Original subtitles

Hey, how was church?

Fine.

Father Rick called you one of the angels among us because you're donating a

kidney to your dad.

I like that.

You know, Angie, if those pews reclined and the priest would give the Raiders

scores, I'd go to church every Sunday.

Dad, what are you doing?

Oh, some stuff around the house because after the surgery, I'm going to be laid

up for a while.

Your father's finally getting off his butt and doing things around here

he knows I'm not crazy about him giving up a kidney.

You hear that, Max?

That's the sound of someone who goes to church all the time but never gets

mentioned in the sermon.

Dad,

I was wondering, what if your kidney's like your head and it's too big for

Grandpa?

Then we'll have to find a smaller kidney, huh? Give me your butter knife

I'll pop yours out right here.

Come on, Max, help me up. Grab that box.

What sticker is in it?

I guess.

Yeah, it's just a bunch of old buttons and threads and stuff.

Hey, take that box out for me, all right?

It's my Mr. Megathon.

White Zonas are loading and unloading only.

Yeah, I thought you said it was crooked.

Actually, Max, the siren sounds a little weak. Let me check this out over here.

Oh, here's the problem, son. All the wires are hanging out.

Hello? Hello?

Carmen,

it's okay. You're beautiful on the inside. They all don't hate you. You'll

something you're good at. There'll be other boys. You probably need some time

alone. See you tomorrow morning, honey.

Dad, I went to, like, 15 stores at the mall. Nobody wants to give me a job.

Since when are you looking for a job?

I just got my learner's permit, so I'm trying to save up for a car.

My baby's growing up.

It seems like just yesterday you were my little girl on the tricycle.

Now you're going to be a young woman in a car running over a little girl on the

tricycle.

Hey, I'm going to be a good driver, but I really need my own car.

You know, look, if you really want a car that bad, I could probably help you

find a job.

Really? Where?

Please tell me it's a record store or the clothing store.

Oh, my God.

Is it a receptionist at a male modeling agency?

Well, I could make a call.

You know, after I stopped modeling, I did keep up my contacts.

And Travis so owes me.

Dad.

Dad.

Where's the job?

I'll talk to Mr. Carrillo.

through high school, okay? You'd be lucky to have a boss like Mr. Carrillo.

What if one of my friends could be working there?

Well, it would be less embarrassing than being a senior and roller skating to

all the parties.

All right, fine, I'll do it.

Dad, there's no more room in the trash cans. Okay, well, leave that there, and

I'll take you with me to the dump.

Hey, George.

I bought you a whole bunch of Clint Eastwood movies for when you're

from your surgery.

Clint? All right, that's my man.

I don't care as long as he blows up the bridges.

Matt, what are you doing with that box?

Dad gave it to me. He was going to throw it away.

Listen to me carefully.

Where are the things that were inside this box?

It was just thread and stuff. Dad threw it out.

I don't see it. Dad took the trash to the dump.

What's wrong, Mom? This box was full of mementos of my grandmother.

Those were the only things I had left of her.

Pick up, George, or you're a dead man.

Hey, Mom, it's Max.

Did you get a hold of Dad?

Someone owes money to the swear jar.

This place brings back some great memories.

Right there?

That's where Sonia Garcia said she wouldn't go to the prom with me.

And right there. Oh, this is where Sonia Garcia said, I'm serious, I won't go to

the prom with you.

And right here.

Oh, this is where Sonia Garcia's boyfriend beat me up.

Hey, Carmen.

Hey, Mr. Carrillo. And my favorite all -time employee.

And the only delivery guy I ever fired.

Hey, it's rough out there.

You try riding your bike through gang territory with this... 50 burritos under

your arm.

They totally disrespect your bill.

Hey, George, I heard in church you're donating a kidney to your dad.

Yeah, well, you know.

Are you worried?

I mean, I hear all these horror stories about doctors taking out the wrong

parts.

Yeah, I was going to draw a circle over my kidney, but I don't know where it is,

so I'm going to swallow a picture of a kidney that says it looks like this,

fool.

I'm sure you'll be just fine, mijo.

So can I get you anything?

Well, actually, Salvador, I got a big favor to ask.

I was wondering if you would hire a second -generation Lopez.

Carmen's a hard worker, and she's honest.

I can't pay her much. She'll take it.

I don't do bathrooms.

Nobody here does.

You know what?

If you're half the work you're dead with, you got the job.

We'll try you out tomorrow.

Okay, but, um, do I have to wear a uniform?

Oh, you know what? You can wear anything you want under this and this.

Oh, no, no, no, thank you. No!

Hey, I had to wear one, okay? Relax.

Yeah.

And, George, I still have your hairnet.

Onion stretched it out.

They did.

Stop.

This is the Ugly Patrol.

You will be far out of your ugly mind.

You too, Dad.

Yeah, that's right.

Won't fix Mr.

Megaphone.

She did a nice job. Let me check that out.

That's right, baby.

Got rid of everything.

Threw away the broken toaster? Oh, yeah. The busted blender?

También.

All of the precious, one -of -a -kind, irreplaceable mementos from my

grandmother who died when I was ten years old?

Who likes taquitos?

Well, I would love one if it was filled with my grandmother's precious, one -of

-a -kind, irreplaceable mementos.

They're beef.

Wherever you threw it out, go get it. Right now.

I can't. I took it to the dump.

By now, it's probably buried under three tons of other people's irreplaceable

mementos.

How could you throw it out?

Look, what was the box doing in the closet with all the other junk?

Not everything in that closet is junk. I've told you 20 times how much I love

all the things in that box. You never listen to me.

Well, if you told me 20 times, you should probably realize I'm not a very

listener.

So, maybe the blame isn't on mine.

How can you be so heartless? Doesn't anything have sentimental value to you?

Sentimental value? It was a box full of

buttons and thread. Angie, that's just stuff.

George, I have told you this before. My grandmother, Consuelo, worked her whole

life...

until she locked her eyesight.

Blind! Oh, kill it.

Blind, she made my communion dress and had it smuggled out of Cuba.

The dress was destroyed in a fire at the dry cleaners, and all I had left were

those buttons in that thread.

Well, maybe if the box had a picture of a little dress on fire... we

wouldn't be having this problem.

Angie, okay, look, maybe all that... stuff didn't get tossed out.

What sits on the floor?

It's one of the buttons from the box of

valuable stuff.

This is the worst thing you've ever done.

It's like you killed my grandmother all over again.

I'm gonna get that. Don't say anything good.

Look, Angie, I got a lot on my mind, okay? I'm having the kidney taken out in

couple days, and I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry.

Um... Not now, Benny.

Manny just died.

What?

George.

Your dad's dead.

Hey,

George.

I heard about your dad. I'm very sorry.

Thanks.

When's the service?

It's Saturday in Arizona.

We're leaving tomorrow.

Well, I'm not going.

I was married to the guy.

I saw enough of him laying down and not moving.

Benny, don't speak ill of the dead.

You know, when the dead abandons you with the baby and you gotta work two

just to keep food on the table, I will say whatever I want.

Drop it.

I should go to that funeral, huh?

I want to be a woman of my word, and I always told him that I would dance on

grave. Now, a lot of people say they'll do it, but they don't.

Look, this is all your fault.

What are you talking about, George? I didn't kill him.

You did to me?

If you hadn't lied and told me he was dead, I could have found him years ago.

I could have gotten to know him.

I could have had a real relationship with him. He knew you weren't dead, but

didn't come rushing back to find you.

Yeah, because you were there.

I used to feel bad that he walked out on you.

Now I feel bad he didn't take me with him.

You know, I'm missing a band -aid I had before I made the guacamole.

Max,

can you come down here?

What are you doing, honey?

I might ask people to say a few words at the funeral, so I'm just writing down

some thoughts.

You want to run them by me?

Okay.

As many of you know, my dad meant a lot to people.

Not just as a husband and a father, but as a licensed and bonded

contractor in the Phoenix area for over 25 years.

What are you doing?

Angie, I got nothing.

I mean, I punched him, he threw me in jail. Offering the kidney, he died.

like five seconds.

So I'm getting some more stuff off his company's website.

My father didn't just love people.

He loved beating any written estimate.

Equal opportunity employer.

Also, hablaba espanol.

She's going to watch you while we're in Phoenix. You remember the ground rules,

right? Mm -hmm.

Does she fall asleep in front of the TV?

Make sure her cigarette is out.

And if she drinks more than a six -pack?

Lay her on her side.

And she's not supposed to.

But if she brings over her boyfriend, Randy?

Ignore the yelling. They're just rough houses.

Let's get this over with.

Here's the number to a hotel in Phoenix.

All right, when are you going to be back?

Well, the funeral's sometime tomorrow, but we haven't been able to talk to

to find out all the details.

Thanks for watching the kids.

No problem.

I love kids.

You give them the best years of your life, feed them, clothe them, and then

turn on you.

Oh, no, Mom, you'll know when I turn on you.

You'll wake up with the full weight of my knees on your shoulders.

And the pillow will slowly come over you.

And you'll see a bright light.

But that's only Angie videotaping at the foot of the bed.

This is for you, Dad.

It's for Manny.

What does it say?

Dear George, I wanted to give you this watch in person, but the doctors say my

time is running out.

I probably won't even live long enough to... Oh, my God.

He died right there.

He didn't even finish the letter.

No, I can't read this word.

That's a B.

It's a B.

Live long enough to benefit from your kidney. Okay, it's a B.

This watch was my father's.

He gave it to me, and I want to give it to you, my son.

Yeah, you're right, Mom. Huh?

He didn't care about me. I'm glad I never got to know him.

By the time you read this, I'll be gone.

But I have one thing to ask of you.

I'm afraid I couldn't tell my friends and associates in Phoenix about you.

I have a reputation in the community that would be tarnished if it became

that I abandoned a wife and child.

So it would be better if you didn't come to the funeral.

Thank you for honoring this last request.

He doesn't want me to come.

Sorry, honey.

I was going to give him a kidney.

And he doesn't want me to tarnish his funeral.

And I'm supposed to keep this to remember him by?

You see, this is why it's just...

You missed the best part of the letter, Mom.

Yeah?

Yeah, my dead father doesn't want me to come to his funeral.

His friends don't know he ditched us.

So it wouldn't be good for his reputation.

What can I say, George?

You were right.

Yeah. For once, I wish I wasn't.

At least you got that jackass's gold watch.

That thing was worth a fortune when we were together. I can't imagine what it's

worth now.

I think it's gone down in value.

What can I be thinking?

The reason I don't have any mementos is because I didn't have a lot of good

things to remember growing up.

But you did, so I should understand that.

So to make up for throwing out your grandmother's stuff, I called all your

relatives and tried to track down a picture of some clothing, something from

her.

But it's so sweet.

I couldn't find crap.

So instead I made us a reservation for a little getaway.

Hotel Nacional?

George, this is in Cuba.

I want you to visit where your grandmother grew up.

But I promised my dad I wouldn't go to Cuba until Castro was gone or I was part

of an airborne invasion force.

Well, look at the date.

2020?

I figured by then either Castro will be dead or your dad will be so senile we

can take him to Malibu and tell him it's Cuba.

You know what?

You may not have had a great father, but our kids sure do.

And they're going to want things to remember you by.

I guess.

Max!

I want you to have this wrapper.

As a memento of the day your dad ate a mint.

Max, I want you to have my shoe.

As a memento of the day you saw me...

a lesson here, son, but she just looks like an idiot, so enjoy.

This job sucks.

Well, I've got to use the bathroom.

I wouldn't take those gloves off. She was seeing my work at home.