Original subtitles

Come on, boy.

Come through the tube.

Come on, boy. I've got a treat.

What's going on, Max?

I'm training Mr. Needles. I want to enter him in the dog show. Does Mr.

Needles have papers?

Oh, no, because I don't think it's right that Mr. Needles has papers and some of

our relatives don't.

Hey, Max.

Maybe Mr. Needles needs to see you run the course. You know, so he knows what

do.

Okay.

Mr. Needles, I'm only going to show you this once.

I know where that tongue's been.

Sorry to hear that.

Oh, of course we can come down.

Okay, take care.

Bye.

I've got some bad news.

Oh, that's good. Lots of drama.

Now listen, when you say it, go like this.

And then go... No.

Serious.

That was Uncle Joe's girlfriend.

Your brother's dying, Benny.

Oh, man.

So?

What's the bad news?

Oh, come on, Mom. Don't be like that.

Benny, I know how you feel about Joe, but he wants you to go down to San Diego

to say goodbye.

I said goodbye to him 15 years ago when he cheated me out of my money.

I don't believe her.

The man is dying and she's not going to talk to him because of some stupid

grudge over a Super Bowl bet?

You know, the Lopez's are proud people.

And when there's principle at stake, we don't compromise no matter what. That's

just the Lopez way.

They're fighting over $20.

We're petty, too.

This is so sad.

Joe's not even that old.

His girlfriend didn't say what he had, and I didn't want to ask.

Well, I bet it was the bump.

The bump? Yeah, remember when I told you he visited two years ago? He had a huge

bump on the side of his neck.

Uncle Joe!

Whoa!

Give me a hug.

Hey!

Hey!

Wow, it's been a long time.

Anything new going on in your life, Joe?

Same old, same old.

So, nothing's new. I guess nothing's popped up.

No, but I could use a soda, though. A long trip from San Diego, you know?

How was the traffic, Joe? Was it bumpy?

I had to come up and talk to your mom.

I want to make things right.

Oh, hey, man.

Wow, hearing that gives me a lump in my throat.

Or a little to the left.

I mean, have you been to the doctor? I'm treating it myself. I drink warm ginger

ale. Well, if it gets any bigger, Joe, I mean, you can use the carpool lane

going home.

So?

Benny, I'm ready to settle our bet.

I brought you your money.

Well, where are you keeping it? In your net wallet? What the hell is that thing?

It's fine. Don't worry about it.

Look, I didn't come here to fight. I came to make peace with my only sister.

I got your money.

That's ten. You owe me twenty.

I still don't think I owe you anything.

But I'm willing to meet you halfway.

So take the ten. No, it's twenty or nothing.

Look, why can't you just call it even so we can bury the hatchet?

You know, speaking of hatchet, Joe, you might want to... You know, I don't

give a crap about the twenty dollars.

Okay? You cheated me.

Of course, I should have known better to let my brother be my bookie.

I did not cheat you. Yes, you did. No, I didn't. Yes, you did. No, I didn't.

Joe! Look, Mom, what fell out of Joe's pocket.

It's a 20. See there, problem solved. No kissing makeup.

I'm not taking it unless he gives it to me.

I'm not giving it to you.

Joe,

that's my 20. No, it isn't.

Come on, man, it is. No, it isn't. See?

Forget it. You're never going to change. You're the same nasty, bitter woman

you've always been, except now you're an inch shorter.

Well, screw you and the bump that rode in on you.

I wonder how big the bump is now.

Well, ginger ale is good for treating growth.

As long as you take it with chemotherapy.

Look, you've got to convince your mother to visit Joe. She needs...

If he dies before she gets a chance to talk to him, she's going to regret it

the rest of her life.

Angie, my mom doesn't regret anything.

Except maybe not getting a bigger TV during the riots.

All right, I'll talk to her.

Mom, Angie wants me to talk to you. Save your breath. I'm not seeing Joe.

But he's dying.

I mean...

This is your last chance to make things right, to get closure.

Closure? You know what? I would rather give birth to you as a grown man than

that snake.

How can you treat your only brother this way?

How?

I'll tell you how. You don't screw family.

Joe and I grew up together. We shared a room. Oh, but now that he's got money,

now that he wears gold chains and goes to the Super Bowl every year, he can't

give up 20 freaking bucks to his own sister.

Look, your mom's gone.

And your dad's gone. He's all you have left. Forget the 20. You said it

yourself. You don't screw family.

I don't know.

We're a proud people.

Save it for somebody that doesn't know us.

You have a birthday dinner every month at Denny's. We're not that proud.

his Super Bowl tickets this year.

He could give them to a forgiving sister.

You know what?

I need closure.

All right, now.

Joe!

Is my mom still in with Joe? Yeah. Where

have you been?

I told you I was going to get sandwiches.

That was hours ago.

I have been hit on by four of your cousins.

And one of them was so overcome with grief, he collapsed into my lap and

there.

Hey, Jimmy's here. You know, I taught him that move.

Where's Joe?

We're his cousins from Albuquerque. Oh, I'm Angie, and this is his nephew,

George. Joe's in his bedroom with his sister. Oh, crap. She's going to take

tickets.

What tickets?

Joe's Super Bowl tickets.

Why do you think we drove all the way here from Albuquerque?

George, did your mom come down here for Super Bowl tickets?

Ticket? I don't know anything about tickets.

Gentlemen, what is this pertaining to?

You okay?

That was tough.

He's really dying.

I know.

We sat there and talked like we were kids again.

And then I realized, when Joey goes...

There'll be no one left who'll remember my childhood but me.

So you got closure?

Yeah. Oh, and I got the tickets.

You know what? I don't even really care about him now.

Mom, you don't have to do this.

You deserve him.

You got me down here.

Penny, I know this wasn't easy for you. What is it with you?

Anything to get a hug.

You think we should go in and say goodbye to Joe now? You know, I don't

see him like this, Angie. I want to remember him the way he was. I'll call

George, you should see him.

I mean, I don't know, Angie. I mean, what if I'm in there and it's dark and

death comes in and takes the wrong Mexican?

Hey, George.

I heard you went down to see your uncle and he's real sick.

So I thought I'd keep you company today.

Or tomorrow.

Or Super Bowl Sunday.

You heard I have an extra ticket.

You do?

Hey, don't give it to him, fool.

I'm your assistant.

I do all the crap you don't want to do. Give me the ticket.

Let's see where you are on the list.

Okay, there's Angie, Ernie, everyone else on the planet, all the dogs and

and then you. So, yeah, it could happen.

You're going to the Super Bowl.

Thank you, George.

You don't know how much this means to me.

This is the greatest moment of my life.

That's sad, bro.

Angie, what are you doing here?

Jill passed away.

Oh, damn.

Is Benny around?

Yeah.

Mom, could you come in here, please?

Sorry, Mom. Joe's gone.

They called about an hour ago.

The funeral's this Sunday.

Well, Alicia's not suffering anymore.

Super Bowl Sunday?

Yeah, I know that sucks, but what are you going to do?

We'll all drive down to the funeral together.

I can't go to the funeral.

You have to.

No, I can't.

Oh, okay, okay. How about this? You go to the funeral, you see Joe, and then

can leave and still get to the game in time for kickoff. I'm sure your mom will

be fine with that.

No, I don't want to go.

Why are you being like this? Because I don't want to go to the funeral.

What is the big deal?

I don't want to see dead people, and I don't want to see people crying, and,

know, I don't want to talk about this anymore.

Hey, I know you. You got me this job.

That's right.

I should kick your ass right here.

I got the kids some clothes for the funeral on Sunday. You want me to press

black suit in case you change your mind?

No.

You know, sometimes when I say I don't want to talk about something, it means

that... what I really want to talk about the most.

Yeah, I hate that about you.

Come on, Carmen and Max are both going. It's going to be hard to explain to them

why you're not.

Why are you taking the kids?

I don't think they have to go through all that.

Go through all what?

You know, when you see the coffin and you think about your body rotting away

your eyes shriveling up and your nails are still growing. Angie, your nails

never stop growing.

George.

Stop growing?

If they didn't stop growing everywhere you went, there'd be fingernails

up out of the ground.

I don't get it.

What's his problem?

He won't go to the funeral.

Damn. He should have seen this coming.

What? Oh, he's scared of death ever since he was a kid.

Well, he never told me that. Did something happen?

Oh, just the kind of stuff that...

really is out of a parent's control.

Like what?

Like, um, I lied to him and told him that his dad died when he was four. That

probably didn't help.

Mm -hmm.

And then he was really scared, and he asked me if he was ever gonna die.

And what did you say?

I said, no.

I said, when you grow up, they will have cured all of the diseases, and you're

gonna live forever.

But that one wasn't my fault. Science let me down.

Benny, you messed him up. He never learned how to handle death as a child,

now he can't handle it as an adult.

I know.

I'm going to talk to him.

It's time he went to his first funeral.

He never went?

Even when he was younger?

Well, they never invited him.

I was always having fights with all of the relatives.

You know?

Even my cousin Rudy had it put on his tombstone. If you can read this, Benny

Lopez, you're too close.

George,

I got to talk to you.

What's with the dress?

This is the dress I want to be buried in.

That's the dress you want God to see you in the first time you meet?

I'm not kidding. This is my death dress.

What are you going to wear for the swimsuit competition?

Listen, George, you help me get through something, now I'm going to help you.

You know, the best way to get rid of your fear of death is take control of

Like me. I got everything planned.

Mom, I don't want to do this.

Come on, George.

Come on. Pay attention.

You're the only one I trust, and I'm going to make sure that you're in charge

all of my arrangements, okay?

Number one, make sure I'm dead.

Number two, make sure I'm dead.

Number three, do not let them put me in the ground without doing my eye makeup,

okay? And I would like for it to be powder blue to match my gown.

And also, you know, have them arch my eyebrows.

look like I'm surprised, you know, like somebody got me from behind.

Come on, Mom, you're creeping me out. This is stupid. You're not going to die

for a long, long time. What are you doing?

This is what it's going to look like.

But not exactly.

I don't want to be buried in a bra. These things hurt after four hours. Come

Mom, stop it. Get up. No, no, I'm just saying, picture them more to the side.

Okay, okay, I'll go to Joe's funeral. Just get up.

Mom, I don't want to picture you dead.

Good.

You feel better?

No, but I'll be okay.

So, I guess you're going to be fed when I go, huh?

Of course, you're my mom.

But that's a long, long way down the road.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, sure, you're right.

Uh -oh.

What's this right here? I got a little bump on my nose.

gonna die.

I'm gonna die.

I think I want to say goodbye to Joe.

You sure?

Yeah.

Well, you know, it sort of reeks of death in here. I'm going to go out and

a smoke.

my mom meant about the eyebrows.

Joe, you were an all right uncle.

Thank you for making up with my mom.

Hey, man, I know you didn't want to miss the Super Bowl, so...

Here you go, T.

Should I give you a minute?

The ball is loose.

There's a big pileup on the two, but it won't matter as time runs out.

Why?

You know some chips would be nice.