Original subtitles

Okay, I'm here. Have you found Carmen yet? No, and I'm worried sick. It's her

first day at a new school. She should have been home an hour ago.

Come on, it's an hour.

She's got no money. She's got no friends.

She's probably walking around the mall crying.

George, she's the new kid in class.

She's probably depressed.

She should be here at home where we can support her. Okay, let's say she did

have a bad day.

The worst day of her life. She's going to come home. She's going to tell us all

her worries and all her fears. Isn't it better to let the hot dog on the stick

people deal with the first five minutes of school hair, boys? Nobody likes.

Dad, how come you're home?

Your mom's worried that Carmen's not going to make any friends at Allendale

the kids are going to harass her like at her old school.

What if all the kids liked her and everything went great?

You know, you could have called.

Who's this?

Everyone, this is my new friend, Olivia.

Hey, we can see this one.

Max, be quiet.

Carmen has a new friend.

A friend, George.

A new friend.

I had the best day. I mean, I know it's going to be tough to catch up, but at

least I met Olivia.

She's starting mid -semester, too.

So what are you in for?

What do you mean?

Look, you've changed schools in the middle of the year.

I mean, it's okay, we don't judge, but what is it, you know, Tweaker, Klepto?

You got a bun in the oven?

No, I'm from Toronto.

Like I said, we don't judge.

Hi, I'm Matt. Can I get you something to drink?

What are you doing?

She's a guest.

I'll cook you things. You smell good.

I bet bees chase you.

You're so cute.

How old are you?

See all these teeth?

Permanent.

Okay, Olivia, why don't we go start studying? My room is the first one to

left. Okay.

I better start my homework, too.

I did it, Angie.

I did it.

I tuned her out.

After all these years of practicing, quick, say something to me.

That's not funny.

What?

Yes!

Carson City is the capital of Nevada.

Concord is the capital of New Hampshire. And Trenton is the capital of New

Jersey.

Give me your cell phone number so we can text message each other in class.

I'm not allowed to have a cell phone.

What if someone tried to kidnap you or something?

Well, my dad says his taxes pay for the Amber Alerts.

Oh, my

God. Did you see that boy Matt who came into homeroom? Oh, my God. He's a full

-on dime.

Oh, forget it.

Do you have a shirt I can borrow?

I want to get out of this uniform.

Yeah, sure, no problem.

Here,

try this.

So, what do you think of my little brother?

Oh, he's adorable.

Yeah, too bad about his eye.

What's wrong with his eye?

of perfume.

That's not true.

Then why are you covering your eye?

I'm just crying because I'm upset about being accused.

Yeah, but you're only crying out of one eye.

I'm not that upset.

I'm not lying, okay? The people have got to be on that wall somewhere.

See? There it is.

Okay, Carmen, relax. You probably can't even see anything through it. Oh, hey,

Olivia.

Who's that?

Uh, it's Mr. Lopez.

I was just wondering if you wanted to stay for dinner?

Sure, but I'm a vegetarian.

Well, we'll see what we can do, all right?

You little freak, I can't believe you're peeking at me through a hole.

I never peeked at you.

That's not what the hole was for.

Then what was it for?

I put my butt up against it so I could gas you out.

You could have told me that before I put my eye up there.

Max, what did you see?

Nothing. Okay, you know this is wrong, right?

Okay, go wash out your eye.

That's it?

Go wash your eye out? Look, Carmen, Max doesn't know any better. He's a little

boy. But you could have blinded him. Who knows what's in that fruity teen

perfume you wear?

Don't test these on animals anymore. We don't know if they're safe.

Yeah, well, I wish I would have blinded him. That way he wouldn't...

peek anymore, would he? Okay, that's it. Nobody hurts anybody in this house. No

telephone for you for a week. What? You heard me. He was looking at my friend

getting undressed, and you're punishing me? That's crazy.

Okay, you want more punishment? Keep talking.

Oh, yeah, defend the little perv. What is going on?

Max tried to steal Olivia naked, and Dad's punishing me.

Some man you married.

Your daughter's freaking out. Max made a little peephole in the wall, but he

didn't see anything. I handled it. What did you think?

I told him it was wrong.

Well, I hope you all... told him it was completely out of line and unacceptable

behavior and that peeking at someone is a violation of their privacy and shows a

total lack of respect yeah like that but stronger

come on Angie look don't make this bigger than it is okay

you're not a boy you wouldn't understand he's starting to get curious I did the

same thing when I was his age Ernie's mom

Oh, my God, she's a big woman.

You know, I saw one boob through one window and one boob through the other

window.

Max is growing up.

You'll soon understand why it's okay that anacorna COVID never wins.

You know, it's about time.

Hey, what happened?

Oh, Max got caught sneaking a look at one of Carmen's friends.

Oh, man, I didn't see my first naked woman until I was 18.

And the first one that was awake until I was 30.

You know, I caught George peeking at a woman when he was around Max's age. You

remember that, George?

Ernie'd like to hear that story.

No,

he wouldn't, Mom.

George, I forget. Who was that again?

You know, I don't remember. Back to work, Mom.

Oh, man, was it that Super Fox Sylvia from across the street?

No, but it was a form of wildlife.

Well, who was it?

Your mom.

Ernie, I wasn't trying to, man. Who watches TV naked after a shower?

She likes to air dry.

Look, to even things up, I'll let you look at my mom naked.

So you want pictures or the real thing?

What hospital is he at?

I'll be right there.

What is it?

They're taking Max to the hospital. He got into a fight at school.

A fight, too?

Wow, when that kid's web will drop, it's like thunder.

Oh, man, Max, are you okay? He fell and hit his head. They put ten stitches in,

but there's no fracture or concussion.

I got into a fight with five guys.

You should have seen them, Dad. They were scared.

Yeah? You put up a good fight?

No. When I saw all the blood coming out of my head, they were scared.

This is why those boys were picking on him. Somebody put up a picture of Max

sleeping on the current events board at his school.

You fight with guys, you peep on girls, you sleep in your underwear with that

little pink bunny.

You're a complex little man, Max.

I didn't sleep with the bunny.

Carmen put it there.

Dad, everyone at school saw that picture. I'm gonna kill her. Max,

No, I'm really gonna kill her. And Grandma told me how to make it look like

accident.

You're not killing anyone.

And now you know how it feels to have your privacy invaded.

Max, I got you some pudding from the cafeteria.

Okay, come here.

Look, this is the worst thing you've ever done. Your brother's in a hospital

with stitches in his head because of you. I just wanted to teach him a

didn't know he'd get hurt. Look, I'm not worried about his head. That'll heal.

But nobody's ever going to forget that picture.

Every time he walks down the hall in school, they're going to be calling him

sissy and a wolf and a bunny hugger.

I can hear you.

Maybe you didn't understand me when I said nobody hurts anybody in this

so let me make it clearer.

Okay, no phone, no email, and no TV for a month. But I'm getting more

punishments? Why do I even talk to you? Always take Max aside. He's the golden

child.

Hey, don't walk away from me. Why? You don't need me. You've got Max.

You love him more than you love me anyway.

We really are better off without him.

Carmen, home yet? No.

Hey, Matt, is your head okay?

How many beers am I holding up, honey?

Honey, you never called me honey.

Well, you should have been cuter.

Carmen.

Oh, what's going on?

Nothing, Benny.

Dad loves me more than Carmen.

Max, that's not true.

Give us some privacy. I need to talk to George. All right.

Angie, I know where you're going on this, and I want you to know that I am

your side.

Thank you.

Then you can stay.

As for you, mister... Look at Angie.

I know where you're going with this, and I want you to know that I'm on your

side, too, so let's eat quietly.

I just had a long talk with Carmen.

I think you're being completely unfair with her.

Man, she wraps you around her little finger.

She can't do that to me, because I don't buy into all that drama.

That's not drama, George. Those are her real feelings.

But every day?

Who feels every day?

10 -year -old boy without a care in the world, of course you like him better. So

you do, too?

Now we can say it out loud. Make that three. No!

It's just that he's easier right now. I know she's a handful, but you can't

dismiss all her problems as teenage drama.

You have two kids. You should be treating them equally.

Hey, I do treat them equally. No, you don't. See?

You treat the boy better.

But, you know, Carmen's got to get used to it.

I get really screwed in this world. I cannot tell you how much easier my life

would have been if I had had something dangling between my legs.

That's a pretty image of my mommy.

Do you see this insanity?

Crazy apple, crazy tree.

Look, if your point is that I'm crazy because of my mother, I know that.

T -shirt, I'll wear it. He thought I don't care.

I'm also saying that your daughter doesn't feel as loved as your son. I see

Benny sees it. Even Mac sees it.

You might want to do something about that.

Oh, man.

Hey, it's not your fault.

It's the way it's been through all history.

Men are the warriors, the hunters, the money earners.

That's why boys are treated like princes.

What are you talking about, you crazy old bat?

You ever treated me like a prince?

Hey, did you eat every day?

No.

Well, what do you know?

You know what? At least I didn't sell you. And there was a lady at Pick and

who kept asking.

Wait, what Pick and Save? Maybe it's not too late.

Am I coming back?

As long as you're a tax deduction, you'll always be safe in my house.

Where are we going?

I just want to talk.

The first thing I want to say is I should have punished Max a lot more than

did.

Well, I should call the newspaper. George Lopez admits he's wrong.

You don't. You don't.

Look, maybe I went easier on Max because I know why he peeped.

I mean, I was a boy. I get that.

But I don't get you anymore.

I did when you were a little girl.

Because you were just like a little boy, except you never got caught in your

zipper.

Well, I'm not a little boy or a little girl anymore.

I'd like some privacy and I'd like some respect.

That's fair.

And I'd like my feelings listened to.

Ew, that's a tough one.

Why?

Because everything's a crisis with you. There are no small problems.

I'm on overload, Carmen.

And I thought teenagers were supposed to lock themselves in their rooms and

never talk to their parents.

I'm kind of looking forward to that.

Well, I'm sorry I tell you all my problems.

No, you shouldn't be.

I need to get better at this.

Look, I promise to start listening to your feelings if you promise not to have

so many of them.

Deal.

And don't ever think I love Max more than I love you.

Because that's not right.

Okay.

We're crying.

I got you the cell phone to make up for everything. Stop crying.

Oh, my God. It's a cell phone.

Hey, what are you looking at?

We're feeling in here.

Go, man. The light's green.

What are you wearing? Show!

George, I don't want you to talk like that with Carmen in the car.

All right, we'll be home in a little bit.

Hey, make sure you lock up.

I heard on the radio there's a guy breaking into people's houses.

Is he in our area?

Yes.

Damn you!

What's wrong?

You look like you've been caught.

Yeah, because I missed you so much.

Oh, you're such a good liar.

Angie, do you think the kids have favorites?

No. I think they love us both equally.

Hey, Max.

Hey, Dad.

Answer a question for us.

Your mom and I are both drowning and there's only one life preserver. Two

love you both.

bucks from your dad, I'll just do it.