This would be a good time to start.

Maggie, Maggie, Maggie.

Oh, don't you look just lovely.

Thank you.

Um, this is my husband.

Jason. Yeah. We met at the Long Island Press Award.

Yeah, I enjoyed your speech. Of course.

Sit, sit, sit.

Mr.

Drummond.

Oh, excuse me.

Drummond, talk.

Yeah, well, tell the senator we're going to go with the story you've written. I

run this newspaper.

Yeah, well, we can play hardball, too.

Yeah.

Do you mind if I just take a second to clear my head?

Oh, of course.

I

promise

you, that is the last business interruption for the evening, Maggie.

You'll have my undivided attention.

Well,

Jason, I was just saying what a lovely restaurant this is.

Let me get right to the point.

I want you. I need you.

And I'm not going to let you go till you see it.

Well, Matthew, you overwhelm me.

Sorry. Shiny nose.

This is my lovely wife, Margo.

This is Maggie and Jason. Oh, my goodness.

You two know each other?

Well, doesn't Jason look exactly like my brother, Bill?

Your brother looks like Bea Arthur.

A lot of guys look like Bea Arthur.

Well, now that we've got that all straightened out, why don't we just sit

and relax and enjoy the rest of the evening?

Maggie?

Do you have that answer for me yet?

I'm thinking.

I think better when I dance. Me too. Yeah.

Okay.

Small world, huh, Doctor?

Very. I use my maiden name in our sessions because Max is kind of famous.

Max would have a fit if he knew I told anybody he's the sleazy two -timing

chaser he is.

Well, I may have a fit myself.

Oh, God.

I just realized everything I told you. You could tell your wife and she could

be... No, no, I can't tell anybody.

What goes on between you and I, patient, doctor, is strictly confidential.

Good.

No, bad.

If your wife actually believes my husband wants to hire her for a talent,

got her hooked.

Would you like to hear the catch of the day?

I think I'm married to her.

Say, Ben, wasn't this mom's brand new lamp?

I'm just glad I was in the kitchen when Carol trashed it.

Would you guys shut up?

You know, you'd figure Carol would know how to use something called goofy glue.

Maybe you need some nerd glue.

All right, then.

Okay, okay.

Here's the deal.

You two are going to help me glue this back together again.

Ah, yeah, right.

I'll put it another way.

When Mom and Dad come home and see this broken lamp, who do you think they'll

believe did it?

Oh, sure, fine. Go ahead, blame little Ben.

And whenever Ben gets in trouble, who do they always say is the bad example?

Hey.

Come on, you wouldn't lie to him, would you?

Oh, I would.

And I'd enjoy it.

Anything for our little sis.

Was that a yes I heard?

No, not yet anyway.

Max, what makes you think I'm ready for the New York Clarion?

Well, I can tell from your writing.

And what does my writing tell you?

Your writing tells me that you're very talented, mature, fairly self

with absolutely no doubts about who you are, where you're headed. Am I right?

Oh, I'm pretty close.

Sad enough to make you puke or what?

Oh, he's subtle.

Very subtle.

Right about now, he's telling her how much he admires her work and how that

reflects on her as a person.

My wife is a very smart woman. Oh, sorry.

You know, we shouldn't even be discussing this.

This is very awkward for me. No, no, you're right, you're right.

I'm sure your wife is much more together than that. I mean, a week after she's

hired, he'll hit on her.

She'll turn him down and he'll give her the act.

I bet that makes you feel a lot better. Oh, much.

Maybe I should charge you for a change.

I think I'll go to the powder room. I can only take a little of this at a

And I can't warn Meg.

I can't say a thing.

Oh, perfect.

It isn't bad. Do you think it'll hold?

What are you kidding? On a commercial, this stuff holds five elephants over the

Grand Canyon.

Yeah, and they don't put anything on TV that isn't true.

Well, we're in the clear now.

You two clean up the mess.

Carol, if I'd clean up the mess around here, you'd probably find yourself

standing in a trash can out by the curb.

Come on, Ben, get up.

You're kidding, right?

No, he isn't.

What are you screaming about?

I've never been glued to a table before.

All right, put your hands on my neck. And when I pull on you, I'll throw your

weight towards me, okay? Okay. All right, ready?

One, two, three.

Did I tell you the number of Pulitzer Prize winning writers on the clarion?

Oh, no.

Well, you'll have to wait till I have a chat with the chef. I have a very

special dinner plan.

Yeah, with Maggie as dessert.

This is the most fantastic night or am I dreaming?

Are these the only two choices?

You cannot believe how much Max wants me.

Oh, yes, I can.

He says he has a very exciting position in mind for me.

And I wouldn't be doing cute little stories like I do at the Herald. I'd

finally, for the first time, get to do hard news, real news, crime, corruption.

Murder? If I'm lucky.

Maggie, how can I tell you without telling you?

Oh, what do you think?

Well, honey, I think you should think.

That's it?

I'd get better advice from a fortune cookie.

Well, I mean, I think that you've got to carefully weigh all the possibilities

here. Well, I'm trying. What do you think I should do?

Well, I think there are angles.

Think.

But could I take the job?

Look at my eyes. It's right there.

I don't think you should make that decision tonight.

Jason, what's going on? You suddenly sound like you work in the White House.

Maggie, the only help I can give you...

is to tell you to ask yourself why you really want the job and why

Max wants you.

I do sound like I work in the White House.

I feel much better.

You won't when Mom and Dad get home.

Stand aside.

Big problems call for big solutions.

What is that?

The answer to our prayers, the electric sander.

Good night.

Hey, come on, where are you guys going?

Anywhere but here.

Come on, guys, relax, relax.

Now, this is a foolproof plan, all right? Now, all we got to do is we glide

sander over the tabletop a couple of swoops, we stand it to a perfect match,

dries by morning, and we got it made in the shade.

So what do you guys think?

Either this or we tell Mom and Dad that we ruined the coffee table.

Now, do you want to do that, Ben?

Carol?

Good. We agree.

Don't worry, Ben.

Someday you'll look back and this is the day you became a man.

You too, Carol.

Maggie, I hope your silence means you're thinking.

I sure hope so.

Oh, yeah.

Good thought, I hope.

You know, I shouldn't have any problem making the decision. I mean, after all,

wrote an entire feature article on career choices.

Well, it wasn't really your feature writing that caught my eye.

Ha!

Sorry, gas.

Well, what was it then?

It was your hard news.

What hard news.

Like my urban crime series?

Exactly. My piece on government corruption.

What piece on government corruption?

That. That vigilante murder trap.

Oh, reel him in, Maggie.

I like what you wrote better than what we printed.

Well, Maggie, this really, really helped me make up my mind.

I'm going to have to say no.

bucket. I was truly flattered by your offer, Matt.

But no.

Well, uh, Maggie, this was very important. You should really be... I'm

Thank you.

But no thank you.

Mr.

Drummond, dinner is served.

I trust everything will be to your complete satisfaction.

Not tonight.

Well, I am starved.

What do you got here?

Good night, Max.

Margo, thank you for a lovely, lovely evening.

He's got some nerve lying to me about how good my stories were when I was

to him about writing them.

Honey, I'm sorry.

Really. And I was really excited about this show. I mean, for a while there, I

actually thought it was good.

Well, you were.

I made this job offer because he wanted to sleep with me. Oh, I have to say

something very clever here. I can't believe that.

Well, that's the only thing that makes sense to me. His lies, his compliments,

the way he danced, the way he ignored his wife.

Well, that's shocking.

Yeah, well, wait till you hear this.

From the look on his wife's face, she knows.

Well, look at it this way. You know, you took all those clues, you put them all

together, and you came up with the truth about Max Drummond.

Now, that takes a very good reporter.

I did do that, didn't I? Yes, you did.

That's a feather in your cap.

Feather?

Maybe that's why I was a chicken in my dream.

Shut your beak.

We got enough money for a new coffee table. Okay, and Mom and Dad sleep late

Saturdays, so first thing tomorrow, me and Benny will go down to Chadwick's and

pick one up.

They're home!

They're here! They're coming!

Ben,

Ben, sit down.

Okay, now just don't move, okay?

Hi! Hi, everybody.

How's everything?

Everything's great, Dad.

Ben?

Hungry, too.

I want you in bed in five minutes.

Okay. Make your luck up, okay?

Yeah, sure thing, Dad. All right, we'll see you guys in the morning. Good night.

Good night.

Night.

Oh, no!

So,

uh, what'd you guys have for dinner?