Original subtitles

Hey, boy.

Hey, Dad.

Can Ricky come in the house?

Does he have the money to pay for the VCR he stuffed that grilled cheese

sandwich into?

I was four.

Come on, I'm thirsty.

There's water in the rain gutters.

This toning cream is only $39 .95, and La Marie guarantees if your husband does

not find you more attractive, you get your money back.

If you really want your husband to think you're more attractive,

Buy him a six -pack of these.

Maybe a little scotch, too.

You know what?

I'll just pay for the things I ordered.

Thanks, though.

Are you sure I can't interest you in anything else? I don't think so.

Oh, my God!

What? Oh, my God.

What is it?

We just got another huge bill from Carmen's school. If you don't sell some

cosmetics, I don't know. I just... I don't know.

I'm sorry, Jean. You shouldn't see me like this.

I want to make that pretty face bad.

You know what?

Order me a couple of jars of that toning cream.

You need three.

Right.

Just don't make me look too young.

I don't want anybody to think my husband's a cradle robber.

She's worried about looking too young for her husband. She ought to just whip

out those chichis.

This is so great. If we can sell all the beauty products that I have in the

garage, we can pay off Carmen's school loan in no time. All right, baby.

Okay, let's celebrate at dinner.

Hey, and if you talk to one ugly person, we can write it off as a business

expense.

Honey, Grandma's gonna be watching you. Order a pizza if you get hungry, okay?

Can Ricky eat in the kitchen?

Can I stick a videotape in Ricky on what's training day?

You got the stuff? You got the money? Show me the stuff. Show me the money.

Listen, I just want a firecracker.

You just want a firecracker.

I'm not your guy.

But if you want M -80s, Roman candles, and bottle rockets... You've come to the

right place.

Wow. How much for a bottle rocket?

I'll tell you what. First one's free.

But then how do you make any money?

You let me worry about that.

I want to do it right here.

Of course you do.

Firetrucks outside. Is everybody okay? Where are the kids?

Everybody is okay. We just had a small fire in the garage.

The garage?

Oh, no.

Oh, my little Marie boxes.

Angie, be careful.

What the hell were you thinking?

How many times have I told you that this isn't putting out a cigarette?

neighbor's yard like decent people.

What the hell were you thinking?

Why are you accusing me? You snuck out of the house. You got a hickey. You

smoked a cigarette. You were one hard lemonade away from arson.

I did it.

I knew it.

What did you do to make your brother burn the garage down?

Ricky gave me a bottle rocket and I shot it off.

But I didn't know it would land on the garage.

I'm really sorry, Dad. Sorry doesn't cut it.

You can say goodbye to your allowance for the next year. But, Dad. No, I don't

want to hear it.

Max, you destroyed the garage.

I'm out of my golf clubs.

No, I put them in the car.

No, I put them in the garage to clean up.

No, I put them back.

My cosmetics are gone.

Thank God we have insurance.

No.

Our policy is not going to cover this. I didn't have time to declare it.

So how much was this stuff worth?

$17 ,000.

We owe $17 ,000?

Well, I have to pay for the inventory and I can't sell it to anybody now.

And what the hell were you thinking keeping that much inventory in the

the first place?

Screaming it and believing it like they say on page three of the manual.

I is for insist they buy it. N is never take no for an answer. V is for volume,

volume, volume. I'm dyslexic.

Don't spell at me.

I can't afford to pay $17 ,000. Not now.

Not with everything else we're trying to cover.

Angie, we're screwed.

My lucky putter.

You made it.

I know, huh?

Right now, right now.

$17 ,000 is a huge amount, but why does LaMarie need it in two weeks?

Oh, come on. Like it says in the manual, we're all sisters.

S is for solidarity.

I is for inspiration.

Very nice. You put LaMarie lipstick on that mouth?

Hey,

you guys been working all morning. Who's hungry?

Not me.

I'm skipping one meal every day to help pay for the garage.

No, you're going to need your strength.

Because I'm going to hire a monkey and he's going to grind and you're going to

dance.

My own monkey?

No, he owns you.

Come on, you guys. Let's just try to forget about the money and have some

breakfast.

How about some scrambled eggs? We'll call my dad for a loan and maybe some

French toast.

No, I'm not taking money from your dad.

Okay.

Okay.

And how about some waffles, please? Please just swallow your pride and maybe

some orange juice.

How many years it took me to get your father's respect, and now you want me to

ask him for money because I can't meet my obligations?

That's not going to happen.

Well, your pride is not going to pay for the cosmetics.

Well, I wouldn't have to pay if Max hadn't burned the garage down.

The garage wouldn't have burned down if Carmen hadn't taken the battery out of

the smoke detector for our CD player.

Well, none of this would have happened if Grandma was watching Max.

by turning on each other. You're right.

You should focus on the boy.

What?

No. We have to focus on how we're going to get the money.

Look, I'll start by trying to get another job, but we've already taken a

mortgage for Carmen's private school and our credit cards are maxed out.

Well, why don't we just call your dad?

We know he's rich.

No way.

He never helped me and my mom back when we needed it, so I'm not going hat in

hand to him now.

Your father's right.

We will figure this out.

The most important thing is that none of us were injured.

And we all still have each other.

Stitch it on a pillow, sister. We need cash.

Hey, George.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

You know, maybe later, Ernie. I got a lot on my mind right now.

Here. Open this. I think it'll cheer you up.

Some giant snake gonna jump out?

Because it wasn't funny at my uncle's funeral. It's not going to be funny now.

Just open it.

Holy crap, how much is this?

$3 ,000.

My best friend, George, I want you to have it.

Come here.

You're the best, man.

But I can't take it.

Why not?

Because it's not enough.

I've got to have the whole $17 ,000 by next week.

Okay. Listen, it's probably not the best option, but, um, Sergey in shipping, he

knows a guy who knows a guy who can get you some money pretty quick.

Sergey? The guy who sells caviar and green cards out of his trunk?

I don't think so, man. Oh, okay. Well, then, um, how about some peanut brittle?

Did you sneak in there?

No.

Hey, Jack.

Mel, how about some peanut brittle? Bad career move, dude.

So you wanted to see us, George?

Yeah, uh, listen, guys.

I never did this when I was on the line, and... It's kind of embarrassing now

that I'm manager.

My family and I are in a tight spot, man. I was hoping I could get in

Well, sure, George. Yeah, no problem. I think I've got 60.

Well, here's, uh, 40.

Actually, I was hoping for a little more, like two, maybe three months'

No, no.

George, we can't give you that kind of advance.

Well, how about just a month? No, no can do. It's against company policy.

If we break the rules for you, then we'll have to break them for everybody.

Uh -huh.

So you're really in a tight spot, Hunter. Oh, yeah, I am.

I'm uncomfortable.

You? Yeah.

No luck, huh?

No. What are you going to do now?

I have no idea, Mom.

Things have never been this bad.

I've got to come up with some money fast or I'm going to get sued.

Listen, I'm sorry I'm not rich like your father.

You know if I had Manny's kind of money, I'd help you out.

Thanks, Ma.

Phoenix, please.

The number for a Manny Lopez.

Benny Lopez?

Lydia Lopez?

Thanks for meeting me.

I came to Phoenix because I wanted to do this face to face. I'll tell you

something. I never thought I'd be sitting across from Manny's first wife.

Well, you wouldn't be if I thought I could stomach sitting across from Manny.

I don't see it.

What? Manny left me for you.

You know, I'm not saying you're ugly or anything. I just don't see it.

Let's keep this civil.

We could fight.

I could repeat everything that Manny has said about you, but that's not going to

get us anywhere.

You're right.

What'd that jackass say?

Well, he said that you were the first woman that he ever danced with, the

woman he married. He said you were the first woman to pull a knife on him.

He said that... Benny, why am I here?

Listen, Manny owes me a crap load of money for leaving me and my kids.

He got rich. He never gave us a dime.

Listen, it took a long time for Manny to build up his company.

He didn't have any money to give until George was already grown.

Well, now he does.

And George is in trouble.

He needs $17 ,000.

And Manny should do at least one nice thing for his money.

Why doesn't George just go to Manny for the money?

George is too proud to go to him. He won't take the money unless he thinks

coming from me.

So you write me a check, and I'll tell him I want it at the track or something.

Okay. I'll talk to Manny.

Okay.

I guess we could order something to eat.

We don't have to.

That's fine with me.

Benny, do you want to take a poopy before you go in the car?

I don't think that's any of your business.

No, Benny.

Meet Benny.

Oh, yeah. I heard he named the dog after me.

You know, I should name something after him, too.

I'll call you as soon as I hear about the money. Is that all right? Yep.

my number.

But let it ring. I might be on the mani.

Excuse me, I'm looking for Yuri.

Sergei, my plan told me there was a Yuri here who could, you know, help me with

a problem.

Little problem or a big problem?

I need 17 grand.

Oh, teeny -weeny problem.

Oh,

man, listen.

My son let this bottle rocket in my garage burn down. My wife's cosmetics

in the garage. Please, my day ends at five.

It's 20 % interest. You pay it back in a year.

Sounds fair.

One more thing. I need you to drive a car to Mexico.

Okay, nice doing business with you.

No, no. You just take a nice drive over the border.

Is there something in the car?

No, just a nice new sports car.

One thing, don't answer cell phone.

Dude, I got a family. I can't drive a hot car to Mexico.

Okay, I understand. Forget that. You go to Mexico, drive a car back.

With what, drugs in the trunk?

No.

Chinese people.

Look, you're not going to expect this coming from me, but I'm actually in

of tighter border controls.

check for George.

Great. Give it to me and then you can go.

No way.

Manny says to give the money directly to George and he said that on occasions

you have been an unreliable courier of cash.

Are you George Lopez?

Well, hey, listen, if you're from La Marie, I'm just going to tell you the

truth.

My wife left me and took all the cosmetics.

This is not a good time. All I wanted was somebody to love.

She's from three blocks over.

Alzheimer's.

I'm taking you home now, Edna.

George, I'm Lydia.

I'm your father's wife.

What's going on?

I don't know.

Mom, what is she doing here? What did you do?

She came to see me in Phoenix.

She said you needed help.

Look, I don't care what she said.

Please hear me out.

Your father was very touched when he heard that you were looking for him.

He knows that he hasn't been there for you all these years.

But he wants to be there for you now.

Here's a check for $20 ,000.

He doesn't care how much money it takes. He just wants to make things right

between you and him.

Honey?

George, it would mean a great deal to him if you took it.

He'll take it.

I'm sorry.

I can't deal with this.

I mean, I really appreciate you coming here, but I can't talk right now.

Okay, I understand.

But I'm sure you would want to call your father and thank him.

I'll call him.

Okay.

How could you do this?

What the hell were you thinking, Mom? Do you even know who I am? You weren't

helping yourself, so somebody had to help you.

I'm your mother. You don't come to me and say, I don't know what to do and

expect me to do nothing. Yes, I do.

If there was anybody I could tell my worst troubles to and expect to do

it was you.

Don't be stupid, George.

Swallow your pride and take the check. You need it.

I'll tell you what I need. I need you to stay out of my business.

This is my problem and I'll take care of it. Whoa.

Your problem?

This doesn't affect just you. This affects everyone in the family.

What are you saying?

I'm saying we're in trouble and we're running out of options.

Maybe you should think about it before you tear up that check.

What are you thinking?

I think I'm going to Phoenix.