Original subtitles

What's Ricky doing here?

You know he's not allowed in the house. I know, but he needed a right to the

game. Mr. Lopez, can't you forgive me?

Forgive you?

You burned down my garage!

Do you know what's buried right there?

No.

My melted golf clubs.

My lucky putter.

I four -putted on 18 that day, and the last thing I said to it was...

I hate you.

I said I'm sorry.

Why can't you accept my apology like Mrs. Lopez?

Man, she only forgave you because you're always telling her how pretty she is.

You're pretty too?

I didn't think you needed to hear that from me.

Max, was Ricky in the house?

No. Then why is there a bag of potato chips and two empty juice boxes in the

sink? Because you left them there.

Mom said not to touch it until you learned to clean up after yourself.

Okay, that sounds like something she might say.

But I know he was in here.

I can smell it.

What do you think?

Oh, thank God. I almost wore that same outfit today.

Hey. I'm reffing in Mexico Soccer League. I just aced the test.

Let me guess.

Question number one, would you be willing to wear this uniform?

Question number two, seriously, would you wear this uniform?

Hey, make all the fun you want.

But you know what?

I love kids.

I love the game. And you know, there's some divorced soccer moms out there.

And my calves are my best feature. Watch out.

I know. I wish I was that pair of black socks right now.

Ricky!

You were in the house.

You shook up all the cans.

No, I didn't. Oh, yeah? Were you or were you not in the house?

then you'll have to clean my room for a whole month. No way!

Okay. I'll do it.

I'll even make your bed and fold that pink flannel sheet back just the way you

like it.

Wait a second.

Have you been in my room?

No.

Unless you're down with it.

Yes, I am down with it.

And when you're in my room, you know what I want you to do?

have told you that was coming.

coffee ground.

Oh, that's okay. I'll get another bag for you. Well, why waste a bag? I mean,

gotta pour this hot bacon grease in there.

It's really full.

Well, then I'll jump on it and squash it down.

George,

how many times have I told you? Make sure they're dead before you put them in

the bag.

You did it this time, Mac.

You're grounded for sneaking Ricky in the house.

He's already grounded for skateboarding in the house.

All right, then. No video games for a month.

We took them away for eavesdropping on the phone call.

Allowance. Took it away when they burned down the garage.

Okay, you leave me no choice.

For the rest of the month, you're not allowed to use your hand.

Mom! You heard your father. Go to your room and open the door with your mouth.

Get your hand off the rail.

Ricky, does your mother even know you're here?

Yeah. I told her you said I could sleep over.

Well, I'm going to call her and tell her to come pick you up.

Listen, Mr. Lopez.

Wait.

Okay, she's gone. Get back in the bag. I don't trust you.

Huh? Did you think you could get away with this?

This is my house, man, and no one spends the night in my house without me

knowing it. I slept here last weekend, too.

Yeah, well, you try it again and you'll be sleeping in a dumpster with raccoons

gnawing off your face.

For the last time, son, get out of the bag. It's dangerous.

I don't want anything to happen to you.

George, can I talk to you outside? Sure.

Are you okay, Care Bear?

Is his mom coming to get him?

Yes.

In three days.

What?

George, she's going through a tough time. She just broke up with her

Ray. It's been really ugly. And Brenda, the babysitter that they normally use,

is Ray's sister. So, of course, she's taking his side and babysitting his

Sarah and Jessica.

None of this would have happened if they'd just dated Montana.

You were on the phone 20 seconds.

I can't help it. I'm a listener.

And I hurt someone who needs our help.

They'll keep a bad influence on Max, and I don't want him in the house.

Honey, just a couple of days. We'll watch him like hawks.

I really think we should do this.

And I already told her we would.

All right.

Now I get to make one decision without consulting you. No, I'm not wearing the

outfit again.

What's the big deal? It's only on for like ten seconds.

No, you're getting too dependent on it.

Ricky, I just talked to your mom, and she's got a lot going on. So we're going

to let you stay here for a couple more days.

You're going to let me stay in the house?

Ricky, I'm a listener and I want to help.

I know Jay's fighting with Susie, so Shania, the babysitter, is watching Joe

Montana's kids.

What? Oh, who gives a crap? You're sleeping in the dog's bed.

And I'm not dependent on it, okay? I like it. I don't need it. I can quit

whenever I want.

What are you doing by the door?

I'm making pancakes. You want some?

They taste great.

Yeah?

They're not that great.

Bet you can't cook that chicken that's in the freezer.

I'll see what I can do.

Yeah, you see what you can do with those little red potatoes and maybe a nice

salad.

I don't know. Surprise me.

It smells great.

I cook for my mom all the time.

Well, she's lucky to have you for a son.

How come you don't cook anything for me, Matt?

Because I don't have to work for you, love.

I mean, who's my competition?

Carmen? I don't think so.

That kid's up to something. I just don't know what it is.

Ever since he got here, he's been helpful and courteous. He even made us

breakfast. He's luring us in.

It's like when I stay up late at night and put a little piece of cheese and

that first mouse shows up, I take out that little hammer and BAM!

I release him into the wild.

I gotta fill up before we get to work.

I'm headed out, too. I got a long day ahead of me. Oh, big plans, Princess?

Yeah. It's La Marie's Community Service Day. We're giving free makeovers to

homeless women to help them with their self -esteem.

Oh, that's so nice.

You know, it's good to look your best when you're having a shouting match with

lamppost.

Come on, Mom. What Angie does is important.

Thank you. That's right. Wearing just the right lipstick says I'm made out of

dumpster and...

Pee in the milk carton, but damn it, I'm a pretty, pretty lady.

car keys are these?

My dad?

Oh, man, what happened?

I don't want to talk about it.

Oh, Ernie, don't tell me some lie about how you fell again.

You know, sooner or later, you're going to have to leave that man.

Why? Last night, I make one close call, and then all of a sudden, there's a mob

of angry parents in my face.

Next thing I know, I'm on the ground.

Dude, some of those dads get crazy.

Well, actually, it was a soccer mom.

And she was pregnant, so I couldn't punch her back.

Hey, George, Max at school's on the phone. They want to know if he's home

He's not sick. I saw him leave this morning.

Well, he never showed up.

I knew it.

What happened?

Oh, you see, I was reffing a soccer game. Stop.

I love you, Dad.

Look, I want the truth.

Okay, here's what happened. We ditched school, but it was lucky because two

gangbangers were still in your car. We scared them away.

But when we were trying to put the car back in the driveway, we crashed.

So I guess you're welcome, Mr. Lopez.

You, you're going back to school. We'll deal with this tonight.

And you, you're out of here, man.

I'm taking you back to your mother.

Because that's the last time you're going to see him.

Do you know you could have killed someone?

Wow. Hey, your mom sits out here. What if she was in that chair?

Don't try to cheer me up.

Hey,

you two wait here.

I'm going to talk to his mom alone.

All right.

You know, I was a pretty stupid stunt you two pulled.

He's pretty mad, Ricky.

Mad with my best friend.

Hey, you know what?

Once George cools down, I'll try and talk to him, all right?

Thanks, Ernie.

You ever do anything like this when you're a kid?

Actually,

yeah. One time, George and I broke into school with a whole bunch of spray

paint, and we, uh... made a banner that said, Learning.

You're not the usual delivery guy.

Where's my order?

No, I'm George Lopez. I brought Ricky with me.

No, I'm Max's dad.

Ricky was staying with us.

Oh, you'll have to excuse me. I just woke up.

Why don't you come in? I'm waiting for some wine to be delivered.

You know it's 10 .30 in the morning.

It's the white wine.

Listen, I gotta talk to you about Ricky.

Oh, no, he's not here. I left him with the nicest people.

You left him with me.

Great. I just broke up with my boyfriend and I'm trying to get my life together.

Um, maybe I should call his dad. Can I get his number?

Yeah. Not from me.

I have no idea where he is.

But if you find him, you tell that loser that he owes me ten years worth of

child support.

Right.

Okay, look, maybe I should just take Ricky back to school.

Now it's not a very good time for me.

If you want, you could stay with us for a couple more days.

Take my boy into your house for a

while.

The angel is shutting the door.

Put your stuff in, Max.

I'll give you a hand.

No wonder he's so screwed up.

Look, I couldn't leave him there.

Look, I want him to stay with us for a while.

Are you crazy?

We first the garage, then the fence?

He's getting closer to where we sleep, George.

Angie, his dad walked out on him, too.

Honey, this isn't your life.

No, it might be worse.

I mean, my mom was rough, but at least she wasn't a drunk.

Listen, you know I'm always the first to help out.

makeovers to 45 homeless women, and it wasn't easy.

You try convincing a lady with leaves in her hair that she is not an autumn.

So why can't we help Ricky?

Because we have to think about Max first.

He's about to fail the fifth grade, and Ricky is a bad influence on him. You

said so yourself.

I don't want him in our house.

Well, if he can't go home and he can't stay here, I mean, what's he supposed to

do? Hey, what if he stays with me?

Oh, come on, Ernie. No!

He can stay with me and my folks.

You serious?

Yeah. You remember, my mom and dad used to be foster parents, and I could get

certified while Ricky's staying with us.

But, dude, I mean, come on, taking on a kid, isn't that going to cut into your

social... Well, what about climbing up the corporate?

What if you meet a girl who... You know what? You can take my kids, too.

This is going to work, George.

It can actually make a difference in someone's life.

You know, Ernie's parents do have plenty of room.

I mean, they even have that panel basement downstairs. When Ernie tried to

his own cable access show, it's me, Ernie.

You know, I'm going to go talk to Ricky.

What are you going to do if he drives a car through your fence?

George, my dad's 75.

He does that once a week.

reading.