Original subtitles

I had a great time tonight, Bobby.

Yeah, me too.

I could like anything if I went with you.

Even the ballet?

Sure. Why, you got tickets?

Um... Yeah?

I was going to ask you if you wanted to... I'd love to go.

Go where?

Well, wherever you were going to suggest we should go.

No, I was going to ask you if you wanted to study together tomorrow night.

Oh, sure.

Well... Uh -huh.

But isn't this school year just flying by?

I mean, well, first it was summer, and then it was fall, and pretty soon it'll

be time for the Dewey High winter dance.

Yeah, the winter dance.

I... I gotta go.

Good night, Carol. Hey, Bobby. Hey, Mark.

Mike.

Nice timing, Mike.

That was just my surly sister. Don't mind her.

Whoa, whoa.

Andrea, look, I want to thank you for driving me home today while my car was

the shop.

My pleasure.

Oh, hey, hold on a minute.

You're acting like I owe you a kiss or two just because you paid for the gas in

the movie and the food.

You don't want to kiss me? Of course I want to kiss you. It's just that, well,

got my reputation to think about.

Okay, I'm done thinking.

I could die.

Did he even mention the winter formal?

Uh, no.

No?

I brought up the dance. You didn't.

I did.

I could die.

Carol, this is not a good thing.

Why? Why?

Men don't like women who usurp their masculinity.

I didn't usurp, okay?

Carol, where have you been? Men like women who let them be in charge, even if

that means you have to act dumb. Which I'm fully prepared to do.

To the winter formal, I just sort of hinted.

Carol, football players do not take their tutors to the prom. They take

girls in pleated skirts who can turn their bodies into letters of the

Don't turn around, okay?

Thanks, Shannon. Now, don't be ridiculous.

If you run away from here, he'll know that we're talking about him.

tomorrow night oh yeah it's uh five too early uh no i can't make it you

can't no no something came up but i'd like to call you and talk to you about

i mean well if you're gonna be home

Pleasure. Oh, and thanks for waiting that extra hour until I got out of

detention.

Oh, here are your books.

Thanks.

Bye. Bye.

Oh, I love this time of year. Right before the winter formal, girls get

Just a minute.

Carol!

Yes!

It's for mine!

What?

It's Eddie.

Well, hang it up.

Carol,

come on. You can't just hang up on every phone call. It's not for you.

I did it again.

Hello?

No, I'm sorry. Ben's dead.

to quote, formalize what she should bring you for lunch tomorrow.

And Sheena called just to say, hey.

Well, what, only three messages?

Michael, I think it's very unfair of you to lead these girls on.

Lead them on?

Mom, look.

Fact. The enrollment at Dewey High is three to one female.

Fact. The dance of the year is coming up. And fact, even Porter has women

calling him.

Fuck that vicious attack.

Carol, that wasn't very nice. What did Mike do?

Nothing.

Nothing is right. He's just flying like every other male that's ever walked the

face of the earth.

Maybe you better handle this.

Carol, you don't mean all men.

Yes, I do.

But it's very insulting to your father.

I don't think of dad as a man.

I mean, I'm talking about hot, good -looking guys.

I sense a trend here.

Oh, I get it.

Bobby invited somebody else to this winter fling thing, huh?

Typical of men who use women and then discard them like so much garbage.

You know, that really hurts, Carol.

It hurts that you see me as a guy who treats girls very comely.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

I have to go return some phone calls and brighten the day of some very lucky

young ladies.

So do you want to explain men to Carol or women to Mike?

I'd like someone to explain women to me.

Just kidding. It's one of those charming, whimsical little remarks.

Oh, Mike!

Oh, Carol, I'm so sorry that Bobby asked someone else. I don't know that he

asked someone else. I don't know what his plans are.

know that Bobby's always been a little shy.

Oh, yeah, he wasn't so shy the other night when... Never mind.

What other night? That's not the point. The point is the dance is only a week

and a half away and he hasn't asked me yet.

Maybe you should ask him.

The only kind of women who ask men to dances are the kind who don't shave

legs.

Carol, there's...

Absolutely nothing wrong with a woman asking a man out on a date, and it is

extremely easy to do.

Oh, sure.

It's true.

Watch.

Oh, Jason?

Yeah?

Would you like to go to the movies on Friday night?

Where was I?

Um, you were telling me that I was wrong to think that women don't make sense.

I'm just saying it's a major mistake to follow your mother's advice.

Yeah, if I followed my mother's advice, I'd be a Quaker.

Hi,

Bobby. Carol.

Listen, we've been going out for what now, two months?

Yeah. All right.

Yeah. So we're really comfortable around each other and we don't have to put up

any kind of act.

Yeah.

Great.

So, if I were going to ask you to take me to the winter formal, you'd say...

Tasty combination of herbs and spices. Always remember to shake vigorously

before opening.

Oh, yeah.

What are you doing?

I'm cooking.

What does it look like? Oh, yeah.

Hi,

Mike. Hey, Mom.

You know, Dad, this winter formal thing is going to be the death of me. Mm -hmm.

Okay, all right. Now, if you had to choose between a blonde, a redhead, and

brunette beauty, who would you pick?

Well, Mike, there's much more to a woman than the color of her hair.

There's also the size of her intellect.

Hi, Carol, how was your day?

Everything's fine now, really. I don't know what's been the matter with me

lately. I mean, new clothes, makeup, contact lenses.

Thinking someone would want to take me to a dance. Please, I mean, it's just

me. I mean, what am I trying to change? I was just fine working hard and

studying.

That means she didn't have a good day.

What did Bobby say?

Oh, how many times do I have to repeat it?

Well, honey, maybe you just asked him too late.

Honey, there has to be some reason.

Yeah, me. I mean, just doesn't want to take me.

Well, then he's out of his mind. And that's a professional opinion.

an IQ of 144, right?

I want just five minutes with that football player without his protective

equipment.

Maggie, don't you get irrational, too?

Jason, it would be a nice gesture for you to get a little irrational.

Okay, if you want to vent, go ahead and vent.

Vent. One of us has to remain calm.

One of us has to do thinking and observing and telling... What are you

about? Well, I'm gonna...

little slime bag sucker right now.

Carol, honey, we want to leave in about five minutes. Are you almost ready?

No, I am not. I do not want to go to some stupid place to take my mind off

fact that there's some stupid dance tonight that I don't even care about.

Six minutes will be fine.

If you're looking for enthusiasm, it might help.

Well, I don't think we can expect much enthusiasm out of Carol tonight. I was

talking about me.

Ben, why are you eating? I told you we were going out to dinner.

No, we aren't. Where we're going, they don't have dinner. Shh!

You tell our ten -year -old son where we're going, but you won't tell me?

Don't take it personally, Mom. No woman can keep a secret.

Where would he get such a ridiculous idea?

I mean, who's kidding her, Dad? I've lost sleep over this.

There's only one decision that seemed to make any sense.

Excuse me.

Hello, Mike.

Hello. How do you do? Hey.

Mom, Dad, this is the stunning Samantha, lovely Andrea, and the legendary Sheena

Berkowitz.

The whole crowd of you.

Cheese.

Okay, Mom, Dad, we'll see you guys a little bit later. Oh, and there's no

to wait up.

So, who wants to drive? Me. I get to sit in the back with Mike.

Who's dead?

Well, say something.

That's my boy.

Oh, look at Carol. Doesn't she look beautiful?

Oh, honey, you are perfectly dressed for a wonderful evening of...

Something or other.

I hate this whole entire gross, disgusting idea.

You're going to have more fun tonight than you've had since you were six years

old. Come on.

I'm going to puke.

The night is young.

Pish, tosh.

When are we getting to the surprise destination?

This is it.

You're kidding.

No, we isn't. Surprise!

Don't you remember when you were six years old, we came over here, and you

looked through that very telescope, and you said, Daddy, there must be magic up

here. Even New Jersey looks pretty.

I just thought maybe you could use a little magic tonight. Maybe your old dad

could help out.

Okay, who wants a King Kong souvenir?

Me, me, me.

How did I know that?

Well, it really is beautiful up here.

Oh, look at all those little cars. They look like little... Aunt, I know, Mom,

please.

Carol, your father met well.

did, but thinking that the magic of the Empire State Building would make me

forget that was totally humiliating.

Makes Dad seem kind of lame.

No. Yes, I heard you. No, no, no, honey. Even if I thought that, I would never,

ever, ever call your father. Wait. Don't say it again.

Okay, but it is lame.

Well, yes, but we never had this conversation.

What conversation?

Why is your father talking to that janitor?

Oh, that's just Bobby with a... Bobby with a... Oh,

Lord, forgive me for what I said about Jason, and don't ever let him know.

Well, it's bringing him over here.

Your father promised me he wouldn't tell nobody I was working here.

I didn't tell a soul.

He told you that?

When he called me.

You called him?

Yeah, yelling.

This job is why you couldn't take me to the dance?

Why else wouldn't I take you?

Well, I don't know.

Mr. Stever, if it's okay, can I drive Carol home? I mean, I get off work at 11

'clock. Oh, gee, Bobby, I don't... Dad!

Don't be too late. We won't.

Thanks,

Dad.

Oh, honey.

Ever thought your whole idea was... Lame. Oh, I never thought that.

Well,

why didn't you tell me you had to work?

I didn't want anybody to know that Bobby Winnett, captain of the football team,

had a job doing that.

Especially you.

I don't mind.

Disgusting.

Don't worry, I'm used to disgusting.

Remember I have two brothers?

Carol, I really wanted to take you to that dance.

I really wanted to go with you.

Wait here.

I know this isn't going to be too clear.

Okay,

I'm ready.

Yeah, well, I had a lousy time, too. Who needs any of you? You're a total pig.

The worst night of my life.

Women.

You said it.