Original subtitles

Okay, I started two piles. This little trash and this little trash that goes to

Goodwill.

Oh, this is all junk. I'm just going to throw it out.

Those are pictures of me.

I saved them from high school. These are the only pictures I have because you

didn't take any when I was little.

George, I took a lot of pictures when you were a kid.

And I only got four more left on the roll and then I'm going to get it

developed.

Dad, I'm home for you.

Who is it?

He says he's your dad.

Give me the phone, Max. Wait.

Is this really my grandpa?

Yes, honey. Give me the phone.

Hold on.

I know I don't really know you, but you owe me ten birthday gifts.

Hey, Max. Give me the phone. Sure. I'll call you grandpa as soon as I see those

gifts.

Listen. I'm sorry. George isn't available right now.

So who wants to see me in my yearbook?

Dad, what are you doing? You've been driving yourself crazy looking for your

dad. Now that you've found him, you don't want to talk to him? No, I don't.

Now, I was never actually in any of these clubs.

I just showed up for the pictures.

Oh, here I am on the girls' swim team.

Dad, I don't get it.

Look, when I'm ready to talk to you about this, I'll talk to you about this.

That's right.

He just found out that his old man's a jackass dirtbag loser, and when he's

ready to talk about that, he will talk about that. Mom!

George, can you help me in the kitchen, please?

Yes.

Hey,

I didn't make this up.

You kids are old enough to know that your grandfather is living in a car, an

old, defeated man with nothing left to do but die.

Because he left your grandma.

That's right.

When you leave your grandma, you die.

When are you going to tell her the truth about your father? You know, he could

show up here and then she's going to find out he's not poor.

He's a rich guy with a big construction company.

He's never coming here because I'm never calling him back.

Doesn't she deserve to know what your half -brother told you?

What? That while she was out there working two jobs to keep a roofer over

head, he was out there making a fortune? Angie, it would kill her to know that.

has a tail.

Does that mean I'm going to grow a tail, too?

You know, that depends on you, Max.

It's under your skin right now.

And every time you lie, it grows a little bit more.

I broke Carmen's CD player.

You just bought yourself another day, monkey boy.

Danny.

than working next to you for 30 years is eating next to you for 30 years.

Don't you usually coil yourself around that and wait for it to die?

Thank you, Gina.

For what?

For servicing our troops during the Civil War.

Hey, uh... Benny, I was looking for you. You got a call from, um... Manny Lopez?

Manny called me. Hey, your baby daddy finally got that carton of cigarettes

he's on his way back.

Screw you and the homeless people sleeping under your breasts.

Personal call, Mom? You could say that.

I'm calling your father.

What? He called me. You know, he probably found out that we...

We both have decent jobs, and he's looking for a handout.

You know, I was never going to talk to him. But now that I know he's down, why

not kick him?

Don't call him. Hey, don't tell me not to call. You know what? I got 32 years

hell to give him.

Look, I got something to tell you.

I bet this loser is taking his call like the bus station.

Better. He's taking it at some place called Lopez Construction.

Oh, that's got to hurt.

Mom, he's rich.

What? Lopez Construction is his company. He owns it.

Look, I'm sorry I lied, but I didn't want to hurt you.

Man, he's rich.

Mom, wait.

Hey, everything okay? You want me to stop her?

No, she's probably just going back to work.

Gonna give her some space.

I

know,

huh?

Member, you member.

Who call you at?

Right now, right now?

leaving Las Vegas.

Lunch was over two hours ago.

Fred, he'll get my tab.

Oh, don't worry about it. He can afford it.

His father's a millionaire.

Mom, getting plastered is not gonna make you hate Manny any less.

I sure did the night you were conceived.

Yeah, that was a bad night for both of us.

Okay.

Let's just get it out.

Manny's a low -life piece of crap.

And I hated him for leaving us for another family.

Mom, when I found out he had money and he never helped us, I wanted to break

neck.

George, let's do it.

Let's go to Phoenix and break his neck, and then we can head to Mexico. No,

Canada. They'll never suspect.

Mom, I think we both know you're not allowed back in Canada.

George, that was supposed to be our life.

All the comfort?

When does my ship come in, huh?

Where's my pot of gold?

Where's my time share in Orlando, huh?

Mom, I think we both know you can't go back to Orlando.

Look, Mom, it's in the past, and it's out of our control, okay? You can't let

make you crazy.

There's no damn justice.

You know, he's got a fortune, and I got a purse full of maraschino cherries.

Get your stuff from the office and I'll take you home. You're drunk. I'm not

drunk.

Yeah, how does Fred look to you?

You mean the silver fox?

Okay, I'm drunk. Take me home.

I'm going to grab her things and take her home. Yeah.

Hey, it must be hard finding out that the dad that left you is rich.

If he'd have stayed, you might have been rich.

And I'd have been the friend of a rich guy.

Hey, I don't want to break your heart, man, but the truth is, if I had money, I

probably wouldn't be here.

I'd be out on Cape Cod having highballs with the Kennedys.

Mom, I told you to wait out in the car.

you what to do. I wiped your butt.

Where are you going?

To the bathroom.

All right, but make it fast.

Don't tell me how to pee.

Hey, Betty, it must be nice to have a three -hour lunch break. I wish my son

were the manager.

Oh, have you got a son?

I just thought a chunk of ugly fell off you.

Everyone back up. Just give her some air.

Let me through. What happened?

She fell, Jack. She tripped over the cart.

Oh, man.

Why can't you people hurt yourselves at home?

You in pain?

Oh, yeah.

Better go call 911.

All right, everybody, back to work. Come on, quit your gawking.

Mom. What?

Where does it hurt?

It's only going to hurt the company's wallet because this is what's going to

me my timeshare in Tampa.

Nobody talk to Grandma today, okay?

Is Grandma sick?

No, Max, it was touch and go there for a while, but she pulled through, so let's

give Grandma a nice round of applause.

Grandma drank too much yesterday.

Alcohol is basically a poison, and if you drink too much of it, you get sick.

What if you drink just the right amount?

Nobody knows what the right amount is, Max.

It's somewhere between the first sip and drinking milk directly from a cow.

So is your back okay?

Yeah, my back's fine.

I'm just sweating so much tequila. If you lick the bottom of my feet, you can

get a buzz.

Look, Mom, now that you're sober, I think you know it's crazy to try to get

workman's comp.

No, no, no, no. I'm still going through with that.

What? You just said you were fine.

To you?

To everyone else, I have a nonspecific lower lumbar pain, and nobody can prove

don't. Don't do this, Mom. George, I fell.

Everybody saw me. Yeah, but you were drunk. It was just like Aunt Rita's

all over again, except this time you had underwear on.

George.

This is my chance to even the score.

I couldn't go out and start a million -dollar company like your dad.

I was too busy struggling to raise you.

I deserve this money.

So what are you going to do, stay inside for the rest of your life? Mom, those

insurance companies are going to be watching you.

Hey, insurance, IRS, the thugs from the kids' telethon.

Get in line.

Hey, Jack, what are you doing here?

Well, I heard Benny was staying with you. I just came by to see if she was

Oh, yeah, that's nice, Jack. Come on in.

I think she just went in the kitchen.

Oh, well, it's good to hear she's walking. Oh, my God.

Oh, I'm just headed to the little girl's room.

Jack, can I get you something to drink?

Oh, Penny, no, thank you. I'm fine. Here, let me help you up. Oh, how about

this, Jack?

35 years I work in the factory and not one accident till this.

It was just a matter of time.

What did the doctor say?

Oh, what do they always say? Take off your clothes.

Oh, God.

Please don't take away the laughter.

Actually, Mom, after two weeks off with Perry, you should be back on your feet

again. I wouldn't count on it.

I haven't been so lucky in my life.

Yeah, but you're tough.

Four weeks and you should be back on the job, right?

Six weeks is plenty of time to heal.

Take it easy. Yeah, take it easy.

Your mom should stay out as long as she needs to.

That's what insurance is for.

Well, you're the boss, Jack.

Not the manager, the boss.

me at work. Oh, I know. What about Gina?

Well, it's a great idea, except she's supposed to be on vacation.

Oh. Of course.

I'm sure she'll understand. Oh, I'm sure she will. And tell her thank you from

me.

I'll see you later, George.

Okay, thanks, Jack.

Yes!

Look, I'm not going to tell you not to do it, but I think what you're doing is

wrong. It's not wrong. It's payback.

Is God setting things straight?

You know, they say he works in mysterious ways.

Yeah, but what if it's a test? And he's giving you a chance to do the right

thing. George, you don't know anything about God. He got me drunk and tripped

me.

God.

God.

Hey, George.

Here's the papers you need to sign so your mom can get her workers' comp. Oh,

-huh. Poor, poor Benny.

You know, I wouldn't wish a back injury on my worst enemy.

Yeah, no, I don't have to.

I'm really sorry about your vacation, Gina. Oh, yeah, well, my daughter will

probably get married again anyway.

Oh, George,

does Betty need help going to the bathroom, taking a shower?

Is it humiliating?

You know, I don't know why you two hate each other so much.

Someday you could run hell together.

to go with my mom this morning? I took her to the clinic and I took her home.

You got the note?

You mean the one the crooked doctor gave her? Shh!

Are you trying to get my mom caught?

I wish she would get caught. And I am done being your messenger.

I think what the two of you are doing is disgusting.

Okay, what did the doctor say?

Whatever your mom wants him to say.

She has soft tissue damage in the lower lumbar region. And if we want, I have

chronic fatigue syndrome, you have post -traumatic stress disorder, Max has

postpartum depression, and Carmen has hysterical mood swings.

Although he may have got that one right by accident.

Look, I don't want to do this, Angie, but I owe it to my mom.

It's my fault.

She asked me not to go looking for my dad, and I did it anyways, and she's the

one that ended up getting hurt.

George, it's not your fault. You didn't make him rich.

And what if she'd found out on her own? Would you still be helping her? No, you

wouldn't, because it's wrong, and you know it's wrong.

Look, we talked about this last night, and you said, I think what you're doing

is wrong, but I'm done talking about it.

Man, what happened to that?

It's fine.

I'm done talking about it. Go ahead and give her worker's comp.

But it's wrong.

Now I'm done talking about it.

how much workers' comp I'm gonna get?

Hey, you know how much money you get if you lose a thumb?

Because a thumb's worth more than a finger, but a hand's worth more than a

thumb.

How much would you get if you'd lose your tongue? Because then we'd all win.

So how much money do you think you're gonna get for this? Well, I don't know.

I'm getting to that chart.

Okay, here we go.

Here's my salary.

My compensation would be...

a country where nurses, teachers, and liars can earn a decent wage.

I don't have to settle for workman's comp.

The doctor said I had a good case.

I'm gonna go for a big fat lawsuit.

What, so you're gonna sue the company that's been putting food on your table

the last 35 years? I'm not greedy. I'll settle for a million.

And you still think you're doing the right thing?

Absolutely. You're not ashamed at all? No, sir.

All right, that's it.

Get in here. And what are you doing?

What's wrong?

Well, Grandma Benny thinks it's all right to cheat the Powers Brothers out

million dollars.

So this whole family is going to follow her example. From now on, we're all

going to lie, cheat, and steal.

Carmen, keep doing what you're doing.

Max, you see a toy you want? Just take it and say your mom already paid for it.

But, Dad, I can't lie.

My tail.

Don't worry about your tail. You can use it. to take off the security tabs.

And you know what I'm going to do? What?

Right after you settle your lawsuit, I'm going to go over to your house and I'm

going to fall. That's right. Then I'm going to sue you, huh?

How do you like what I'm teaching the kids now, Mom? Well, I was okay up until

the part you were going to sue me.

Kids, never sue family.

It makes Thanksgiving even more uncomfortable.

You guys know what just happened here?

Yeah, you used us to shame Grandma Benny into something, but it didn't work.

Very good.

Dismissed.

What are you doing?

I'm going to find a lawyer.

Oh, you may have been hurt and you don't even know it. I think I can work with

this guy.

You've done some pretty messed up things.

You never celebrated my birthday. Sometimes you left me at home without

food. And I think I remember you giving me beer and making me do some funny baby

dance for your friends.

I could always look up to you.

Because when it came to the big stuff, you did the right thing.

You never passed me off to another relative.

You worked hard.

I respect you.

It's more than I can say about Manny.

You know, so after all this time, don't let him make you do the wrong thing.

I never gave you beer. You got it from the trash.

Mama, I hope I see you at work tomorrow.

You're late.

Hey, I had to get another note from my doctor so he could give me this.

Please don't call me handicapped. I want to be treated like everyone else.

I'm glad you showed up.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because I'm a hard worker. I'm a good person. Blah, blah, blah.

No, no, I need you right there.

Gina had an accident covering your shift.

What happened?

She lost a finger in the drill press.

Was it a thumb?

Why do all of the good things happen to bad people?

What?

Gina's going to be needing this.

Hey.

What are you having for lunch?

Turkey sandwich.

I got ham.

So, big plans for the weekend?

Nah, I'm not doing anything special.

Not me either.

Ever been with a woman without a thumb?

No, I haven't.

You know, when you lose your thumb, other parts of your body compensate.