Original subtitles

So glad you're home.

Can you ever forgive me, George?

No.

When my mom and I had that fight, I told you one of us had to go.

You took her side.

Not gonna work.

Look at the lace.

What do I have to do to make it up to you, honey?

I don't know if you can, Angie.

You mean I have to leave our own house and go live with Ernie? Well, I'll do

anything.

Anything.

I have something in mind.

Remember our weekend at the lake?

Remember our song?

Thank you.

and Angie Song.

I'll be all right. We just had a fight.

She doesn't get that I can't live with my mom anymore.

Not if she's gonna treat me like crap in my own house.

Yeah. Hey, you don't need anybody bringing you down.

It's important that you feel good about yourself.

Oh, no. Not the motivational tapes again.

My morning ritual.

You are a confident, healthy man.

Women find you irresistible.

I am a confident, healthy man.

Women find me irresistible.

Do you have a tape that motivates you to wear a longer robe? Because I'm tired

of waking up to the fruit basket.

Max, before you go, can you take the trash out?

That's Dad's job.

Well, you can do it until he comes home.

If he comes home. Max!

Just temporary.

Your father's coming home.

Yeah? Jimmy Peterson's father said he was leaving for a day and he never came

back. That's different. Jimmy's dad went to Sweden and he came back as Jimmy's

aunt.

If you don't believe me, just check out the giant bear claws on the woman who

picks him up from school.

Dad said he's not coming back until Grandma leaves.

If we can get along with her, why can't he?

Well, honey, sit down.

It's not that simple.

When your grandma moved in, it brought up a lot of old issues with your father.

He had a really tough childhood.

Mainly because of your grandma.

Not judging.

Not listening.

I'll tell you what.

Until your dad comes home, you can be the man of the house.

Oh, Mom, don't forget, I'll be home late. We've got that field trip today.

To where? A strip club?

Go change. You look like a slut. Max!

What? I'm the man of the house.

That's what Dad would say.

Seriously, go change.

All my friends know the lowrider.

The lowrider is a little higher.

Morning, Cardenas.

Morning, Georgie.

I made you some breakfast, George.

Oh.

Juice box, chocolate cereal, and cartoons.

Hey, after breakfast, you want to ride our big wheels?

Well, I'd have to move some stuff around in the garage, but yeah, okay.

Give that cereal a chance to get soggy.

Dude, it says there's a toy airplane in here. Did you get it out?

She's going at that bull pretty fast.

Don't worry.

If it's not salty or sugary, she'll spit it out.

All right, because her eyes just closed and her head went down.

Oh, yeah.

She likes to pray after meals when she has more energy.

Is she still praying?

No, she's sleeping now.

Hey, after work today, I'll clear out half my closet so you can put your suits

in there.

Thanks, but I won't be here that long.

Pretty soon my mom will drive Angie crazy and she'll be begging me to move

What if it takes longer than you think?

I don't care.

Look, I think I can take living here longer than Angie can take living with

mom.

That's all right, Dad. I got it.

What's that bell for? Oh, she's done eating. That's her bathroom bell.

I'm done eating, too.

I tried leaving early this morning.

You want to give me a hand?

I like to pray after I eat, too.

Thank you.

So, how's life at Ernie's?

If it's not work -related, I'm not talking to you.

Fine. I'm just here because I need for you to sign this.

What happened to your back?

Ernie stepped out for a minute, the bell rang, and I didn't lift with my legs.

Well,

I'm having a good time at your house.

Get back to work, Mom.

Yeah, I'm just sitting around with my feet up, letting Angie make all the

decisions.

Did you come up with that last night when you were spooning with Ernie?

That was an accident.

But at least I can keep a man in my bed. That's right.

When Ernie gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, he comes

back.

Yeah?

Oh, yeah, sure, baby, no problem.

All right, I'll see you after work.

I knew it! Pack your bags, bat!

What'd she say?

She wants me to come home tonight. I knew she couldn't take living with you.

She can't kick me out.

Where am I gonna stay?

How about the zoo?

They'll give you a bucket of food till they figure out what you are, tag your

ear, be nice.

The fight's over.

Your mom caved and said she needed me. So I said, I won. Excuse me.

But she says when you guys fight, nobody wins because you could both be right in

your own way.

That there's what we call loser talk.

I'm back.

Who missed their daily dose of vitamin G?

Oh, hey, honey.

I get it.

You don't want to hug me because you're afraid you won't be able to stop

yourself.

You missed this.

You need this. You got to, got to have this.

That's what you need to need to tell yourself.

You staying for dinner? I'll set you another plate.

What do you mean if I'm staying for dinner? There's already four plates

I thought you were kicking my mom out. You said you wanted me home.

I do. I wanted to give you this.

Clean the gutters, change the furnace filter. What the hell is this?

Your chores. They've been piling up since you've been gone.

No, no, no, no, no.

Look, I've made a stand. Angie, you don't do chores once you've made a

You are still part of this family.

And just because you're being stubborn doesn't mean you don't have

responsibilities. Look.

I'm trying to force you to choose between me or my mom. If I do these

the only leverage I'll have would be the good stuff. Watch out. Wait for the

twins.

Circular. I'm going to put it in reverse. Watch out. Beep, beep, beep.

Honey, you know I want you back.

Maybe a little less after that, but I do.

Then why are you taking her side?

I'm not. I'm not taking her side.

I want you home. The only thing keeping you away is you.

No, the only thing keeping me away is the way my mom treats me.

Actually, I can't live with her disrespecting me. Well, it's not easy

us. But her house burnt down, and you know she's afraid to live alone.

But you can't just put her out on the street.

The bars close at 2.

The sun comes up at 6.

We're talking about four hours of her just fighting up weirdos in the park.

is going to live here.

Fine, then I'm not.

Then... I guess there's nothing left to talk about.

Carmen! Mac! Dinner!

Fine, then I'll go.

You're leaving again?

I thought you won.

I did win. I'm just going over to Ernie's to celebrate for a couple days.

watching. Why are we doing this? Because we are a happy family and he needs to

see what he's missing out on.

helping me get my mom out of the tub.

Listen, tell her I'm sorry, man. When she slipped, I just reached out.

I still don't know what I grabbed.

Dude, it's not your fault.

Yeah, I know, but I shouldn't have yelled, oh, gross, it feels like

Hey, don't worry about it.

If you're still here next week, I'll get my dad to help me wash her.

Yeah, well, the way things are going, I probably will be here next week.

Hey, don't take it so hard.

Man, the kids were eating dinner, laughing, having a good time. It didn't

matter that I wasn't there.

Hey, George, I bet deep down they miss you.

Shouldn't have looked like it.

Hey, I can't have a sad sack in here.

Read the sign.

Watch out.

supposed to do hey be a man move out you gotta get your own apartment i don't

know come on look i just moved out of my house because the way my mom was

treating me you can do this yeah but this is different all right my mom needs

my dad can't take care of her by himself look i don't know a lot about

psychology but i know it can't be healthy for a man to see his mom naked

Saved a lot of money living at home. Get a nurse to help her around. A male one.

Somebody that works out.

And it wouldn't hurt if he had a forklift.

If I had my own place, I could play my music whenever I wanted to.

Watch my own shows.

Be loud when I get freaky with my dates.

And that's another thing. I want a date.

So move on.

I'll help you find an apartment.

You'd do that for me, George? Absolutely.

I'll even stay with you, bro, till you get on your feet.

Hey, you know what?

I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna get my own place.

That's what I'm talking about. I'll have to be hard. Yeah.

You know what?

I'm gonna start right now.

I'm gonna turn on some...

right thing, George?

Hell yeah.

You're going to love living here. Hey, did you see that girl by the pool?

You should go down there and talk to her.

The one in the bikini?

I don't stand a chance with her.

Not the hot one, the pasty one next to her with the giant mole.

Oh, I didn't see her.

I'll unpack.

You go talk to her.

I don't know.

I never know how to start a conversation.

It's easy.

than you started to be.

Wave like a man, twinkle fingers.

All right, now you're the creepy guy upstairs.

Maybe I should call my parents.

Ernie, it hasn't even been a day.

I know, but it didn't end so good.

My dad called me an ungrateful son, and my mom, she was so hurt, she wouldn't

even roll over so I could say goodbye to her face.

Maybe she started. Maybe you left before she got around.

Look, give them time, man. They'll get over it.

Yeah, but what if they don't?

I don't have anyone else in my life.

Yeah, you do. You got me.

We're like brothers, man, more than that.

You and I are blood brothers, man. That's a bond that nothing can break.

Hello, Angie?

Okay, I'll be right there.

Something happened to Max at school. He's all right, but I got to go home.

are you taking your suitcase?

Dude, it's my son.

I'm not coming back. Family's all you got.

You are a confident, healthy man.

Women find you irresistible.

I am a confident, healthy man.

Women find me irresistible.

You are a leader.

You are a force to be reckoned with.

You are the master of your own destiny. I am a leader.

I am a force to be reckoned with.