Original subtitles

Big deal about the quincean... It's called a quinceanera. It's like

a Latina debutante.

When a young girl becomes a woman, like a sweet 16, but you do it when you're

15. I did it when I was 14.

You had a quinceanera?

Okay.

Hey, kids.

What you got there?

Oh, Angie's dry cleaning.

Oh, that's so nice.

Well,

you wouldn't know that whip sound. That's how they get you in the barn at

God, I wish I could figure out that stupid dress.

I wouldn't spend too much time on it. That dress is just going to end up in

backseat of that guy's car anyway.

Mom! What?

What's Carmen making a dress anyway?

Oh, she wants to...

I'll spare you some money. You're spending so much on that quinceanera.

There's not going to be a quinceanera.

Oh, now, that's not what Angie said.

Well, that's what I think.

She knows we can't afford a big party right now. I thought she called it off.

Well, don't you worry your pretty big head about it.

You know, your husband's working. She can pay for it.

with no dinner on the table.

Yeah, I'll put an apple in your mouth, jump in the oven, and I'll serve bats.

Yeah, I thought you called up the quinceanera.

Why would you think that?

Oh, I don't know, Angie, because I'm out of work and we can't afford it.

Honey, we can't get the deposit back on the hall and the invitations have gone

out and we have people flying in. Yeah, but this is crazy. I mean, your salary

is barely covering our bills.

If we cancel, it'll devastate her.

Again?

Like that time her lip gloss rolled under the refrigerator?

Look, we're not wasting our money on some party. You're thinking about this

wrong way.

We are creating memories for our daughter. How is that a waste?

Creating memories for our daughter? Está loca, hombre.

Well, the party can't be canceled.

Yes, it can, and it will be.

Then you go give her the news, because I'm not going to. I'll do it. You go

break your daughter's heart. I'll break her heart. I'll do it right now.

I'm like that, Angie. Watch out.

Heartbreaker.

So, then after the father -daughter dance, I'm officially a woman.

So how soon can you start using your womanhood, huh?

You go anywhere near her womanhood, and you'll be looking for your manhood at

the bottom of the punch bowl.

Hey, Carmen, we need to talk. So, what do you think, Daddy?

It's going to be white, it's going to be covered in faux pearls, and I'm going

to wear a tiara.

Tiara? Carmen, don't you think quinceañeras are kind of a little old

Hell no.

It's retro, bro.

Yeah, all my friends think it's cool. It's going to be the best party of the

year.

Yeah, but... Carmen, we're Americans. You know, we're assimilated.

How's that going to look to the neighbors, a Latino family having a

I mean, it's so obvious.

I mean, that's one of the reasons I don't get a leaf blower. A Mexican and a

leaf blower, you know, who wants to see that?

Oh.

What's that for?

I know money's tight right now, but I just want to thank you for giving me

I know is going to be one of the greatest days of my life.

Yeah.

Memories. Priceless. Well, not actually priceless, but, well, there you are.

I think we should tell her together.

I knew you couldn't do it.

Honey, listen.

After all the bad stuff that this family's been through, it's about time

celebrate something.

But what if we celebrate it, Auntie?

All she did was turn 15.

I'll tell you what.

Let's save the money. When she moves out, we'll have a party then that we can

all celebrate.

you to understand, because you've never been a teenage girl.

My quinceanera, it was a day I will never forget.

I dressed up like Cinderella, and my friends and I put on a big musical show,

and for one day, I was a princess.

Well, you probably won't understand this, because you've never been a man in

debt, but who cares?

No,

I don't want to spend the money.

Well, it's not your decision.

Excuse me?

I'm working. You're not. It's my money. It's my decision.

That's it.

That's not it.

I'm done talking about this. Well, I'm not done talking about it. Yeah, you're

lucky I got to put some fabric softener in the rinse cycle or this could get

ugly.

It already has. Princess.

All my friends know the lowrider.

The lowrider gets a little higher.

I mentioned Jason in my speech for the party, but I can't decide what to call

him. Yeah, see, if I call him my boyfriend, it might freak him out, but

call him my friend, he might think I don't care about him.

Should I just call him my special friend?

Just keep it low -key.

When you talk about your friends, mention Jason, too, and then right after

say his name, look at him and give him a little smile.

I'd like to thank all my friends for coming.

Michelle, Olivia, Taylor, Katie, and Jason.

Should I take a bigger pause? I should, shouldn't I? I'll take a bigger pause.

Mom, should I take a bigger piece of cake? I should, shouldn't I? I'll take a

bigger piece of cake.

Shut up, idiot.

Come on, special cake. You're my special, special.

Shut up!

I've been thinking.

I got a little carried away yesterday.

I know you're in a weird place because you're not working right now.

I should have been a little more sensitive.

Look, Carmen can have her quinceanera, okay? I don't want to deny my daughter.

But just don't go overboard, okay?

5, 6, 7, 8, 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 1.

I just want to find the gate dancers in the front yard.

They're rehearsing the intro for Carmen's Calypso number.

Hey, guys, do you mind starting from the beginning so we can both see?

Sure.

Five, six, seven, eight.

We're doing kind of an under -the -sea thing. Just picture him dressed as

seahorses. And at the end of the number, Carmen comes out of a giant oyster

shell.

That's great. Now, picture us as homeless people pushing the giant oyster

collecting cans.

George, I know you're mad at me, but get over it. This is not about...

Us anymore.

It's about Carmen. And I am not going to let you ruin this for her.

George.

They're closing down the factory for good.

Jack's going on the lam.

How do you know that? Well, I went down to Thirsty's. And Ernie told me that

Frank told him that Gina saw Jack at the airport buying a ticket.

That's it.

It's over.

We can't have the quinceañera. My job's gone.

Do you...

You're being ridiculous.

Look, Angie, we're being investigated for a crash that killed two people. The

owner of the company is fleeing the country.

What other explanation is there?

That he's going on vacation and a bunch of drunks at a bar jumped to a

conclusion?

I heard he had a straw hat on.

That's it.

Why? Why is that it?

Look, because if you're going on vacation, you buy the hat there. If

fleeing the country, you take the hat with you.

Angie!

George, calm down.

Everyone is just getting scared.

It's taking a while.

You're worrying about things that you don't even know are true. You're both

acting crazy.

Now, if you'll excuse me, there are four tired seahorses in the backyard who

need orange juice.

We're calling them seahorses now?

Consuelo? Somebody who's important to Angie from the past or something like

that.

On behalf of my husband and myself and my guardian angel who is always with me,

my grandmother, Consuelo.

Oh, yeah, that's it.

I'd like to thank everyone for joining us to celebrate our little...

support he provided during the crazy party planning.

Now, please, everyone, enjoy yourselves.

Love and emotional support?

Why don't you just tell everybody I don't have any money?

I didn't say anything about money.

You don't have to say it, Angie.

They know.

That was so cold saying my son doesn't have any money.

I didn't say that.

Everyone knows that a man who has a job doesn't need to give his wife emotional

support.

You think your only value to this family is a paycheck?

That's my job in this family, Angie. When I was a kid, my mom always

about how there wasn't a man around to help her with the bills.

Look, a man isn't a man unless he's a provider. I'm a hunter. I'm a provider.

Hunter? You can't even give the dog eye drops.

What you can't handle, the fact that I'm the provider now.

Oh, no, what I can't handle is you making all the money decisions.

You think I like deferring to you when you were the breadwinner?

Well, no one should be deferring.

Agreed.

No more my money.

Come on, it's our money.

We're a team.

Yes, we are.

Can I have everyone's attention?

tell you guys this enough, but I really appreciate all the sacrifices that you

make for me, and I love you both.

Yesterday, I was a mere child, thinking childish thoughts. Okay, let's...

But today, I am a woman, standing on the precipice of life's

mystery. Keep them coming, and don't stop until I'm deaf in both ears.

To my friends, thank you so much for being there.

Thank you Michelle, Olivia, Taylor, Katie, and Jason.

We're supposed to dance now.

I'm allergic to shellfish.

I gotta go.

A little advice.

When it comes to men, that is the enemy of those.

Will everyone please raise their glass in a toast for our birthday girl.

You know, it seems like just yesterday she was standing on the...

call from Jack. He told me to tell you the investigation's over.

We're not responsible for the crash. It was pilot error.

But what was that about the hunter's bag?

Oh, we had my salary.

This party's not going to kill it.

Carmen ended up making a fool out of herself.

Everything is back to normal again.

But we're still going to share the financial decisions, right? Angie, let's

worry about that right now. Look, it's our daughter's quinceanera.

Enjoy!

Enjoy!

It's still going to be our money, right? Angie, what is it with you and money?

We should be dancing.

So we are still a team. Yes, we're a team, and I'm the quarterback.

This is so nice.

Don't worry, you can still provide emotional support. Look, a conga lion!

What is that face?

Dad, I called Jason like 15 times, and he hasn't called me back.

Carmen, let me teach you a little something about boys your age.

Never tell them what they mean to you.

Never ever say, I love you.

And never ever do this while coming out of a giant clam.

Look, just give Jason some space and some time. He'll get over it. How long

should I wait?

Why don't you wait till he calls you back?

In the meantime, you can have some more boyfriends, maybe a husband, a few kids.

Carmen, it's over. Move on.

George, I think the motor on the washing machine is shut. Do you think we should

get a new one?

No, I'll try to fix it again, Angie. I don't want to spend that kind of money

right now.

Okay.

It's your decision.

My decision was to buy a new one.

I had it put in this morning.

Without talking to me?

Yep. You wrote a check off our joint account.

Oh, okay, I get it.

You're still upset about me being the quarterback.

You know what? You're right, baby. We should be a team.

Yes, we should.

Now, what kind of washer did you want? Top loader or front loader? Top loader.

Oh.

my entrance from the urinal at the seafood broiler.

Hey, Ernie, call your mom. Tell her I found half of her bikini top.

George, I've been waiting in the car. Are you coming or not?

No. I paid these seahorses till midnight.

Okay, boys, one more time.

Got to keep up.

TGIF continues with a brand new Marriage of the Kellys, and it starts right now

on ABC.