Original subtitles

I don't want to get gardening stuff with you anymore. Honey, you're

overreacting. That old white lady thought we were two laborers you picked

the street.

Yeah, she even offered me a hundred bucks to clean her gutters, but I said

Well, I took a $20 deposit, so you'll be there Tuesday morning.

No, not here. I need the soil by the pots.

No, lady, it's too hot.

My skin is burning.

You want to play video games? But Grandma's still asleep on the couch.

I thought when Grandma moved in, she was going to get her own room.

She's still asleep. It's after 3 o 'clock.

Just tired of getting up. We did, but she didn't even move.

Oh, my God.

Maybe she's not asleep.

Do you think?

I'll get the champagne.

The kids.

They can have some, too. Good for all of us.

Mom. Okay.

I just took CPR and PE.

We're supposed to pull her tongue out and scoop any vomit from her airway.

We did everything we could.

I'm calling it. Ten after three.

Why don't we just let her sleep it off, okay? Let's go.

Dude.

I know how to wake her up.

Put her hand in warm water.

What are you, 10?

Carry the couch down the block, put it by the train tracks, and let Amtrak wake

her ass up.

Well, can I make you something to eat?

I'm not quite ready to die.

But I'll let you know.

Something's wrong with your mom.

She wasn't hungover. She just slept.

not even hungry.

So?

So, I think it finally sunk in that her house burned down and she lost

everything.

I think she's clinically depressed.

You know, I'd say that that sounds silly, but you're a wedding planner, so

must know these things.

I don't know what depression is like because I've gone through it. Get out.

When?

After Carmen was born.

What are you talking about? After Carmen was born, everything was great.

I barely said a word for two months.

Oh, right.

That was hard on us.

You should check on her.

Look, Angie, she's down because life's kicked the crap out of her.

She doesn't have depression. That's a rich person's disease.

Tiffany, your nanny, says you're depressed.

Now, let's go out in the yard and talk about it on the Ferris wheel, shall we?

Just talk to her.

Hey, Mom.

Are you clinically depressed or what?

Ernie took it with him

that's

what you were like right after Carmen was born

you made you some lunch.

Not hungry.

What are you looking at, Mom? The TV's not on.

Are you watching that gorilla on the screen?

Because that's just your reflection.

Come on, Mom, snap out of it. I just insulted you. You got nothing?

You know, I ran out of shampoo this morning. There was a new bottle.

That's one big head.

I can't control my kids. My daughter's wearing a thong and my son might be too.

Have you seen his hair?

My wife's a lazy princess.

What?

Uh -oh.

She's going to yell at me. She looks mad and I'm going to take it because I'm

whipped.

Can I talk to you in the kitchen?

What choice do I have? You run everything around here.

I can't do nothing. Sounds like I'm neutered in my mind. George!

Man, she's really out of it. I've never seen her like this. I went online and

looked up clinical depression. Come here.

Crawl down. Your mom has all the symptoms.

Giant limbs and scrotums?

Too far, that's elephantitis.

Let's go back up to the dean.

And how does that guy buy underwear?

George!

This is serious. Your mom needs professional help.

My mom's not going to see a shrink.

She'll snap out of this on her own.

Until then, I think we should just enjoy the quiet and treat her like a throw

pillow that cries.

Hey, Jack, come on in. Hey, George. Hey, Angie. I hope I'm not intruding, but

I... Well, I just wanted to see your mom.

Oh, that's so sweet of you.

Yeah, the rumor mill at work says she's gone crazy.

That she's yelling at lamps and eating out of garbage cans.

I kind of wanted to see that.

She's just a little down, that's all. You know how rumors can get out of

control. So where is your mom? She's in the living room.

Mom.

Jack Fear.

How is she?

The same.

Look, George, we all love your mom, but she's missed two weeks of work already.

She's used up all of her personal days, all of her vacation days.

Mel and I have been very generous so far.

What are you saying, Jack?

I got a company to run. Somebody's got to inspect the parts, so if she's not

back in by Monday, I'm going to have to replace her.

What? You can't fire her without a written warning.

That's true.

Check the card in the flowers.

Benny's already depressed. If she loses her job, what's going to happen to her?

I'll tell you what's going to happen.

She'll never leave.

She'll sleep on that couch until she dies.

You know, people can't live without hope, Angie.

You think she's that far gone? I'm talking about me.

Got to get her back to work on Monday.

If she's not going to see a therapist, there's no way she's going to be in

to go back to work in two days.

So we'll fix her ourselves.

Because that's what Lopez's do. Watch out, we heal our own.

Remember when my aunt died, my Uncle Oscar was so depressed he wouldn't leave

the house?

We went over there, threw him a party, cheered him right up.

He's a homeless alcoholic now.

Yeah, but he's out of the house.

We don't even know where he is. That's how good he's doing.

Hey, Mom.

You know, when you're going through tough times, it helps to be around loved

ones.

Ernie and I bumped into some of yours at the liquor store.

Jack.

Jim.

Johnny.

The captain.

Oh, shiver me timber!

All right, that's enough.

All right, I'll be quitting then.

Kids, are you ready yet?

Benny, the kids put together a show for you.

Grandma, we know that you think this is a bad time, but we want to show you that

you can overcome any obstacle because you've done it before.

and enjoy Benny Lopez and American Tragedy.

Where's that stupid pirate with the booze?

But

you

didn't give up. You survived.

You got pregnant at 16 and dropped out of school.

the daughter she gave away in the time she got gonorrhea. Well, kids, you've

done a great job. Thank you so much. Thank you, kids.

Anybody else want to pile on?

Mom, we're just trying to cheer you up.

You know, maybe you and Angie should go out for that day of beauty you keep

talking about.

We just got back.

You don't have to tell me. Look at you. You're glowing.

Mom, Jack came by and said if you don't go to work on Monday, you're going to

lose your job.

I already lost my house, my car, my life savings, my dog.

You think I care if I lose my job?

What is she talking about? She doesn't have a dog.

She's probably talking about McCloud.

Who's McCloud?

Oh, he's a stray your mom took in. My dad saw her feeding the table scraps.

That dog's probably the closest thing she ever came to loving something.

I'm sorry, dude.

I hope he didn't die in the fire.

No, I saw him in the alley just the other day. He probably ran away when her

house burned down.

cared about survived the fire. That may be just the thing she needs to pull her

out of her depression.

That's it.

I gotta find McCloud.

And you know what?

Statistically, people who have pets live longer.

I think I still have to find the dog.

Cloud?

Cloud? I know, I saw him around here.

I've been looking for hours.

Oh, hey, there he is.

That's McCloud.

Okay.

I'll distract him with the bologna while you get him on the leash.

Why didn't you tell me that was the plan?

I'm telling you now, give me the bologna. No!

Ernie, where's the bologna?

Inside me.

How the hell did you eat it? What did you think the bologna was for?

For coming with you!

All right.

Just keep an eye out for me.

I'll get the leash on him.

McCloud. Hey, boy.

Let's just get him and go.

Don't panic.

What the hell are you doing with my dog?

Okay. You.

What the hell is going on here?

I'm Antonio Villaraigosa, the new mayor.

I've decided to meet my constituents because I believe together we can make

a better Los Angeles.

Come on, Felipe. We have a follow -up in Koreatown. Who are you?

George Lopez.

My mom's the one whose house burned down.

So you're the loser's son she's always complaining about.

She talks about me.

Look, here's the thing.

This was her dog.

She's really depressed, and if I take it back to her, it'll cheer her up.

I get it. My mom was real depressed when she stabbed my dad, and he just

wouldn't die.

Yeah, thanks, man. I'm glad you get this.

So it'll be $500 for the dog.

Well, I'll give you $100.

Hey, this is about your mom's happiness.

Think about how much that's worth to you. $40.

How about $200 and I'll let you walk out of the yard with your teeth?

Oh, it's like that.

Deal.

Did you find your dog?

Yep.

I've got him tied up in the living room right now.

Hey, Mom.

Got a furry little friend in there that's going to cheer you up.

How is the Greek guy from the gas station going to cheer me up?

Oh, we found McCloud.

Don't mess with me. I'm not in the mood. I'm serious.

We found him at a biker's house down the street.

McCloud's alive?

And he's in the living room right now.

dog inside?

Yeah, we tied him to the banister. What's the matter? Isn't he out trained?

He gets a little squirrely when he's cooped up.

Banister looks okay.

the dog is.

employees hearing about how I got chased out of my house by a dog.

You know, since you've been gone, I've been getting some respect around there.

Well, that ends tomorrow.

Because I'm going to go back to work and I'm going to tell everybody how my

little girl

We can make this a better Los Angeles.

Wow, you really do that.

No, but I heard you were impersonating me and knock it off or we won't pick up

your trash again.

Hey, Mayor, before you go, let me ask you.

How tough would it be to declare like George Lopez? I don't need much like a

statue in the park like that. Hello.

I've got a better idea. Why don't we concentrate on fixing our school?

and making our streets safer for all of us.

I can never do nothing in my house.