Original subtitles

Hey, your tour has just been cancelled.

I thought you were working late tonight. I did.

Well, you'll be pleased to know that I did all the dishes, and I put your

in the oven so it'd be nice and warm for you when you got home from a long, hard

day at the paper.

I did the dishes, and I put your dinner in the oven.

Yeah, well, who told you to do it?

Thank you, Carol.

Is your dad in the kitchen?

No, he's gone. Left me in charge.

Where is he?

He's at Ben's school at the Mother's Club meeting.

Tonight?

I know, it sounds a little shaky to me, too, Mom.

I'm so busy with the story. the meeting completely slipped my mind.

Do you believe him?

Of course.

Why shouldn't I?

Well, you know, I'm even a little busy with the paper, and a man can't get to

feel a little lonely after... Michael Aaron Steven. What are you suggesting?

That a man who leaves his home with two dozen homemade fudge surprise brownies

is up to no good.

Bye,

Benny.

How's my favorite ten -year -old on the planet?

I'm good.

Nice to see you doing your homework, but isn't it past your bedtime?

Yeah. I was waiting up for you.

Well, why don't you stay up a few more minutes and keep me company while I eat?

Great.

Look what I made in art class.

Wow.

How stylish.

Yeah, and if I'd happen to eat that stuff, it wouldn't hurt me.

They know you, Ben.

So, do you have a picture I could put in it?

You want my picture?

Oh, yeah.

Gee, Benjamin, this is quite an honor.

And practical, too.

Practical? Sure.

I figure with your picture, I won't miss you so much, even when you work late.

So, how was your day?

Show me that smile again.

Don't listen.

surprise brownie recipe.

Yes, they did.

Good.

Well, the meeting kind of bogged down, though, when we got to the plans for the

school carnival. Myrtle DeForest said, we're going to have to drop the dark

this year because it's just altogether too violent. Well, that's Judy Jones'

thing. So she said, over my dead body. Myrtle said, that sounds fine to me.

Well, Judy breaks down and she leaps over the desk, grabs Myrtle by the

drops it right in and throws it down the ground, too.

I'm just kidding.

I knew that.

Did you think I didn't know that?

Hey, am I off base here or are you a little tense?

What makes you think I'm tense?

Well, you're soaking and you never prune out like this unless there's tension.

Well, if you know me so well, Jason, why didn't you let me know that I was

failing as a mother?

Is that the darn doorbell?

Aren't you going to tell me that I'm not failing as a mother?

Of course, Maggie. You're not failing as a mother.

Don't patronize me.

Did you get fired today or something?

No. At work, everybody loves me.

Well, before I turn in, I think I'll go buff the Volvo.

At home, on the other hand, little Ben has to carry a picture of me to remember

what I look like.

Maggie, Ben carries pictures of Rambo.

I totally forgot about the mother's meeting.

Do you want a massage?

And then I find this.

Read this.

I have to help me here, Meg.

It's a letter from the Wendell Wilkie Elementary School Mothers Club. And the

first line says, fellow mothers.

And it's addressed to you.

An official body of the Long Island school system recognizes you as Ben's

mother. It ain't no Meg. You're just a bunch of women.

Oh, come on.

Laughter is the best way of releasing tension naturally. Come on, try it.

Okay, we'll get serious for a minute then.

Maggie, if you don't lighten up, I'm going to have to shoot you.

Is that the best you can do? Well, without a rubber chicken, yes.

Jason, I expected some sound advice, like, Maggie, put your feelings of

to work. Work.

Do something. Spend more time with Ben.

Volunteer for his carnival so he knows that I care.

Why not?

That is a great idea.

It's so good. It's so simple. Oh, Jason, what did I think of it?

You're welcome.

Not showing off. I just felt like killing six hours and whipping up a

baklava.

You?

Jason. Hi.

Hello. You remember

my wife? Oh, of course. Annie.

Hi, Annie. No, I'm Gail.

We have a lot of carnival business to discuss before we can get to those

luscious, succulent, very tantalizing desserts.

Some of which are still warm.

So, any old business?

Yes, Gracie? I just wanted to tell Jason that I tried his rump roast marinade

recipe and my whole family just adored it.

Oh, good.

Well, you want to have some real excitement next time, try soaking your

two full days.

Okay, any new business?

First of all, I think... Yes?

Hello, I'm Maggie Seaver, and I'm the other Seaver mother.

And I just wanted to say that I'd be happy to volunteer to help out at

Saturday's carnival. Oh! Bravo!

And I know I'm a little late, but since this is to raise money for our kids'

school, I know how important it is. Anything I can do to help. Oh, that is

Wendell Wilkie spirit!

Come on, ladies!

Maggie Seaver, you come on down!

Oh, you need to get with... Gracie Thornton. She's our carnival chairman.

Chairperson. Yes, Gracie?

I would just like to move that I be replaced as carnival chairperson by

Seavers. Oh, I second that motion. No, see, I really... All those in favor say

aye. Aye.

Sorry, aye.

Opposed? No.

Commotion carried.

Maggie Seavers, the new carnival chairperson.

Okay, with no other business before me, this meeting is adjourned. Let's...

anything about being a carnival chairman chairperson it's really very simple i

thought you wanted to help yes i do but look is there anyone on the carnival

committee that's done this before carnival committee what a wonderful idea

judy i'm moved we let maggie off the hook here oh i second wait a minute how

many of you have volunteered to work on the carnival

Well, with this attitude, I'm surprised somebody hasn't moved to cancel the

whole carnival. I second that motion.

So this means that we're all too busy to help the children,

is that it?

Well, look, I'm busy too, but I am going to make the time.

What do you all have to do that's so important?

The cooking?

The laundry?

The housekeeping?

I'm arguing a case before the State Supreme Court.

Okay.

But what about the rest of us?

I'll volunteer.

And this is a very busy man.

Yes, you know I'm a psychiatrist.

I could spend up to eight hours a day on my anal retentives alone.

Aren't we all forgetting what's important here?

The children.

They're why we're here.

Are we really all gonna...

Sit here and let our kids down just when they need us the most.

I volunteer.

There you go. Me too. Great. I volunteer. Wonderful.

Oh,

the heck with my client. Let him fry.

more by giving this stuff away and charging $10 for antacid tablets.

Hi! Wow, what neat stuff!

Oh, don't touch those, Ben. Those are grab bag prizes for your carnival. Ah,

this isn't a gift from God.

need it to the auction.

We'll put it by the auction box.

Who's gonna buy a statue with the arms busted off?

Ben, you're a real aficionado.

Take that back!

Ben, no arguments. I have a lot to do to get ready for your carnival. But Mom,

she called me a fish!

Ben, I said no arguments. Now we're doing all this for you. If you can't

you can at least stay out of the way.

Yeah, we're working here.

This is wonderful.

And we have a huge crowd gathering outside, so we're either going to have a

festival or a riot.

Well, I've got the 220 split up. I've got the 110 all fired up and ready to

Sounds like I know what I'm doing, doesn't it?

All right, Earl, hit it!

Oh!

Oh!

Well, just be thankful I'm not running a nuclear power plant.

Just a short somewhere.

I'll take care of it. Okay,

everybody ready? Kissing booth ready.

Vogue booth ready.

Dark booth ready.

Cotton candy booth ready.

Do I have to wear this hat?

Face painting booth ready.

Oh, good work, Clarabelle.

What about the auction booth?

Oh, I'm running that. Okay, auction booth ready.

I could use some male lips in my booth.

All right, hit it again, Earl.

Jason,

if you're through, we need some help in the booth.

Over here, Jason.

Oh, Jason, help me.

What to do, what to do?

Well, it's time I lend my lips to Charity.

You would have to pick her, huh?

I'll help Judy if that'll make you happy.

Very.

Would you help Myrtle, please?

Oh.

Maggie,

may I say in the calm before the storm that, well, you're an inspiration to all

the other mothers.

Balancing a career, kids, this carnival. Again, it is so wonderful to meet

someone at life's banquet who is always able to dish up another healthy. It's

the most wonderful thing.

self -aggrandizement.

Yeah.

Disgusting.

Which mother's yours?

The one who looks like Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island.

Which one's yours?

The one who's ignoring me.

She wouldn't even let me run the dart booth just because she said I'm so

unpredictable.

Which one was Mary Ann's?

Donated a little play cameo.

With my picture in it. Let's start.

No, my picture. Where did this come from, Gail? It was in the box.

Bam. A buck.

Just a minute.

Two bucks. Ho! I can't sell this. Two fifty. Ho!

Seven from heaven, whoa, three of a kind.

A ten, lousy luck, ride the garbage truck.

And a jake, what's that make? Two pair, life's not fair.

And an ace for the ace.

Another full boat, dealer wins again.

And on behalf of all the little children, we thank you.

Mike, have you seen Ben?

Yeah, he came by and gave me all his tickets.

Why would he do that?

Well, very little of what Ben does makes sense.

Yeah, good idea. She's just as weird as he is.

Well, look at it this way. If you can't eat it, you could strip your furniture

with it.

Carol, has Ben been around here?

Just for a second.

Same as everybody else, Mom.

Smell this stuff.

Did he say anything?

Well, he asked my housekeeper.

Did he say what?

He may have.

You know, I think this chili is affecting my hearing, too.

Well, you know, maybe that's just his way of telling you something.

For what?

Well, I don't know, honey. You've got to think that kids have different ways

they try to communicate.

to explore every possible wonder. Maggie!

Maggie?

It's quarter to three.

There's no one in the place except you and me.

So set them up, Joe.

I got a little story.

Benjamin.

It was a carnival, Ben, till I found out you'd left without even a word.

You were busy.

Benny, I am never too busy for you.

Mom, I left hours ago.

And you show up now?

So you wanted to worry me?

I wanted something.

Is that why you got rid of this?

I was wondering where that went.

Well, I found it in the auction box.

How'd it get there?

So you wanted me to find it and come running home?

No, I wanted you to miss me and come running home.

Ben, there were 300 people there.

Yeah, but only one who's your most favorite 10 -year -old on the planet.

Honey, why do you think I volunteered?

I don't know.

I didn't know anything except you were a really great mom before that stupid

carnival.

I didn't do any of this for myself.

And the only one I cared about was you.

See, I'm not the kind of person to get so wrapped up in what I'm doing that I'd

forget about... You.

Oh, holy Toledo.

Huh?

Oh, Ben, I owe you an apology. Talk about me being a jerk.

I didn't say that.

No, I did.

Oh.

Oh, honey, I... I'm so sorry.

I... I couldn't see the forest for the trees.

What trees?

Dan.

I thought that you thought my work was more important to me than you.

But what I thought you thought you never thought and what you thought I thought

I never thought.

What were we thinking?

make it one for my

one with any coupons in your pocket so you can help out of the air and sink a

shrink for charity.

Hey, Judy, I'm out of here, Judy. You're going to have to find another stinky.

Come on, you remember, this is all for a very good cause. I know that.

You what?

You want to take my place.