Original subtitles

You know what? This is great. The Hudson Inn had a cancellation, and we can

renew our wedding vows April 20th.

No, Angie, you know it's tax time. I don't think the IRS would appreciate

somebody on a payment plan throwing a huge wedding.

You're on a payment plan?

You said do the taxes. I did the taxes.

Well, how much do we owe?

Not much, but for a very long time.

Well, okay. Then how about May?

The Botanical Gardens has an opening.

I think it would be so beautiful if we got remarried surrounded by flowers.

Angie, you know my mom's allergic to bees.

Oh, we renew our love. Your mom gets dung and her throat closes up.

That's a perfect day for me.

George, why is your boss outside with a bottle of champagne?

Hey.

Jack, what are you doing here?

I got great news.

The judge bought your cold medicine store and you got out of your DUI?

I wish. I had to walk over here.

Oh, George, Angie.

I'm in love.

I met the woman of my dreams and I'm getting married.

Jack, that's great.

Yeah, congratulations.

Angie, I want you to plan the wedding.

Me? Really?

Oh, I'm honored.

That's terrific.

You got two weeks.

Two weeks.

Is that how long it takes the boat to get here from the Philippines?

Jack, I don't know if that's enough time to put together a wedding. My fiancé's

mom is real sick.

She doesn't have a lot of time. Of course, we want her to be there, so

Okay, Jack. For you, I will throw a wonderful wedding. But I'm getting

busy now that I'm listed first in the phone book.

Oh, don't say it. Thank you for choosing... Angie's wedding.

Am I tired of hearing that? I am.

Come on, Jack, let's have a cigar and celebrate outside.

Great. If you want me, Angie, I'll be out here.

What do you think?

I think she has no idea we just set her up to plan her own wedding vow renewal.

All right, so what's the next step?

Well, I'll find out everything Angie likes, then you ask for it like it's for

your own wedding.

And that way, I'll surprise her with the ceremony of her dreams.

You know, George, I've lied to my share of women, never to do something nice.

Yeah, I am a billionaire.

No. If that camera was running, the red light would be on.

Afterwards, I'll take you to dinner any place you want.

I just want to thank you for helping me out, Jack. And after the wedding, let me

take you to dinner any place you want.

That's nice, George.

I can still get you into bed.

Want to see me, George? Oh, yeah. Hey, Jackie.

Here's a list of stuff Angie wants for the ceremony.

Now, when you come over to the house tonight, just pretend like this is the

stuff that you want.

Gallantly. Candles. That sounds romantic.

We can do the ceremony. When we kiss, we finally say, I do, and the band plays

our song.

Uh, you sure you two want to rush into this marriage?

You want to explain this, please?

Okay, Mom, if I tell you something, do you promise to keep your mouth shut

it? Oh, well, let's see, George.

For 30 years, I had you thinking that your dad was dead. So I guess I can

whatever this little tea party secret of yours is.

Angie thinks she's planning Jack's wedding, but it's really our vow

I cannot believe you are remarrying your wife.

Why don't you just give Angie all of your money and cut off your manhood in

shame?

Because I'm not one of your dates, Mom.

George, what's Andy doing here? He probably just wants to go over some

details. No, not here.

I don't want the people in the office to know I'm getting married.

But that's our cover. For your wife, not for the people at work.

Look, George, there's a special lady on the floor who will be very surprised to

learn that Jack Hammer's off the market.

Jack Hammer.

You're serious.

It's a lucky lady.

Let's get Angie in the office and we'll keep this on the download.

What, everybody?

Jack's getting married!

Congratulations, Jack!

Angie just told me the great news.

I'm sorry, ma 'am. I just couldn't give you that raise.

Why don't we talk in the office, Angie?

Oh, come on, shorty.

I'm still your boo.

And I realized, I don't know what kind of flowers Jack's fiancée likes.

In fact, I don't know anything about her. What's her name?

Oh, it's a beautiful name, Angie. It's Del.

Del?

Yeah, like the actress, Delarice. Oh, what's her last name?

Larice.

Isn't that weird?

Well, can I have Del's number?

Oh, no, she's really busy, Angie. If you have any questions about the wedding,

you know, just ask Jack, because he knows everything she wants. Oh, okay.

Well, what kind of flowers does she like? Oh, she likes calla lilies and

and a band to play our song after we kiss.

You know, live music is going to be more expensive than a DJ.

Oh, I don't care. I'm in love. Money's no object.

Get a 20 -piece orchestra.

Doves. Lots of doves.

Yeah. Well, if I know Del or Reese, and I do, she'll be happy with just a small

band and whatever local birds really just happen to be flying by.

You know what? I can't plan a wedding until I talk to the bride.

Can you and Del come over tomorrow around 7?

All right.

Yeah, Jack, bring her around 7.

Yeah, well, I don't know where she is right now, George.

You could make some calls, man, and find her.

That reminds me, I gotta pick up a case of that scotch that she likes to drink

while she's watching boxing.

She also likes cigars. Tell her not to push it.

You know, the place Jack's getting married has an opening six weeks later.

would be perfect for our vow renewal. It overlooks the ocean in Malibu. It's so

beautiful. What do you think?

Yeah, you know, that sounds like a good idea, Angie.

Waiters carrying around trays of shrimp cocktail fighting off hundreds of

starving seagulls.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. and Mrs. George Lopez.

Oh! Oh, my God, my eyes!

The seagulls have carried off the bride!

Why don't you just have the guts to say you don't want to remarry me? Angie,

that's not true.

Yes, it is.

And you shoot down every one of my ideas.

Why does it have to be everything you want?

That's the problem with weddings. It's always what the women want.

I just assumed you weren't interested in all the details.

Why would you assume that?

Because every time I ask you a question about the wedding, you just roll your

eyes. Because I was thinking.

Ask me a question.

Do you want the invitations on vellum or parchment?

Parchment. You see, you had to wait for it.

Since I asked you to remarry me, let me plan the whole thing.

Honey, that's a lot of work.

You mean a lot of work for a man?

Just say it.

All I am to you is a paycheck and a guy who goes downstairs every time you hear

a noise.

By the way, every time you scream out, careful, George, you don't have a gun,

you give the edge to the crackhead.

If you want to do this, you can do this.

Just promise me it'll be romantic.

Angie, please.

I want this!

Wait till you see what I got planned for Valentine's Day.

That was last week, George. That's why I took you out to dinner.

Oh, wow, baby, thank you. That was so nice of you.

Look, you just planned Jack's perfect wedding, and you let me take care of our

perfect wedding.

Okay.

Hello.

George, I got an idea about the fake bride.

Okay, no masseuses or hookers. Okay, still looking.

Jack, you're supposed to be here in half an hour.

Come on, man, please tell me you found a fake wife.

She's 80.

Well, how bad was her stroke?

She's supposed to taste cake. Will it stay in her mouth?

Okay, I'll stall Angie till tomorrow, but you better find someone else.

I don't get it. If Mom's planning her real ceremony, why are we cooking sloppy

jokes for a fake one?

Because the crappier Mom thinks our wedding is, the better the surprise will

when she sees the real thing.

Oh, so it's like our college fund. You always joke you've spent, but when the

time comes, it'll really be there, right? I don't want to ruin the

Carmen, so you kids go upstairs and study now.

Or not.

Okay, my dad's bringing the rest of the cakes for Del to taste.

I'm glad I'm finally going to meet her. We have so many decisions to make.

Oh, actually, Angie, Del can't make it tonight. She has to work.

What? The wedding's in a week. Can't she get off one night?

She's a nurse for sick babies.

Like, really sick babies. They're like that.

I guess you could stack them in a pile so they could stay warm so she could

over here and taste the cake.

Selfish big baby -hater.

Sorry, the wedding is coming up fast.

Oh, I'll talk to Jack and maybe Del can get off work tomorrow night. Okay, now

sit down. Look, I want you to taste something for our ceremony.

I present our first course.

Stuffy Joe's?

No, Angie with buns that's firm and tasty. Those are sloppy Georges.

You can't serve sloppy Joes at our reception. All our guests are going to

dressed up.

Way ahead of you. All our guests are going to be wearing Hawaiian shirts and

shorts because we're having a beach wedding.

You booked a place in Malibu?

Better. I got the Shriners to give me the parking lot. I'm getting a truckload

of sand. It's going to be a tropical thing you'll be left out to handle.

Oh, this is almost as bad as the Mexican theme at the first wedding.

That wasn't a theme. That was my family.

Sweetheart, this isn't exactly what I had in mind.

Look, I know, Angie, but now that you're letting me plan the ceremony, I'm so

excited and I can't wait to marry you again. I love you.

I guess if you're happy, then I'm happy. Great. You know what? I need your help

picking a wedding singer.

I called an agency and they're going to send some people over to audition.

Are they at least... sing our song of course baby trust me and it's gonna be

beautiful hello

my

love there's only you in my life

the only thing that's bright pick it up we have a show in april

Breath that I take.

Every step I make.

And I... I'm kind of hungry.

No one else will tell me about your eyes.

Your eyes, John.

You tell me how much you care.

You tell me how much...

I took one look at you, and every dream came true.

I could be crazy, but I'm not.

A lovely melody that stirs inside of me.

This kind of crazy hit the spot.

This is an endless love.

Who cares, Angie? It's magic.

Clank in my ass.

a huge star in front.

You're gonna have to pay through the nose.

I can't decide. I can bring them all back and they can sing again.

Just tell Rip Taylor he's got the gig.

Jack, was she right? I thought you were going to pick her up. Yeah, a little

problem there.

What's the problem? I thought you said your cousin would do it for $200. Well,

when she found out we might have to kiss a little to make it seem real, she

freaked out.

Apparently, it was fine when we were 13, but now that she's married and got

kids, it's sick.

Angie's going to be here any second. I'm screwed.

I was thinking maybe I could get one of the workers. No, Angie knows all of

them. What about one of the temp?

Well, that's a good idea.

Hurry, hurry, hurry.

What do I say to the temp?

Offer $200 to be your wife for the night. Hey, but don't make it sound

Hey, honey.

I was thinking we could take one car to the wedding location in Malibu, huh?

Is Del here yet?

Yeah, she's here. She must have snuck off with Jack to his office. Those two

lovebirds, Angie, they can't keep their hands off each other.

Angie, meet my lovely fiancée, Del.

What's up?

It's nice to finally meet you. Oh!

I'm sorry we're late.

I went looking for Dell. I found him by the loading dock.

So, why don't we do that wedding fight, huh?

Whatever. Okay, honey.

What are they about to touch?

Traditional gal.

Hey, no touching until the wedding night.

Did you just call me gal?

Why don't we take two cars? Is that okay with you, dude? Go, go, go.

idea. Malibu is going to be beautiful. Oh, I know.

That's actually where I wanted to get married.

Honey, now you're not the only princess who's having a special day.

What? You weren't eating it.

Del,

I see you like that cake. Is that your favorite?

I don't know. Which one do you like?

Well, the lemon's my favorite, but the chocolate is... Lemon it is.

Keep this moving.

Sugar and spice and everything nice. You hooked a good one, Jack. What's next?

Well, if you're going to have a priest, I need to let him know if you're

interested in writing your own vows.

Keep in mind, it's a way to personalize the ceremony and say exactly what you

feel about each other.

Or you could just say, I do.

You know, why don't we call it a night, huh? If I have any more questions, I'll

call you tomorrow.

Fine by me.

Good night, Jack.

Nice to meet you, Del.

A huge mistake. They shouldn't get married. There's no chemistry.

They barely even know each other.

And you're a wedding planner, huh? Just do the wedding.

You've known Jack for...

for him.

You know, you cry for two hours after watching Beauty and the Beast, and yet

when it happens in your own kitchen, you don't believe it.

This is not just a paycheck for me.

I like to make people's dreams come true.

And if they're not in love, I don't want to marry them.

Well, what's love got to do with marriage anyway? Okay, hear me out.

What about India, huh?

Every marriage is arranged.

Not one person in love.

And yet they have a billion people, so somehow it's working.

It also proves that you can have sex without love.

But I'm not ready to have that argument yet.

I'm still putting together all the evidence.

George, I'm not changing my mind. It would be a huge mistake. I'm not doing

wedding. Hey, you won't believe this.

Jack is in the driveway.

He's having a fight with some dude on a motorcycle.

Look, not now, Mom.

Okay, okay, but he is getting his ass kicked.

Look, Angie, I don't think you understand. Okay, this is my boss.

You can't back out now.

Okay, fine.

I'll do it for your boss.

I am really disappointed in you.

What are you talking about?

You're just doing this to keep Jack happy. You don't care if he's in love.

You don't have a romantic bone in your body.

I'm romantic?

I put on mood music last time we made love.

You put on cartoons.

I didn't hear you complaining.

That isn't romantic.

And neither are sloppy joes, Hawaiian shirts, or a big fake beach in the

Shriners parking lot.

What the hell kind of vow renewal is that?

you. This is the ceremony you planned for the woman you love?

Thank you, Benny.

Hey, what do you know about romance?

You just swing on a tire till the zookeeper brings another male into your

You know what hurts the most? That you don't realize what this vow renewal

to me. It may be just a big party to you, but to me it was supposed to be the

beautiful wedding we couldn't afford 18 years ago.

Angie.

Come on, trust me, baby. It's not going to be as bad as you think.

It's going to be worse.

You don't know that, Angie. Maybe I planned something romantic.

Yeah? Like what? Tell me.

Tell her, George.

That's what I thought.

Well, if you're not going to tell her, George, then I will. Mom!

I hear the bridesmaids are wearing coconut bras and the porta -potties are

decorated like tiki huts.

You know I can't go in a chemical toilet.

No, Nick.

I wrote a poem for you and Mom that I'd like to read during the ceremony.

Oh, that's so nice, honey. Did you memorize it? No.

It's down here.

Oh, that's great.

I can't wait.

She's got a poem on a piece of paper in her purse. You know what to do.

Find it, eat it.

Good boy.

Let me know the second she gets here.

Well, Del still isn't here.

I told you this was a huge mistake.

You know, I agree.

That is way too much money to waste on two people who probably shouldn't have

gotten married in the first place.

You'll see what I mean later. Sit down, Bats!

You know, honey, you look absolutely beautiful today.

Of course I look beautiful.

This whole place looks beautiful because I planned the perfect wedding.

Except there's no bride.

Where the hell is Del?

Just calm down.

Don't tell me to calm down. You know I hate that.

Baby, relax.

Oh, that's better.

Let's do this before I change my mind.

You'll see what I mean later.

Why does everyone keep saying that?

You'll see in one damn minute.

What in the world? Cut the music.

Cut the music.

Jack, what are you doing here?

I'm here to walk you down the aisle.

What are you talking about?

This is your wedding vow renewal.

George did this all for you.

Cue the music.

This whole time you were tricking me?

Yeah.

Oh!

I love you.

You know, Angie, the first time we got married, I kept thinking, I don't

you.

And now after 18 amazing years, I know that I don't.

I'm the luckiest guy in the world.

I love you.

You know, if you would just stop trying to go golfing with me and realize that

it's my time away from you, we would have the perfect marriage.

coming. I'd like to introduce you to a good friend of mine, Robert Rodriguez

his band.

Thank you. I want to dedicate this song to George and Angie. You know, when I

first met them... Just shut up and play.

I guess the bar's open.

Ah, she keeps a flask in her girdle.

Thank you.

Thank you.