Original subtitles

George. Sandy.

What is it?

We need two weeks off for our honeymoon.

I can't believe I'm actually going to be married to this lady.

I get to go to bed with her, wake up with her, have dinner with her, go to

with her, wake up with her, have dinner with her.

Yeah, you get to clip her nails, brush her coat, and hide her pills in peanut

butter.

Man, I can't wait to go on a honeymoon. I'm going to go someplace with nice

beaches, cold beer, and really hot women.

What about your wife?

Oh, that's right. I'll be married.

God, I haven't even met her yet, and she's already ruining my vacation.

Put everybody on the floor right away.

Especially you, George.

What's that about?

I don't know.

Did you put the drill back?

All right, listen up, everybody. This is important.

George has done something, and I don't want it to go unnoticed.

Okay, I wasn't sick, Jack. It was opening day, all right? I did have a

man. I just didn't say that it was Dodger fever.

That's not it, George.

Although you did just lose a person all day.

While we make this announcement, I'd like to introduce somebody you all know,

Angie Lopez.

What's going on?

You'll see.

I am pleased to announce that the Southern California Minorities and

Association has named our very own George Lopez as the recipient of its

Star Award.

Congratulations,

honey.

Wow, in recognition of excellence in management.

I've never won anything before.

That's not true.

You won my heart.

Why you got to do that way at work?

George,

you deserve this award.

I nominated you because, well, you keep this place running smooth and you got us

through the shutdown this year.

When we go up for government contracts, this...

Minority Award will help us play the race card, amigo.

Hey, remember the rule? You don't call me amigo and you don't high -five

Jermaine?

My bad.

Anyway, after the presentation on Saturday, I'm throwing a big reception

Thirsty's.

Way to go, George.

Yeah, congratulations, George.

Thanks, Randy.

I'm so proud of you, honey.

Thanks, baby.

So, Benny, what do you think? Your son is Outstanding Minority Businessman of

the Year.

Yeah. You know, someday he'll be good enough to win a White Guys Award.

And to my mother, I wish she'd live to see this day, but...

I know she's down there right now looking up at me.

And she's saying, oh, my flesh is burning.

Can I have the rest of the frosting? No, Mac.

It's for the Great American Bake Sale. We're raising money for hungry children.

Did you know that one out of every four persons standing in a soup kitchen line

is a child?

Did you know that one out of every two people in this kitchen doesn't care and

just wants frosting?

Hey -ho, check out that banner.

I made it for you on the computer in special ed class.

Yeah, congratulations.

How does this kid find his way home?

So did everyone go crazy at work?

Not everybody.

Come on, Angie, let it go.

Oh, come on. Why can't your own... mother one time compliments you when you

something good.

Why start now?

She's never given me credit for anything. And Little League would hit my

home run. She said, that's great.

Babe Ruth hit 714 of them.

Wow.

714?

That's a lot.

It was my first home run.

And Babe Ruth never faced a 19 -year -old Dominican who said he was 12, and

drove to the game.

Okay, kids, that's your right to the movies. Call when you're ready to be

up, huh? Okay.

Look,

you might be used to your mother's attitude, but I'm not.

This is a big award.

You are the rising star among all the other minorities in L .A., and that

includes Asians.

or approval to feel good about myself, okay? If it doesn't bother me, then why

does it bother you?

Well, I just think it's a cycle that should be broken.

As a child, Benny would never praise, so she didn't learn how to praise you, and

that's why it's hard for you to praise the kids.

Look, I praise the kids, okay?

The other day, I bet Max he couldn't run to the kitchen and get me a beer in 15

seconds, and when it took him 17, I still said, nice job, son.

Don't worry, you'll get another chance at halftime.

Look, Angie, I'm over it, okay? It doesn't bother me because my mom cannot

compliment anyone, okay? She's not capable of it. You're right.

I'm letting your mother ruin the celebration she's not even here.

So, why don't you come on outside?

I want to give you your surprise.

What is it?

You'll see.

Hi.

Lie down.

I didn't take a shower, Angie.

Do it.

Order to George, sunny side up. Watch out.

Now, I figured, since you are a rising star, that

I should buy you a star and name it after you. That's right. You

can buy me, you can name me, but you can't tame me. That's what I'm talking

about. What star was it?

It's um...

I feast my eyes on 36C, Lopez.

Thanks, honey, but I'm actually a 34B.

You said make a wish.

He's all sweaty. He's out of breath.

Looks like he's going to throw up.

Somebody's ready to ask a girl out.

No, I'm all sweaty because they put in this new game. It's called Pump It Up.

It's got these arrows and these lights, and you've got to step where it tells

you to. Watch out, like this.

Wow. While you were describing it, it sounded stupid.

But now...

pulls the toast.

17 years ago, I took a chance on this guy.

No matter what the job, he proved himself time and time again.

Wow, thanks, Jack.

Yeah!

Oh, sure, I've made a lot of bad decisions in my life.

Like not moving the entire plant to China.

But then I'd be giving this speech in Cantonese.

Of course, it'd be to a bunch of peasants who make 10 cents an hour.

You want a 10 % raise?

No problem. Here's a penny.

Well, the one choice I never regretted was hiring George Lopez.

Well, thanks, Jack. That was beautiful. You know, I wouldn't

be holding this award today if it weren't for one special person.

Somebody who I've never really taken the time to thank publicly.

Oh, honey.

Isn't that you?

Me.

I worked hard for this award. Angie, give it up for me.

Benny,

you

missed a wonderful awards banquet honoring your son.

Yeah. Who parked your car tonight?

Last year's winner?

Randy, what's going on?

Oh, uh... Well, I'm sorry to have to give you my notice, George, but I got a

managing an office supply warehouse in Torrance!

Congratulations, baby!

years my mom still finds a way to make me feel horrible something so small be

evil they drained all the water out and made pure concentrated evil

you know like for campers or something get to me angie i'm a grown man

right this is my night your night my night

Not the two of them.

in S .U .K.

Did that.

Mission accomplished.

Do you know that every year, 300 million people die of hunger in the United

States alone?

Carmen, there's only 280 million people in the country.

Now?

I'll leave you two alone.

but you didn't win the war.

I'll see you at... Regionals!

What the hell was all that at the bar?

Mom, do you know you're the only one that didn't congratulate me when I won

award?

Here we go again.

Whoopi, your mommy's so happy for you.

You're such a baby, George. Why can't you let me have this?

Why do you need it?

I don't. All right, I just thought it would be nice if my own mother was proud

of me for one thing.

I mean, I worked my way up to manager at the factory, Mom. In 15 short years.

Well, what about the house?

Oh, you make payments.

What about my kids?

All we know for sure is Angie gave birth twice.

It's a speculation.

So there isn't one thing you ever thought that I was good at?

Well, I don't know about that.

I thought you were pretty good on the guitar.

What? You never thought I was any good at the guitar?

Yes, I did.

I used to tell Marlene Sanchez all the time.

You told Marlene Sanchez, you liar.

I want to see you do it right now. Call her right now. Go, pick up the phone.

Sanchez.

Here we go. San Fernando.

Maria. Maria.

Maria. Maria.

Maria.

Maria. Maria.

Marlene.

Here we go.

Hey, Mr. Sanchez.

Hey, it's George Lopez.

Uh -huh.

Remember I used to live down the block?

You remember, remember?

With the head, that one.

Hey, is Marlene there?

Oh my God, I'm sorry, I didn't know.

Hey man, before she slipped away, did she mention that I was good at guitar?

Hello?

Marlene's gone, and so am I.

Oh, no, you're not going anywhere until you say something nice about my life.

George, don't be stupid.

Mom, I can wait. You on the other hand need a smoke in about three minutes.

I'm not going to do it. Why not? Would it clear you to say something nice about

me for once?

No.

Say something nice. No. Say it. No.

Why not?

Because if I do, it'll go away.

What are you talking about, you crazy old bat?

supposed to brag about things.

If you do, the evil eye will take it away. You know.

Maldiojo.

Okay, let's try this again.

What are you talking about, you crazy old bat?

I am not crazy.

Why do you think I rubbed pee on your face when you were a baby?

Mom, that's unsanitary.

You know, your aunts kept saying how cute you were, and so I had to go and

some ugly to rub on your face.

You know, so that the evil eye would pass over you. So I took a little pee

the diaper. That was the ugly.

You know, now that I look back at it, I probably put a little too much on it.

Well, now that you say it like that, it makes perfect sense. I better go wake up

my adorable son and smear it with his own waste.

You know, to protect him from the evil eye.

Shut up, George. Shut up.

Shh.

It can hear you.

With what, Mom? Its evil ears?

You don't get it, do you?

Almost everything good in my life's been taken away.

You don't play with this.

That's why you don't compliment me?

Wait a second. Then why were you complimenting Randy?

If something happens to Randy, that's bad. If something happens to you...

Thank

you. That's all I ever wanted.

You know what?

You're really a good mom.

Come and get her, I.

You're a good person and you shouldn't live forever. Come on, I!

Let's go to the backyard!

Let's go!

Hey.

Hey,

I just wanted to stop by and see if anything happened today you might want

tell me about. You know, something that I might be proud of.

Come on, Max, there has to be something.

Hey, what do you got there?

Book report.

Oh, hey, how'd you do?

T -minus.

Well, how about soccer?

We lost eight to nothing. Mercy, we left the first quarter.

I mean, did anything happen today, Max? I mean, even the tiniest accomplishment.

Come on, man, work with me.

Oh, okay. Well, I was laughing so hard in math class.

That I got a fly caught in my mouth.

And I kept it in there for a whole minute.