Original subtitles

George, a mouse!

I just saw a mouse under the fridge. Okay, relax.

I'll get it. Okay.

Angie, this mouse could win us a trip to Disneyland.

But how, George?

I'll tell you.

Tonight's episode isn't just about my first trip to Disneyland. It's also a

contest where you can win $10 ,000.

But you know what? Our viewers...

Deserve more than that, huh? Got a hit show. How about $10 ,015?

And a VIP vacation to Disneyland and Disney's California Adventure Parks.

All you have to do is count every time you see this shape.

Could be a picture of Mickey on a T -shirt. It could be something else that

makes the Mickey shape.

Softball, anyone?

But look carefully because there'll be between 50 and 150 Mickey.

The rules are at ABC .com.

You can enter at abc .com or stay tuned for an address we'll provide at the end

of the show to mail in your entry. Just describe each Mickey shape you saw and

what you thought of the show and whoever finds the most on our official list

could win.

And the contest starts right now.

Man, this thing's never going to come out, Dad.

First Mickey, Carmen's T -shirt in the kitchen.

All right, write it down because they're not all going to be this easy.

Hey, how's it going with the boss's son?

I don't know why Mel had to dump his kid on me.

Mom, that guy's not cut out for anything at the factory.

You got your job down.

And to think.

Mel and a drunk cocktail waitress made that.

I'm awake.

I don't care.

Tell your dad, write me up.

Just remember my name.

I'm Gina from inspecting.

Look, I don't know what kind of problems you had at your school, but when you're

here, come on, man, you have to work.

What did you hear about me in school?

Nothing. It's none of my business.

Did you hear I got busted for stealing a car?

Yeah. You hear I punched out a teacher?

Yeah. You hear I knocked up the principal's daughter?

No.

Oh, well, that just happened. You'll hear about it next week.

Well, look, anyone can fight and steal and knock a girl up, but it takes a real

man to file alphabetically.

Get cracking, thug.

Who's the hottie in the picture?

That's my daughter.

But she's fat and ugly now. Go file.

Hey.

I'm Zach.

Powers.

We were just talking about you. Your dad thinks you're fat and ugly.

Oh, that's funny.

He must have mistaken me for his head and that tie.

I like the schoolgirl look.

You girls ever watch Cars for Charity?

Get all soapy.

Fight over the hose.

Stay away from my daughter.

And you, Carmen, go wait in the car.

And you!

Stop buying me these ugly -ass ties.

Max bought you that one.

I love it. It's nice.

We're only here for a minute. Something special happened to Max at school today,

and he wants to talk to you about it.

Okay, Max.

There's nothing unusual about this, okay? You're at that age. Next time it

happens, just get a stack of books and put them in your lap and remember that

God or Santa could be watching.

I won most improved special ed student of the month.

Hey,

that's great, buddy.

Yeah. The school even gave me a bumper sticker.

You're supposed to put it on your car.

Proud parents of the most improved special ed.

Student.

You know what? I bet Mom's car would look good. I already got one.

So what do you say that we celebrate, huh?

Anything you want.

Mom's taking me to Disneyland next Saturday, and I want to know if you can

this time.

Saturday.

We're not sick, and you don't have to work.

Thanks.

You got me there. Okay, Disneyland it is.

Great.

Oh, do you think Grandma wants to come?

Not unless they replace Frontierland with Smoky Drinky Land.

Disneyland with the family.

Your wife's pretty hot, too.

Okay, for the last time, the women in my family are off limits.

Except that one.

You want to see that all soapy, washing your car in a schoolgirl outfit?

I didn't think so. Watch out.

Hey.

What kind of car you got?

Yeah, big day. Hurry up.

I'm going to Disneyland.

Oh, Mama, do you always have to film everything?

Because these are important memories. But we never watch tape.

Starting this week, every Sunday is family video night.

Way to go, Carmen.

Why don't you just remind Mom that we haven't been to church in three Sundays?

It has been too long. We're going next week.

Hey, why don't you kids shut up before your mom sends me on a golf weekend

without my family? Don't you do it.

George Lopez.

About to go to Disneyland for the first time in his life.

Say something, honey.

Well, I'm excited, okay? It's finally going to happen this time. No excuses.

What are Ernie and Ricky doing here?

Oh, man, am I glad I caught you.

Listen, social services moved up Ricky's foster care hearing to today.

If you don't come down as my character witness right now, I could lose him

forever. Right now, right now? Right now, right now.

Forever?

Saturday? Oh, you know, the courts are all backed up.

George, please, you've got to come, or they're going to take Ricky from me.

Look, buddy.

You don't want your friend Ricky to end up in a bad home, do you, Mac?

No. Well, you know what, then? It looks like I'm not going to be able to go to

Disneyland with you.

You guys are going to Disneyland?

I want to go.

You've got your hearing, Ricky. There's no hearing. Ernie wanted me to lie to

get Mr. Lopez out of something.

Really? Angie, please, okay? This kid burned down our garage. He stole our car

and crashed into the fence.

Are you going to believe the words of a...

Fairly troubled youth are the words of a loving and supportive husband for the

last 17 years we've... Ricky, get in the car. You're going to

Disneyland.

You too.

Look, Max, I'm... Look, I'll make it up to you, man. We can go anywhere.

Come on, Angie. You know I hate crowds.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

I want to get this on film.

So when your son is in therapy 20 years from now, he knows why you wouldn't go

with him to Disneyland.

See what we're saying?

Crowds. Look, Angie, you're making this worse than it is, okay? If 20 years from

now Max has a good enough job that he can afford a therapist, I'll tell you

we're going to do. We're going to go down to whatever bar Carmen is working

and we're going to sell him.

Angie Cook, I'm rescuing you.

Look, you're not going anywhere.

Why didn't you ever take me to Disneyland?

What? I mean, we lived 40 minutes from there. All my friends went. Why didn't

you ever take me?

What are you talking about? George, I took you when you were six years old.

Don't do this.

No, listen, if you don't believe me, check the back of your arm. There's a

there from when I dragged you under the fence.

You did that with your fingernail to make the school think that I had my

vaccination.

All right, here's the truth.

I screwed up.

I took you once, but you were too young to enjoy it.

Why come I don't remember?

Because you weren't born yet.

I thought my water broke on the Matterhorn, but it was just a splash at

of the ride.

Look, I just hurt my son because I wouldn't go to Disneyland. And do you

know why?

Could you leave it on my answering machine?

Because you ruined it for me.

I didn't want to go and see all those kids having fun because it would just

remind me of all the other things I didn't have growing up.

Like birthdays or Christmas or doctors with offices.

What kind of dentist works out of a camper?

Mom, I had to spit out the window.

Let me get in my time machine and go back and fix your childhood.

Oh, my God, it worked. Look, there's a big baby in front of me.

But you just don't get it, do you?

I'll tell you what I don't get.

If taking your kid to Disneyland is such a big deal, then why aren't you there

with Max?

You know what, Mom, you're right. I should be there.

I'm going to stop this nonsense. I'm going to be with my family. I don't need

any more of your excuses.

I don't need anything from you. I don't need your bad attitude. I don't need

anything.

Ernie, block me and I need a ride to Disneyland.

Man, that's it.

That's the castle Tinkerbell flies out of before the movie.

You don't say.

You think Tinkerbell is here?

Yeah, I'm looking right at her.

I can't believe you got me to come in here.

Look, you're on my ride if I can't find Angie.

Why don't I just wait for you in the car, huh? Oh, no. Because you're going

go to the nearest Indian casino and load up on the cheap smokes.

That's right. I saw you eyeing the sign.

Hey, why don't you come with me? It's just like Frontierland, except this time

the Indians win.

I can't believe I thought I would hate this place. Mom, it's amazing.

What's amazing is this many people think they look good in cargo shorts.

You know, you just can't admit this place is great because that would mean

admitting to being a horrible mother for never bringing me here.

Mouse ears!

I always wanted those. Oliver!

You should cherish this day.

And get some sunblock.

Can we please go home now?

This place is huge.

We're never going to find Angie and the kids.

Oh, no.

We're going to search every inch of this park.

From Mr. Toad's wild ride to Splash Mountain, then we'll go over to Disney's

California Adventure to see if they're on that new Twilight Zone Tower of

Terror.

Because I'm here to find my family.

Oh, sorry, kids.

He's not a character. That's his real head.

That was a lot of fun. That was good. I liked it.

Okay. What should we do next?

Oh, Vicky and I want to go on the Haunted Mansion.

Uh, I don't know. Isn't that a little scary?

I mean, the ghost rides in the car with you and you can see a woman's heart

beating in her chest.

That's not scary.

Yeah, well, just in case, you better ride with me and we'll hold hands.

I call middle.

Yellow.

Did you have a good time with...

Who is this?

Look behind you.

What are you doing here?

I wanted to see you.

You were following me? That's creepy.

No, it's flattering.

If my dad found out you were following me, he'd kill you.

Yeah, well, your dad's not here. Did your family come with you? Are you

No. I'm a stranger to myself and hot girls.

I got you something.

Look, my dad has told me all about you. So I don't want to talk to you, I don't

want you following me, and I don't want anything to do with you.

Oh my God, that's the necklace I wanted.

Yeah, I saw you trying it on.

Carmen!

Carmen!

I better go.

I'll be right behind you.

Wait.

Better hide this.

Come on. Mom said we have to take a picture with Goofy. Do it without me. We

can't. You're Goofy.

and sneak into the country.

Mom, come on. I know you had fun.

No, I didn't. Really?

Then why are you smiling in this picture?

All right, I had fun.

Imagine that look on my face as a kid.

George, look around you.

Why would I show you a place with all these happy families having a great time

and then take you back to the dump we lived in?

You would have been miserable.

So to keep me from being sad, you made sure I was never happy?

If crap is all you know, then it's not crap.

It's normal.

Mom, when you're a little boy and your bed is surrounded with rat traps and

you're jealous because the rats are getting cheese, you know it's crap.

You're so messed up, you don't even know how to have a good time with your own

family.

Hey, there's your family over there. Go. Go be normal. I will.

I'll go on all the rides with them.

I'll eat with them.

I'll wait while they go to the bathroom. I'll wait while Angie videotapes

everything that she sees.

Two can move faster than seven.

We'll go light and hit everything.

Vamanos.

Hey, I know it's the new Twilight Zone Tower of Terror, but don't be scared.

I hear it's a 13 -story drop.

Protect me, Grandma Cardenas.

My mom's gonna see you.

I got something else I want to give to you.

Having a good time, honey? Why, what'd you see?

Miley. Well, this day has been a lot more fun than I thought it would be.

I want to do the teacups.

Teacups aren't for babies.

No, they're for everyone.

Look, there's some grown -ups on them.

George.

Oh, my God. I thought you were going to get sick, Mom.

Hey.

What are you and Grandma doing here?

I felt bad about not being with you, so I came down to find you.

Man, where you been? I've been looking everywhere.

On the teacups?

Yeah, that way I could look everywhere at once. Watch out.

But you missed almost the whole day.

Look, Max, I'm sorry I couldn't be here with you, okay? But let me make it up to

you, all right? Next weekend, we'll come down here. We'll come here early. We'll

go on all the rides. It'll be a guy's day, me and you, Max.

No, because next weekend, I have to study for a big test.

Well, I don't. I'll be here.

Can I wake Dad up and say goodnight?

No, honey.

Let him sleep.

Yeah, you're right.

The little fella's had a big day.

Yo -ho, yo -ho, a pirate's life for me.

The dog has the keys!

Mom, what are you doing here?

Nothing, I forgot my smokes.

What's this?

you didn't have those ears when you were a kid.

You would have gotten your butt kicked.

Kids don't beat you up for wearing mouse ears. I would have done it.

Sorry, Max. I had to work. A lot of parts coming in and delays.

Really?

Because I called the factory, and they said you left early with a tummy ache.

I went to the doctor, Max. You didn't see me at lunch. I was like, the hood.

Max, that's not what it looks like.