Original subtitles

Hey, guys. Whoa, stop.

What do you got there?

Nothing.

Let me see.

That's your mom's lingerie catalog, cochino.

It's for my social studies class.

I'm writing a paper about how women are objectified in today's culture.

Really?

Can you give me the definition of the word objectified?

I don't know, but neither do you.

Oh, no, Sasuke, I do.

Then use it in a sentence.

Okay. My son doesn't know the meaning of the word objectified, therefore... Put

it back. Put it back! All right.

I'll see you in the recycling bin.

What's going on up there?

Mom said you guys are hosting a neighborhood watch meeting.

Oh, man.

Look at these people eating my food, drinking my soda.

I want these people in my house.

Oh, and Gidwani's here, too. I hate that guy.

What did he do to you?

I borrowed his generator during the blackout. I gave it back to him, but he

keeps saying that I didn't.

Um, didn't you sell a generator at your garage sale?

All right. Hey, even if I did, it's his fault for not coming to my garage sale.

I like my neighbors.

If it weren't for them, I wouldn't have cable, bottled water, or a cute little

kitten.

George, come on. The meeting started.

Why are we having it here?

I told you. We're the neighborhood watch captain.

Since when?

ago. Why do you think we've been walking the neighborhood every night shining

flashlights into people's yards?

I thought we were looking for the lost kitten.

By the way, I got a pretty good idea. I know where it is.

Well, everyone, this is my husband, George.

Where is Mike Tenderuta?

Okay, but now that I'm neighborhood watch captain, I'll get to the bottom of

Let me describe it for you. It is big and red, and it was in your garage.

Are you yelling at a watch captain? Because I can have your yard rezoned as

dog park.

That'll make your barefoot Tai Chi an adventure. You'll be like that.

Last item on the agenda.

Um, I know everyone with a child is concerned about whether sexual predators

living in the neighborhood.

My police contact told me you can go onto the Megan's Law website and it'll

you exactly where they live.

See?

Our neighborhood comes up and there are no sexual offenders nearby.

Well, what's that?

That wasn't there yesterday.

Chris Watson, sex with a minor, 138M.

That's just up the street. I saw a moving van there last weekend.

There's no picture on the website.

Does anybody know what this guy looks like?

No.

So a sexual predator just moved into a house that Max has to walk by every day

on his way to school?

All right, that's it.

I'm neighborhood watch captain. I say we go confront this guy. Who's with me?

Wait. You're overreacting.

There is a better way to deal with this. I am going to send Mr.

Watson a certified letter to let him know we are aware of his presence.

And to show him we mean business, I say we double our patrols.

Okay, let's double our patrols.

Why don't you just send him Max's yearbook with a highlighter?

He can pick out the one he wants.

Okay, let's go.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

What's going on?

We just found out a child molester lives up the street.

I'll get my gun. Betty.

You're on probation. You can't have a gun.

Relax. I'm not an idiot. It's not registered to me.

Come on, let's go get this guy. Wait, I want everyone to keep in mind, there are

laws. You can't just run around like a bunch of vigilantes.

We're not vigilantes.

I'm a neighborhood watch co -captain.

And I'm making a call in the field.

Watch out.

You're all deputized.

We're the law now.

It's on!

You are doing.

Are you going to solve every problem in the neighborhood with fear and

intimidation?

She's right.

Eventually, somebody's going to confront us.

So after the molester, I said we get that kid who races his minibike up and

the street.

I remember when I was little, these streets were safe.

I could walk to the bar alone at last call, help you off the floor, and roll

home in my little red wagon.

Yeah, that was back when a kid could be a kid.

Here it is.

Lester! You know what you do!

Hey, man!

What's up,

George?

I always knew there was something creepy about you Gutierrez.

We heard Chris Watson just moved in here. That's right.

We know about your sick little games.

George, what are you doing here? It's 138L, not 183.

I'm sorry, my dyslexia.

We just found out there's a molester in the neighborhood. We're going to scare

him out of here. You want in?

I got brownies in the oven, man.

I'll catch up with you guys.

Okay, we'll be across the street. Yeah, I'll be right there, man. Hey, George,

that generator you sold me, man, works great.

You're our thief.

He doesn't know what he's talking about, man. He's fried.

Smell his house.

Whoa, that's my brownies.

Come on, everybody, there's a predator at 813.

138.

I appeal to everyone to take a moment to calm down so we don't do

anything rash.

Okay, I say after we finish with the molester, we take care of little Mary

Sunshine here.

Blink if you're being held against your will.

What's going on?

All right, you just blinked when you said that, so I'm kind of confused. Are

in danger?

We're looking for Chris Watson.

That's me.

What? Really?

You know you're on a website as a sex offender?

Yes, I registered because I just moved here. I was going to go house to house

and talk to you all personally, but since you were nice enough to form a mob

come visit me, I guess now is as good a time as any.

It was five years ago.

I was a teacher, and I... I made a huge mistake with a 15 -year -old boy that I

will regret for the rest of my life.

I served my time in prison and I'm still dealing with things in therapy.

Welcome to the neighborhood.

All of

a sudden, no one's upset anymore.

It's okay because she's a woman and he's a boy.

Am I the only one who finds this disturbing?

Yeah, pretty much.

There he is!

Shut up!

Shut up!

Hey, where did you guys go? I thought we were going to watch a game.

We found out a molester. Esther moved into the neighborhood, but it turns out

that it was just a woman.

Stop saying she was just a woman.

She's a criminal, and she did a horrible thing.

Of course she did.

She was hot, dude.

How can you be okay with this? She victimized a 15 -year -old boy.

Hey, some call him a victim.

Sasuke, I call him fortunate.

Okay, if one of your teachers had done something inappropriate to you?

As long as it was Ms. Blanco.

She was fine.

Ma 'am, Ms. Blanco. You ma 'am, remember?

When we used to do math, I'd be like that.

God, I was in love with her.

She must be about 60 now.

I think I'm going to go look her up in the phone book.

had been a man and Carmen still lived at home, you would be going crazy right

now. Look, it's different for guys.

Okay, look.

If the big bad wolf goes after Little Red Riding Hood, it's bad. And it has to

be stopped.

But, if Mother Goose goes after Jack and the Beanstalk, we know he wants it too,

so Southgate's all good.

That is a complete double standard.

It's one standard for men, one standard for women.

That's two standards.

A double standard would be what I just said, but twice.

Well, one thing's for sure. We're going to have to warn Max about this woman.

And if you are not going to take it seriously, I will.

You're just going to embarrass him, okay?

I'll talk to him.

I want to be there. I'm his father, okay? I will take care of this.

Max, have a seat.

Someone just moved into the neighborhood that I want to warn you about, okay?

She's a criminal, and I want you to stay away from her.

Wow, what'd she do?

She had sex with a boy your age.

And then she killed him?

No!

Look, having sex with an underage boy is a crime.

Is she hot?

Let's just say I don't think her last victim suffered.

Mom's worried, okay? So stay away from her. Stay away from her. All right.

You can tell Mom she has nothing to worry about.

Girls my age aren't even into me.

What's going on there?

Laura Ortiz wouldn't kiss me, and the bottle pointed right at me.

She's funny. She has to kiss me. That's the rule.

All right, take it easy, man. Relax.

Don't get down on yourself.

Laura Ortiz is a little girl who doesn't know what she's doing.

Yeah, but I don't know what I'm doing either.

All right.

Look, I'm going to tell you a secret that will help you with women.

It's all about confidence.

Okay, be bold.

They love it.

Really? Yep. Hey, and don't be afraid to be rejected.

Act like you want them, and they'll want you.

Does that really work?

Yeah, look, and if you're like me, you'll be chasing women who are way out

your league.

And then one day, you're going to run into one who's having a bad day, and

going to do something that she regrets.

That's where you come in.

They're pictures of the molester. I passed them out last week, but a couple

the parents were out of town, so I wanted to make sure they got one.

Oh.

Your mugshot's way better than mine.

Well, you shouldn't have resisted a rant that Taser made your hair all frizzy.

Hello?

What?

He sure was Max.

Oh, man, I'll be right down.

What is it? That was Gutierrez. He saw Max going into Watson's backyard.

The Predator? I thought you warned him about her. I did.

Hey, Angie, you want to take my gun?

Are you crazy?

It's registered in your name. You might as well...

Get away from my son.

He came over here on his own. He threw a ball over my fence and said he had to

go in the backyard to get it.

Then why was his shirt off?

Because after I let him in, he took it off and said, what happens down the

stays down the block.

That is ridiculous. My son would never do something like that. You tricked him

into your yard.

If I tricked him, then why did he show me a condom?

Hand it over.

No glove, no love, Van Buren high, go Panthers.

It was your idea to come over here?

Yeah.

What were you thinking, Max? You could have got her put in jail.

We're really sorry about this. Could you please just take your son home? I

really don't need the neighbors thinking I'm trying to lure young boys over

here.

to look young for her no golly you don't know what i do on the weekends so i was

scared we grew apart man you got all old hairy and had a family i stayed all

young extreme and smooth look

it's

not you okay you're a great guy look at me somewhere out there

can't do this you just got shot down by a sex offender later

bro be in my

room what are the jailbait i don't think so

we need to talk i don't want to talk about this in front of mom oh so now

all shy in front of older women

to make a point to the boy.

Do you realize how wrong and stupid that was?

Well, dad told me I had to be bold and confident to get a woman.

That's what you told him? I was talking about girls his age. Come on, let's

focus on the boy. This isn't time to be pointing fingers at each other.

And then I found out how hot the lady was because I saw the flyer mom made.

Oh, smart peddler.

But you made it seem like it wasn't that big a deal.

Well, look, I didn't think it was until I saw you coming to that woman's place

without your shirt on.

It's a double standard, Max, okay? It's a huge deal for a girl or a boy.

I was wrong.

And this would have messed you up emotionally. Being with a woman that

Would have screwed with your head when you were trying to have a normal

relationship.

Okay. I was wrong. I won't do it again. Are we done?

Not yet.

Angie, I need to talk to Max.

The last time you talked to our son, he went all Chippendale down the street.

I know what I'm dealing with now.

Mac, your brain is at war with another part of your body.

I get it, Dad.

No, Max, you don't.

This part of your body will lie to you.

It'll trick you, and it'll make you believe you're in love with Sonia Garcia

just because she went to gym class without a bra and was running laps.

You can never let your guard down.

Here's the bottom line.

This isn't going to go away.

So wait till you're older and find somebody that you really care about.

Is it okay if I care about anyone I can get?

Are you listening to me, man? No, they have to be special.

But what if I can't find anyone and I end up like Ernie?

Things have to go wrong before you end up like Ernie.

Right. Maybe this is the wrong way to look at it.

But Ernie would have never gotten into that woman's house.

What are you telling him?

No, no, no. You missed the middle part with all the lessons.

All right.

I'll take care of it. Max.

Go in the living room. I want you to watch this video from the church called

Waiting Can Be Wonderful.

We are really going to have to stay on top of this.

Well, it can be done. I mean, I waited till I was 18.

George, please.

You didn't have any other option.

Yeah, well, you ended up with me, so who's the loser?