Original subtitles

Morning, Daddy.

Hey, honey.

So, where are you taking Mom to dinner tonight?

Why am I taking Mom to dinner?

Wait, what did I do wrong?

Did I miss something?

You don't know?

Let's see.

Valentine's Day is after the Super Bowl.

And she's birthday's in the summer because last time I forgot she yelled at

and it was still light out after dinner.

There's nothing in November.

That's my birthday.

Right.

That only leaves... Oh, crap! Our anniversary!

I got

nothing.

Honey, it's January as I write this.

But I couldn't wait to tell you I love you so much.

Angie is more than a name to me.

A is for... A is

for the awesome things that you do.

Dad, that's so lame. Can't you be romantic for once? She's going to be

any second. What do you got?

Your love is... the air that I breathe sustain my heart and give me life?

N is for the nice things that you do.

G is for the great way I feel when you do nice things.

I... I... Oh, you do I.

E is for everything else that you do, huh?

What are you hiding?

Just a little surprise for you, my love.

Happy anniversary, Ange. That's just the morning present. There's more to come.

You remember.

Yes, I did.

I'm taking you somewhere special tonight. I don't want to tell you where

you know how people get bumped at those trendy restaurants and then just end up

going wherever they can get in.

You forgot the I.

No, I didn't.

Because there's no I in us.

Happy anniversary, Ange.

Well, I have a surprise for you, too.

Your favorite, double chocolate fudge cake!

Happy anniversary!

Since you forgot our anniversary three days ago, I forgot how to make cake.

You're eating dirt, vinegar, and a moth.

Angie, I'm sorry.

Angie!

You set me up.

Okay, you can either get mad or we can get smart about this. For 20 bucks, I'll

play...

to mess with you. Nice try but I think I got this.

you're 20, and Ray, you're 20.

It's not your night, Benny.

I saw Tori Spelling wearing sunglasses in celebrity poker, and it gave me an

idea.

Now you don't know if I have a good hand or not.

You got three eights. I've got a straight. I win.

She's a witch!

And you're an idiot wearing Miro sunglasses.

That hand is dead. No deal.

George!

Sorry.

I keep thinking about how I screwed up my anniversary.

In my 40 years with Angie's mother, I never once forgot an anniversary.

Even now that we are divorced, I still remember.

This year, I had my nurse take a pint of my blood, and I sent it to her with a

card that said, How much more of me do you want to peck out, you chilling

vampire?

I laughed and laughed.

Then I passed out.

Hey, guys.

Hey. Sandwiches, anyone?

That one's yours. No mail.

I didn't do anything to it.

I know that. I trust you.

I'm not mad at you anymore.

It's just not worth it.

Maybe it'd be easier if we just didn't celebrate our anniversary.

That way, I won't be disappointed.

This is worse than when she's mad. She's just giving up on me.

Well, I gotta make up for this. I gotta make up for 17 years of forgetting

things.

I know what I'm gonna do.

When we got married, I couldn't afford a decent ring, and now I can.

I'm going to buy her the diamond of her dreams because I'm the luckiest man in

the world.

I mean, I could be divorced.

She could have walked out on me.

I could have never met a woman.

Spend the rest of my life alone.

Broken. How many people get to go home every night to someone who loves them?

God, I'm Blair.

I had a long marriage and three wonderful children.

I don't need a man to make me happy.

I'm fine, too.

Crazy eights, anyone?

Can I help you?

Yeah, my wife's coming down, and I want to surprise her with a new ring.

One that says, I love you, and there's nothing in the world I wouldn't do for

you. And it's got to say that for less than $2 ,000.

It's hard to find a talking ring under $5 ,000. Under two, they just kind of

whisper, I'm tiny, don't hurt me.

Want to make a sale or not?

I'm sure we can find a diamond your wife loves in your price range.

Everything in this case is under $2 ,000.

Perfect.

George, what are you doing in here? You said we were having lunch at the Pretzel

Express.

Well, Connie, I'm sorry about our anniversary, okay? I want to make it up

you. I want you to have the ring you should have had when we got married.

George, you don't have to do that. No, I want to do it.

I was planning on doing something really special for our 20th anniversary, but

you deserve it now.

I know our marriage was never based on expensive gifts, but it doesn't hurt.

Sir, if it's possible, I want you to try to find this lady a diamond as

beautiful and flawless as she is.

Well,

if you step over to this case, I'm sure we'll find exactly what you're looking

for.

Oh, they're all so beautiful.

How much is that one? No.

We're not talking prices. I'm a man. Just pick one that you like.

And, of course, we have others.

George, I really like this one here.

I don't know, Angie. That doesn't look as sparkly as the ones in this case.

They don't?

Wow.

That is the most beautiful ring I've ever seen.

Does this one light up?

A lot of good rings in here we can't see, Angie.

How much?

$7 ,000.

Forget it.

No, no way.

Honey, all I really wanted to know was that you appreciate me.

And every day when I look at this, I'll know that you do.

You're welcome.

Let me take care of this, okay? I'll meet you at the pretzel place.

Still got that coupon?

I'm assuming layaway?

Why are you assuming layaway?

Because I'm Chicano that I can't afford a ring?

I see the way that security guard's been looking at me, man. I'm so offended.

I might not even buy it. that ring. I might come back here. I might not. You

don't know me.

Well, we can only hold the ring until Sunday.

Then you know what I'm doing on Saturday?

Garage sale. My house. Tell your friends.

Good stuff.

Y2K t -shirts, Santana tapes, lemonade.

También you should come.

If I sell my tool and my golf clubs, that'll give me a few grand.

But I still need four more to get the ring.

If you can't afford to buy Mom the ring, why don't you just tell her the truth?

Max, someday you'll meet a woman.

And you'll disappoint her and you'll lie and you'll feel bad. And that's how you

know it's love.

Now say goodbye to your bike and go do your homework.

Hey, greatest husband in the world.

Did you pick up the ring?

Uh, no, I'm getting it engraved.

Getting it engraved? I just got you a Raiders jersey.

Now I gotta go out and get you something really extravagant.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

You know what I really want, Angie?

Is for you to be happy in your career.

So if you want to work more hours or get a second job, that would be great.

Hold up.

Hey, man, I know you're having trouble with your game.

How would you like my lucky putter?

Why can't I just take your lucky putter, George? Come on. You're right. Give me

$1 ,000.

$1 ,000?

What's going on?

Money problems again?

Angie picked out this ring I can't afford, and she thinks I'm going to get

for her. George, George, a ring means nothing.

I gave my wife a three -carat stone, but that didn't stop her from cheating on

me.

She even threw the ring at me during counseling when I called her a mattress

-hopping whore frog.

In Spanish, that is debilitating.

You know, it's horrible when a marriage falls apart. Hey, did you keep that

ring? Yeah.

I'm going to use it to scratch fornicator on her coffin.

So the devil knows which line to put her in.

Look, Vic, that ring obviously has a lot of bad memories for you, but if you

gave it to me and I gave it to Angie, that would make your daughter happy.

That would make a good memory.

But she would know it's her mother's ring. No, no, she won't.

I'll take the stone.

I'll put it in a new setting.

Hey, hey, hey, when we got married, we couldn't afford a decent wedding, and

didn't help us.

But this would make up for that a hundred times over.

Okay, George.

Because it'll make my daughter happy, I will give you the ring.

Thanks, Vic. This means a lot to me. And I will take the potter, your table saw,

and your power drill.

Deal. I'm not finished.

What size shoe are you?

Happy anniversary.

The ring's here, isn't it? Is it? Where is it?

Relax, we got all day. I got you this breakfast.

You hid it. I know you hid it.

I bet it's in one of the muffins.

Those are just muffins.

I'm kind of scared to tell you the ring's in my front pocket.

George,

the diamond's bigger.

Yes, it is.

For once, I wanted to give you more than what you asked for.

I'll get you some more muffins.

Change of plan.

give her the ring.

What? I just gave it to her. What do you think this was about, that shirt?

You can't make this for Christmas.

What's going on?

Well, last night I did something very stupid.

I went to happy hour at Baja Beach and, you know, they got those giant

margaritas. Get to the point. Well, I was drunk.

So I called Angie's mother and told her I gave her diamond to a younger woman.

What? Oh, the whole bar cheer for me, man.

Whole frock, whole frock, whole frock.

Sorry,

George.

Legally, the ring is hers from the chairman and she demanded it back.

Oh, man, the ring is Angie's now. Tell Amelina you lost it, that someone stole

it. Hey, if I don't give the ring back to Amelina, I will have to pay her $30

,000.

Good. You stayed calm. You came up with a solution. Nice work, Vic.

I have no choice.

If you don't tell her, I will have to.

Daddy, you have to see the ring George got me.

Hey.

Let me see it in the light.

Oh, this is beautiful.

I will take it to get insured immediately.

I just hope I don't get robbed on the way.

Look, you got a big mudge on it.

I'll clean it, honey.

The guy in the store said just a little soap and warm water brings out the

natural shine from the center of the... I weigh... What?

Oh, my God. The ring went down the drain, Angie. It'll go down to the

Get it. Get the ring.

The ring's gone.

Oh, Angie.

If only you had listened to your father and gotten the insurance.

Ay, Dios mio.

Evelina's going to kill me, you stupid, stupid, stupid man.

What are you talking about?

I gave George the stone from your mother's ring and now she wants it back.

George?

The ring was in the trap under the sink.

I was gonna get it later!

Oh, that would have been a good plan.

You always find a way, don't you?

Look, Angie, I wanted to get you a ring. I just couldn't afford the one you

liked. Then why couldn't you just tell me that?

All I ever wanted for our anniversary was a small gesture that says you still

feel about me now, the way you did when we first got married.

Maybe we could still do that, Angie.

We could renew our vows.

Would you just say what I think you said?

Yes.

Let's renew our vows.

I want you to have the wedding I always wanted.

It would be wonderful.

We could write our own vows. Oh, finally take those dance lessons.

I always wanted doves.

Hi,

Mom. Oh, I can't believe you.

What?

Angie told me everything.

Isn't it going to be confusing with both of you in wedding dresses?

Well, Mom, maybe sometimes I'm not too smart, huh?

Double chocolate fudge cake?

Great. You're baking now.

Sure, why not?

Enjoy.

My bad.

Why don't you look and eat a different cake?

I gotcha.

But you ate some too.

George, I've been smoking for 30 years.

Everything tastes like dirt.