Original subtitles

Grandma, check out my police.

Isn't that cute?

I've got a gun now, but it seems like only yesterday I was sleeping with a

knife.

Morning, Grandma.

Morning. Morning, dork.

If you really want to scare him, go upstairs and pretend to stab him while

sleeping.

That's how I got him to stop sucking his thumb.

Of course, that was right around the time he started wetting the bed.

What if I told you about bringing psychics to the house?

George, the lottery is up to $250 million.

Clara's going to help me pick the winning numbers.

Right, Clara?

What do the chicken bones say?

Hold on.

The bones are channeling through me, Mom.

I can see what they see.

I'm on a plate covered in hot sauce.

And I'm being carried by a waitress in sexy orange shorts.

Oh, no, Mom, there's an owl with big booby eyes.

And I can't get away.

But I'm okay with that.

It's coming.

I see... three.

Good, good. What's the next number? Wait, now. I see... death.

Death will visit you, Benny.

Visit? Come on, death, take her.

Foil swan and feed her to your dog. No,

no. It's clear now. Death will touch you three times before

all hallows eve.

I'm sorry. I forgot I changed the ringer on my cell phone for Halloween.

Hello?

Bill?

Oh, that's terrible. I'll be right down.

Bill, the janitor's dead.

I had lunch with him yesterday.

One down, two to go.

This is on the house because I just want to get the hell away from you.

Dad, there's no such thing as a curse, right? No, honey, it's just a sad

coincidence. Don't lie to her, George. She could be next, or you.

one of us in this room.

Benny, you're scaring the kids.

I'm not scared.

Oh, I'm sorry. I changed Carmen's cell ringer, too.

All

my

friends know that I'm a low rider.

Mom, what are you doing?

Praying. I don't want the curse to get me.

Mom, those aren't even rosary beads. Those are from the Mardi Gras.

They were lucky for me there.

What's all this?

Oh, it's a memorial to Bill the janitor.

This is where it happened.

He just killed over right here on your desk.

He died on my desk?

That creeps me out.

Look, why don't we honor Bill by moving the memorial to the bathroom?

Uh, we could use a candle in there.

Yeah, how about that? You know, one of us dogs is backed up, so until we get a

new janitor... Hey.

Hey, Ernie. Shut up.

George, I just talked to Bill's widow. She's a wreck.

Can you believe he didn't have life insurance?

Yeah, that's terrible.

Oh, here's something for Bill's memorial.

Well, Bill, back in the day, we had some fun at Mardi Gras, didn't we?

Here's one more for old time's sake.

Mom!

Look, he's dead, okay? He's suffered enough.

company get away with giving George and the management life insurance, but not

the workers.

Look, honey, look, now's not the time, all right? Wait, wait, what are you

talking about? They don't give anybody here life insurance.

What? We're lucky to get health insurance with the way fingers and toes

flying out of here.

Do we or don't we have life insurance?

We have everything we need.

We're very fortunate.

I can't believe you lied to me.

Don't you see how selfish you're being? What if something happened to you?

Without insurance, the kids and I don't have enough money to live.

Look, Angie, if I die within the next five years, you got a pretty good chance

of remarrying up.

How can you say that?

All right, I'm sorry. Look, stay out of the sun. Make it seven years.

Obviously, we can't talk, okay? Because you look good and everything, but you're

not in a place where you can take compliments on.

You can have as much ice cream as you want.

One, you have life insurance.

You're still mad about that?

I don't know what crazy thing is going on inside your head, but when you're

ready to talk about it, knock on the bedroom door, and maybe I'll unlock it.

Yeah, right.

If I knock on that door, you're... Okay.

Hey, what you watching?

Divorce port.

Give me that.

Why don't people talk about their problems before they get married?

Max, some people don't want to face their problems.

Try to avoid them any way they can.

What's up with you and Mom?

Oh, look, leave it to Beaver.

I hate these old shows.

Hey, when I was growing up, my dad wasn't around, my mom was always

These shows were like my family. The Munsters, the Jetsons.

I used to pretend they loved me.

And you're the guy I'm supposed to look up to, huh?

One of these days, Max, one of these days, I'll zoom straight to the moon!

Up your nose with the rubber hose?

I'll kiss my grid.

It's not my job, man.

Well, June, I'm off to work.

Hurry up, Beaver. You don't want to be late for school.

Ward, after work, would it kill you to stop by Ted Binkley's and talk to him

about life insurance?

June, less talking, more juicing.

But, Ward... End of discussion.

One more peep out of view, and I'm going to have to take a tone.

Now, where is that beaver?

Why aren't you dressed for school?

I'm feeling pretty crummy, Dad.

Maybe you should stay home and take care of me and stuff.

109.

That's quite a fever.

Yeah. I might have polio or rabies or some junk.

Beaver, what is this all about?

Like bums and hobos.

And stuff.

Beaver, I'm not going to die.

I eat red meat three times a day and I smoke like a chimney.

Just like Dr.

Jenkins told me to.

What about accidents, Ward?

June?

Ward, I think the bee deserves an answer as to why you won't get life insurance.

What's the real reason?

Well, it's certainly not because I have such an overwhelming fear of death that

the very mention of the word makes it hard for me to breathe, Heath.

War, I think we found our reason.

You know, June, you're right.

I sure didn't expect the answer to come from you.

You're almost smart enough to be a secretary.

As soon as I get to work, I'm going to order up a policy from Ted Binkley, our

insurance agent, because, ¿sabes qué?

I take care of my family y todo.

I think you've made the right decision, Ward.

I think someone's pushing their beds together tonight.

Oh, the Johansons are trying for another boy?

Órale.

Well, it looks like everything turned out okay like it always does.

Huh, Mom?

Not yet, B.

Your father doesn't realize he needs to get a physical to get insurance.

And you know how afraid he is of doctors.

Oh, man.

Why can't Dad be a man's man like Rock Hudson or Liberace?

I just talked to Ted Binkley, and the doctor is on his way over.

All your father needs to do to get life insurance is pass the physical.

Now, Marilyn, remember, your Uncle Herman is very afraid of doctors, so

going to have to fool him. You know what to do, right?

Yes, Aunt Lily.

What am I supposed to do?

Why don't you take your bat and go play ball in the backyard, dear?

New boyfriend, but there's something you should know.

He's a little older, and the poor man thinks he's a doctor.

With Marilyn's looks, you can't be too choosy.

Please be nice to him, Uncle Herman.

This is very important to me.

Don't worry, Marilyn.

I'll just turn on the old Munster charm.

Of course you are.

Please, come in.

I'm so sorry about the squinting. I'm afraid I left my glasses in the cab. I

can't see a thing.

Oh, what a shame, because Marilyn is very attractive.

Why don't we get started? Let's have a look at that chest.

Shouldn't you at least take her to dinner first?

Hermit.

I think he wants to perform a physical on you.

Oh, that's right, Lily.

He is a doctor.

Marilyn, why don't you finish getting ready while Herman and I get to know Dr.

Wolf?

Well, your heart sounds as healthy as a horse's.

It should.

It won the Kentucky Derby.

Why don't you sit down, Mr. Munster? I want to check your reflexes.

Oh, found it!

Lovely!

Here's the potion to keep Herman calm in case he figures out it's a real doctor

here for the life insurance.

real physical.

No, no, no, no, no.

Pussycat.

Pussycat. They won't give you life insurance without a physical.

This is what stopped me from getting life insurance in the first place.

What if they find something wrong with me?

I don't want to die.

Why are you so afraid of death?

Because that old bat told me my father died young, so I'm afraid that I'm going

to die young.

I don't want to do this anymore, Lele.

I'm insured? No, the policy will not kick in for 24 hours, but there

be a problem, unless you're cursed.

The insurance doctor.

his insurance.

How was your day, dear?

Terrible. I couldn't get home fast enough.

It was a nightmare. I felt like I was flying by the same background over and

over.

Well, you made it home safe and sound, so just try to relax.

I can't relax.

This curse has got me so scared I hid under my desk all day until I heard that

voice. Jetson!

Yeah, just like that.

I tell you. A jinx, Jetson! A jinx!

But, sir, the curse will be over in an hour.

Oh!

Well, then, I'll see you tomorrow.

I'll be late, because I'm going to the opening of Star Wars, episode 23.

I hear the effects are amazing, but the story's a little weak.

Latinos are now 85 % of the population.

Huh. We're down 5%. I'm too nervous to read.

I'm just going to lock myself in the bedroom for the next hour to be safe,

after I put this in the vacuum shredder. Be careful, George.

The suction man was here today, and he turned up...

It's not too soon.

I'm available.

George, wake up.

George! I forbid you from marrying Mr. Spacely!

Oh, it was a dream.

What are you talking about?

Oh, baby, I'm sorry.

Okay, I was dealing with something from my childhood.

But that doesn't matter now because...

I'm going to get life insurance tomorrow.

Thank you.

Now come to bed.

And since you're not insured, just take it easy and let me handle things.