Original subtitles

One of your brother's braces. He's just getting used to them.

Sorry.

Hey, if you need the school calendar, it'll be under the fridge magnet. Whoa!

Whoa!

You're just jealous because we fixed this problem and we can't fix your legs.

What's wrong with my legs?

Nothing if they come with coleslaw and biscuits, chicken legs.

A week ago.

Angie, where are those bones we give the dog for his breath?

I can't brush my teeth because my braces hurt too much.

I can't chew. I can't even sleep.

Well, the dentist has already loosened them twice.

But they still hurt, and I'm starving.

Okay, well, we'll find a way to feed you.

Carmen, chew your brother's food for him.

Come on, you're the closest thing to a bird we have.

Okay, go upstairs and rinse with mouthwash. I'll call Dr.

Holland for another appointment.

Oh, man, I hate that dentist.

I'm not crazy about him either, but he's the only orthodontist your company will

pay for.

Well, I'm going with you this time, because you're too easy on that guy.

The only reason he's a dentist is because he couldn't cut it as a doctor.

Well, aren't dentists doctors?

Carmen, this is the way I see it.

There's an order for healers.

If you can't make it as a doctor, you become a dentist.

Can't make it as a dentist?

Become a vet.

Can't make it as a vet? You become a chiropractor, then masseuse, then

prostitute.

This is the kind of talk that got you into that bar fight.

Hey, how did I know that a chiropractor and a vet would be celebrating a

hooker's birthday?

Well,

I can't find anything wrong.

But they still hurt.

Can't you just take them off?

Okay. Why don't you just listen to some music and relax a minute?

Your little girl is very brave.

That's my son.

I know. What a wuss.

Look, if my son says he's in pain, he's in pain.

Look, Lopez, if I loosen the braces anymore, he's going to swallow them.

going to pass right through him, and believe me, he won't be faking that

Well, something's wrong. He hasn't had anything solid to eat for days.

Kids learn how to deal with pain by watching their parents.

If one of you is the type of person who always overreacts to the slightest minor

discomfort, he's going to pick up on that.

Hey, man, you don't know how tough I am.

I've been dealing with pain my whole life.

The pain of being abandoned by my father.

And the pain of not being abandoned by my mother.

So you think you're the only one who's had it hard, huh?

My dad left me when I was eight.

My dad left when I was two.

Well, my dad came back when I was ten and beat me till I was twelve.

Well, at least you were beaten by a man.

My mom used to smack me around in the bra section of the woman's clothing

That hurt, don't you?

So you don't need to fight. Read the poster.

Every friend... starts with the smile.

Did you take a hit off the laughing gas while I was in the bathroom?

What are we going to do about Max?

Like I said, there's nothing to do.

All right, well, come on.

Come on, let's go, Max. We'll find someone else to help you. Oh, I know the

of a good gynecologist.

What's that, Dad? Wait outside.

You know what, man? You're finished.

I'm going to get my boss... to change to a real dental plan.

Well, you do that, Lopez, but just remember, I've known your bosses a long

and the only thing they love more than saving money is firing workers who

complain.

Come on, Angie, we're out of here.

Go ahead, leave.

I'm used to people walking out on me. My mom locked me in the closet for a day

and a half just so she could go and party.

Yeah? Well, my neighbor touched me inappropriately in my no -nos.

That is not true. Look how many... to win it, baby.

All my friends know the low rider.

Hey, what's all that?

I'm submitting a new budget to the Powers Brothers. I'm trying to get us a

better dental plan.

They're too cheap, George.

They won't even cover my fiancé's alcohol rehab.

And I can't get paternity leave because her baby's not mine.

And they won't cover my foster son unless I adopt him, and I can't do that

I marry his mother.

Mom, how's this story gonna end?

Jerry!

Jerry Springer couldn't get a whole week from your life, eh? With your runaway

daughter, your gangbanger son, and gonorrhea granny over there. Jerry!

Jerry!

I'll take responsibility for my kids, but not my mom.

Ever since Bob Hope died, somebody has to entertain the troops.

Hey, Mel and Jack are here.

Good luck with the dental plan. I don't need luck. I got the cost for this new

policy buried so deep in the budget.

I'll have to dig for a month to find it.

Miscellaneous factory charges.

You want to see this, George?

Oh, yeah.

Got the new budget. Same as last year. Just need a signature at the bottom.

What the hell's miscellaneous factory charges?

It's all the little stuff. You know, postage, coffee creamer, dental plan,

towels.

First one to sign it gets a peppermint. Ooh.

We're not signing that, George. Redo it. Come on, man. We need a better dental

plan. It costs a little bit more, but the workers deserve it.

All I heard was it costs a little more, and then a bunch of sirens and whistles.

That's funny. I saw a red flag that said, oh, hell no.

Jack, Mel.

Come on, man. Look, Dr. Holland stinks.

My son's been back there three times to get his braces loosened, and his mouth

still hurts. No offense, George, but we can't change the plan just for your kid.

It's not just my son. Everybody in the factory has to use this guy.

Well, we just don't have any money.

Look, why don't you take your boy's braces off and he can just cover his

when he laughs or smiles.

It's cute when those Japanese hostesses do it.

Jack, his kid's in pain.

Now, you're not a parent, so you don't get it.

Look, George, here's what you do.

You get some painkillers. You put it in some applesauce and then you eat it.

That way your kid's complaining won't bother you because you are in a woo -woo

-ville, baby.

How'd it go?

Powers Brothers won't pay for a decent dental plan, but they'll hide two grand

in the budget for going to strip clubs.

Machine rentals. I'm not stupid. I know what a lap grinder is.

The only Powers Brother who ever gave a damn about the workers was Lou.

Is he the oldest one?

Yeah. He left the company about 20 years ago to spend more time with his family.

He got us the health plan to begin with, and he's the reason that you were born

in a hospital instead of a bathtub like Ernie.

I heard Ernie's mom was just taking a bath, but she was so big she didn't even

know she was pregnant.

She sneezed, and Ernie popped out to his shoulders.

Well, all I know is that Jack and Mel said we didn't have the money, but Lou

made it happen.

He's a financial genius.

You know, maybe he's got some budget trick he could teach me.

Hey, hey, what are you doing? I got his phone number out of the personnel file.

Are you crazy?

Oh, the brothers had a huge falling out with Lou when he left. If they find out

that you're going behind their backs, they'll fire you.

Then they won't find out.

And I'll get it done in secret.

Because that's what I do. Get things done. Hello.

Well, you always were a confident little guy. No matter how many times you

failed.

I'm going to find a date to homecoming, Mommy.

You would have let me bite deodorant.

Hey, I gave you lemons to rub under your arms.

Mom, I smell like a lemon's ass.

Hey, Lou Powers?

George Lopez.

Oh, so you're Benny's little boy.

Yeah, I was a little nervous when you called. You're not here to tell me I'm

your dad, are you?

What? Is that possible? No.

Why'd you call?

Well, I'm having a little problem with my budget.

And my mom says you're a financial genius, and I was hoping you could help

find money for a better dental plan.

Why should I help you?

Well, my son's having a problem with his braces, and I figure since you're a

family guy, you know how important that is.

Correction. I used to be a family guy.

They walked out on me and never looked back. Now I sleep till noon, wake up in

my own sick, and keep on drinking.

You're still a financial genius, though, right?

My wife told me to get the hell out because I had a drinking problem. I

hey, I'm not the one waving the knife around.

You want to see what a butter knife can do to a man if there's enough hate

behind it?

I'll show you. That's okay.

I'll tell you what, you help me figure out this budget, Lou, you can show me

anything you want. Scars, tattoos, nipple rings, I don't care, I'm not

judge you.

What do you think, any wiggle room? What is this?

What is this? What is this?

See,

we used to have the best dental plan in the business.

I should walk right down there and make them put it back.

Wish it was that easy. Oh, hey, it is.

I'm the oldest.

I still have a controlling interest in that company.

Hey.

Let's go down there together, you and me, right now, and we'll spank some

into those weasels.

No, I can't do that, Lou. No way, man. I can't have Jack and Mel know that I

went behind their backs.

Yeah, but you got me riding shotgun.

Come on, cowboy up, George.

We're going in, guns blazing, you and me. Let's go, buddy.

Hey,

Keith. Huh? You know what they used to do in the old cowboy days? What?

They'd stay in the saloon and fix the budget.

Very few people know that the Dalton gang was actually Dalton, Dalton,

and Cohen.

George, don't back down from these guys.

I just want to get my son a better orthodontist. Hey, we'll get him a

everything. Straight teeth, laser eye surgery, Botox injections.

He's 12.

Maybe he wants to look 10.

Hey, thanks for taking me home from Thirsty's last night. Oh man, you were

hammered. To keep up with Lou.

I wanted to get him so drunk he'd forget what we talked about last night.

Yeah, you know, sorry about just leaning you up against the front door and

ringing the bell.

I was trying to get the keys out of your pocket and you were all like, oh man.

Oh baby, that's nice.

Yeah, well, Lou was in worse shape than I was. Last I remember, he was lying

across the pool table, French kissing the corner pocket.

Where are my weasels? Oh, God.

Hey, hey, hey. Oh, hallelujah.

Hey, man, I said you didn't have to come down here.

Are you kidding me?

You're kidding these leg braces. We're going to do something about it.

Actually, the first teeth.

Well, sometimes a smile is all a crippled kid's got.

Oh, here come my weasels slinking in here with their beady eyes and their

weak forelimbs.

Lou, what are you doing here?

You got your check this month?

I took a close look at your budget. It's appalling.

There's going to be some big changes around here.

I don't think we've met. I'm George Lopez, the manager.

Georgie!

Relax, I got you covered, babe.

So, how do you know Georgie?

He asked me to meet him at Thirsty's so he could tell me about the bad shape his

kid's in.

Okay, let me explain. You know, I thought we needed a better dental plan,

thought he could help me.

George. You don't have to kiss up to these guys anymore, man. Call them

Come on, dude, I can't do that. Oh, come on, George.

Call us weasels.

call you guys mongooses.

They fight snakes, so they're like weasels, but hard.

I'm a mongoose to say hey.

Hey.

George. Angie, what are you doing here? I'm in the middle of something.

Excuse me. I really need to talk to my husband.

It's really important.

George, is that your boy?

Hey, where are your crutches, tiger?

Pain comes in waves.

Let me be your leg, son.

So what's this about, Luke?

Okay, this better be an emergency.

I walked into Max's bedroom, and he was eating beef jerky.

Well, thank God you came down here instead of calling, because that's the

of thing you need to hear in person.

lying about his teeth. They don't really hurt, and I want to stop you before you

make a big deal about the dentist.

Tell your father.

I just wanted my braces off because I didn't want Jenny Gomez to see my mouth.

Who the hell is Jenny Gomez?

She's in my math class, and we used to talk every day.

And since I got braces, she won't even look at me.

working. This is all because you got the hots for a 12 -year -old.

I don't think you understand.

I love her.

Hey, you don't know anything about love. You want to know what love feels like?

Go get your braces tightened, huh? And when they hurt, tighten them some more

and burn all your money and wave goodbye to fun and get ready to spend the rest

of your life listening. Can you finish this? Because you know where I'm going.

I can do whatever I want, so screw you.

Look, guys, the whole dental thing was a lie.

I made it up because I wanted to bring three

brothers back together again.

So if you're going to be mad at me, do it as a family because that's what you

guys are.

Weak, George.

Very weak.

In my defense, I didn't have a lot of time, man, from the door to right here.

What's going on here, George?

Look, I thought my son was in pain.

Okay, turns out the dentist is fine.

But Max was lying because he wanted to get his braces off for a girl.

You got me all worked up for nothing?

Man, you're wasting my time.

You were just drinking.

Just drinking?

I suppose Da Vinci was just painting.

It's all yours, boys. I'm going back to Thirsty's.

Look, I know you guys are mad, huh?

I know I'm in a lot of trouble, but can you give me an idea of how mad you guys

are, like a number between one and ten?

You went behind our backs. You betrayed us, George.

We were calling it, what, like a three?

How'd it go at work?

Well, they didn't fire me yet.

Hey, Mom, I told you you'd be okay.

Yeah, but it's not okay to lie, Max.

But nothing happened, so everything's fine, right?

Max, can you get the door?

What are the Powers brothers doing here?

Play along, it's cool.

Jack? Mel, what are you guys doing here?

What you did today was unacceptable.

George, you're fired.

What?

No, come on, man. Don't do this.

I'm not in front of my kid.

You can't fire my dad.

It wasn't his fault.

I liked a girl, so I lied.

Your lie cost your daddy's job.

And boy, if I did that, it would make me feel like crap.

Unless, of course, I was an ungrateful, dirty daddy -hater.

I didn't know.

How are we going to pay our mortgage?

How are we going to eat?

We're going to end up... On the street!

Okay, pull it back there, drama club.

Okay, Max, relax. All right, calm down.

I'm not really getting fired.

I just asked Jack and Mel to come over here to pretend to fire me to teach you

lesson.

None of this was real?

No, no. We just agreed to help out your dad because we were touched that a

father would put his job in jeopardy to help his son.

Thanks, guys. Good night.

Not so touched that we're just going to forget you went behind our backs.

Don't you think there should be some consequences for that, George?

Well, if there's one thing I've learned from watching kung fu movies, it's that

my shame is my greatest punishment.

And that if you can fly, you're probably going to win the fight. I'll see you

Monday.

Oh, we got something else in mind for you, Lopez.

So, I bet you like playing soccer, huh there, little fella?

Yeah, I have a game Saturday.

Oh, well, your daddy's going to miss it because he's working weekends for the

next five months.

Bet you like eating dinner with your dad, too, huh? Say no, Max, say no. Too

late.

He's on the night shift.

There's one more thing we need you to do.

So, this here was all a huge misunderstanding.

Jack and Mel want you to stay on as the company dentist.

Really? Well, if you really trust me as your dentist, you're getting a chair.

You're due for a cleaning.

No, that's okay. I do all my own dental work. You know, I clean my teeth, fill

my cavities. I even send myself a postcard every six months that says, I

you, and that's the tooth.

Get in the chair.

Yeah, but I... Get in the chair.

Yeah, that's okay. No problem. I trust you. No hard feelings.

Wow, that is a great picture.

When did you meet Desmond Tutu?

That is my wife.

That's a handsome woman.