Original subtitles

Why don't I get you a loaf of bread? Maybe you can clean the whole kitchen.

George, I am honored to sup with you.

Who knew when I started working at the factory, I'd be dating your mom.

I spent all my life looking for the perfect woman, and the whole time she

right under my nose, inspecting my parts.

Hey, baby, if we're going to catch a movie, we better skedaddle. You know

I don't feel so good.

You better go on without me.

I'll go to the movies with you. What were you going to go see?

Well, Benny was going to drag me to one of those black guy, kung fu guy, buddy

movies. They never get along.

Hey, you can come over to my house and watch Superstars of Wrestling.

How can you watch that stuff? It's all fake.

I know.

Good night, babe. Feel better.

Oh, good night, you guys. Randy, thanks again for the homemade cheese.

I'll wash the coffee can out and I'll get it back to you. No problem, Angie.

You gonna throw that cheese in the trash?

No, I'm gonna do what I do with the dog poop.

Put it in the scooper and launch it as far as I can.

Benny, you okay?

I've been burning up all day.

You do feel hot and clammy.

That's just the top half.

Do you have any other symptoms?

Irritability. Any new symptoms?

At that age, this could be the beginning of menopause. No, no, no. I just

started dating a 42 -year -old guy. I can't be going through the change.

Penny, it's not the end of the world. A gynecologist can help you. There's pills

for the incontinence, hormone creams to restore lubrication.

to talk your mom into seeing the doctor. She might be going through the change.

Hey, you don't have to tell everybody about this. I don't want people to think

am less than a woman.

Yeah, God forbid that secret gets out.

When was the last time you saw your gynecologist?

Oh, it's been a few years.

Well, how many years?

Well, let's see. I was lying on my back full of drugs. George was crying.

So it was either the day he was born or Christmas.

1973.

You haven't been to the doctor in 37 years?

Cochina, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Oh, come on. They always find something wrong with you. That's how they make

their money.

Look, Mom.

If there's a problem, you gotta deal with this, okay? So you gotta go to the

doctor tomorrow, even if I gotta take you.

You are gonna take me to the gynecologist?

Yeah, but I'm going to wear my headphones so I don't hear the

oh my God, I quit.

Well, Mom and I are off to the gyno.

Look at you.

You're all dressed up.

Well, I figured I'd feel less cheap if I had some nice heels in the stirrup.

Well, Mom and I are off to the gyno.

Hey, Mambo Kings, oye como va?

Grandpa's teaching me the secrets of the conga.

Listen to the heartbeat of Cuba.

Can one raft of

horn players make it to Miami?

Thank you, Mommy. You won't regret this.

What won't your mother regret?

Listen, Daddy, I know Mom was unfaithful, but I think the two of you

this out if you can just sit down in the same room together.

There's nothing to work out, eh?

It's over.

It's done.

It's better than Castro's eyes.

Dad, if it were really over, would she be flying here tomorrow night to see

She's flying here?

Yes.

So you'll talk to her?

Absolutely.

Thank you, Daddy.

It'll be a pleasure to tell her to her face that she's lying, cheating.

Jezebel, who will burn in hell with her lover, boiling in a soup of their own

treachery.

This

is

awkward, huh?

I'm here with my mom, too.

Still awkward.

Mom, you all right?

No, no, not really.

Come on, Mom, you're taking this too hard. Every woman goes through the

There's nothing to be ashamed of. George, I got...

How could you let this happen?

Did Randy pressure you into doing something you were uncomfortable with?

He did.

He told me that it would be okay and that all the cool grandmas are doing it.

I'm going to kill him for giving me this. This is why I didn't want you to

Mom, you're too old.

You should be closing up the shop by now.

Well, the shop is still open and now there's a clean up and I'll...

but you didn't complete some of the questions on your medical record. Would

like to come back inside?

No, let's do it out here.

The last time I went in there, you guys gave me the dripsies.

Your birth date.

You only wrote a four. Give me.

Okay.

And your second pregnancy.

Now, did you carry that to full term?

Second pregnancy?

Mom, what the hell is she talking about?

You know what?

I forgot to tell you you have a sister. Let's finish this inside.

You're not going to believe this, Angie.

I just found out my mom blew away a sister I never knew that I had. George.

wait.

It gets better.

And the only way that I found out is because my mom has gonorrhea.

George, this is Janet.

She's a customer.

I'm showing her sunscreens because she's taking a lovely trip to Mexico.

How would you feel about taking an itchy old lady with you?

Just take the sunscreens. I'll bill you later.

What is going on?

First you have a father and now you have a...

You know what? Don't judge me.

After Manny walked out on us, then I found out I was pregnant.

I already had a two -year -old and no money. I did what I had to do.

So you gave up my sister just like that?

I made sure she went to a good family.

Why didn't you do that for me?

in touch with her?

Did he even know about it? Oh, crap. Here we go.

Mom, this is my sister. I want to know about her.

What's the name of the family that adopted her?

Let's see.

Wait, wait.

It was Mr.

and Mrs. Mind -Your -Own -Business -You're -Lucky -I -Kept -You Berg.

Names, Mom.

God's sake.

It was the Loramber.

They used to live down the street.

Does she know that she's adopted?

How the hell should I know? They moved out of the neighborhood.

I bet I can find them. No. Hey, you know what? You stay out of this. It's

between me and your father.

So Manny knows about this?

No. It's between me and me.

Leave it alone.

Leave it alone.

I got up early. I've been on the computer for hours searching for your

I cross -checked every Lorenzo in California with the year your sister

have been born, and I've narrowed it down to 20.

Well, I slept in, took a long shower, read the sports page.

Then I called my mom's neighbor and found out where the Lorenzos moved.

That one right there.

But look at you, surfing the web. You rock!

Did you call?

Well, not yet. I found out she works for the Valley School District.

When her office opens, I'm gonna go down and meet her.

What are you gonna say to her?

I'm gonna play it by ear. I mean, I gotta figure out whether she knows she's

adopted. I'll take it from there.

But her name's Linda.

Hey, give me five bucks, I'll let you watch my sister Linda change.

That sounds nice, huh?

Oye, mijita, can you iron this shirt? Sure, daddy.

Did you trim your eyebrows?

Oh, just one.

Put an arch in it.

Makes me look interested when people are talking as if I'm saying, is that so?

You're going to dress up for mom tonight, aren't you?

That's tonight?

I completely forgot about it.

Daddy, I know when you're lying.

Is that so?

All right, menina. I was rehearsing how I was going to tell her off, but then I

got to thinking.

A marriage takes two people.

Maybe I worked too much. Maybe I neglected her.

Maybe I didn't tell her enough how beautiful she was, or maybe I told her

much. Maybe you annoyed her into another man's arms.

a good feeling about this, Daddy. We are going to be a family again.

And George, he's going to meet his sister for the first time in 35 years.

This is so beautiful.

My mom, my dad, you, your sister.

Two families are coming together.

All right, I'll catch you later.

What's the matter, princess?

You gain half a pound?

Superintendent of the Valley School District.

I normally don't take unscheduled meetings, but your cause hits close to

because I'm dyslexic.

You know, me too.

You must run in your family, right?

Actually not.

I know it's usually genetic, but it's kind of a mystery where mine came from.

The pictures are your family.

Yeah. We're very close.

Wow, that's a nice one.

Oh, yeah.

I miss Cupcake so much.

He was my childhood pony.

You had a pony?

I had to swim in a trash can.

What?

Oh, I'm sorry. Gulf War.

What can I do for your organization?

Well, I thought that since we're both Latinos and this is an issue... Well,

actually, I'm not Latina. I'm Italian, but I get that all the time.

You think you're Italian.

I don't think I'm Italian. I am Italian.

Siciliana. We visit Sicily every year.

We go to this little church where my mother prays to her patron saint for

helping to conceive me.

So this Italian woman...

She gave birth to you?

Yes.

That's why I call her Mom.

The reason I ask is that a lot of dyslexic kids had unhappy childhoods.

ever wish that you had different parents?

Never. My parents gave me so much love and encouragement.

My mom even quit work to tutor me.

I'm really lucky.

Well, I think I've taken enough of your time.

But what about lad?

Oh, forget about it. Let it go.

What was that?

Oh, it's for a dyslexia newsletter.

It's all pictures.

You take care of yourself.

And watch your blood pressure.

I got your message.

Why should it work today, baby doll?

You disgusting piece of crap!

Oh, we're playing that game.

All right, you dirty little garden gnome!

What are you talking about? You gave me the clap.

Now, who have you been whoring around with, huh?

Just you, Benny.

Just you.

You're the best thing that ever happened to me. Why would I do anything to mess

that up?

I swear, I didn't know I had it.

Well, the tramp you were with before me must have given you a little going -away

present.

Benny, I'm so sorry.

You know what? Just tell it to the clinic.

You're going to be taking penicillin for two weeks.

Maybe this is a blessing.

I mean, we can just talk and get to know each other and really open up.

Right. Or maybe you can call me when you finish your meds and burn the blanket

in the back of your truck.

I'm going to miss you, baby.

Back off!

Mommy's going to be able to resist you.

I think you're taking this a little too seriously, Vic. Why don't you

take some of that cologne and put it on a rag, pop it over her mouth and drag

her away, huh?

Perhaps I should air myself out in the backyard.

What happened? Did you meet your sister?

What? I told you to leave it alone.

Well, I didn't.

And I met her.

And she's very happy and she's very successful.

So I guess those two minutes she spent with you didn't ruin her.

When are we gonna meet her?

We're not.

She doesn't know she's adopted, Angie, and I'm not gonna tell her. Good.

Took a picture of her, though.

Oh, she's got big eyes.

What? I kind of surprised her with the camera.

Mom,

you want to see? No.

Oh, I got it.

You are being so selfish. How can you do this to Daddy and to me?

No, I don't understand, and I don't want to understand.

Someone smell me.

Mom just called.

She's not coming.

Oh.

Hey, guys,

look at the blanket Randy threw out.

TGIF continues with a show the New York Times calls terrific.

A new Marriage of the Kellys is next on ABC.

You are doing it all wrong.

Listen and learn.

Don't play it like you're killing a bug.

Think of the conga as a woman and then play him like you're making love

to her.