Original subtitles

Angie? Hey, Daddy.

We need your opinion.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

Places, everyone.

Boss, boss, the plane, the plane.

Shut up, tattoo.

Places.

Angie, he wants to wear this tux in our wedding. Help me.

This is my lucky tag.

It's the only suit I brought with me when I escaped from Cuba.

So wait a minute, Vic.

Your raft had a disco on it?

Where's Miami? That way?

Shark!

We flew here.

Stop it.

Angie, what do you think?

But since you're not getting married for a couple of months, there's still time

to get a tuxedo that isn't older than your bride.

Actually,

we're moving the wedding up. And I'm in over my head. Would you consider

planning our wedding?

Well, I'm really booked up, and I don't know you that well. I wouldn't know what

you like.

Oh, princess.

Yes, Daddy?

That's gone in the wedding toast.

Excuse me, Lindsay. I need to talk to Angie for a moment, please. No problem.

I've got an MP3 player on my phone.

So, uh, you won't plan the wedding because you're still upset about how

Lindsay is.

Pimp don't paint, don't plate me that way.

Let's talk in the other room.

Who's that?

Max, that's going to be your grandma.

So do you want to plan the wedding or not?

Because if the answer is no, I'll just take my money elsewhere.

Well, I'm surprised you have any money left after everything else you bought

her. The necklace, the purses, the car.

Daddy, don't you think there's a chance she could be using you?

Well, Angie, wait a minute. He's not the victim here.

Think about all the horrible things she has to do to get that stuff.

Look, imagine being kissed all over by that mustache.

It's like being run over by a street sweeper.

I can't plan a wedding I don't approve of.

Come on, she's not using me.

Why is it so crazy that a woman like Lindsay could love me?

Well, you know, you got the tall, short thing.

The hot, not hot thing. The alive, half -dead thing.

I made a list the other night. What'd I do with that?

But it feels like Lindsay loves me.

Well, then again, it felt like my first wife loved me, but after 40 years of

marriage, she cheated on me.

Come on, Vic. Look, I'm messing with you, man. Like, hey, I'm sure Lindsay

you.

Hey, man to man, do you think she's marrying me for me?

Of course she is, Vic. Stop doubting yourself, man. Hey, trust your

You're right.

What am I worrying about?

I'm getting married.

Well, what's that that you just ripped up? The prenuptial agreement I was going

to have Lindsay sign. George, I'm flying on love, and I don't need a parachute.

Vic, wait!

Lindsay?

There is no love where there is no trust.

I tore up my prenup.

Poppy, now I know you really love me.

We should celebrate.

Let's buy those diamond earrings that I saw in the mall and one of those

cinnamon pretzels that you love.

Oh,

Angie.

Are they gone?

Yeah. You know what? I'm starting to worry about Lindsay, too. We should

her over for dinner and see if she's really after Vic's money.

What made you change your mind?

I don't want to see your dad get hurt.

And neither do I.

That's why I'm so glad I talked him into getting that prenup.

Prenup? What kind of man starts his marriage with a prenup, Angie? I didn't

one with you.

All you had was $12 and some stupid dream about being a rock star.

I wish I had a prenup right now. I'd give you $6 and half my pain.

That was a great meal. I can't wait for dessert.

So, Lindsay, why did you fall in love with Vic?

Well, it was love at first sight. When I saw Vic sitting in the coffee shop, he

was more handsome than I imagined.

That is so romantic.

I hope that happens to me, but right now, I'm still looking.

I don't know if you ever thought about this, but I'm closer to being 26 than I

am to zero.

Wait, wait.

Yeah, I am.

Stop hitting on family, man. It's just lazy.

Lindsay, other than my dad's good looks, what else do you love about him?

I know what you're getting at, and you're worried about our age difference,

age is just a number.

Victor is so confident that I forgot all about that.

I love your dad for a part.

That's good, because you may have to massage it on your honeymoon to keep him

alive.

Angie, will you reconsider and plan our wedding, please?

I saw your sample book, and you have amazing taste.

Well, if I take this on, we have to start planning right away. When are you

free? I can do it any day, but Tuesdays and Thursdays. Lindsay is a saint. She

volunteers at the Safe Harbor Shelter for battered women.

Angie, can you help me with dessert?

Since when do you help with dessert?

I'm inspired by their love.

you inspired by love? In the kitchen.

So I think I got a good read on Lindsay. Me too. I think she's really

sweet and she loves my dad.

She loves my dad.

She's in it for the money, Angie. She's lying through her teeth.

What? You don't know that.

Angie, I played enough poker to spot someone's tail. Every time she said

something that wasn't true, she was playing with her earring.

I love your dad, Victor, for his heart.

You have amazing taste, Angie. I saw your sample book. She was like that.

That's when I knew she was lying.

I think you're way off base about Lindsay.

Am I?

What are you doing? Don't worry about what I'm doing. Worry about your own

George.

I'm going to prove to you she wasn't telling the truth. I can't believe you

for that.

or anything, I think she's being sincere.

You know what, Angie? You're right.

Why can't I believe people?

How was that? Was that sincere?

Hello?

Yes, is this a safe harbor shelter for battered women?

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that was an aggressive tone.

Yes, I'm trying to reach Lindsay Cafferty. She volunteers there on

Thursdays.

Aha! I knew it. She's a lying gold digger. Oh, no, not you. You didn't do

anything.

No, no, no. You don't have anything coming to you.

What's going on in here?

Vic, I called the shelter where Lindsay says she volunteers. They never heard of

her. I just thought you should know.

That's impossible.

Why would she lie to me?

Lindsay? May I speak to you?

Coming, Papi.

George just called the shelter and they said they've never heard of you.

Do you work there or not?

I can't believe you don't trust me.

I need to know where you were.

Okay, you have to know.

Fine. Tuesdays and Thursdays, I've been taking Spanish lessons so I could say my

wedding vows to you in your language.

Pero ahora arruinaste mi sorpresa.

Oh, she's good. She's like that.

Oh, Lindsay, I'm so sorry.

Maybe we're not ready to get married if you don't trust me.

No, Lindsay.

Lindsay,

wait. What did he say? What the... What the hell is wrong with you?

Yesterday you told me to trust my instinct about Lindsay and now you're

her of lying?

Vic, man, she was touching her ear. Oh, she's an ear -toucher.

So I can't marry her now.

Stay out of my life.

You know it is more so.

Well, you totally misread that one.

Something's not right with her, Angie. Trust me, I know women.

Oh, yeah?

Then what am I thinking right now?

That I'd like to be mad at George, but I can't because he's too damn hot.

I must turn away.

I must flee the room or surrender myself to him.

But one last thing, Faye.

So how did you know that Lindy was lying?

She pulled her ear, man. She's got a tail, dude. Everybody does.

I don't have a tail.

Dude, you giggle every time you get good cards. No, I don't.

Oh, damn it! I had a full house! Golly!

Hey, what was Lindsay's lie, anyway?

That she volunteered in a battered women's shelter.

Oh, that was her story?

She's cheating.

Well, how do you know?

Because the lie was too big. You don't know how many times I have told married

guys I've been dating, keep it simple.

Say you have to work late, or... You got stuck in traffic, or you have to pick

up milk on your way home.

Oh, jeez, I didn't realize how late it is.

Well, where are you going?

Pick up some milk.

You know what?

Penny's right.

You ever seen the show Cheaters?

They follow people around with a hidden camera, catch them in big lies.

They're always cheating.

That's why I'm a bachelor.

No woman's ever gonna two -time me.

Dude, no woman's ever going to one -time you.

You should call that show and have them investigate Lindsay.

Well, you know, I got to do something, but I'm not going to embarrass Vic on

I'll just hire a private investigator.

Yeah, that's got to cost you like $400 a day. Cheaters pays you. You know, as

you were saying that, I was thinking about cheaters.

Here's the waivers.

I'm Joey Greco. Thanks for coming to Cheaters. Listen,

I only have a few minutes. What's your story? Well, we think a friend of ours

getting cheated on, and we need proof.

How long do you think she's been cheating on you?

Oh, it's not me, man. We really are here for a friend.

Guys, this show's not called Friends of Cheaters.

We're done.

Oh, okay.

I'm the one who's getting cheated on. I didn't want to say anything because I'm

embarrassed. This never happened to me.

Joey, I love her so much.

Take it easy.

We'll follow your girl around with cameras.

We'll show you what we find.

If she is having an affair, you'll get to confront her on TV.

All right.

But tell your censor to be ready, because I'm going to go off.

I knew you were cheating on me. You and... All right.

I'm going to need some more information about him.

Oh, yeah. Her name is Lindsay Cafferty.

She's my fiancée.

Like you're a catch, man. Is your girlfriend that hot?

You tell me.

That's her.

Oh.

Whatever, I don't even like blondes.

But your fiancée's blonde.

Yeah, and would I be here if we weren't having problems?

George,

George, George.

The crew... from cheaters just pulled up.

I can't wait to see what they found.

Why are you squinting?

Dude, are you wearing makeup?

I want to look good on TV.

But I got some mascara in my eye. It burns like hell, George.

What are the trendy 911?

We're not going to be on TV, man. We're going to get the evidence for Vic and

then we're going to bail out.

Hey, George. Hey, Joey. Are you ready to do this?

Yeah. Okay.

Right here.

Roll.

I guess it's time to know the truth.

We started following Lindsay a few days ago.

Now we're... Oh, Angie, what are you doing here?

The caterer had to cancel.

Why is there a camera crew here?

Is it the whole makeover show?

Who's this?

This is my sister, Angie.

Angie, it's time you knew. I thought my fiance, Lindsay, was cheating on me, so

I called cheaters to get to the bottom of it.

I don't believe you. You are such an idiot.

No, you are booger -faced monster sisters, huh?

Okay, we followed Lindsay for a few days. At first, we thought you had

to worry about.

And then she met this man.

That's daddy.

So your fiancé is cheating on you with your dad.

He's family, man. We're cool with that. What else you got?

I've seen enough.

Why are you pushing this? Why can't you just admit you were wrong about Lindsay?

Look, Angie, I was trying to make your dad feel better, and he tore up his

prenup because of me, so we have to know for sure. Excuse me.

But she met another man.

Oh, no.

You were right.

Oh, no, not... the cheaters guys again

You're going to kill him.

You could just blurt it out, break his heart, and take a picture of him.

That's the Lopez way.

You are not going to believe what just happened.

Let's make it a game. I bet I can top you.

I just spent three hours on the phone with your mother.

Really? I didn't know you two were talking.

Well, I didn't want her to hear from someone else that I was... getting

again. But after I told her, she broke down and said she made a mistake leaving

me. Can you believe it?

She even asked me to take her back.

That's great!

Is it?

I mean, I realized I'd never stop loving Emelina.

But I love Lindsay, too. Who do I choose?

Emelina.

But if I go back to Emelina, it's going to

devastate Lindsay.

You might be surprised, Vic.

She's pretty flexible.

It's wonderful, but it's terrible at the same time.

Daddy, I know Lindsay is young and pretty, but what you have with Mommy is

much deeper.

Don't throw that away.

Well, one thing is for sure. We have to put the wedding on hold.

Angie, would you call the caterer and everyone for me? Done.

Hey, George.

There's no way I can get an impartial answer from my daughter.

Am I a fool to go back to a woman who cheated on me?

Well, you're going to have to get over that one way or another.

What do you mean?

Nothing. Emelina's lucky to have you, man. You're a great guy.

George, you're lying.

I know your tail.

Dick, I don't have a tail. Oh, yes, you do.

You look away, cut your head, and say something nice to me.

That is an excellent observation. You are a bright man.

All right.

Out with it.

Look, I didn't trust Lindsay, so I called this TV show that follows people

around.

They found her cheating on you, man. It's all on tape.

You forgot to look away and cock your head.

I know, man. I'm sorry, Vic.

I don't believe it.

She was lying to me the whole time.

Forget her, Vic. You're getting that Melina back, man. The love of your life,

mother of your children. Hey, owner of half your stuff.

You can get some good clothes back.

You know, I do really miss her.

Hey.

Thank you for having my back on this one.

You got it, man.

You know, it's hard to admit, but I was always worried that I wouldn't be able

to keep Lindsay satisfied.

What?

Vic, if anybody can, you can, brother. You're a stud.