Original subtitles

My idiot fiance can't come to the poker party tonight.

He's going to premarital counseling.

And he's okay with you not being there?

Oh, he doesn't know yet. It'll give him something to talk about.

Hey, I brought the cards for the game.

No, no.

We're using a new deck of cards this time.

Why can't we use my naked firefighter card?

Because every time I say I'm holding a pair, I feel dirty.

My dad's on his way over. Just so you know, he signed his divorce papers

so he might be a little depressed.

Why would he be depressed?

He's a good -looking doctor with a lot of money. He'll get another woman.

It's not like if you left, George. I mean, that would be sad.

Hey, I'd do okay.

Come on, George.

If you take the house away and the cards and the kids, you're just a big head

living in a field.

Mom, please, I'd get another woman like that.

Because I have yet to hear of a divorce case where the wife got custody of the

hair.

Yeah, enjoy your hair, because I still got custody of it.

I love you. I love you so much.

Well, you know, if you love me so much, let my dad in on your poker game

tonight. It'll cheer him up. No, Angie, look, this is my thing, okay? It's my

game, and it's my garage, and I like to decide who plays.

Well, you wouldn't even have a garage if my dad hadn't given us the money to

rebuild it.

Look, I'm grateful your dad loaned us the money, but when you play cards,

it's like for five hours. You don't want to play with people who are annoying.

Then why does your mom get to play?

She's important to the game.

Because when one of the guys starts to hit on her, I know it's time to take his

keys.

Angie, friends don't let friends find that attractive.

Hey, Angie, let me ask you something. What?

Does Vic play a lot of poker?

No, I don't think so.

I'm not even sure if he knows how to play.

Let's see.

A rich doctor, he can't control his emotions, and he doesn't know the game.

Looks like Mama's getting back teeth.

Oh, Vic, hope to see you later tonight. Bring beer and plenty of cash.

Thank you, Benny, but I do not pay for the sex.

No, but you do pay for the house where your ex -wife and her boyfriend are

it, so...

You are paying for the sex. You're just not getting any.

She was talking about George's poker game tonight, Daddy. You want to play?

might be nice, you know, to have a distraction, Daddy. You know, take your

off the divorce.

I don't even think about the divorce.

Well, sometimes when I'm performing heart surgery and my mind starts to

wander...

And I fantasize that it's a melina on the table and all I have to do is reach

down and quee that heart until it pops.

Daddy, poker? Yes, I would love to play.

I'll go to the bank and withdraw $1 ,000.

$1 ,000, Vic? It's just a friendly nickel and dime game.

Oh, I didn't realize I was playing with the ladies.

See you later, Mary Alice.

Thanks a lot, Angie. You just ruined my night.

Well, maybe I can make it up to you.

Nothing.

I love you.

No, it's a lot of money.

It's 75 cents.

It is?

I fold.

All right, Benita.

Let's see what you got.

I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

We're talking about cards, no?

That depends.

Do you want to be talking about cards?

Mom, show your hand.

Freedom and wheat, boys. I got a San Francisco wedding.

Two queens.

Huh? Sorry, Mom, but I got the numbers hidden on your scalp.

Six, six, six.

Watch out!

Very good, George. I never saw that coming.

You got that face and that crooked and that curve. not bendy. What do you call

it? Straight?

Yes, that is what I have.

More coins for the change holder in my German luxury sedan.

All right, it's getting late. Okay, let's make this game more interesting so

can win some of our money back.

Best five cards, no limit.

Oh, I fold.

You don't even have cards yet.

No, I'm not.

once gave me some advice. He said... Ernie, you sing that Kenny Rogers song

more time, I will punch you in your eye.

Okay, okay.

You just gotta know when to hold him and know when to fold him. Ernie!

I brought snacks.

Chip me.

That's to you, Vic.

Okay. I open with $10.

I am going to have to see your...

and raise you 20.

Oh, my goodness, Grandma.

Is it good when you have all the same colors in a row like that?

She's bluffing, Vic. When I was a kid, she made me do the same thing, but in

Spanish.

I fold.

All right.

Well, I will see.

My mom's 20.

And raise it 30.

Just me and you, Vic.

The bet is $50.

Okay, Mr.

Moneypan. I call.

Threatening! Oh!

Damn.

Hey, Max, watch out for Mom because she's mad at you for that thing you

forget to do in the bathroom.

Flash?

I'll take it off your tab.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about the $17 ,000 I loaned you to rebuild this garage.

Now you owe me $50 less.

Hey, man, that's separate.

Okay, this is a poker game. You made a bet. You got to honor it.

George is right.

This is a game of honor.

You shouldn't be gambling anyway.

You owe me money.

Hey, man, I pay you every month, okay? That was the deal. And now the deal is

this month you will pay $50 less. You're welcome.

Vic, pay the money. I refuse.

What if I just take it?

Oh, yeah?

Well, my wallet is strapped to the inside of my thigh, so the only thing

going to take is a bidding.

Wait, wait, stop it. Stop it, both of you.

Golly, this game is tearing us apart.

We're supposed to be having fun.

Come on, we're all friends.

Look, why don't we just pretend this night never happened and give everybody

their money back, all right?

You owe me five, you owe me seven, and you owe me 12.

What am I doing?

Dr. Victor Palmero does not quibble over $50.

I'm leaving.

Watch out.

Oh, no.

You don't watch out. Me in my own house.

Hey, man, this isn't over. Pay up.

What happened?

I'll tell you what happened. Your dad owes me some money. He's being a big

about it. Baby?

Am I the one whining?

What? Give me my $50. What?

If I'm a baby, you are a fetus.

Daddy, if you lost, you should pay George.

Why? He already owes me thousands of dollars for the garage.

All right, if that's the way you want it, then you owe me five bucks for the

sandwich. What?

If you're going to nickel and dime me, I'm going to nickel and dime you right

back. Okay, you're both being childish.

George, give my dad back his sandwich.

Daddy, I'll make you another one.

Make him all the sandwiches you want, Angie. I'll just add it to his tab.

That's right. Let me see. That's $10 for two sandwiches and $15 for that steak

you ate on Friday. Oh, and $1 for every time you said Castro or Cuba or Oye

Chico.

So let's see. That's $17 ,050 minus the $17 ,000 for the garage. So you owe me,

look at that, man, $50.

Oye Chico, this is insane. $51.

why you shouldn't play poker for money. You should play for compliments.

I see your nice hair.

And raise you a... Wow, have you been working out?

What?

Okay.

You want to play your petty games?

I'm quadrupling your monthly payment.

I can barely afford what I'm paying now. Oh, but you can afford to gamble and

golf and buy gallons of jojoba hair conditioner.

You know, you're killing your follicles.

Vic, pay me my damn $50.

No. Then get out of my house. Fine, but get your stuff out of my garage.

Daddy. Your garage. That's right. I'm calling in my loan.

I'm foreclosing on the garage and kicking you out.

And I can afford to speak.

Maybe Vic clipped all the wires before he put that big lock on the door.

What?

He can't lock me out of my own garage.

No, he can't. I'm gonna get my tools. I'll cut through this thing right now.

Yeah, you do that. You don't think I will? I'll cut through it like that.

and where are your tools?

Bam!

Hey, Daddy.

Hey.

How'd you get your skates out of the garage?

Grandpa gave them to me before he locked it.

Oh, and hey.

He gave me $50 to buy whatever I wanted.

That's my $50.

He said you'd say that.

Tell me the combination right now.

I don't know it.

Carmen, I will rent a lowrider, and I will drive you to school in my

And I will drive slow so all your friends can see, and I will honk the

piece of paper and slip it under the mat.

Rookie must think, Vic.

If you are reading this, you are a bigger idiot than I thought. Over.

Chico!

Don't laugh!

Angie!

What? Do you know your dad put a lock on the garage door?

No, I was at the store all morning.

He can't do that.

Oh, yes, he can.

Because he is out of his mojito -drinking, banana -frying, chicken

mind.

This is all your fault for forcing me to let him in the game.

I admit, he's being immature and stubborn.

But you know what?

So are you.

How could you say that?

I don't know.

Remember this?

How can I forget our weekend at the lake?

All I'm saying is, it's only $50. Let it go. My dad has done a lot for us. And

we've done a lot for him.

We let him stay here when your mom left him.

Angie, I went halfway to Cuba to pull his brother out of the ocean.

I comforted him when the garbage man accidentally took away his annoying

drum.

I thought you said that was stolen.

Who knows what really happened?

out of control. I'm calling him right now and getting him to take off that

Max!

Max, you gotta let me in the garage.

Grandpa said not to let anyone in his garage. Max, it's my garage, okay? Tell

the combination.

Max, I will rent a lowrider and I will take you to school in my underwear.

Cool! Can I go in my underwear, too?

Tell me the combination.

Okay!

42, 16, 23.

Hold on.

Maybe it's 24, 61, 32.

There's no 61.

It's a combination to a dyslexic fifth grader.

The man is an evil genius!

Got your methods?

Finally.

Now get that lock off the garage.

I'm afraid I cannot do that.

But this is not between you and me.

So I'll give you the combination if you promise not to tell George.

You have to tell George. He's my husband.

Angie, I don't want to put you in the middle, but you have to pick right now

between your father and your husband.

I love you, but I pick George.

So this is how it ends.

Hello, beautiful.

Hi.

Vic, I'm glad you're here.

Really? Yep.

I want to put all this behind us.

That's very big of you, honey.

Here. This is the rest of the $17 ,000 I owe you. We are... What's that?

Even.

Where did you get all this?

Don't worry about it.

Please tell me Carmen's not on a private jet to Kuwait right now.

I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner. Angie, it was so easy.

Opened eight new credit cards and took out cash advances on all of them. Hey!

Are you crazy?

Do you know how much interest we're going to have to pay on this?

No.

But I could figure it out on my new complimentary solar -powered calculator,

guess.

It needs a sun.

So you have a problem with me, and you go off and do something foolish like

this? How can you put your family in debt without talking to your wife?

That's no way to run a marriage.

Yeah, what do you know about marriage? At least my wife's not with another man

right now.

Don't say it. I know.

Hey, Vic.

Here. You got your garage back.

Look, I'm sorry, man. That was too much. Yeah, it was.

But this wouldn't have gotten out of hand if you hadn't thrown that loan in

face.

Maybe I'm just tired of being taken advantage of.

Vic, I wasn't trying to take advantage of you. Not you.

And Melina.

Is that what this is about?

Right now, my wife and her boyfriend are sleeping in the bed that we bought

together.

I want to go back to the lawn in front of our house.

scream at the top of my lungs that she's a whore and throw a rock through the

bedroom window.

But my lawyer said that's how I lost the boat.

That sucks, Vic.

I know it does.

Sorry I took it out on you.

Listen.

Give that money back to the credit cards and pay me back on the original

schedule.

Thank you.

Now that I have unburdened myself to you, let's have a little truth between

Why was that $50 so important?

It's kind of hard for me to talk about.

As you know, I didn't have a dad and I've always been kind of a father figure

me.

So when I didn't get something I felt that you owed me, I brought up all those

feelings of abandonment all over again.

Really?

Now I pulled the flush, man!

You know how hard that is? Pay me my 50 bucks, Chico!

Fine. What are you doing?

Told you. Keep my wallet strapped to my thigh.

Just write me a check.

Okay.

Vic, what are you doing?

Getting my checkbook.

Okay, five -card dud. But we're playing for compliments.

My deal, my rule.

Everyone ante up a compliment.

You're more beautiful today.

Than the day I married you.

You're a wonderful daughter.

I hope to marry a woman like you someday.

whoever wants to start the betting has to compliment Benny.

I fold.