Original subtitles

Garbage disposal like I asked you to?

What do we need a garbage disposal for? Got an old goat right here.

Did you fix it?

If I tell you I fixed it, I fixed it.

I think it's over.

Let's go.

Come on, Carmen, let's go.

I've built this room. I know what it can take. If we stay here, we're dead.

Oh, Carmen, thank God you're okay. Okay, everybody outside, go.

No, I think we're supposed to stay in the doorway in case there's an

No, no, we should get under a table. You're supposed to make yourself look

bigger.

That's for a bear!

Come on, outside, go!

My dinner!

My dinner!

Mom,

get out here!

Okay, everybody stay away from the house.

You big babies! It was just an afterthought.

What the hell?

What's with the plates? Come on, God, quit teasing me! Tip over the fridge!

her out!

Man, that was huge.

The roof could have fallen in.

There must be dead people all over the city.

George, the kids... Yeah, kids too.

Kids, pets, old people. Angie, for all we know, California is just a huge death

boat floating towards Hawaii.

We're all a little freaked out. Let's just get organized for a second, okay?

That's a good idea. I'm going to make sure the gas is off.

Max, check the hose and see if we still have water.

I heard on the radio the earthquake was a 6 .2.

It was centered in Northridge.

Northridge again?

What the hell is going on with those people?

They need to knock down their false idols and recognize.

Well, power's out in the whole city and people have already started looting.

What's happened to L .A.? You know, it used to be you could clean up your

get a bite to eat, and then loot at your own pace.

I might not even go out this year.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, I'm bleeding.

No, no, no, no.

It's just a small cut.

She needs a bandage and something to buy out of cream.

George, can you get some band -aids from the house? Yeah, sure.

And just remember, we're all out of band -aids.

Hey, she doesn't need a band -aid anyways, Angie. A cut that big needs

Carmen, blow on it like that.

That's ridiculous.

I'll go check that earthquake hit in the garage.

I can't believe I almost died.

That tree fell right on my bed.

Oh, no.

Now how will boys sneak into your room?

are just a part of nature. In Florida, we had hurricanes.

After your grandmother cheated on me, I submitted her name to the National

Weather Service.

Hurricane Emelina.

But they said it had to start with a D.

So I suggested Hurricane Dirty Lying Tramp.

They went with Dana.

Can I listen to it? Yeah, find a news station and give us some updates.

George, I had $200 cash in here for emergencies.

Did you dip into it playing poker in the garage?

You think that having three aces and one chip left is an emergency?

No, I don't.

Then we've been robbed!

Just check the upstairs bathroom for Band -Aids.

Um, no, Angie, you know, I don't think we should go in the house until we know

it's safe.

Yes, I'm with Dad. What if there's another aftershock? The whole house? to

down.

How are we going to know if it's safe?

You know, I'll get an inspector to come out here. I don't care how long it

takes.

Dad, they say two million people are homeless. Oh, my God.

Every year in this country.

We got an inspector out. He's checking out the house. Are you folks okay? Yeah,

they're fine.

My mom made me bring the walkie -talkie.

Yeah, Mom?

Lakers game is canceled, and there's a city -wide curfew.

Wait.

There's a crazy guy downtown.

What's he doing?

All his TVs have to go.

Oh, no.

He's slashing prices.

Okay, all finished.

So, how's the house?

Come on, give us the bad news, man. Is it a tear down?

No, the house is fine. You got some slight roof damage, but you can move

whenever you like.

Thank you.

Well, you said that there's roof damage.

Does that mean that it might collapse?

That's highly unlikely.

Okay, so on the other hand, you're saying that it's lowly likely.

But my family's got to live in there, man.

No, I promise you, it's safe.

All right, I'm going to ask you one more question, okay? And don't take this the

wrong way.

But are you an inspector because you didn't have what it takes to be a

contractor? George!

What do you get if your chimney falls down?

About $2 ,000.

Yeah?

Well, mine collapsed, and I need to file a claim.

Oh, I can drop by your house tomorrow.

Mom, you don't have a chimney?

In about an hour, there's going to be a pile of bricks on my lawn that says,

you're a liar!

Okay, everybody, grab your stuff. Let's go back in the house.

Oh, hey, hey, we don't even know if it's safe yet.

talking about? You want an inspector? We got an inspector.

I mean, look, Angie, think about it. Even if that guy is qualified, I mean,

inspectors never want to find anything wrong because then they got to cut you a

big check.

So then you go back inside, there's an aftershock, the house collapses.

You want to sue the city, but you can't because you're too busy learning to eat

with your feet.

I don't want to die. I'm not going in that house.

George, you see what you're doing here?

All right, all right. Your mom's probably right.

Being a little paranoid, I'm sure the house is safe.

But if you're still scared, I'll sleep outside with you tonight.

Thanks, Dad.

I can parent, too. I've been watching you.

All right.

If you two are more comfortable sleeping out here tonight, then go ahead.

Come on in and get some blankets.

Okay. Hey, Carmen, go to the back of my truck and get my tent, okay?

And, uh, hey, Mickey.

When you go inside, give me some blankets.

Why can't you do it?

Don't worry about why I can't do it. Just do it.

Look,

if you're worried about Carmen, I'll stay out here and help her, and you can

in. No, no, no.

You don't get it, man.

Carmen's still too scared to come inside, and your father doesn't want her

there alone.

Dad doesn't care if we're scared.

He told me all about mad cow disease and how it makes holes in your brain.

And then, when I ran to go get you, he ate my burger.

Honey, I'm sure you misunderstood.

You know what I think?

I think he's only out there because he's scared, too.

Has Dad even been in the house since the earthquake?

Of course he's been in the house.

He's not going to wear the same underwear for three days.

be doing that anymore.

If Dad doesn't think it's safe, then I don't want to be in the house either.

I'm living outside with them.

Max, you are not going to live outside.

That house is safe.

Now go take a shower and put your underwear in the fireplace.

Carmen, can you give me a minute? I need to talk to your dad.

Where am I supposed to go? I'm not going in the house.

Uh, you know what? I think the Chang's left for church, so hop the fence and

fire up the jacuzzi because we both need to wash up.

You know, I don't think Carmen's getting any closer to coming back in the house.

I think you're making this too easy for her.

I think the bucket toilet might disagree with you.

Honey, is there something going on with you?

What are you talking about?

I think there's something you're not dealing with here. Oh, here we go. Huh?

Here comes the talk.

I don't communicate. I don't listen.

I crave sex, but I fear intimacy.

There's nothing wrong with eye contact.

But this is not about that.

You know what? I was going to sleep inside the house, but now I don't think

will because I'm so upset. Are you happy now? That was invisible.

You're so scared to go back in the house, but you are not dealing with it.

you're not helping Carmen by turning this into a campout.

Hey, you don't know what I'm going through, okay? This isn't fun for me or

Carmen.

Dad, come quick.

The chain plus another hot apple pie cooling on the windowsill.

Make it look like Dog's got it again. Go.

This has got to stop.

Even your son is asking why his dad won't come back in the house.

you're ready to talk i'll be inside there's nothing wrong with admitting

you're scared scared i'm not scared i take care of business last night i

a possum in the backyard for apple court he wanted it and i wanted it i was like

honey if

you're not scared come in the house

Shake, huh?

Huh.

The sofa does look better over there.

Why are you crying?

Everything was shaky.

And then the lights went out.

Come on.

It wasn't that bad.

It was just like a roller coaster.

Some people pay money for that kind of crap.

and put your shoes on. There's a lot of broken glass, and I don't want you

getting cut when you clean it up, huh?

Mommy, the house is gonna fall in.

It's just an aftershock, you big baby.

Are you crying again?

Why don't you squirt some bug spray on your legs?

That way, when the ants crawl up, they won't bite your candy ass.

I know you're sleeping in the yard, but why are you brushing your teeth with the

hose?

Your mom was taking too long in the bathroom.

What about the bathroom in the hall?

That one had low water pressure.

What about the kitchen sink?

What about what's 88 divided by 7?

Yeah.

It's not fun being in the hot seat, is it? Vamanos.

You don't have to worry about me.

There you are.

What?

Look, I want to talk to you about something that happened when I was a

Oh, great.

You know what? Let me just save you the trouble, okay?

I didn't hug you enough, I didn't say I'm proud of you, and I can't say I love

you without sounding sarcastic. Are we done?

What about that earthquake, Mom, when I was six?

George, there are incest victims with less repressed memories than you.

When I was fixed, I went through that earthquake all alone.

I know.

I'm so proud of you. I love you.

Stop it, Mom. That was my first earthquake. I didn't know what was

Mom, when the house started shaking, I thought it was because you brought home

another special uncle.

You know what?

You got out alive. What are you whining about?

I was scared out of my mind, Mom, and you weren't there.

Because I couldn't be there.

George, I was stuck at my second job, and the buses weren't running.

Yeah, but you never did anything to make me feel better. I mean, you never

talked to me about it.

What was I supposed to do?

Hug you and kiss you and tell you that everything would be okay?

Everything won't be okay.

You know, there's earthquakes and hurricanes and...

Lots of really nice people die for no good reason.

And there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

You know what? Thanks for not talking to me.

Anytime.

You know, because of you, I can't even go in my own house.

And I'm using my daughter as an excuse to live in the backyard.

Well, let me give you some advice for living outside, okay?

You might want to squirt some...

Bug spray on your legs.

Because you know where those ants are going.

My butt's not candy, it's all muscle.

Dad, can we talk?

Yeah, Carmen, I think we should.

You know, sleeping outside like this is crazy.

Yeah, I know.

I mean, I'm 16. I'm practically an adult.

I should have my own tent.

Oh, and definitely my own bucket.

How long were you planning on staying outside?

Here's my thinking.

If you never go inside, you can't get crushed to death.

So, I'll move my bed into my tent, I'll have Mom bring my food, and I'll shop

for my clothes on my laptop.

Carmen, what about school?

Oh, I'll just drop out and be Snow White in the Disneyland parade.

I can do the wave.

Crowd.

Crowd.

Individual.

Individual.

Hey, when that tree crashed into your room, it rattled your cage a little bit,

didn't it?

What are you talking about?

Look, you're going to have to go inside the house eventually.

No, Dad, I can't go in there. I don't want to die.

You're not going to die.

No, but every time I go to bed, I'll be afraid the house is going to fall and

I'll never wake up.

Carmen, you have to face your fears or they're going to stay with you.

Next thing you know, you'll be a grown man taking a horse bath in the Chang's

Koi Pun.

We're going to go in the house and I'm going to help you, okay? No, no, I can't

do this.

Baby, it's going to be okay.

Come on.

Ow, you're hurting my hand.

Quiet, I'm healing you.

Okay.

You can do it, all right?

Take a deep breath.

Angie Carmen's face interferes. I think we should drink a toast to her. Give me

the tequila.

Dad, should I go upstairs up to my room and face the source of my peers?

Yeah, go source your face, whatever.

I wasn't there to hug him every time waffles popped.

It's walkie -talkie, so I'm listening to him and his mom.

Honey, you shouldn't be eavesdropping.

Oh, it's great, and you've got to hear the lyrics.