Original subtitles

Morning, Mr. Needles. Morning, Max.

Morning, kid I don't know.

Hi, I'm Allison.

Hi, I'm George.

Since when did Max start hanging out with girls?

Oh, that's not just a girl. That's Max's wife.

What are you talking about?

It's something all the kids his age are doing. They just tear off and say

they're married. They don't kiss or anything.

Bonaparte is finally showing an interest in girls. This morning, he tucked his

shirt in and combed his hair, and last night after he went to the bathroom, he

put the seat down.

I'm losing him.

Well, I'll keep my eye on Max's wife. She's on her third juicy juice.

I think she has a problem.

You know.

Rumor has it someone here tied the knot.

It's no big deal.

Well, I'm sorry I missed the bachelor party at Chuck E. Cheese.

I was looking forward to putting a dollar in the mouse's belt.

Come on, pumpkin. Let's go to school.

Here, honey. I made you fresh brownie for lunch.

Thank you.

You know those make you hyper.

Here we go.

Those boxes from the basement.

I got to enter all these old employee files for background checks.

That's for that stupid government contract we're trying to land.

Hey, if we're doing background checks, I wouldn't be calling the government

stupid.

Please don't take me. I like it here.

Dude, it's going to take me forever, man. I got to lug each one of these

-infested boxes up here one at a time.

Hey, just don't let them get in your hair.

The mama spider's legs.

You're right. Like I'm some little punk afraid of baby spiders.

Hey, guys, make sure Curtis has all your current personal information because

we're doing background checks. We want to make sure everybody's clean for the

feds.

What are they checking us for?

I mean, I can see why they're checking Hosni.

He's an Arab.

Yeah, and he doesn't drink. How suspicious is that?

Or curse.

One time I dropped a pipe on his foot.

Nothing.

when white people, black people, and Latinos can all come together and pick

another minority.

What's wrong with you guys?

Just because he does his work and doesn't hang around and gossip, you

suspicious? Yeah.

Hey,

he's been here for two years, and I haven't seen one of you make any attempt

get to know him.

Well, I haven't seen you hanging around with him, Mr. We Are the World.

You know, you're right.

That ends right now.

Hey, Hosny, what are you doing Friday night?

It's about overtime because I can't do it on Fridays.

Oh, something religious?

No. I like to watch America's funniest home videos.

But I do it religiously.

Listen, why don't you come over for dinner with me and my family? We've

hung out. I don't know anything about you, your life, your culture. It'll be

fun. All right.

How many of my wives can I bring?

Hey, if we hit it off, man, I'll let you have one of mine.

Her name's Benny.

George, we got to talk.

Sure, Jack. What's up?

I got a big problem I need you to handle.

We're worried the government's going to throw up a red flag on Hosni.

Hosni? Whatever.

I don't want him to be the head inspector on this. I'm afraid we might

shot at this contract.

Jack, so just because he's an Arab, you got a problem with him?

No, George.

We found out he went to flight school.

Did he take all the lessons?

I want them off the line of shuffling papers till I tell you different.

Oh, man, I just invited them to dinner.

Oh, rookie mistake, George.

You cannot get close to your employees.

Do you like me?

Not really.

That's because I don't let you in.

You know, George, sometimes late at night...

I'm balled up in the fetal position, I'm naked, I'm holding a double bourbon,

and I am crying like a baby.

But you will never see that.

Thank you, Jack.

All right, now.

Go!

Hi,

Carmen. Hi, Angie.

Angie?

I'm sorry. Should I call you Mom?

Angie will be fine.

Max, is your wife staying for dinner? Because I'm making something special.

dad's bringing somebody over from work.

Um, well...

We're just going to go and play in Max's room for a while.

What she said.

Okay.

Hey, how come he can have a girl up in his room and I can't have a boy up to

mine? Because he still thinks making out is finding quarters in the couch.

I have a surprise for you.

Whoa. Cool. A Super Bowl.

What's this for?

Our one -week anniversary.

Don't... Pretend you don't remember.

Wow, one week.

Where's the time gone?

I know how hard it was for my parents to leave Cuba.

And they weren't even trying to leave. They went swimming and caught a wave.

So do you ever get homesick for Egypt?

Well, whenever I miss the desert and the pyramids, I just fly to Vegas.

You fly? You fly the plane?

Mom!

Yes, my dad was a pilot. I mean, that's how I got in this business in the first

place. Well, I think that's great.

Am I the only one whose eyebrows are raised?

Yeah, because you pencil load men that way.

Sorry, who's Superball?

Oh, this isn't a Superball.

Yes, it is. It's called a Dinoball, but it's the same thing.

Oh, it's not the same thing. Real Superballs were created under 50 ,000

of pressure.

Superballs bow tired than any other ball ever made.

A kid in St. Louis bows... I lost one and a kid in Chicago lost an eye.

That's how great they were.

I bounced one across the Nile.

Where's the Nile?

It's in Egypt. That's where Hosni's from.

Like those guys on the news?

Why do you hate us? Max!

You know, he doesn't hate us. You know it's wrong to assume things about

I'm really sorry about that, Hosni.

We try to teach him to be cool with all different types of people, but

apparently we missed one.

I told you we should have rented Aladdin.

I don't hate you.

Just like anywhere else where I come from, there are good people and there

bad people.

Which one are you?

I'm good people.

Oh, okay.

He's a sweet kid.

Does he believe everything anybody tells him?

Hey, he still thinks doing yard work is astronaut training.

George, next time, it's my place. Angie, thanks for a great dinner. You're

welcome. Benny.

Lighten up. Try penciling in a smile on your face.

Oh, Hosni.

He's got crazy eyes.

Hey, sorry I missed dinner. I guess I'll have to meet Hosni next time.

Oh, I don't know if there'll be a next time.

After what I was supposed to do on Monday.

What are you talking about?

The Powers brothers are worried about losing the government contract because

Hosni. And they want me to take them off the project.

Wait a second. You knew about this before dinner and you didn't tell me?

Angie, if I would have told you, you would have tipped him off. You would

used your sympathy voice.

Would you like more coffee or maybe some tea?

This isn't fair to Hosni. They can't do this. Just because he took flying

lessons and he's from a troubled part of the world.

Hey, what is the problem? We got to build airplanes for the government.

He's an Arab. He's got to go.

Mom, how can you say that?

How many times in your life have you had people judge you because of your

background? Hey, when people don't like me, they don't like me because they know

me. It has nothing to do with my background.

Dad, if they're worried about him, maybe it's better if he's not making planes.

Carmen, you can't judge people by the way they look.

You know what happens to me all the time?

When I go shopping, security follows me. When I cut my grass, people want to

know how much I charge.

One time when I was playing golf, a guy pulls up to the clubhouse, gets out and

hands me the keys to his car.

Dad, what did you do? I took it.

Then I called him on his car phone and told him that it shakes at 110.

Dad, if Hosny's a good guy and you do this, doesn't that make you one of the

guys?

No. Because I'm going to tell the Powers brothers I can't do this to Hosny.

Way to go.

You're a dope.

All right, let's get to the file. So what's this about anyway?

I got to put a case together for Hosni before the Powers brothers get in.

Look at the people they've already approved for the job.

John Patterson, three stints in rehab.

Mary Sanchez, 82 years old and legally blind.

Joe Kruvich, former porn star.

He was a porn star?

Only for a year.

He made 2 ,000 films.

This isn't going to work, man. Look.

You bring this up, you're not going to help Hosni. You're just going to get

those people bumped, too.

Yeah, you're probably right. And I don't want to send Joe back to porn. He's got

a bad back.

You want to see us, George?

Hey, Curtis, let me talk to this guy. Sure.

So, uh, did you talk to Hosni yet?

No, because I'm not demoting him.

You had no problem with the 37 planes he inspected before the government

contract came up, and there's no reason to have a problem now.

George, please. No, let me finish.

This is profiling. So what if he went to flight school?

If he wasn't an Arab, we wouldn't be having this conversation.

It's not his fault. He's not some 82 -year -old ex -porn star straight out of

rehab.

You follow that?

No.

George, let me spot out for you. If we don't get this contract, we're going to

skeleton crew. We'll have to lay off at least 20 people. Now, do you want that

on your head?

No, Mel, I don't.

But I don't want to screw one guy out of a job because you two guys are

paranoid. George.

We are not closing our doors over Hosny. I want him doing meaningless paperwork

by tomorrow.

George, you want to get something to eat?

No, I can't, man. I've got to work through lunch. I've got paperwork.

What's black and red and mad as hell?

A brother with 15 paper cuts.

Damn! 16.

Poor Curtis.

I'd rather eat my own hands than be stuck doing paperwork.

Yeah, well, that's... yeah.

Back with your mom? When am I going to talk to her?

She's still shopping.

And look, I found one of those old Superballs. The auction's almost over.

Can we make a bid?

Five bucks?

That must be collectibles now. Let's bid six.

I don't want to lose it. Let's bid a thousand.

Okay, I'm in charge of the bidding now.

Okay, ten.

Outbid. Okay, twenty.

Outbid.

Thirty. Outbid. Fifty! Go to a thousand!

Sixty dollars!

It's over!

Ah! John Max, what do the Lopez men have?

Super Bowl! That's right!

What were you telling him?

Dad just got me an original Super Bowl for sixty dollars.

Sixty bucks for a little rubber ball?

Congratulations, you're officially out of the hood.

I buried it behind the lemon tree in the backyard. You dig it up, you can have

it. Cool!

Let me help. Are you okay?

Dad, why don't you just hire somebody to dig the holes for the sprinklers? Max

is going to figure it out someday.

Not if he keeps running into the door.

So, how'd it go with the Powers brothers today?

Well,

Sometimes you eat the bear, sometimes the bear eats you, and sometimes you're

what the bear leaves behind in the woods.

What happened?

If I don't demote Hosni and we don't get the contract, 20 people are going to

get laid off.

Oh, my God.

I don't know what to do. What kind of example am I for my kids if I can't

up for what I believe in?

Well, what kind of manager would you be if you let 20 people get fired to save

one?

Thanks, baby. You're my rock.

George. Gotta make a decision.

Well, I can either do the practical thing or the right thing, but I can't do

both. I hate being manager. I hate having this kind of responsibility. It's

killing me.

That's why you're exactly the kind of guy who should be manager.

You suffer like this because you actually give a damn about people.

No, I don't.

Yes, you do.

You know, Mr. Salazar down the street, he's got that big operation coming up.

I don't care.

He might not make it. So what?

I made vegetable soup for him.

Oh, that's nice.

Max, what are you still doing up?

I couldn't sleep.

It's my marriage.

Yeah?

Dad, didn't you and Mom ever want to stop being married?

No.

We've been married for 16 years, and I'm still happy to be with her.

Well, I've been with Allison for one week, and it feels like 16 years.

So, you want out?

Maybe.

Are there any kids to worry about?

Not when I know of.

Hey, do you know what that means?

No.

Max, maybe you should break up with her.

Shouldn't you do it for me?

I think you should do it.

That way, she'll respect you.

And you still may have a chance to be friends.

Are you afraid of her, too?

A little bit.

Hey, Ozzie. George!

What are you doing here so early? I'm usually the first one.

I'm working on my own machine. It helps me think.

For a moment, I thought they demoted you. That would have been humiliating.

Yeah. Yeah.

But anyway, I'm glad you're here. Look at this. I found an old Super Bowl for

Mac at a flea market. Oh, hey, man, thanks.

I tried to get one on eBay, but some idiot bid it up to 60 bucks.

Yeah, well, you know.

Yeah.

You're here early for a reason, aren't you?

Listen, Hosni, there's no easy way to say this.

The Powers brothers think we have a better chance of getting a government

without you.

What are you talking about?

It's a flight school, and you're Arab.

And the Powers brothers think that the government's going to become suspicious,

and they don't want to take the chance.

I don't believe it. Look, man, I'll make sure you get the same money and the

same benefits, but I'm not going to pretend this is better than it is. I

know you take pride in your work, but you're not going to be head inspector.

Hosni, you're going to be...

Shuffling papers.

So I'm being profiled out of a job.

Yes, and it sucks, and it's a lousy world, but if we lose this contract, 20

people will be out of work.

And I'm the manager, man, and I can't let that happen.

I understand.

If it makes you feel better, Jack Powers drinks naked at night, rolled up in the

fetal position.

It helps a little.

I just want to thank you for at least being honest with me.

It makes it much easier to hear bad news like this from a friend.

So you're going to be all right with this?

Hell no.

Do all the Lopez's believe everything anybody tells them?

You're very quiet today.

And stop playing with your food.

There's something I need to talk to you about. Oh, boy. I'll be outside.

No, it's okay. We're all family here.

Not for long.

Allison? I accept.

Huh?

Your apology.

I accept it.

We should have picked out our week of Earth Day gift together.

Allison?

I want a divorce.

What? You're divorcing me?

I want you to know something.

It's not me.

It's you.

I'm sorry.

You're not going to do better than me, Max Lopez.

You okay?

I guess.

It's just that Allison and I won't be playing together anymore.

And I feel bad.

Like my stomach.

Hey, the Super Bowl came today.

Oh, right.

Let's go play with you right now.

Five -second rebound.

Not bad.

This is a real toy, a back -in -the -day toy. Are you ready, Max?

I'm ready.

That is the best 60 bucks I've ever spent.