Original subtitles

All right. I said one more time.

We got one ski trip, 72 hours, 23 women, 13

guys, and one nearsighted chaperone.

Gentlemen, the possibilities are endless.

Yeah. I'm only taking one ski.

There's no way my folks are going to let me go.

But look, you just got to learn how to handle old people.

Mike, you haven't even talked to your parents yet.

Oh, come on, Bone. You actually think my parents could say no to me?

I know you can talk to my mom and dad for me.

No, Eddie, go get a couple of chairs, all right?

Now, Bone, look, I'll show you. I'll be your dad, and, Eddie, you be Bone's mom.

Yes, dear.

Okay. Now, it's evening at the Sabone residence, and you and your charming

parents are sitting down for a lovely dinner.

My dad usually sits here.

Fine. Pass the potatoes.

What's your dad's name, Bonner?

Sylvester.

Wait a minute. Your dad's name is Sylvester Stabone?

Who knew?

Yeah.

Okay. So, Richard, what is it you wanted to talk to us about?

Well, it's a ski trip. Ski trip? Huh.

Now, why would you want to go on a ski trip? You don't even know how to ski.

See, guys, what'd I tell you? He ain't gonna even let me go.

Oh, look, it's just for pretend, all right?

Oh, come on.

All right, now give me one good reason why we should let you go.

Women.

Women? I will not have talk like this at my table. Go to your room, Richard.

Bone, look, Bone, you never say women in front of your parents, okay?

You say stuff like... Class spirit. You say growth experience, but you never,

ever say women.

Okay, class spirit. Right.

Growth experience.

Yes.

Women!

take him to your room.

No snacking, you'll spoil your dinner.

Mom and dad are sick and Carol's mad with power.

Is it clean yet?

I'm working, I'm working.

Hey, wait a minute. Mom and dad are sick?

Oh, then it's perfect.

Now I can ask them about the ski trip while they're weak.

Carol just told me the awful news, and, well, I just thought I'd come in to

offer my condolences.

We're sick, Mike, not dead.

Well, okay, then, that settles it.

Settles what?

Oh, see, there was a class ski trip this weekend, and I thought I'd try to get

out of it so I could spend some time palling around with you guys.

But obviously you're in no shape for that, so I guess I gotta go.

Dad?

You're not going anywhere while you're still flunking English.

Oh, oh, great timing, Dad. I mean, we had an English test today. I mean,

couldn't you have told me this before I took it? I mean, if I'd known you would

take this kind of an attitude, I'd just be a study for it.

Oh, I feel worse than Mike's grades.

Me too.

I gotta try again to call a doctor.

You are a doctor.

Oh, I guess that's why I keep getting a busy sick.

Oh,

Siva, wait up, guy.

Oh, Mikey, Mikey, Mikey, you're not going to believe this. This has got to

the best news since Lucy came back to TV.

share it in my joy.

Guess I'm not going.

What? Yeah, my dad says I have to be passing English. He tells me this after

yesterday's test.

Are you sure you want?

Eddie, come on. It's me we're talking about. Wake up and smell yourself.

Well, Mikey, as long as there's a grade curve, there's always hope.

Yeah, you know, especially with Boner in the curve.

I do what I can.

Let's go ask the teacher's aide on this one, huh?

Hey, thanks a lot, guys.

Uh, hi.

Well, hi, Mike.

Uh, Bobby, right?

Robin. Robin, Robin, yeah.

So, Robin, uh, have you finished grading those tests from yesterday yet?

Yeah.

Your definition of a dangling participle was... Inspired?

Dirty.

Oh, well, how did I do overall?

Mike, I can't tell you.

Come on, Robin, I gotta know.

Look, whatever you want. I'll trade you my body for the information.

Is that an offer?

Uh... Look, Robin, I really need to know this crane. If I don't pass, I don't go

on the ski trip.

Oh, you're going.

Well, yeah, if I get a C.

So come on, tell me what I got.

What you got rhymes with C.

Schools are giving out Gs now?

D plus.

D plus.

Well, is that with a curve?

It's with an incredible curve.

You would not believe what the rest of this house looks like.

I'm going to kill those kids. We asked them for one favor. Will you help with

the house while we're sick? But do they do it? No.

Jason, the house is...

out there. There is no dust.

All the laundry's been done. The table's been set for dinner. Ben's little

clothes have been ironed.

I haven't seen a house this organized since I went back to work.

Oh, good. No, that's very good. You tell a dying man he's a bad housewife.

Honey, don't get upset. Carol just went a little overboard trying to do a great

job and I just...

I've hurt your feelings, haven't I?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Just, well, it's really no big deal. If Carol

does a better job than I do, then we should be grateful. She's a big help,

right? Right.

And just to be clear, we are saying she does do a better job.

Oh, Jason. No, that's what we're saying. That's what I hear when you say, no,

that's what I'm hearing.

passes out your test from yesterday.

I must say, I was so shocked no one got below a C.

I'm thinking professional health.

An A?

I got an A?

Robin! An A?

I rechecked your paper.

Yeah, but Ms. Trotter's gonna find out. I mean, she'll know. She never even sees

the paper.

You're safe with me.

Oh.

You look kind of cute with your mouth hanging open like that.

Oh, yes.

You think that can go on the ski trip? Look, Robin, I really owe you in a major

way.

Well, you're welcome in a major way.

Look, if there's anything that I can do for you, Robin, you got it, okay?

Mike?

The ski trip?

Yeah. Yeah, what about it?

I'd love to be your date on the ski trip.

What ski trip?

The ski trip.

No, Rod and Pete, the thing is, none of us guys are taking dates on the ski trip

because there's going to be so many coyotes up there.

Those hills are just crawling with coyotes.

The only reason that you're able to go is because I changed your grade.

Yeah, and I'm very thankful for that.

Are you?

Oh.

Now you're even cuter with that dumb look on your face.

So a girl is forcing you to spend the weekend with her?

Yes.

And this is a bad thing.

Yes. Okay, Mikey, look at it this way.

Let's say you was a teacher's aide and you were helping out a cute chick with a

phony grade.

What would you expect in return?

Right there. Right there, you see?

No, no.

Totally in this situation. How?

All right, okay. If I treat a girl the way she's been treating me, I mean, it

would be obvious that...

Well, that the girl would feel is rotten as I do.

All right, man, it's no different.

Oh, no, I'm maturing. No!

Hey, don't get carried away.

All right, now, the facts here are if you don't take Robin with you on the ski

trip, she's going to change her grade back, and you can't go.

Now, what do I do?

I wish I had problems like this.

You know, I've never had a second date with a chick in my life.

Girls never like me once they get to know me.

If no girls knew me, I'd probably be the most popular dude in school.

Hey, Carol, I need to ask you something. Take your shoes off.

Why?

I just waxed the floor.

Hey, Carol, look, I need some advice, okay?

From what?

Okay.

Nice job.

Okay, now, Carol, let's say you're really desperate and you trap this guy

going out with you.

Let's not.

No, no, no. Let's say you trapped him because you like him. Now, what could he

do to make you not like him?

You're serious?

Yeah.

Okay. Well, first, any guy who'd be trapped into a date is a weak, needy,

man. I ain't talking.

Major wimp here.

Forget it. Forget it.

Okay.

nice job.

Place doesn't look so great.

Hey, Dad.

Look, dust.

She calls this clean? Ah.

Yeah, I think it's the fever talking.

Oh, yeah, it's me. It's me. Everything else is just fine.

Wait a minute. I know it's something that's not fine. What happened on your

English test, huh?

Huh? Huh?

All right.

I got an A.

Let me see that test.

Hey, wow.

Yeah, I didn't even cheat on it.

Punctuation. The colon is where food digests after you eat it.

Ah, it was graded on a curve. Yeah, apparently.

Well, I guess that means you'll be able to go on that ski trip after all.

Yeah, I guess so.

You don't sound too thrilled about it.

Dad, can I ask you a question? Can I ask you advice about something?

Why? Well, you're my dad. You like that kind of stuff.

Oh, yeah.

Now, if somebody does you a favor out of the blue, and it's a really great

favor, but you didn't ask them to, and now they want you to pay them back, what

do you do?

Well, for starters, you should refuse the favor.

Are you kidding?

Well, then you gotta pay them back.

That was not the answer I was hoping for.

Does this have anything to do with that ski trip you're going on?

You're going, Mike. You passed?

Passed. He got an A.

An A? Wow.

Mike.

Let me see that text.

A comma is the deep sleep you fall into after you get hit on the head.

It's graded on the curve.

Oh. Well, Mike, I think it's wonderful.

Yep, yep, yep. It's wonderful.

Everything's wonderful.

Everything's running very smoothly around here lately.

Now, what are you two doing up? Now, come on. That's upstairs. I'll bring you

dinner up in a little while.

What are you having?

Cocoa van.

I made that once.

Yeah, but don't worry. I found a new recipe.

Well, I'm going to go see if any of my patients have called.

With my luck, they're probably all cured.

Dad's still in shock. Mike got an A on a test.

An A?

Let me see that test.

Not now. Carol, honey, listen. You are doing a terrific job of taking care of

things while we're sick.

Well, thanks. I have just one request.

Sure. Stop it.

What? Well, see, your father is feeling like you're doing a better job of

running the house than he does.

I am.

I know.

All I wanted to do was help. Oh, and that's what your dad wanted, too. But

by giving him what he wanted, you've, well, you've upset him.

By giving him what he wanted, I've upset him?

Sure, honey, you'll find out that most people hate it when they get what they

want.

Hey, wait a minute. Is this true?

Sure, there's even a Chinese curse that says, may you get what you wish for.

Oh, this is perfect.

Look, Mom, the next time I have a problem, I'm coming to you first.

Oh, I'm going back to bed.

Uh, Mom, I gotta go make a phone call, okay?

Hello, Boner?

Oh, Mr. Stabone.

Uh, it's Mike.

Yo to you too, sir.

Uh, is Richard there?

Hello, Boner? Yeah, look, I need some help.

Well, I'm going to ask Robin out tonight.

Okay, now I need you to tell me step by step exactly what to do on a first date

so I can completely gross this girl out.

Mike, what are you doing?

Who needs an attraction of a movie?

Not me.

Ow. Oh, I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Look, Robin, let's not kid each other, all right?

Now, you have needs, and I have needs.

Now, why should we both be needy on a night such as this?

Mike. Girl, you'll be a woman soon.

Here, now, tonight.

Oh, Mike, yes.

Look, wouldn't a nice big tub of something go good right now?

Tub tub?

Yeah, great idea.

Where'd he go?

I can't tell. My binoculars are all fogged up.

Mine. Dad, what are you doing here?

Catching a movie, which is more than I can say for you.

I know what I'm going to do. I've tried every sleazy move you gave me on the

phone, and they're all working.

Don't give me that. Those lines never work.

Girl,

you'll be a woman soon. Here, now, tonight. Yeah, I tried it, and she loved

I got my face slapped for it. I got my face kissed for it.

Wait, wait, how'd you say it?

Girl, you'll be a woman soon.

Here, now, tonight.

Wow.

That's how I say it.

Eddie, maybe you should consider the possibility that you're a scum.

Guys. Guys.

Guys, stop.

Come on.

I'm going to find you. I need a line that is guaranteed to offend.

Well, Boner, give me your best line.

Okay.

Look me in the eye.

Say, you got need.

I got need.

Why should we both be need? I already gave him that line. Yeah, and it worked.

It never worked for me. You guys are no help at all.

Yours is coming.

I

thought

you were going to get popcorn.

It wasn't real butter.

I hate that, too.

Look, Robin, do you have any idea why I brought you here tonight?

I have a pretty good idea.

No, you don't. Yes, I do.

No, you don't. Yes, I do. No, you don't.

Robin, I brought you here tonight so that I could totally gross you out so

wouldn't like me anymore.

You did?

Yeah, I mean, what does a guy have to do to offend you anyway?

You just did it.

All right, finally.

And after I put my TA status on the line for you and this is how you treat me?

Well, only after you put my ski trip on the line.

I was just flirting.

Robin, that was blackmailing, not flirting.

Flirting I know about.

You sure do.

Like this morning when you offered me your body.

Robin, I offer every girl my body.

All right? Nobody ever took me up on it.

What's wrong with treating you the way that guys have treated girls since the

beginning of time?

The beginning of time? Robin, I've only been dating for a year.

Well, don't worry.

You can go on your precious ski trip, and you won't be stuck with me.

Come on, Robin, don't cry.

What do you mean, stuck?

I just don't want to be forced into doing something.

Look, just because guys are coming to girls doesn't mean you have to be coming

to me.

You know, I think it is the guys who ought to change, not the girls.

I know. Pretty frightening concept, isn't it?

Wow, look at that. She's crying.

Must have been one of my lines.

I just wish that none of this had ever, ever happened.

You're right.

Well, thank you. I shouldn't have blackmailed you. Yeah.

I was so wrong.

Yeah. I should have never changed your grade.

Yeah, no.

And tomorrow, I'm going to make it right.

Tomorrow, I'm going to change your grade back to a D+. You know what happened?

And thank you, Mike.

Thanks for helping me see how wrong I was.

How many children?

Oh, you're still up two hours after your bedtime and you trashed the entire

living room. I'll clean it up.

No, no, this is fine. Stay right where you are. Get comfortable.

Perfect. Night, Ben. Night, Ben.

Night, Carol.

Ben, you're up two hours past your bedtime.

Ben, well, she always... And what is this mess?

Ben, you take these dishes out of the kitchen, you get straight up to bed

now. I'm going, I'm going.

Look at the peanut butter all over the plate.

Mike, are you responsible for any of this mess?

Probably. What are you doing?

Out following Mom's advice.

Just between you and me, Dad. It was the worst advice I've ever gotten.

Oh, and Dad, the grade on my English test, after tomorrow it won't be an A,

it'll be a D+. What?

Oh, my teacher's throwing out the grade curve.

Well, Mike, I'm very... Disappointed in me. Yeah, I know. Me too.

How do you think I feel? I'm missing out on the ski trip and all that gorgeous

class spirit.

I mean, Dad, all I know is nothing has been right since you've been sick.

Well, suddenly I'm feeling much better.