Original subtitles

Parale, Lady Susan.

That's your break time. Get back to work. There are no parts to inspect.

they're only slowing down the line.

You might want to wake up Queen Latina.

Is the toast ready?

What are you doing sleeping on the job?

Oh, I'm sorry, George. I just sat down for a minute to rest my knees. I guess I

must have knotted off.

I don't know why they're bothering me so much.

You know, you're supposed to listen to your body, and right now your knees are

screaming, you're crushing us, eat a salad.

So I gained a couple of pounds.

A couple of pounds? You're huge.

You know, you might want to check your belly button. I think I saw a cat crawl

in there to have kittens.

Your sore knees are slowing down production.

You know, Ernie, maybe if you lost a few pounds... Hey, you know what?

I'm doing fine, all right? If anything's slowing me down, it's you asking me

questions while I have work to do. Now leave me alone.

Vamanos. I gotta go pick up a load with my forklift.

Is it your lunch?

You better take that back. Don't eat me.

Mom, ease up on Ernie. Oh, what do you care?

I'm the manager, and it's my job to defend the workers.

You never defended me.

That's not true.

I cleaned the stall in the men's room where all that nasty stuff was written

about you.

What did it say?

I don't remember. I wrote it a long time ago.

wants mini donuts. There's no stopping him, huh?

Could you lose control of the forklift? I don't know what happened.

The steering wheel just locked up on me.

God. I bet people are already making jokes about me hitting the vending

No. I said no one makes jokes about my friend in my factory.

Besides, they're going crazy in the parking lot.

He wants dibs on your tusks.

Hey, Ernie. How you doing?

I'm fine.

I'm sorry about the accident, Mel. Oh, don't you worry about it, buddy. You

what? Accidents happen.

We can replace that vending machine and the forklift, but we can't replace you.

That's a lot, Mel.

All right.

Time to replace Lardo.

What? The guys in the shop checked the forklift. There is nothing wrong with

steering wheel. Ernie couldn't turn the wheel because his gut is too big. That's

ridiculous, Mel. Look, his gut might be big enough to accidentally push buttons

on the copier.

But it's not big enough to jam a steering wheel.

How many copies? 500.

But I'll tell you this. If we can't find Larry's cat, it's not because we didn't

get the word out.

It's not just the accident. He's gotten too big to do his job.

Fire him.

Mel, you just can't fire somebody for being overweight.

No, my lawyer said that if Ernie is slowing down production and wrecking

equipment, those are undue burdens, and I can fire him for that.

Okay, then you can't fire somebody without giving him a warning.

Look, Ernie's one of our best employees. Give him a chance to lose the weight.

He's not going to be able to do that. These fatties have no self -control.

They're just weak people.

Come on, Mel. I mean, you should understand. I mean, you're an alcoholic.

Who told you that?

Someone in the meeting talked?

Margaret F. in accounting?

When she's drinking, that F isn't for faithful, my friend.

Just give Ernie some time, okay? I give you my word, he'll lose the weight.

All right, fine.

I'll give him a month to lose 20 pounds. But if he doesn't, he's out of here.

Don't worry, Mel. I'll whip him into shape.

By the end of the month, hey, he'll be back down to a seat cup.

You can't motivate anyone.

You just need to think of a way for him to kill his appetite.

Mom,

you have any naked pictures of yourself?

That last one tasted like hot dog.

Hey, George.

Oh, glad to see the accident didn't hurt your appetite.

Oh, hombre, it was like a wake -up call. I realized how precious life is.

You gotta savor it, watch out.

That's great, Ernie, but do you have to deep -fry life and dip it in blue cheese

dressing?

This is ranch, smartass.

Look, Ernie, you gotta stop eating.

Man, I mean...

People at the factory are asking me when you're due.

Man, I know I'm a little huskier, but I'm happy with who I am. Besides, it's

what's on the outside that counts, it's what's on the inside.

Yeah, and beauty's only skin deep inside doesn't matter. You know who says that?

Ugly people out there with tiny churros.

You know, you gotta quit making fun of people's appearances.

There's not a hat in the world that would fit that head.

I thought you people were supposed to be jolly.

Come on, man. Look, your productivity's down and you crashed a forklift because

your stomach's too big.

Mel told me he's going to give you a month to lose 20 pounds, so you're out

job.

I'd like to see him try and fire me.

I'll sue.

I'll own the plant.

Why are you making such a big deal out of this, man? Lose a few pounds, it'll

good for you. No, George.

I'm tired of everyone pushing me around.

Enough's enough.

It's time I pushed back.

For once in my life, I'm going to stand up for my own dignity.

The ship has sailed on this dignity thing.

cake here this morning. Well, Ernie's coming over and we want him to lose

weight, so I need to get rid of all the fattening food.

Well, you don't have to eat it. Why don't you just hide it? This is for

He has no self -control.

Now go to the store and want ice cream.

You know, if I close my I could swear a little girl is punching this bag.

Come on, visualize something that really annoys you and hit it as hard as you

can.

I want to, but the bag's in the way.

Hey, what are you guys doing?

I thought we were going to watch a game. Oh, I'm taping it. I thought maybe we

could throw a few punches.

Hey, why don't you take over? All right, I'll do it, Sean.

Remember, pace yourself, huh?

Start with a couple of jabs, then throw in some combinations.

I took it easy. That's connected to the house. You're going to bring the whole

thing down.

George, it's never going to get a workout this way.

Workout?

I came over here to watch a game.

Why, would that make you mad enough to chase me around the block three times a

week before work?

Cut it out. I don't want to exercise.

Look, Ernie, you got to do something, man. You're going to end up as heavy as

your mom.

Hey, watch it now.

Ernie, your mother is morbidly obese.

You inherited her genes.

If you don't exercise and eat better, you're headed for diabetes and heart

disease.

You know, you two would be in a...

unleashed on that bag.

Hey, and just so you know, I already talked to a lawyer and he sent a letter

the Powers Brothers saying that if they fire me, I'm going to sue them for

wrongful termination.

Ernie, you can't win in court, okay? Mel's got a real lawyer.

Not a guy who's advertising on the same bus he's riding on.

You know what?

If you were really my friend, you'd accept me the way I am.

Because when I look at the two mirrors that I put up side by side of my house,

I'm okay. with what I see.

So what's a nice, healthy snack of carrots?

Nice try.

What? You're pushing carrots, but you got cake in your teeth.

You're a horrible host.

What happened?

Couldn't get through to Ernie.

It's hopeless.

I've had patients like that.

They fill their emptiness with greasy French fries and deep fry down your

Bacon cheeseburger dripping with saturated fat.

I'm going to make a run. Anyone want anything?

Dad, your boss is here.

Mel, what's going on? I just got a letter from Ernie's lawyer accusing me

being prejudiced against fat people.

Does no one remember how big my second wife was?

Oh, yeah, I remember Cheryl.

She wore that green dress to the Christmas party, and you fired that guy

accidentally put an ornament on her.

George, I want you to fire Ernie.

Come on, Mel. Ernie's a great worker. Save it. All right, you gave him a

warning, and instead of losing the weight, he turns around and he sues me.

don't want to see Ernie at that factory again.

The good job is all he has, Mel. He's going to be crushed.

All right, do what I did to my second wife.

Write you're out of here on a cake.

That way she was able to get good news and bad news.

Well, I think I can get Mel to change his mind if I could get Ernie to drop

lawsuit. But he still has to lose the weight.

I don't know how I'm going to get him to do that. I mean, he won't even admit he

has a problem.

It's a defense mechanism.

Ernie's eating emotionally to cover up some pain.

The question is, what is Ernie's pain?

He's not married.

He doesn't have a girlfriend.

It's got to be that he's lonely.

The irony is... The more he eats, the less attractive he becomes to women.

That's it. It makes perfect sense.

Subconsciously, he's eating to reject women before they reject him. It's a

-fulfilling prophecy.

You know, there might be an emotional reason behind this.

You didn't hear a word I said.

I think I'm on to something.

to the place next door for lunch.

Later. I need a new suit. Hey, and if you don't listen to me and take Mel to

court, you're going to need one too.

That's a good idea.

All I got is my lucky purple suit from prom.

Lucky, you went with your cousin and she gave birth in the bathroom.

Can I help you, gentlemen?

We're looking for a couple of suits.

Now, I know what I want, but my friend here might need some help. Are we

shopping for a special occasion?

Well, I might be in court.

Yeah, I'll be standing up there for my rights, and my man here will be right

beside me. Oh, good for you.

They'll take our taxes, but they won't let us walk down the aisle.

It's not like that, man. We're not gay.

That's a weird thing to just blurt out like that, George.

What size pants do you wear?

Oh, well, now, I used to be 36, but I gained a few pounds since then, so I

I'm 38, 40.

And what shall we be doing with the other leg?

Hey, man, if my friend says he's a 40, then he's a 40. Get him a 40.

Okay.

I got a 40 over here.

You rip it, you buy it.

I look around for pants in a different style.

Don't sweat it, man. They run small.

These are one size bigger.

Try these.

Oh, now we're talking.

Do they fit?

Yeah. These feel good.

Like they were made for me.

I guess I'm going to have to accept the fact that I'm a 42 now.

Ernie, I brought those.

Those are your mom's pants. They're a 50, man. Mel told me to fire you. You're

obese and you're gonna die.

I kind of meant to space that out, but, well, you know, here we are.

Oh, my God.

These are my mom's church pants.

And they fit.

I want to rub it in, but they look a little tight in the waist.

I'm wearing fat lady pants.

How did this happen?

Dude, outside of Chicago, your stomach is the biggest beef processing plant in

the country.

I tried to stop eating, but I couldn't.

Ever since I moved out of my parents' house, I just started gaining all this

weight. You know, Ernie, your life was supposed to get better when you got your

own bachelor pad. Girls buy the pool parties.

No girl would be interested in me.

Well, not now. You made sure of that.

What do you mean?

Look, you've always been afraid of women rejecting you.

When you were living with your parents, you used that as your excuse.

When you moved out, you needed another one. So what did you do, man? You gained

so much weight that you guaranteed that women would reject you.

I was explaining this to Angie yesterday. It's called a self

prophylactic.

That makes sense.

I never thought of it like that.

God, look at me.

I'm such a loser.

You're not a loser.

You're a good guy with a great heart that happens to be working its ass off

right now.

How am I ever going to lose 20 pounds by the end of the month?

Look, I'm going to help you.

Okay, we'll work out together.

I got your back no matter what, Ernie. Hey, if Kirstie Alley can kind of do it,

then so can you.

Thanks, George.

And you know what? I'm going to start today.

Yeah, I'm going to have a salad for lunch, and then I'm going to go for a

Yeah, well, let's start with some speed walking.

I'm not too fast to jog.

It's not that. These pants you rip cost $200.

Move it. You're in training. All right.

Where are you going?

It's the sound of all these zippers. I got to get them home.

Hey, George.

Call Mel.

You ready to weigh in? Hey, no problem.

Watch out.

pounds in one month.

Did you celebrate?

Yeah, I sure did.

I doubled my portion of cauliflower.

That was good.

Vegetables, fruits.

I can't get enough of those.

I miss pizza so much.

And fried chicken.

And gravy.

And mashed potatoes.

Here's one of your carrots. Look, eat one of your carrots.

You've had your month. Let's do this. Remember, anything less than 20 pounds,

and you're out of here.

I think you're going to be proud of me, Mel. Yeah?

I've been dieting and working out hard.

I think you're in for a big surprise.

Yeah, not as big a surprise as that scale's in for.

What? Huh?

Oh.

What's it say?

Hang on. It's still spinning.

Hey, he lost 17 pounds.

That's almost 20. Isn't that great, Mel?

Almost may work with horseshoes and landing gear.

And not when you made a promise.

I don't understand.

I've been working out hard. I counted calories.

This is the hardest thing I ever had to do in my whole life.

Wait a minute. What were you wearing last night when you weighed yourself?

Oh, I was naked.

I bet if I take my clothes off, I'll make it for sure.

That's all right. That's all right. Well, come back, Ernie.

Hey, George.

Thanks, man. I could have done it without you.

Okay, just remember, you got to keep it up, okay?

Got to stay strong.

Hey, watch out.

All right, take it easy.

Congratulations on losing the weight, Ernie.

You know, there is a pool that says you won't be able to keep it off.

Are you in on it? No, of course not.

Your health is worth more to me than $50.

Someone has picked the lock on the new vending machine.

Why, a fella could eat anything he wants.

Ernie!

You know what? I'm not hungry.

Why do those drapes give you strength?

Back to work, Bat.

Oh, feeling prophylactic.

Um, Nancy, uh, I was wondering if you weren't doing anything this weekend.

we could... You know what? Never mind.

Yo, Nancy.

Friday, 8 o 'clock, dinner, you and me. What do you say?

Don't jump on a fault line.