Original subtitles

Hey, George, here you go.

I feel pretty good about this. I think I got a good shot at winning the contest.

Nice job, brother. You're in the lead. Really?

All right, Reno!

Oh, now you're in second.

Third.

Hey, Ernie, you're back in the lead. Really?

No, how could that be possible?

All right, everyone, the contest is over. I need your productivity numbers.

Let's see who's going to Reno.

Hey, George, ask me where I'm going.

I already know where you're going, Mom. It's hot, full of sinners, and you'll be

dating Hitler. That's his punishment.

No, I'm going to Reno because I am going to win the contest. I asked around.

Nobody's got as good a number as mine.

No way. You made these up.

Uh -uh. Go out there and check the warehouse.

See, I haven't worked so hard since I tried to teach you how to spell cat.

You never taught me anything. You just punished me.

Wasn't hooked on phonics. I was hooked to a radiator.

Look, I know that I have got the highest number. So, like I told the guy I

picked up at Thirsty's last night, cut the chit -chat and give Mama what she

came for.

All right.

Everyone gather round.

Look, I just want to thank you all for working so hard this last month.

You're all winners and you all should be going to Reno.

I said should!

Only one of you is going.

Just hand out the trip.

Okay, Mom.

The winner is... Gina Sorenstam. I dare him to go to Reno!

This is crap!

I should have won and you know it! I had the highest numbers!

Age don't count, sweetheart.

I just want everyone to know that I did not sleep with George to get this.

a trip for two and I don't have anyone to take with me.

Sleeping in a king -sized bed is going to be awfully lonely.

Without a king.

A fine -ass king.

Gina, the hotel in Reno doesn't have turndown service, but I do. No.

You fixed it. You're crazy. No, I should have won, but you just couldn't let me,

could you? Huh? Because you know why? You have never won anything in your

life. Hey, I won lots of things. You just weren't there to see it. A Little

League championship, a battle of the bands, funniest kid in third grade.

Where does a skunk go to college?

P .U.

It still holds up.

So that's why you wouldn't let me win this trip, huh? Because I missed a few

things? Mom, it's over. You lost.

Get back to work. No, it's not over.

You screwed me, and now I am going to get you.

It's payback time.

Oh, uh, what are you going to do, raise me again?

There's nothing you can do to hurt me now.

We'll see about that.

one of your loved ones will die.

This can't be happening.

You had a lifetime guarantee I was supposed to go first.

You!

How does it feel to have something stolen from you? Hurt, doesn't it? If

touch another one of my clubs, Mom, I swear to God, I will take your... I will

hurt your...

Damn it, there's nothing she cares about.

What is going on? We had a productivity contest at work, and my mom's mad

because she lost. Don't call me mom.

You are not my son anymore.

Yes!

Finally, the nightmare ends.

Maybe now I can find a real mom. I'm going to put an ad in the paper.

Looking for non -smoker.

Must be adult height.

Angie, he cheated me. I should have won. I had the highest numbers.

Is that true?

Did he have the highest numbers? Look, she's been cheating on her time card for

years. What does that have to do with this contest?

I did the work.

Well, whoever did the most work should win. I mean, George, you have to be a

of your word. Why?

She's never been a man of her word.

I said if I got a B, that I could go to Treetop Rangers camp.

Well, I got the B.

But you never let me go, did you, Mom?

Oh, my God.

That was like 30 years ago.

When did this stop?

Boy, the bucket never comes up empty from your pity well, does it?

While all the kids were camping and getting Indian names, I was alone in the

backyard.

So I had to come up with my own name, Boy Who Plays With Himself.

After I told the other rangers my name, nobody would do the secret handshake

with me anymore.

George, George, I am so sorry that I didn't let you go camping.

I'm sorry I wasn't the perfect mom, but I won this trip fair and square.

You just don't get it, do you? Angie, explain to my mom why I can't give her

trip. Explain.

Too wrong, don't make a right.

That's a weird way to put it, but thank you.

I was talking about you.

What?

As horrible as she was to you, and you were horrible.

That was in the past. You can't punish her for that now.

Are you siding with my mom?

George, right is right.

No!

You're my wife.

I support you. You support me.

Think very carefully about the next thing you say.

Are you siding with my mom? I'm siding with your mom.

I don't think you understood me.

Because I will leave this house right now unless you back me up. So, are you

siding with your husband or are you siding with my mom? I'm siding with your

mom. Last chance!

Your mom. Yeah!

And our waitress is beautiful.

So fool, ask her out.

No way, she's out of my league.

Here you go, boys. Two more shots of mezcal. Anything else I can get you?

Uh, yeah, my friend has something he wants to ask you.

Ask her, man, ask.

Ask her.

Um, I was wondering, um, Friday night around seven, um,

what's your soup gonna be?

We don't have soup. Sorry for wasting your time.

My bad. Wow, she didn't go for the soup line. She's obviously a lesbian.

What's your soup? Da loco, what's your soup?

Ali, you don't have to take it out on me just because you have problems at home.

I can't believe Angie took my mom's side after all that that woman's done to me.

Hey, George, you might have had a rough childhood, but you got a great life now.

Okay, you got Angie, a great family. You managed the plant. You got Angie.

You said Angie twice.

Did I?

I'm sure it doesn't mean anything.

Dude, all I know is for somebody who has a better life than I do, you should

complain a lot.

You know what? That's easy for you to say. You had a great mom.

Don't drink that, George.

You got the one with the worm, man. That thing has all kinds of weird

psychedelic properties.

No, it doesn't.

Hey, maybe I'll have a psychedelic vision and forget all about my horrible

Nope. Nothing.

See? I'm fine with that. Hello.

Okay. Hey, but if you start feeling weird, lock me! No!

trying to make you more comfortable.

What was that? Hey, what did you do to me?

Kicked you, funny bunny.

Warm cinnamon roll?

What's going on?

Oh, you dozed off watching TV.

Where am I? You're home, Angel.

Home?

Angel? Hey, are you drunk?

Drinking before five.

I don't think so.

Look at all these pictures of me.

Yes, it's almost time to put up the summer ones.

So I live here with you? Well, until you meet a girl who's good enough for you.

And you know, I don't think someone like that really exists.

You know, I had the weirdest dream.

That you were always mean to me, telling me that my head was too big.

You could never.

God made your head that way so it could cradle that big, wonderful brain.

Lemonade?

What's this?

Oh, that's the weekend you went camping with the treetop rangers.

I went?

What are you doing there?

I went to the dance. mother silly. Oh, we had the best time ever.

Well, you must remember that cub at Mama Bear's side.

That's my Indian name.

Yes, and it's still true.

I love you.

I love you, Mom.

I love you more.

This is weird.

Your hair smells like shampoo instead of cigarettes.

I don't know what's going on, but it's awesome.

Joe!

I'll see you at lunch, Mom. Oh, actually, honey, we need to talk. Now,

upset, but word around the factory is that there are going to be some layoffs,

and your name has been mentioned. Me? What did I just...

Don't you worry about a thing.

It doesn't matter to me if you keep this job or not. I'll always love you.

You'll always be cub at Mama Bear's side.

All right, everyone.

I'm afraid we're going to have to let some of you go.

It's a hard decision to make, so I'm not going to do it.

I'm going to turn it over to the best damn manager this plan ever had.

That would be me. Watch out.

Hello.

Thanks, Mel. I got it from here.

Now, I'm going to give you all a chance to fight for your job, all right?

George, you're first.

Ernie. Ernie, I just want you to know, if my job is in jeopardy, I'll do

anything you want.

You say jump, I'll say... On what?

Good to know, Gina.

I'm going to get right to the point, George.

In your department, I've got to fire one guy. It's between you and Mikey Cruz.

No, not Mikey. He's got a wife and three kids. He needs his job. What's he going

to do?

Oh, Kayla, George.

Your job's at stake, and you're sticking up for the other guy.

This is your problem.

You're a good worker, but you're just too soft.

I'm not soft.

I was playing Monopoly last night with my mom, and she landed on my property,

and she didn't have any money, and I said, soft can't pay up.

George, you're my best friend.

I'm going to protect your job on this, but you've got to learn to stick up for

yourself. Grow some backbone.

I got backbone.

Oh, please.

That's not true. I just haven't found anyone good enough.

My mom says she might not even exist.

There's plenty of women right here at the factory.

What about Tanya?

You're coming over to dinner tonight.

Why don't you bring her?

I told you, I already have a date. I'm bringing my mom.

Tanya.

Ernie, what are you doing? She's out of my league.

Tanya, George has something to ask you.

Come here. George, come here.

Oh, man, that's a girl.

Ask her.

Ask her. Ask her. Ask her.

Um, I was just thinking, uh, later on, around seven,

do you think there's still going to be any coffee left?

How the hell should I know?

Sorry for bothering you.

Hey, my bad, man. She didn't go for the coffee line. She's obviously a lesbian.

Will there be any coffee left at that local? Will there be any coffee left?

but you gotta hide it better than that, sorry.

Don't be so hard on George.

I'm flattered.

Is everything okay?

Yeah, we heard someone yelling.

You could hear the earth turning with those ears.

Hey, don't make fun of my kids, brother.

Yeah, your kids.

Oh, man.

Kids, why don't you go wash up? Dinner will be ready in a minute.

What's for dinner, Beto? What's for dessert?

What do you want? You know what I want. Watch out. Stop it!

Stop what?

I can't take it anymore, man. Angie's my wife. Those are my kids.

This is my house, and this is my life.

You're losing it, man.

Daddy, will you take a look at George? I think there's something wrong with him.

I'll tell you what's wrong.

My mom loves me.

In my professional opinion, you are having a hallucinogenic reaction to

me.

I'm in your belly.

Watch me dance.

George! George, wake up! George!

George, wake up! Wake up!

What's going on?

Dude, you wake up!

No, I'm the manager of the factory.

Angie's my wife.

My mom's an evil woman, right?

Yeah, what's wrong with you?

Man, I had this weird dream that my mom was sweet and she took care of me.

That must have been great.

No, everything was backwards.

You had my job and were married to Angie.

I was?

And you guys were kissing and everything. Isn't that crazy?

freaking worm you have.

Better than Ernie, huh?

I told you it was a Christmas party ten years ago. He ambushed me under the

mistletoe. Let it go.

I love you, Angie. I love you so much and the kids and everything. I couldn't

ask for a better life. Mom!

You know what I just realized, Angie? That I had the guts to go after you and

the manager's job, too.

All because my mom was so tough on me.

I just found a tiny diamond in the pile of crap that was my childhood!

What do you want?

You're going to Reno.

I knew you'd back down, you big wuss.

Thank you, Mom.

For what? For saying things like that.

I'm anything but a wuss.

If you weren't so tough on me, I'd be the type of person who just sat back and

let somebody destroy my clubs. Instead, I'm the type of person who breaks into

their car and takes this.

That's my steering wheel. You'll get it back when I get back my golf clubs and

the new driver you're going to buy me. How am I supposed to do that if I can't

use my car?

I'm going to say the same thing to you that you said to me when I was eight and

I stepped on that nail that went through my foot.

Not my problem!

I got your message.

How many worms did he eat? I cut him off at five.

Dude, you know you're dancing?

Yeah, I know.

Well, do you know you're dancing alone?

You'll have to dip me, Ernie.

I don't have any arms.

Okay, time to go home. Follow the shining star.