Original subtitles

George, hey, found this box of junk in the closet. You want me to throw it out?

Oh, slow down. There might be something important in here.

Angie's special memories. Now it's just junk.

Let me see that.

Come on, Angie, there's nothing in here worth keeping. Look, it's a bunch of

dead flowers.

That was my wedding bouquet.

And it's just as beautiful with coffee grounds on it.

Oh, my God, I don't believe this. I've been looking for these for years.

George, these are the letters the priest asked us to write to each other as part

of our premarital counseling.

I didn't know you guys went to counseling before you got married.

What, do you have problems, doubts, issues, fantasy lovers?

Yeah, you know, every time I was with her, I kept thinking about you.

have to do to get married in the church george do you realize inside these

letters that's how we felt about each other before we got married oh i can't

wait to open them and see how our love has grown or dried up and died

i'm gonna open this letter because i could use a laugh

no these are private i haven't read angie's and she hasn't read mine

George, we were supposed to open these on our 10th anniversary, but we couldn't

find them.

Why don't we open them this anniversary?

Because it's coming up, you know.

I know it's coming up.

In three days?

Four days. Wow, already five days?

Two days. Wow.

You know, I can't wait to hear what you wrote when you were 19 years old.

Hey, why don't we make this a drinking game?

We'll do a shot.

Every single time George used the word dude.

Dude, I love you so much, dude.

hard it is for you to find me anniversary gifts. So, this year, why

skip all that and just read the letters to each other?

But I wanted to buy you something really expensive.

Like that thing you always say you want, but I always pretend to forget what it

is.

What is it again, and where do they sell it?

Nothing we buy could ever be as romantic as what we wrote to each other.

I really poured my soul into my letter.

I can't wait to read what you wrote.

No anniversary present could ever match it.

You remember

what you wrote?

I think I said I wanted a bender like a pretzel.

All my friends know the lowrider.

The lowrider is a little higher.

What are you guys doing?

Oh, uh...

We're putting a ceiling fan in the bedroom.

I've been asking for a fan in the bedroom for 15 years.

And you've had one, baby.

Bravo! Keep up the good work.

Just remember, it's not a race.

So where are the letters?

Make it sound like we're working. Yeah, all right.

It's a saw, fool.

Oh,

man,

I'm glad I caught this.

Why? What'd you write?

Sorry I coughed in your ear, but your butt is smoking.

That's the lyrics to a song we never finished.

Three -alarm butt fire.

Yeah.

Your seat's in heat and I'm no liar. I want to stop, drop, and roll because

butt's on fire.

You know what?

Give me a minute. I got to rewrite this.

What are you going to say?

Something romantic.

Something from way down deep. How I really feel about Angie.

You got anything?

You are unspoiled perfection.

Your smile, your heart, your soul.

Slow down.

You're an amazing wife, friend, and mother to my children.

I don't deserve you.

I really, really don't deserve you.

Make some more noise. I want to read what Angie wrote. Oh, all right.

What's it say?

Since you're reading this, you already know what I did and you found a way to

forgive me.

I'm ashamed I ever hid it from you. I'm sorry. I love you, Angie.

Oh, my God.

What does it mean, George?

What are they, 40 -year -old virgin?

What else could it mean? She cheated on me.

along cheating.

And you can have the kids because

you're the one who wanted them.

You forced yourself on me. Be patient, honey. I know how you get when you try

put things together.

Yeah, well, I just put two and two together. No, no, no. Calm down.

Calm down.

All right. Angie would never cheat on you.

Okay, give her a chance to explain herself when you open the letter. Okay.

She's way too smart for that. I can't give her time to come up with a good

story.

I got to pretend like we're talking. I'll be like, oh, yeah, really? Wow, how

ironic.

But I'll really be doing, watch out, it's perplexing her thoughts. Watch out,

symposiums.

She'll be putty in my mind.

And that's just a little taste, my friend.

Happy anniversary, honey.

Listen,

Angie, before we open the letters, I have another gift I want to give you.

Something very special.

I promise you're going to get lucky, but for once, can't we just eat first?

Not that.

Look, I was thinking the most wonderful gift we could give each other for our

anniversary is complete honesty.

Okay, so I wanted to tell each other everything and clean the slate.

I've been asking for this for years. Why now?

I don't know. It's perplexing, isn't it?

Thank you.

Uh, so we'll be completely honest with each other? Yes.

And no matter how big a secret we reveal, we won't get mad at each other,

We'll have total amnesty for total honesty.

That's the way it should be.

Okay, I'll go first.

I stole these flowers from the cemetery.

You see, I feel so much closer to you.

And Edna Johnson, beloved wife and mother, your turn.

Whenever I run out of minutes on my phone, I use your phone so it looks like

you're the one going over.

Then I nag you about it.

Okay, I've been a little closer. Let's go deeper.

When you dance at parties, you embarrass me and your people.

Well, what are you talking about?

What am I talking about?

And that's at weddings where kids are watching.

Okay. That hurts a little bit, but... Okay.

I can take it. All right, it's your turn, all right? Don't hold back.

I know you do push -ups in the bathroom before sex, but it just makes you sweaty

and tired.

I tried to have your father deported. What?

You called me a loser. I made a phone call. Your turn. Come on, keep them

coming.

I don't have anything else. Not bigger than deporting my dad.

Nothing over our whole marriage? No!

Not even, like, a betrayal from before we were married? I won't get mad.

Well... Aha!

I'm sorry I scared you. Remember, total amnesty.

So long ago, it's not even worth talking about.

Oh, come on, Ants. You can tell me anything.

All right.

My dad put $20 ,000 in a bank account in case I ever wanted to leave you.

Leave me for who?

Your lover? How does he touch you, huh?

Does he talk? Does he cuddle? Because whatever it is, he's gay.

had a lover.

My dad thought our marriage was a mistake and he wanted me to have the

just in case I came to my senses. And I never did, honey.

So you never cheated on me? It was just an account?

Yes.

I'm sorry I never told you about it. It was just so long ago. I forgot about it

myself.

I can live with that.

No.

So, how long after we were married did you close the account?

Uh... Let me make a call.

The account is still open?

George, don't overreact. Okay, wait a minute. So the whole time we've been

married, you thought there was a chance we wouldn't make it? I haven't touched

that passbook in years.

You have a passbook? Where is it?

You're hiding it.

Where's the last place I would ever look?

The kids' baby pictures.

Because when they were little, they looked like Martians.

It's not in there.

Where else would I never look?

Intimacy through communication.

Just touching it burns my fingers.

What do we have here?

Just give me the class book. I'll rip it up and we'll forget about this whole

thing.

What's this?

You took the money out in 93.

But I put it all back the next day.

The next day?

Wait a minute. That means you left me.

Look, it's our anniversary.

Do you want to fight or...

I want some of the good stuff.

I can't believe

you actually left me for a day and I didn't even know about it.

What happened on October 10th, 1993?

Good stuff's getting cold.

I'll do that special thing.

No!

Really? No.

Tell me what happened that day.

What's all this stuff?

Okay, not now, Mom.

Penny, please, leave.

I'm just going to go up to see the kids.

George, please, calm down.

Look, Angie, I have to know.

All right. I'll tell you what happened.

I did leave.

But only because you said the most horrible thing to me ever.

Gee, what was that?

My mom's moving in with us.

What?

That's the most horrible thing you've said to me ever.

Angie, we're broke.

She can help us with the bills.

If she moves in, I move out.

Yeah, right.

I'm serious.

I will leave, George.

Ann, I'll take the kids.

Is that a threat or are you sweetening the deal?

You weren't bluffing.

Until you left me and you had 20 grand.

I didn't actually leave.

I just got in the car and drove to San Diego with the kids and a suitcase full

of money.

You gave up on our marriage.

No. I just couldn't stand the idea of living with your mom.

get curious and read Angie's letters, so I wrote a fake one and switched them.

Where's my original letter? Oh, it's right here.

Why would you do that, Mom?

Oh, come on. I thought it would be funny if I wrote something mysterious and

then Angie would admit some kind of juicy secret like having an affair or

something.

Why would you do that?

I was bored.

For ruining our anniversary.

I might have hidden a small fortune from you, but you... You...

Opened an envelope two hours early.

And I don't know if I could get past that.

Nice try.

But you're not faking your way out of this.

never close the account angie all this time i was committed to our marriage but

you had one hand on me and one hand on the door look i think i deserve two

-handed love but i told my dad i didn't even want

that account he thought you were a loser but i said you would be a great

husband and father and you know what he was wrong and i was right

Then prove to me you're a great wife and mother.

Let's screw your dad out of 20 grand.

So what?

Come on, it'll be easy. We'll pretend to break up. You'll get the money, we'll

get back together.

That's a crazy idea.

I know, so we'll have to sell it, okay? So you pretend to be depressed and stay

in bed, and then I'll go out with other people. What?

Just for a week.

That's it. I'm going to end this once and for all and tell my dad to close

account.

Happy anniversary.

What happened here?

I'll tell you what happened, Vic. Our marriage is over. She's leaving me.

I don't know how you think you're going to survive. You don't have any money.

George, this is ridiculous.

What's ridiculous is you thinking that I could be addicted to airplane glue and

still have a family.

That I'm a huffer. You know what? Just go.

Daddy, George found out about the 20 grand. Would you please close the secret

account? Ah, too late.

I spent the money years ago.

All of it? Well, I have to learn the hard way that America is not ready for

Cuban fast food.

So, rest in peace, Plantain Express.

That was a great idea, Vic.

Mommy doesn't want to cook tonight, kids, so how about a bucket of little

bananas?

Where do you come up with your little put -downs, eh?

Maybe it's when you drive your used car to your crappy factory job where you

make airplane parts.

They don't even trust you to make the whole airplane.

So, are we okay?

Yeah, I think so.

You know, we never got to read our letters.

I have mine right here.

Well, I'll get mine.

George, you're an amazing man.

Giving my heart to you will be the easiest thing I've ever done.

I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you.

Well, the important thing is that you gave it a try.

Let's hear yours.

Andy, you are unspoiled perfection.

Your smile, your heart, your soul.

You're an amazing wife, friend, and mother to my children. I don't deserve

Oh.

That's me, representing.

Even way back then.

Too bad way back then I wasn't the mother of your children. We didn't have

yet.

Explain that.