Original subtitles

Mahalo, George.

I went shopping for our trip to Hawaii today, and I got some great stuff.

Check out my new bathing suit.

Mahalo.

It's not fair that you guys are going to Hawaii without me.

I'll tell you what, Max. If you can spell Maui, you can come with us.

M -O -W -I -E.

Angie? No. Sorry, dude, way off.

Max, this trip isn't a family vacation.

Your father and I need some alone time to renew our relationship and reconnect

emotionally. Look what you did to our marriage.

Your mom and I have to fly thousands of miles to some island just to remember

what we saw in each other.

Yeah, thanks a lot, homewrecker.

Now I have to reserve the rental car. What credit card did you use to book the

hotel?

I didn't use a credit card. I just made the reservation.

What?

I told you, you have to put a deposit down or they don't hold the room.

What?

I'm just messing with you.

You should have seen your face. You were like that.

I used a gold card.

Don't do that again. You scared me.

Angie, this is going to be the best vacation ever. Get ready, because every

night, watch out.

Aloha, my love. Go get ready, because I can feel it right now.

Oh, please, oh, please, oh, please.

One time, one time, one time, one time.

Yeah, yeah, aloha to you, too.

Hey, this is George Lopez. I booked a room for Saturday, but I forgot to call

and hold it with my credit card.

What do you mean you gave it away?

Is that because I'm Chicano or what?

I'm not calling you a racist, Mr. Gonzalez.

Okay, I'll call you back, brother.

Who is that?

I'm just double -checking with the hotel.

Oh, what's the confirmation number? I want to write it down because you always

forget it. Okay, get ready. C, as in Charles, 3PO.

Dash R2D2.

Angie.

Honey.

Come, sit down.

What is it?

I have some horrible news.

Daddy, what's wrong?

I just got a call from your sister.

I don't know how to tell you this, but your mother passed away this afternoon.

What?

No.

She had a heart attack.

Angie, I'm so sorry.

I have to call my sister.

Come with me.

You know, this is crap.

Why can't I go to Hawaii with you? I'll leave you guys alone.

Madge, we're not going to Hawaii anymore. Something bad happened.

Oh, I get it. You don't want to hear me complain. You need to take the chips

off, and then you just sneak out.

Look, I'm sorry, but...

Your grandma, Emelina, died today.

Nice try.

Does Mom know that's the one you're using? Because that's thick.

No, man, it's true. She had a heart attack.

Really? What if I call her?

You know what? Call her, and if she picks up, I want to talk to her.

All my friends know that I'm right.

Hey, Angie.

Did you get any sleep?

No.

Kept waking up and thinking it was a dream.

It doesn't seem real.

I just talked to my mom last week.

Yeah. I'll never forget all the stuff Grandma did for me.

She helped me through rehab.

She bailed me out when I got caught shoplifting.

She didn't press charges when I stole her car and crashed it.

You know, She was very proud of you.

She kept your mug shot in her wallet.

I can't believe I'm never going to talk to her again.

I mean, can I do anything, Angie? Can I get you some honey for your tea?

My mom used to put honey in my tea.

Okay, no honey.

Can I turn on the TV? Maybe it'll take your mind off things.

Damn, how can these batteries be dead? They went so quick.

But,

you know, they had a long and fruitful life.

Okay, thank you.

Are Veronica and Mom crying again?

Yeah. Hey, uh, don't mention batteries or honey.

I kind of feel bad that I haven't cried.

I mean, that's okay. You know, men aren't supposed to cry, Max. We're

to be strong.

You cried during that penguin movie.

The egg slipped onto the ice and froze.

I do feel bad that I don't feel bad.

You know, it's not your fault, Max. I mean, look, you really didn't even know

your grandma that well. You only saw her at holidays.

You never liked her, did you?

Max, don't say that. Look, when someone passes away, you're only supposed to say

good things about them.

What good stuff can you say about Grandma?

Okay, um... When I married your mom, Emmalina was so mad at me that she threw

a glass of wine at me and she hit me in the head.

So at the service, I'm gonna tell people that Saskia, she had a hell of an arm.

How are you holding up, Vic? Not so good.

Melina and I were just about to get back together, and then... She's gone.

Here he comes.

Don't you do it, Vic. Don't you do it. Man up.

And that was closed.

Hi, Daddy.

Angie, darling.

I just read through your mother's will, and she wants you to take care of her

burial arrangements.

Why me?

You are the most responsible child that she probably would have asked me to

handle things if we'd had a chance to reconcile, but fate decided it was not

be.

Here I come.

Hi, Angie.

Sorry about Emelina.

I brought over some food.

Thank you, Benny.

If I'm in charge of my mom's burial arrangements, I want her out here.

Of course. We have three spaces in our family plot.

I want her next to me.

Oh, um, you know, we can't do that, Angie. You know, those spots are for,

know, me, you, and my mother.

Benny, you feel weird asking this. No, Angie.

We made a promise to my mom. That's her spot.

She wants to be right next to me, right, Mom?

You can have it for 50 bucks.

Thank you, Benny.

I promise we will find a great spot for you. And you too, Daddy.

Oh, don't worry about me.

When I go, my death will give life.

I'm donating my body to science.

Well, I feel sorry for whoever gets your tongue.

If the surgery was SSS, why am I talking with this ridiculous accent?

We'll have to fly Mommy out here. I have the number for the funeral home.

I have to get to the cemetery.

There's no way I can bury Emelina next to us. Why? What's the problem?

Mom, I only got two spots. I gotta get the spot next to us or I'm gonna break

Angie's heart.

Wait, wait, wait.

Pet cemetery.

I already got your little casket. Your paws are going to be like that in a

twinge.

I told you we're a messy doodle.

Hello.

I'm Mary Bass, the sales manager.

What can I do for you? A couple of years ago, I bought two grave sites, and now

I need one more right beside them.

The name is George Lopez.

Well, let's see.

I'm sorry, everything right next to you is taken. The best I can do is two plots

away.

Maybe you can call the people who are in between us and see if they'd be willing

to, you know, like, scoot down.

I'm sorry, Mr.

and Mrs.

Tarkusian have already been buried. Their scooting days are over.

Okay. I know you can't be involved in this because of ramifications, but what

my buddy and I came back tonight with a backhoe and, you know, we planted him?

We're Latinos. It'll look like we're working overtime.

Mr. Lopez, that's illegal.

The only time we disinter is under a court order.

I don't want to have to do this, but I'm an undercover coroner, and I suspect

foul play.

Dig him up, lady!

Dig him up!

Dig him!

That might have been more convincing if your friend wasn't smiling.

Hey, I'm only smiling because I really love my job as assistant undercover

coroner.

Okay, look.

My wife's mom just died and she wants her buried next to us. And I screwed up

and only got two plots, but now I need three together.

I'll pay whatever it costs.

Just a moment.

You're in luck.

I have three spaces right here, and it'll just cost you for the one

spot. Oh, thank you, thank you. How much is that? Fifteen thousand dollars.

Fifteen grand away!

I'm sorry, it's the only three I have together. If it were my family, I

hesitate to spend the extra money.

I would hate.

To have to go to my wife and tell her she can't spend the rest of eternity

to her mom.

You're trying to guilt me.

You don't know who you're dealing with. I'm a Lopez. We're born emotionally

detached.

We don't care about the living. You think we're going to spend money on the

dead?

We let the city take care of it.

Can you identify this body, sir?

No, I can't. Bye, Uncle Bobby.

Let's go.

Hey.

I'm really sorry about your mom, Angie.

Thank you, Ernie.

You doing okay, baby?

I was trying to put together photos of my mom for the viewing, but I just can't

look at them right now.

I think I'll drop by the cemetery to see which plot I want to give her.

Uh, oh, um, you know what? I'm going to watch some TV.

Yeah, there's a special on about the world's most horrible husbands.

Yeah.

They cheat and they're abusive.

Kind of makes a little lie seem like nothing, huh?

What was that about?

Okay, Angie, you're hurting, so I'm just going to tell the truth.

The owners of the cemetery were in debt.

And they had to sell some land back to the city. The bottom line is that our

plots are now going to be under a swimming pool for deaf kids.

What? That doesn't make any sense.

Angie, they need their own pools because their Marco Polo games take forever.

Marco!

You never bought three plots, did you? Angie, let me explain. Did you?

No.

I forgot to buy the third plot. Where are we supposed to put my mother?

Angie, listen, I went to the cemetery, and the closest spot they had was two

people down.

That's not next to me. But it's not that far. I mean, it's like from the oven to

the table. Just imagine a nice, dead Armenian couple. Angie, right there

the sink is.

You ruined it. I said I wanted her neck to me.

Wow.

She seemed really mad.

I've never seen her this upset.

Maybe there's something else bothering her about Amram.

No, look, I know Angie, man. I really screwed up this time. This one's about

Well, I'm just saying, a lot of times when someone dies suddenly... all the

people close to them are left holding a bag of unexpressed emotions.

What the hell are you talking about?

All right, check it out. When my Aunt Kuka died, my mom seemed okay until I

asked her for some lemonade.

Then she started beating me with a wooden spoon. Follow, follow.

Well, it turns out that when they were little girls, they had a lemonade stand,

and my mom stole the money.

So when my aunt died, my mom felt guilty because she never told her.

You might want to ask Angie if she and her mom ever had a lemonade stand or a

paper route or a paleta card or any other kind of small business endeavor

could have led to an unresolved grievance.

What happened, man? What happened? You started talking and then I blacked out.

Unexpressed emotion. Tan loco, unexpressed emotion.

Angie. I don't feel like talking. Look, I'll go to a different cemetery. We can

get three spots together.

It's too late.

No, it's not. Look, Angie, I'll do whatever it takes. I mean, I'll borrow

money, do whatever it takes to get this fixed. No, drop it. It doesn't matter.

It can't be fixed.

It can never be fixed.

I'm just going to go ahead and ask, Angie, did you and your mom ever have,

lemonade stand?

What the hell does that mean?

You know, maybe you're not mad at me. Maybe you got a bag of unexpressed

emotions.

I wish they were unexpressed.

Do you know what I did?

When we were on the phone last week, I told her I never forgave her for

on my dad.

Selfish tramp.

That is the last thing I said to my mother.

Baby, I didn't know that.

Come on, look, she knew you loved her, Angie. One fight wouldn't change that.

I can never say I'm sorry.

I don't know how to make this better now that she's gone.

Well, I'm not going to lie, it's going to be a lot tougher now.

It's a word.

Okay, look, Angie.

Do you remember how many times Carmen said I hate you to us?

47 times.

You counted?

Yeah.

It hurt. Okay.

Okay, it hurt. But did you ever believe for one minute that Carmen didn't love

you?

No.

It's the same thing with your mom.

It's all in that book she sent you after she left your dad.

I was so mad at her, I never even opened it.

I did.

Why would you read a book called Pins of the Mother?

I didn't mean to. It fell open after I threw it at that spider in the bathroom.

Did you use the book my mom gave me to kill a spider?

Kill? I wish.

I just got two of its legs, and you're still around here somewhere training,

getting stronger?

She wrote something in the front for you.

I read this and I cried.

And then I smiled because it made me think of us.

I know you must be angry with me, but no matter what happens,

I'm your mother.

And I will always love you.

Thank you so much for showing me this.

You feel better?

Yeah.

I just... I just wish there was some way I could show her how much he meant to

me.

You could keep her memory alive.

You know, Max was asking me about her yesterday.

I could tell him all about her life.

There you go.

So, what are we going to do about my mom?

You know, why don't we give our spots to your parents and whichever one of us

dies first gets taken care of by the other.

You're going to dump me off on the city, aren't you?

Angie, I would never do that.

Can you identify this body, sir?

Sorry, I don't know her, but she's beautiful.

Bye, Angie.

Hey, what's that?

It's a scrapbook of old photos of my mom.

I'm learning about Grandma's life.

This is Grandma Emelina in the fourth grade.

Here she is under a tree.

This is great.

I feel like I really know her.

Angie!

Didn't your mom keep a diary?

That's right.

She wrote a page for every day of her life, starting from when she was 13.

I have it upstairs.

Thanks a lot.

I said I felt bad.

I wanted to take Grandma 101.

Hey, it makes your mom happy and it's a nice way to honor your grandmother.

Where are you going? I'm gonna go play golf.

I'll be back in five hours. You should be done by then.

See you later, sucker!