Original subtitles

Everybody, I have a surprise.

Andy Lopez is proud to present the San Fernando Valley's newest treetop ranger,

Max Lopez.

All right, Max.

You're a sapling. Congratulations.

Are you happy now, Dad?

Yeah. Look, I love being a treetop ranger, and you're going to love it,

get to be outdoors, and you learn all kinds of things.

Your dad's right.

The treetop rangers made me the man I am today.

What are you doing? I'm trying to convince them.

Eat this.

I look stupid.

Maybe it's the hat. Take it off.

No, that's not it.

Hey, Marisol.

What the hell's going on with you?

I wake up and your stuff's moved out of the house?

What are you trying to be, funny? I left you, fool.

Now get out of here before you get me in trouble. You're already in trouble.

Whoa, yo, Junior, hands off.

Don't mess with me, Holmes.

Holmes? You heard me, S .A.

Look, it's Casper the Friendly Chicano.

What are you, brother, besides confused?

This ain't about you. This is between me and my lady.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, hey, hey.

This ain't the free clinic.

I just can't come in here and start fighting with your lady.

Guys, show Slim Shady to the door.

We're going to go to Lupe's house? I'll find you. We're going to go to Didi's

place? I'll find you. I love you. You can't hide from me. I love you.

Young love.

Young, angry, violent love.

Takes me back.

to work, all right? There's nothing to see.

Marisol, are you okay?

Yeah.

Do you have a safe place to stay tonight?

I don't know.

I'll stay in my car if I have to.

You go, girl.

Don't you watch. No!

You don't even know what I'm gonna say.

Yes, I do. I know that face. You want to help someone and it makes me sick.

We could make room.

Hey, we got her out of the gangs and gave her a job. That's enough. I don't

her in the house.

It's not enough. If we don't help her right now, she could get sucked right

into that life. Do you want that on your conscience?

You're the one with the conscience.

I'm the one with the offbeat good looks who talks his way out of tight jams.

Come on. She needs a safe place where Junior can't find her. And when

in need, we help them. You sex -o yourself. That's the Lopez way.

Did I say that? Mm -hmm.

All right.

But when I said that, I was just trying to, you know... So you just say things

to get me to... No,

sometimes I buy you things.

Now, right now.

Go!

Hey, Tree Top Ranger.

How was your first meeting? Great. Hey, honey, you hungry? I made some veggie

burgers. I got one left.

No way.

Vegetarians are left -wing nutjobs.

They undermine the beef industry and put a lot of good...

Hard -working Americans out on their butts.

What?

That's what my head ranger, Mr.

Dugan, says.

What are they teaching you over there? You're supposed to be learning about

knots and wood carving.

Wood carving?

Ha!

Try to get a piece of lumber nowadays with all these liberal tree -huggers.

Can't smoke in restaurants, but a mother can pull out her chichis to feed a

baby.

Can I get a gun permit?

Dude, you still got cartoons on your underwear. No.

George, I don't want him hearing these kind of things.

Well, I'm going to have the next meeting here at this house so we can check this

Dugan guy out. And no guns.

This family doesn't believe in guns in the home.

Big deal.

We had a gun in the house when you were a kid.

What are you talking about?

You remember Harriet?

Harriet? I thought she was a friend of yours.

You mean all those times you'd say Harriet and I are going shopping and

and I are going on a date and Harriet and I were loaded last night?

You were talking about a gun?

Relax. Harriet's gone.

I threw her off the Hoover Dam. Case closed.

But why did you... Case closed.

Hey, look, it's Marisol.

I'll get it.

Come on in, Marisol. I'm glad you're here.

You're kidding with the wallpaper, right?

Okay, first, you're lucky to be here. George. No, Angie, I'm not going to baby

her. This is our house and there are rules.

Number one.

Say thank you to Angie.

I don't have to say thank you. I got her this.

Oh.

Hey, that's Ernie's mug from work.

He gave it to me because I told him I'd meet him for drinks at 7.

It's 7 right now.

I know, huh?

Number two.

I don't want you setting a bad example for my kids. So no cussing and no

drinking. And no looting after a bad verdict on court TV.

Where am I sleeping?

On the couch.

No, she's not.

Okay, then why don't we just put some newspaper down here in the kitchen?

She's staying in Carmen's room. I'm making up the trundle bed.

I'll get the rest of the things for my car.

I don't want her in my room.

Carmen, be nice to her. She's going through a rough time.

Dad, I'm starting a new school next week and I have like 50 books to read. I

don't want someone bothering me.

She's staying with you. No, it's my room.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. First of all, it's my room.

They're all my rooms.

Technically, you and the little boy are just squatters.

Hey, what's going on with you? You've been freaking out all week.

I'm worried about Allendale.

What if it's like my old school? What if no one likes me?

Carmen, honey, you're worrying for nothing. I promise you it's not going to

like that.

What are you staring at?

Well, it's just that your eye ends here, but your eye makeup goes way over here.

At least I've got a reason to put makeup on. I leave the house. All you've done

for the last three days is read.

Stupid reader.

I have to study for Allendale.

Were you ever picked on in high school?

Please, nobody screwed with me.

Either you.

I had to leave my old high school because I was getting picked on by some

I could see that. You got that innocent look you just want to mess with.

So, what do you do to keep people from messing with you?

Get out of my face.

Sorry.

No, that's what I do.

Could you teach me how to be that way?

I guess I could mentor you.

If you think you can handle it.

Come with me to a club tonight.

But I'm only 14.

When I was 14, I had already been 18 for two years.

Just a heads up, the backyard's off limits. I'm going to have seven little

treetop rangers out there.

Oh, well, that's okay. We're going to go see a movie anyway.

Wait a second. You two are hanging out?

I got a car and she needs a break.

Okay, listen to me. I don't want you getting Carmen in any trouble, okay?

No sneaking into movies and no R -rated films.

I promise you.

None of that's gonna happen.

Good.

What are you gonna go see?

Well, uh, it's a chick flick about three generations of women that struggle

against... Got it.

All right, Sapling. Let's get tonight's meeting started with our treetop ranger,

Jane. Oh, I think I remember this.

Uh, my roots run deep.

My branch is wide.

I shout to the forest where trees top pride.

Who's a mighty ranger? I am.

Actually, we shortened that in 84.

Kids.

Rangers rule!

Feels like an idiot.

All right, saplings. Tonight, we're here to talk about the camping experience.

Now, when you're out in the woods, you want to keep all the trash away from

campsite. It attracts animals.

What if there are cans in some?

Are there recycling bins?

Probably. Those damn eco -nuts are undermining the aluminum industry and

a lot of good, hard -working Americans out on their butts.

Remember, kids, you want to keep your trash in a locked receptacle. Whoa,

whoa. What's that all about, eco -nuts?

Oh, I'm not just about skills. I like to impart values, too.

Now, this is important to learn, kids, because you're going to have to go out

and live in the woods someday, on your own, when the government comes to take

our guns away.

Dugan, dude, these are kids.

If you want to talk about guns, do it while you're patrolling your compound on

your riding mower.

Maybe stick to the guidebook.

Okay, your house, your rules.

How's this?

How to identify dangerous animals. Is that acceptable?

Yes, that's great. Thank you. Okay, good.

Sapling, there are many, many dangerous animals out there in the woods, but you

can identify them by their marking and their behavior.

Just like people.

Okay, where are you going with this, Dugan? Stop, George.

I am right as rain on this one.

Okay, what kind of people, and how can you tell?

Let's say I'm a cop.

Who am I going to pull over, the perky little blonde in the cabriolet or some

Mexican in one of those bouncy cars?

You know that I'm Mexican, right?

Oh, no, not you. Gee, you guys are so sensitive. I'm talking about a mino

-speaky Mexican.

That's it. Out of my house. What?

I'm not going to let you teach these kids to be afraid of Mexican.

Oh, okay, I get it. I see what the problem is. All right, let's say it's a

guy, okay?

No, meeting's over.

Max, take everyone in the living room until their parents get here. Thank you.

And you, Grand Dragon, you got five seconds to get out of my yard.

George, I have to talk to you.

What now?

That was Carmen.

She said she and Marisol wanted to catch another movie, but the caller ID was a

Hollywood number, and she's supposed to be in the Valley.

Here.

Start 69er.

Yes, hello, is there a girl named Carmen there? She just used this phone.

Dark hair, big brown eyes, kind of thin.

No, you don't want a piece of that!

Why am I calling anyways?

Yeah, thanks.

On a payphone outside some place called Club Hole.

Oh, my God. George, wait. You're not going to stop me, Angie. No, you're not

going to get into a club with that shirt.

Speak in the back. Who's going to notice me walk into the kitchen?

Hop play.

Excuse me. Me no speaky. Hop play.

Oh, my God. That was so cool. No one even knew I was 14.

See? I told you. Just remember the three A's.

Appearance, attitude, and... Hey, what are you looking at?

Oh, my God. It's after midnight. I'm going to get killed.

Hey, Marisol.

I heard you're at Club Hall.

Are you looking for me, girl?

Why would I look for you, loser?

What's up? I'm 18.

Is this the skank that kept calling and hanging up when we were together?

No, this is a different one.

Wait a second.

Get in the car.

You're not getting away from me this time.

What, do you think you're all bad because you got a job now?

There's still nothing, baby.

Hey!

What are you going to do, loca? Run me over?

You're going to hurt him. You want to know how to keep him from messing with

you? Watch and learn.

All right, I get it. We're through.

So who's your friend?

Where is she? I don't know. She wasn't at the club.

It's one in the morning.

I'm calling the police right now.

Yeah, and what are you going to tell them? That our 14 -year -old daughter is

not with some semi -retired gang member that my wife tried to make part of the

family? You let Carmen go out to a movie with her? Angie, you brought her into

our house.

Oh, so you're saying this is my fault?

No.

Because for some reason, that always comes back to haunt me.

down here now.

I know it's late, but the second movie was like three hours long. We're really

sorry. Yeah, I saw a movie tonight, too. It was called Mad as Hell.

It's about a father who drives all around Hollywood looking for the club

lying daughter's at.

No, no.

Let me tell you how the movie ends.

One of the girls dies.

Let me see your eyes.

They're not dilated.

Okay, breathe on me. Mom, I wasn't... Breathe on me!

She's clean. All right.

Look, she was worried about her new school. I was trying to help her grow up

little bit. I was doing you a favor.

Yeah, we wouldn't have been so late except Junior showed up and was

Marisol. Oh, Junior was there?

He wasn't going to do anything. He can't afford a third strike.

Pack up your stuff and get out of my house before I waste my first strike on

you.

Fine.

And I've got one thing to say to you, Missy.

Grounded. You are never leaving this house.

Dad. Carmen, you are so grounded, coffee will look at you and say, damn!

I'll be right back. I got a few words for our house guest.

What were you thinking, huh?

This family's going to the debt to send you to a private school to avoid

trouble, and you go looking for it?

Dad, I wasn't looking for trouble. Marisol just said I need to be more like

Yeah, that's a good role model, Carmen. A homeless charlatan with an abusive

boyfriend.

You know, I think they have their own window at the unemployment office.

At least she tried to help me.

What is that supposed to mean? All you say is everything's going to be okay,

nothing's going to happen, but you don't know that.

You know what, Carmen, you're right. I don't know that.

You might get picked on, so you have to be tough.

But not that fake toughness that Marisol has. Carmen, that's all an act.

Marisol's scared, and you'd see it on her face if she'd ever take off that

makeup.

Underneath it all, she's probably like this.

So how do I be tough for real?

Carmen, you have got to stop caring so much about what people think about you.

Look, not everyone in the world is going to like you.

I'd like to have just one friend.

Carmen, you'll always have one friend.

Thanks, Dad.

Not me.

But I don't know who, but if I end up as your only friend, you fail completely.

I don't believe you.

I brought you into my house and you betrayed me?

There are only two things keeping me from tearing into you right now. My son

sleeping next door, and I'm pretty sure you could kick my ass.

I was just trying to help Carmen.

Help Carmen?

You could have gotten her killed.

You weren't just going to a club. You were out looking for your psycho

boyfriend. I wasn't looking for Junior.

Oh, no?

You don't know where he hangs out? You were shocked to run into him?

I don't know. I don't want to talk about this anymore.

Out of my way, prom queen.

No. And you are not dealing with the prom queen.

I was first runner -up.

Wow, it's like we've lived the same life.

Please, I don't want to hear how tough you had it. You already quit the gang.

You got a job.

And if it were me, I would start to feel better about myself. But I guess you

still think you deserve a guy who treats you like crap.

See, you don't know how hard it was to leave him.

You're right. It's much easier to stay and be abused. Go ahead.

Throw your life away, because I don't give a damn anymore.

You screwed up.

Sorry.

Now that you've apologized, we can work on your self -esteem. I'll talk to

George about you today. Bye tonight.

George, where's Carmen? I want to talk to her. I told her to wait in the living

room until Marisol's gone. Listen, I'm sorry.

This was all my fault.

Oh, no. Nice try, but I'm not falling for that.

George, this is not a trick. I'm saying it was my fault. You can agree with me.

So we're never helping anyone ever again?

Never. If there's someone on the side of the road and they're dying, what do we

do?

Drive on by.

And if someone leaves a baby on the doorstep?

Wait till night and let the coyotes get it.

That's my girl.

Well, in about ten minutes, this will all be over when Marisol's out of the

house. Listen, about that... No!

Wake up, fool.

What?

We talked, and while what you did was wrong, we agreed not to throw you out on

the street.

So we found you a nice, loving home.

Hey, come on, sleeping beauty. My toilet isn't going to plunge itself.

Question number 21.

What would you do if you're stuck in the woods and you run out of food?

Mmm, I'd eat you.

Dad, the guys aren't having fun anymore.

Okay, I'll be right out.

Hey, you know, it's really cool you took over as Max's troop leader.

Well, Ernie, it's important to him. I mean, so what if I have to sacrifice my

son, Dave? He's my son.

I heard you guys weren't having fun anymore.

Well, suck it up, Rangers!

Come on, get your butts in gear if you want to earn that yard working badge.

Come on, move, move, move.

Come on, Diana Ross, let's go.

I've got a one o 'clock tea time.