Original subtitles

What do you guys want to eat?

Ricky and I are going to play some video games. But I don't want you playing

anything violent.

No, it's a good game. It's about men protecting women.

It's called Big Pimpy 2005.

No! I don't want your kids playing that game.

Play the one where the frog drives across the street.

Thank you.

I've got to protect my high score on Big Pimpy, yo!

One more level and I get a walking stick with a fuzzy hat yo Jasmine get in the

car

Okay, Carmen.

I'll get it.

Take a picture. It'll last longer. Watch that circular.

George,

I thought we were watching Ricky because Ernie had a date tonight.

It's probably over by now.

standing on a sink trying to figure out a way to squeeze through the window.

Come on, Angie, you think she's skinny?

Isn't that Ricky's mom?

Man, don't tell me Ernie's dating Tammy.

Angie, she's a mess.

Maybe it's not a date.

Ernie is Ricky's foster dad. Maybe she's getting her act together so she can get

custody back.

I think she just took custody of Ernie's tongue. Watch it.

What the hell is he doing with that alcoholic shoplifting?

I hate her.

Hey, George.

Hey. Hey, Tammy.

Angie, look, it's Tammy. Yeah.

And Ernie.

Hey, George, Angie, what are you guys doing here?

Max and Ricky wanted to get a bite to eat.

What are you guys doing? We're on a date.

You know, honey, this might be a good time to tell Ricky that we're seeing

other. Well, the boys are in back.

Walk slow so you can tell me why this happened.

I mean, how?

You didn't tell me you were dating Ricky's mom.

Well, it's only been a few weeks. And I was afraid that you wouldn't approve.

But George, is she straightening herself out? Yeah, she's been real good to

Ricky. She's an AA. She's living clean.

And then there's the sex.

You're already having sex?

Yeah.

I'm not blowing my...

worst she's ever had.

George, you have to see the bracelet Ernie bought for Tammy.

Yo, Big Daddy, you ain't got the cheddar to be dropping that kind of bling on

your skis.

You're done playing that pimp game.

If she wasn't my top earner. What?

I love you. I respect you. Let's move on.

Ernie's so generous. One day it's a bracelet. The next day it's a computer.

I told him no more give.

So naughty.

Yes, that's good. Computer's not that big a deal.

Are you kidding me? It's a lifesaver. Now when I get the urge to drink, I can

distract myself with a little online gambling.

Oh, and she really good. George. I gave her 200 bucks. She turned into 400.

I didn't get a chance to tell you last night. Actually, we're down a thousand

and I didn't want to wake you. So I just put it on your credit card.

But she's not drinking.

Listen, you guys enjoy yourselves.

I'm going to go use the men's room.

Me too.

Can you believe this? I don't know what to think. I do.

Tammy's gonna take all the money she can, Angie. She's gonna break his heart

she's gonna dump him. You don't know that.

But even if she was, what are you gonna do? Tell Ernie she's no good for him?

He'll hate you.

Well, I'm not just gonna sit by and let my best friend get involved with some

stank.

It sounds like I'm gonna get proactive.

I never told you this, but when we got married, someone in the wedding party

begged me not to go through with it because they said you would be the

mistake of my life.

Yeah, yeah. I remember your dad's toast at the rehearsal dinner.

My dad was against it, too, but it wasn't him.

I know who it was.

It was that snotty little flower girl.

She walked down the aisle and threw rose petals in my face. She said, choke on

these.

No.

It was Linda Friedman.

Your maid of honor?

And I thought she liked me. Well, I told you that to save your feelings, but...

She said you were going to ruin my life. So I told her she wasn't a real friend

and I never wanted to see her again.

Do you want that to happen with Ernie?

No. Then bite your tongue.

Because not a day goes by that I don't meet Linda.

Wait a second, Angie. She called you.

You're kidding.

When? Right after Carmen was born.

called 16 years ago and I'm finding out now?

Don't say it like that.

Look, I tried to tell you, but you weren't talking to me.

Remember when we got home from the hospital and I asked you if it was too

for you to start doing sit -ups? Any other messages you forgot to tell me

You know your brother had another kid, right?

because I saw his picture on their Christmas card.

Okay, then we're good.

down the trash before the garbage truck gets here. I'll be down in the stands.

I'm putting on makeup.

What are you doing in there? It shouldn't take you an hour to look good.

Half of my teeth come from you, Dad. This isn't easy.

Just get down here and bring the trash. I'm sure you look beautiful.

Took you an hour to do that?

Why don't you put the makeup on both hands and rub it all around?

Pregnancy test?

On this.

If I did, I didn't mean to. Is it yours?

No, this is a pregnancy test, Carmen, and it's got a plus sign.

Are you pregnant?

No, Dad, when you gave me the car, I promised you I wasn't going to have sex.

Why do you still keep asking me?

How come you never ask me if I had a good day or if I'm happy or how I'm

in school?

That's your mom's job.

It's my job to keep the monkeys off you.

It's not you.

Oh, look at that.

The magic wand that can make men disappear.

Congratulations, Daddy.

Angie!

What are you doing with that?

Did you get that out of the garbage?

What happened, Angie?

You tricked me.

Because your business is struggling.

And you need something else in your life to make you feel important.

You're devoid.

George, I'm not pregnant.

Oh, thank God. I mean, you don't need a kid now that your business is booming.

Tammy's pregnant.

Ernie's Tammy?

yesterday and she confided in me she was late. She was really scared so we

bought the test and she took it here.

Does Ernie know she's pregnant?

She hasn't told him yet.

I mean, he's going to be a dad, Angie.

What is she waiting for?

Maybe he's going to be a dad.

The test is positive.

The test was, but she's not.

There were a few guys Right before him.

And Ernie was the prize?

What kind of sideshow must have been

going on in her bedroom?

That's it.

I'm going to tell him everything, Angie, and I don't care if he gets mad.

He needs to know the truth before he gets all excited about having a baby.

Well, this is a big surprise.

Yeah.

Come on, Ernie. I'm sure the ladies want to talk about the miracle of childbirth

and all that stuff.

Mom, you had two kids. Show them the scars.

Isn't she just the sweetest woman you ever saw?

Yeah, she's adorable.

Look, Ernie, we've known each other a long time, and we've always had each

other's backs, right?

Yeah, man.

Hey, and we always will.

Remember that time in fifth grade when I wrote that song for Sonia Garcia?

And you told me, dude, don't sing it at the talent show, and I sang it anyways.

Remember? You remember? Remember?

I'm tired of being alone, yeah.

Gonna call you on the phone, yeah.

Take you home and make you moan, yeah. Yeah.

And then the next day, she caught you by the monkey bars at recess, put you in a

headlock and punched you in the face.

God, you smell good.

Yeah.

The point is, sometimes,

You have to listen to a friend, even if he's telling you something that you

might not want to hear.

What are you getting at, George?

Look, Ernie, are you sure that this baby's yours?

What do you mean?

Of course it's mine.

Angie was with Tammy when she took the test, and Tammy didn't seem so sure she

knew who the father was.

No, that's impossible.

We've been together every night since we started dating. Maybe something

happened right before that.

I can't believe you're trying to do this to me.

Look, man, I'm just telling you the truth. No!

No, see, I knew you were going to be all judgmental.

That's why I didn't tell you I was with Tammy in the first place.

Not everybody locks out and gets to marry the cheerleader, George.

But this doesn't have anything to do with me, man. I'm looking out for you.

you always think you know what's best for me, like I'm some sort of idiot.

You know what? I make my own decisions.

And if you can't respect that, then you're not my friend.

Is everything okay?

Tammy, honey, I know this is going to sound stupid, but George doesn't believe

in us.

And I just want to prove him wrong.

There's no question this baby's mine, right?

What did you tell him?

I told him the truth.

I think he needs to know before he shows up in the delivery room and there's

four other guys there with camcorders.

Tammy, just tell me.

Is it possible this is another guy's baby?

I can't believe you're asking me this.

Next time you get the urge to look out for me, why don't you just keep your

mouth shut?

They always pick the whore.

Truth hurts, don't it?

How you doing?

Gioni hasn't returned any of my calls.

Honey, you said what you felt you needed to say.

Give him some time. He'll come around.

You know, I'm still your best friend.

So, what are we watching, buddy?

Women's beach volleyball.

Who's winning?

I am, every time they go to the sand cam.

Oh, I get it.

That tall blonde, she's a hottie.

Like it when she jump.

Jump again.

That's the way Daddy likes it.

Come on, Angie, don't.

Pull my finger.

in the kitchen.

Really? He wants to see you.

What's going on with Dad and Ernie?

It's kind of a long story.

They're going through something, but I think everything's going to be okay.

Now pull my finger.

Why? Just do it.

Hey. Hey.

So you were right.

Tammy went to the doctor and it... Turns out she's too far along for it to be my

baby.

I'm sorry, Ernie.

You would have made a great dad.

I hope Tammy lands on her feet.

But let's be serious, dude. You dodged a bullet there.

I mean, settling down with her would have been like eating somebody's

out of a dumpster or buying a bad used car.

I'm gonna marry her.

Okay, the dumpster thing was a bit harsh.

But I'm sticking to the used car thing. Ernie, come on. She's got a lot of hard

miles on her. Dude, those are rent -a -car miles.

Don't talk about her that way.

I don't care if the baby's not mine.

I'll raise it like my own.

Dude, I think you're making a huge mistake.

George, I know Tammy's got problems.

But I can help her.

And I love Ricky.

I got a shot at making a family here.

Look, I know you want a family.

But I haven't heard you say once that you loved her. I'm gonna marry her.

George, you're my best friend.

And I want you to be my best man.

But if you can't accept her and find something good to say, then you and I

through.

Her teeth are surprisingly white for someone who smoked and drank as much as

did.

Thank you.

Want to come in and watch some women's volleyball?

It's cold at the beach and they're playing through a light rain.

Oh.

Hey, I'd love to, but I can't. I got to take Tammy to the bank.

They froze her checking account, but she had a great idea.

We're going to get her an ATM card on my account.

That way she doesn't have to bother me every time she needs money.

Thoughtful.

White teeth.

She can pee on a little stick.

Man, my wedding toast is going to write itself.

Hey, don't forget to mention that she's really good with my parents.

She's helping them rewrite their will.

You know, Ernie, I usually don't get emotional at weddings, but I know when

talking about your future with Tammy, I'm going to be the one crying.