Original subtitles

Stay cool.

See ya.

Max, what happened to your eye?

Honey.

Is that makeup?

The boys won't pick on me if they think I've already been beaten up.

They like fresh meat.

If somebody's picking on you, who, Max? I want a name.

Hector Clark.

Bobby Garcia.

David Chin.

Richard Goodman. Tim Sullivan.

Peter Sisko.

Proudy Kidwani.

Honey, I know it's tougher in middle school, but just try to think of it this

way. Bullies are just friends who don't realize how special you are yet.

What kind of crap are you teaching him?

No wonder kids of all races are coming together to beat up on Max.

Let them make a buff.

At least do both eyes and add a little lipstick.

I guarantee that there will be a couple of boys who'll want to be your friend.

Mom, this family has only room for one guy in makeup, and that is you. Good

sir.

I said good day, sir!

I just can't understand why anyone would want to pick on you. Are you kidding?

You're dressing him like he's still in elementary school.

Dorky shirt.

Dorky pants?

You can't even see his boxers?

Why don't you just put him in a Tickle Me Elmo t -shirt and send him to his

desk?

I think he looks really cute.

Okay, don't listen to me.

Haley, I guess those shoes aren't too bad if you're running away from someone.

Hey, I didn't pick them out.

I didn't pick any of this out.

Max, do you want to ignore peer pressure and be judged for who you are, or do

you just want to follow the crowd?

I need new clothes fast.

Fine. We'll go shopping later.

No. She picks out my clothes now.

You had your chance.

Man. Remember when we used to be cool, Angie?

Angie in high school.

Angie when we got married.

Angie becomes a mom!

Hey, you're not so cool anymore either.

No? Really?

Talk to the boxers. What's up, baby?

What's up?

What's up, kitchen?

What's up, toast?

What's up, outside? What's up?

Now, tell me which of these settings you like for the wedding.

I'm just so glad you came across my ad in the phone book. I knew I'd get

business if I was listed before AAA events.

A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A

-A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A

-A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A

What are you talking about?

Didn't they do this at your old school?

Every colored bracelet is something different you'll do with a guy.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I've gone green.

I even went blue once. What?

Oh, my God. Blue?

Didn't you get sand everywhere?

Hey,

when you're in the middle of blue, you don't know where... There you are.

Man, wait till everybody at school finds out that you've done blue.

They're not going to think I'm like a slut, are they?

Are you kidding?

Everyone's going to think you're cool.

At St.

Teresa's, you're only a slut if you get pregnant.

Hey, Dad, where's our Bible?

I've got homework for my religious studies class.

Oh, check the living room.

When your grandma passed out last night, I touched it to her head to see if it'd

leave a burn mark.

You know, a blue one would make a great gift for the flower girl. Do not do

that.

Thank God that fat kid had his papa take a hit off his inhaler.

They would have grabbed us all.

Where's the front door?

After me, fellas. Come on. Come on.

I'll be up in my room.

All right, Jimmy. I'm serious.

If Max doesn't make friends soon, he's going to be branded a loser for the rest

of middle school.

So what's he supposed to do?

I don't know.

I mean, I got lucky.

I started dating some hot cheerleader.

Used to take her to all the parties and say, Look at what yours got!

Which way? Which way?

Through there.

The fruit in the bowl is fake! What am I saying? That kid's not going for the

fruit.

Why didn't I think of this earlier?

Dina's son Kyle goes to the...

Max, they should get to know each other. Max, get down here!

No, Angie.

Kids don't make friends by having their mommy set them up on blind dates.

Look, a kid trips in the cafeteria.

You laugh so hard that milk comes out of your nose. The kid next to you is

laughing so hard he accidentally farts.

Boom!

Friends for life!

Do you know Kyle from school?

Well, maybe he'd like to go to the movies with you this weekend. Mom, no!

me, it'll be fine.

No way! Mom, don't make me do that!

Oh. No way!

I'm not going to hang out with him.

Everyone knows he's a loser.

Hey!

You're in my backyard with your mommy looking at China, so who's the real

a princess?

Angie, Dina, I'm worried.

Do I have to do it?

Come on, you love skating, Max. Now get out there. You might make some friends.

Stupid.

Man, it's hard when you don't fit in.

Remember when we were trying to get into the roller disco crowd?

And you were spinning me around because you were going to whip me out so I'd

look really cool. But then I got scared and I kept holding onto your hand.

So we just could go round and round in circles. Remember?

I have to use your head, Michael. I wasn't there. No, I specifically

That wasn't me.

Max, that was awesome.

Way to go, little buddy.

Yeah, way to go, little buddy.

I'm sorry.

Look, if you want to be cool with these guys,

This one time, all right? Give me permission to tell me off, see? Like

like, get out of here, old man, or something. Get out of here, fathead!

enough of your crap!

Yeah, like that, okay? That's good.

I'll be back in an hour. You'll come back when I tell you to come back.

Check out these bracelets. I saw Carmen's friend wearing one. They're so

I got one in every color.

It was so sad.

The boy at the store had some kind of disorder.

When he gave me my change, he was just shaking.

Well, while you were out getting bracelets, I went out

and got Max some friends.

Honey, that's great.

And those friends... The ones that I got him when I took him to the skate park.

Coming over with some burgers that I'm making.

There's no reason to talk like this anymore, but I like it.

Want to see the coolest thing ever?

Watch out!

George, did you know about this?

think it's really cool.

Which genius talked you into that?

video we watched.

Angie, relax. It's okay.

No, it's not.

Remember Sammy the Skater, the penguin with the little helmet?

You think it'd still be rad when you wear your helmet and your elbow pads.

You know what else Sammy the Skater sings, Angie? Shut up, shut up. You're

making it worse. Now meet me in the kitchen.

Angie, what are you doing? You're embarrassing him in front of his

Those aren't the kind of friends I want Max to have.

They're older. They're reckless.

Look, he already changed his hair.

He's too desperate for friends. What other stupid things is he going to do to

try to impress them? Look, they're just being guys.

When we get together, we do crazy stuff.

Look, can you imagine you and your girlfriends going to a Raiders game and

painting your chest silver and black?

Be happy he has friends.

Okay, you don't know what it's like to be a loner.

That

still

hurts a lot less than being alone.

Right, Bodhi?

Come on, man, get up. I'm trying to make a point here.

If he's in that much pain, Angie, at least we know he's not on drugs.

I think we need a woman president. Hey, honey.

No, Angie, Angie, don't end it.

It's just one gray hair. We'll dye it.

What's going on?

I had an interesting little trip to the grocery store.

Another shopping story.

Let me have those scissors.

When the teenage boy bagging my groceries noticed my bracelets, I took

compliment. When he helped me to the car, I thought that was really sweet.

When he put his hand on my butt and told me that he'd never done purple with an

older chick, I hit him.

And when he stopped crying, we found his retainer.

He told me that each of those colors stands for something different you'll do

with a boy.

Shit to cut them all off?

Carmen was wearing a bunch of those bracelets yesterday.

Carmen, get down here!

You and my... day, you didn't go around advertising this stuff.

You know, you'd go off with a guy, and then if he went too far, you slapped

Now, if slapping was your thing, it got a little confusing.

Mom!

Another source of confusion, biting.

Hey, let me see your wrist.

Orange, blue, green, purple, red, black, pink, another weirder kind of blue,

what would you call that?

Teal. Teal!

Carmen, you're tealing.

You're a tealer.

We know about the bracelets. We need to have a serious talk. No, we don't.

Everyone just calmed down. I didn't do anything.

Okay, then why are you wearing the bracelets?

Because people think it's cool. A week ago, hardly anyone at school talked to

me. Not everyone likes me.

You left public school because everyone thought you were easy. Now you want

everyone to think you're easy?

Because I'm...

Maturing.

Um, Ward, June.

I hate to interrupt one parental failure with another, but the beeve's been

arrested at the mall.

What? For what?

They wouldn't tell me. He got in trouble with those skater punks. They're

holding him down there.

I'll handle this.

I told you he was going to do something stupid with those boys.

Don't worry.

No matter what happened at the mall, he will have his day in food court.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Come on, come on.

If we don't laugh, we'll cry.

Is anybody

here?

I'll be back in a second. He's checking on my kid.

You know, this is a waste of time, man.

Skateboarding's not a crime.

So a kid, like, grinds on a rail or tries to jump a fountain.

It's like these mall cops got nothing better to do.

My son stabbed another gangbanger and threw him down the escalator.

So you think they're keeping both of our kids in the same room back there?

Probably.

Max, are you okay?

Max, if you can hear me, son.

Don't hurt any of those other boys. You can't afford your third strike.

Max, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I need you to sign this. Your kid's not allowed back in the mall. We're going to

have his picture on file.

Whoa, man, that's a little harsh, man. They were just skateboarding.

It wasn't skateboarding. I just finished grabbing this guy's kid out of a knife

fight, and then I find your son and six of his friends beating up another kid.

Is this true?

Don't be too hard on yourself.

Once a kid goes down that road, there ain't much he can do.

Well, my kid's not going down that road, okay? He's smarter than that.

Turn to your right.

He's dyslexic, man. Just turn him.

George, hey.

Mac. Why would you do this?

This guy at the mall called Trevor a name.

So that gives you the right to gang up on the boy?

I had to stand up for him.

He'd do the same thing for me. You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us.

But that's it.

Come here.

Stand right there.

Cover your eyes.

What are you doing?

Look, those kids are going to end up in prison. I know because I grew up with

kids like that. And I didn't work my ass off to let that happen to you.

Go upstairs and wash that out yourself. Then wait in your room.

Did you hear him?

What the hell is going on with our kids? I don't know.

Are we bad parents? No.

You've been tough. I've been forgiving.

We've gone into huge debt to get Carmen into the right school.

We've been up half the night with Max helping him with his learning

disabilities.

We've always put them first.

Well, it's not enough.

Because they keep falling in with the wrong people.

Last year, Max waited up for Santa.

This year, he and his crew are going to wait on the roof and jack his sleigh.

God knows what Carmen's going to do with the elves.

We talked about this before.

Maybe it's the city.

Maybe there's a better place to raise kids.

George, I'm not moving out of the city.

Hey, you guys!

There's a high -speed chase about to go past the house. Come on, let's go cheer

on the contractor.

I'll miss your mom. Let's get the hell out of the city.

You know, Angie, if we leave L .A., this will be the last car chase we ever see.

You'll get a bottle of wine, I'll get the chairs. Go, go, go, go!

Remember this?

Look, I'm telling you for the last time, Ernie, that wasn't me.

Oh, yeah?

Well, then whose skates are these, Mr.

Von Boogie?

I believe it's Dr.

Von Boogie.

Captain Shaker reporting for duty.

Doctor, what time is it?

Time to get funky!

Now if I call in six, it'll be a lot.