Original subtitles

Hey, looks like somebody landed a new client.

Yep. They'll cut some stuff for a wedding I'm planning for this weekend.

Whoa, what's this?

A belt for a wedding dress?

No, it's a garter. I got a plus -size bride.

It is a brave man who goes to get this off with his teeth.

Hey, George, that's not right, man.

My mom's a plus -size lady, and she's beautiful and full of life.

When was the last time she got out of bed?

Well, that's hard to tell. She wears sheets as clothes now.

Hey, Mom.

Hey, honey, how was school? It finally happened.

I've added special ed. They put me back in regular classes.

What? How is that possible, man? You can't even... Hey, congratulations.

I took the proficiency test, and I passed.

See, that's the way that Lopez is doing.

We fail, we fail, we fail, we fail, until one day, boom, we're average.

Hey, Grandma, guess what? I'm not Special Ed anymore.

Oh, Max, that is great.

Is there something worse than Special Ed?

Why is everyone so surprised Max is doing better? He's learning to deal with

dyslexia. He's a very smart boy.

You got a 60?

60?

That's the score you got last year that kept you in special ed.

I know, but the school changed the rules.

What do you mean they changed the rules?

It's in this letter.

My special ed teacher says it's a tragedy and I'll probably fall through

cracks. But what does she know? She's not smart enough to teach regular kids.

You know, they said that I was going to fall through the cracks.

Yeah, they just kept passing me from grade to grade, but I turned out pretty

successful.

Well, I better go to the factory. It's my turn to rip the rat legs off the

sticky traps.

What do I always say, Max?

Ernie's not a role model.

That's right. He's more like a clown, bud.

Not all clowns are sad. Very good.

This is terrible. They're trying to save money by mainstreaming a bunch of kids

that aren't ready for it. Max is being forced out of a program he still needs.

This letter says it's a district policy, but if we want more information,

there's a school board meeting tomorrow night.

Well, we're going.

And they're going to listen to me, because I'm a good citizen.

And I pay my taxes.

I may claim a few extra dependents.

But when you're Latino and you have less than 10, I was scared it's a red flag.

The meeting starts today.

Honey, look at this.

The meeting's being run by your sister.

You're kidding.

Linda Lorenzo, superintendent of school.

Too bad she doesn't know you're her brother. She could really help with Max.

Would you stop it?

She doesn't know she's adopted, and I don't want her back in my life now

The last... Last time I saw her, she was all crying and needy.

She was four days old.

People don't change.

Relax, Mom.

I didn't tell her she was my sister last time, and I'm not going to tell her

this time.

Because how do you explain to a beautiful young woman that when it all

go, that's how far it goes?

I just looked at my first permit for regular classes.

And I want you to know I'm going to do the best I can.

But there's going to be cheating.

Lots of it.

They don't have money for special ed, but they got money for urinals that

themselves.

Why are you out of breath?

I got them all going at once.

It sounded like a waterfall.

And then the sound of the water made me have to go again.

Isn't that your sister?

We run up to her and see if she remembers me.

Last time I told her I was involved with some phony dyslexic organization and we

bonded a little bit.

Before you go, this may help our tape.

Max wrote a letter to the school board about why he wants to stay in regular

classes.

Dear sir or madman.

I deserve to stay in regular classes and here are my pot five raisins.

God, we let this kid use a knife at dinner?

Hi, Linda.

I don't know if you remember me. I'm George Lopez.

I'm with the FCD, the Federation of Chicano Dyslexics.

Yes, I do remember you, but last time you said you were with LAD, Latino

Association for Dyslexics.

Right.

Yeah, you know, we had a big fight at our spelling bee, so now we got a whole

East Coast, West Coast dyslexic feud.

And it's like the rap thing, but worse, because we're dyslexic, so we don't know

what coast we're on.

Anyway, look, I'm here to talk about my son, Max. He's dyslexic, and he's being

pushed out of his special ed program.

I understand why you're concerned. It's on the agenda.

If we don't get to it at tonight's meeting, we'll definitely get to it next

month.

Next month? Look, my son's going to fall way behind.

Look, read this, and keep in mind this is not a monkey. This is a human child.

Every parent here has something that they want to discuss.

Yeah, well, here's the weird thing about that. I don't care.

Look, Mr. Lopez, we will get to you when we get to you. Yeah, but the kid wrote

down Matt. Sit down.

Sit down.

Sit down.

We'll get to you when we get to you. I hate my sister, Angie. I hate her so

much. I wish I was an only child again.

Good evening.

I'm Linda Lorenzo, superintendent.

We have a very full agenda for this evening's meeting, so let's go ahead and

started. Who cares?

Item number one.

The improvements to the drug prevention program.

All right, you know what? We get it, all right? Hogs, not drugs.

Crack is whack, all right? What's number two?

Because you know the inner city, right? Hello?

Are you guys Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis Jr.? I

know what you want to talk about. Would you please sit down and wait? I'm not

going to sit down. We're the parents.

And we're the ones who pay taxes.

Yeah, and I want to talk about school lunches.

My child's a vegan, and you cook your french fries in animal fat. What about

that?

What up, taxi drivers?

Sit your ass down.

We're talking about learning here.

You don't sit down right now. I'm going to have to have you removed. Look, I'm

not going to sit down until my son gets the help that he needs. And I dare

somebody to make a move, because I'm from the street. Watch out.

That's a problem with the school system, Angie. I know. I got books, even though

I haven't read them. Talking about playgrounds and vegetables and language

This is L .A. You want to learn Spanish?

Take a bus.

I'm not going anywhere until you help my son.

Now, why should I give your child any more help than anybody else's child

Because he's your nephew.

And I'm your brother.

What? That's right.

You're throwing out your own brother.

Ask your parents about Benny Lopez. They'll tell you, man, I'm a Navy SEAL.

take this to the pool.

What would you feel if you suddenly found out you were adopted and I wasn't

real dad? Dad, don't say that.

Unless you're absolutely positive it's true.

It would explain so much.

You're mine.

If you were adopted, I would have returned you already.

California has lemon laws.

I got your address out of Mac's file, but I had to talk to you face to face.

Look, I'm sorry about tonight, all right? I never should have opened my

No, no, I talked to my parents, and they told me everything.

You know, I wanted to tell you the first time I met you, but you had such a

great life. You know, I didn't want to mess that up.

Thanks.

Thanks for giving me one more good year.

I woke up this morning and I was the only child of two loving Italian

Now it's 11 p .m. and I'm a Mexican.

I know, huh?

You know, you're really not Mexican until you've gone to a wedding with a

dress and a black bra under.

real mother and father like?

Well, our father's easy.

He ran out on mom before you were born.

I didn't know him, but I tracked him down last year.

I punched him in the face.

He asked me for a kidney and he died.

And my mother?

Oh, yeah. She's kind of hard to describe in just a few words.

She's a short, bitter, drunk. Actually, that covers it.

whatever she's like. She's still my birth mother.

And I want to meet her.

You know, Linda, I don't think that's such a good idea. I mean, forget about

Benny. I mean, you and I are brother and sister. We should get to know each

other. Oh, yeah.

You know, I want to know all about you, George.

But I have to meet my mother.

Look, I'm trying to protect you. Okay? She knows that you're out there.

But when our father left and she couldn't afford to raise both kids, you

she let you go. And when she let you go, she let you go.

Well, if you really want to be a brother to me, you would start by introducing

me to my mom.

I don't think so.

Why don't you want me to meet her?

Are you jealous?

You don't want to share your mother with me?

Share! I'll trade!

I could be Italian.

Try the cannolis. Forget about it. I know a guy. Watch out.

That's a stereotype.

What do you care? You're a Mexican.

That was quite a meal, Angie.

smoked the taste of it out of my mouth.

Max, why are you so tired?

I was up till 11 last night trying to do homework.

Dad, you're in a big sick.

How did you make it through all the regular classes?

Well, you know, I really struggle, Max, because I didn't have somebody to help

me. But you do, son.

Thanks, Dad. Not me, Carmen.

Help your brother with his homework.

Wait, why do I have to do it?

Because I'll give you $50 for every B he gets and $25 for every C?

Well, what happens if I help him get an A?

Then I'll give you a million dollars and a ride on a rocket ship.

You know, maybe once you get to know Linda better, she can help us get Max

in special ed.

You know, I don't think that's going to happen, Angie.

I decided not to introduce her to my mom.

So you're already treating your sister better than you treated me? John.

Hi.

Linda, what are you doing here?

Are you Benny?

Who the hell are you?

I'm your daughter.

Wow.

The three of us haven't been together since...

Since you gave her away to

strangers.

I told you not to do this.

Why is she here?

what's going on uh you know how uh sometimes strangers come by and we find

they're related to your dad

this is

one of those nights

isn't George's fault. He did tell me to stay away. I followed you from the

factory.

I've just been sitting in the car trying to get up the courage to come in and

meet you.

You should have listened to George.

I didn't want you then and I don't want you now.

That's our mommy.

Hey, you just can't walk away.

You're her mother.

No, I'm not.

Tina Lorenzo's her mother.

Look, why can't you just talk to her?

If you open up, and you show her what you're really like, I guarantee she'll

never want to see you again.

She's not going anywhere.

She wants to make me feel guilty.

And I got nothing to be sorry about. I couldn't keep both of you.

But I made sure she had a good home and nice parents.

Is that what's bothering you? Deep down inside, you feel guilty?

I don't need to hear this from you. Look, my father wasn't in my life, and I

always felt like there was something missing because I didn't know him.

I'm telling you, Mom, that's how she's feeling right now.

I'm nothing like your father was.

If you walk out that gate, you are.

Angie, what's going on in there? I don't know. I haven't heard anything for a

while. Okay, if my mom comes out here with Linda's feet coming out of her

we know what happened.

Here comes your mom.

Hello.

Well, I'm out of here.

Hey, for tomorrow night's painful reunion, maybe you could track down that

pedestrian I ran over in 97.

I'm going to check on Linda.

Come on, Mom. Was it that bad?

Yeah. I realize I made a huge mistake.

Yeah, Mom, but you said you couldn't keep the both of us.

I know.

Should have taken her. She's smart.

Successful. Hell of a woman.

Yeah, of course she turned out great. She was raised by people.

being the ugly sister, doesn't it?

So, was my mom everything I said she was?

You know, actually, after she warmed up a bit, we had a really good

conversation.

She told me about her childhood and her dreams, and she even gave me a big hug.

What?

Please, she barely shook my hand.

She shook your hand?

George, thank you.

I don't know what kind of relationship I'll ever have with Benny, but it's

to be really great to have a big brother.

I'll leave you two alone to catch up.

Please come around for the holidays, because most of the time it's just us

Benny.

Seriously.

I need you there. The booze isn't working like it used to.

So, Linda, my favorite sister.

You know, your nephew Max is a great kid.

Sure needs to get back in that special ed class. I know.

I'm sorry. I can't help you.

But I just hooked you up with your real mom.

I was the one with the crappy childhood.

One time I made myself choke on a hot dog so my mom could come up from behind

and give me the Heimlich.

So I could pretend it was a just -because hug.

All right, I'll arrange for Mac to retake the test.

And then, maybe he won't do as well this time.

And then I would be forced to put him back in special ed.

Wow.

You're already holding one of your own back.

Congratulations, Linda. You are Mexican.

I feel guilty about keeping Max up.

You've got to fail that test, Angie, if you want to get him back in special ed.

Hey, Max, time to get to school. Big test today.

Can I eat something first?

What? Are you crazy?

You think better on an empty stomach.

Albert Einstein, bulimic.

Now, what have I taught you, Max, about true or false questions?

The answer is always false, because the test is written by the man.

And the man never tells the truth. That's right.

Never go with your first instinct.

Always second -guess yourself.

Now, who was the first man to walk on the moon?

Neil Armstrong.

Second guess?

Lance Armstrong. That's my boy!

I can hear your stomach growling. You're ready.