Original subtitles

Let's go.

You've been in there for 20 minutes. You don't need to shave your legs above the

knee. No one should be looking up there anyway.

I'm not shaving my legs anymore.

I'm growing it out, like your ear hair.

Guess what, Sasquatch? It's hereditary.

Come on, Max. Let's go, brother. I'm going to be late for work. You're a kid.

You should hate being clean.

I do.

I haven't showered in three days.

Me and Jimmy Cregan are having a stink -off.

You win.

Unless, of course, you want me to come in there.

I take that as a yes.

Close your eyes, baby.

Here comes Ramon the towel boy.

Oh, God!

Oh, that ain't right! Hey, perv, did you enjoy the show?

Angie, Angie, quick, show me your body.

I tell you, your mom's using our shower.

Man, with all the steam in there, it was like gorillas in the mist.

What's wrong with her shower?

Her drain's clogged. It takes a day for the water to go down.

You should fix it for her.

No.

No? Hey, I always do things for her. Getting her groceries, fixing her car.

never appreciates it. So you know what? I'm done.

George, I'm sure she appreciates it, but... Angie.

I've spent my entire life trying to get a thank you from that woman, and all I

get is sarcasm.

Thanks for the stretch marks.

Thanks for sitting in front of the TV with that big head.

Thanks for scaring away all my dates by saying, are you my new daddy?

Come on, I could swear in 15 years I've heard her say thank you. No.

You just imagined it because you live in Angie land, where the sky is blue.

and people always say thank you and howdy.

Oh, you look so cute in that top.

So you're telling me your mom never says thank you and every time you tell me I

look cute in something, I'm imagining it?

Cold and dark out here, isn't it?

You're being ridiculous.

I bet she says it.

If you don't believe me, do something nice for her. You'll see.

Oh, hey, Mr. Peepers.

I hope there's a 20 -drink minimum.

Hey, Angie, why don't you get my mom a cup of coffee? I'm sure she would

appreciate it.

I'm sure she will appreciate it.

Here you go, Benny.

Nice and hot.

What, are you trying to burn me?

Benny, I made myself some French toast, but I have some leftovers here.

Why don't you have it?

Why don't you get me some sausage out of the trash can while you're at it?

Put it on your goat?

I want to punch her in the throat.

Hey, don't start something you can't finish.

Okay. I just took a bath and a cigarette butt floated to the top.

Oh, I thought I put that out in the ashtray.

It's not an ashtray. It's a soap dish.

Mom, why don't you call a plumber to fix your drain?

Oh, no, that's too expensive. I got to save for my retirement.

Unless you want me living in your attic.

I wouldn't do that to the other bats.

I don't need a plumber anyway. I met a guy at Home Depot. He's coming over

tomorrow. Well, if he works there, he probably knows his stuff.

Oh, he doesn't work there.

He was in the parking lot hanging around with a bunch of guys.

They were passing around a beer, and when it got to me, I started talking to

him.

Wait a minute.

You're having a guy you don't know come over to your house?

Hey, it's not like I didn't ask him for his ID. He just didn't have any.

Are you crazy, Mom? You live alone. This guy could kill you. He could rob you.

No way he's coming over to your house. Oh, you'll never know if he comes over.

So you know what? Sure, he's not coming over.

All right, I'll take a look at your drain this afternoon.

Okay, whatever.

Well, I'm off to Pep Boys.

Hello.

Going with my beer.

I'm going to find a guy in the parking lot to fix my carburetor.

All right, Mom, I'll take a look at your carburetor, too.

Whatever. Well, I'm off to the parking lot at the paint store.

Get out.

Ma 'am, Benny, I haven't been in your house since high school.

Mom, is that lamp still broken?

You know what? It is.

What's wrong with it?

I don't know. I think it's a loose cord.

Yeah, I bet I could fix it.

Sorry!

You're funny every time. That wasn't funny.

What's going on?

They shocked me.

here's the drain?

No, no, I gotta patch the shower curtain here and I gotta get some new duct tape

for this pile.

But how do you turn on the hot water? There's no handle.

Hey, I got pliers.

If the pliers are here, how do you change the channels on the TV?

You know what? I'm not a hillbilly. I bought another pair of pliers.

falling apart.

Why doesn't she do something?

She's used to it.

Besides, she's older. She's only in here a couple times a week.

You can't let your mother live like this.

You should have the bathroom redone for her. No. No way.

Come on. You could surprise her. Think about it. Fresh paint and nice tiles.

Oh, and maybe one of those cushiony toilet seats, huh?

No. Let her hover.

Do you really want that thank you? Do you really want to see her appreciation?

Well, you know I do.

Well, you've never done anything this big for her. If you give her a whole new

bathroom, there is no way she can't say thank you.

It would be nice to hear it one time in my life.

You deserve it, George.

I do.

And you know what?

I'm going to do all the work myself. I'm going to make this bathroom so nice.

Every time she uses it, she's going to think of me.

This is a big job.

Shouldn't you hire professionals?

Professionals? Angie, please.

I got this.

Maybe we should use a real plumber's snake.

What for?

Using a hose is better. I get water pressure and a snake.

And I can regulate the flow. Look.

Off. On.

Is it working?

Yeah. I already got out enough hair and cigarettes to make three bennies.

Max! Turn it off!

You know, this whole remodel is going to take longer than you thought.

How are you going to keep your mom away?

I lied.

It's a really great thing you're doing for your mom.

Maybe I should put in that bidet my mom's been asking about.

What's a bidet?

Oh, it's a refreshing water fountain for your butt.

Cool.

Man, there's something black in the drain right around the pipe bend.

I think I got a job for the assistant plumber.

Another bearded?

Oh, a big manly job.

I need you to reach in the drain and find out what's around the corner.

What is it?

The way she fits in there, perfect.

She wants to make herself a baked potato.

What do you think?

George, it's beautiful.

She is going to love it. It was harder than I thought. I almost killed myself.

But when she walks in here and sees all this and finally says thank you, it'll

be worth it.

Are you standing?

I got drywall in my butt cheek.

If I don't take a shower soon, they're going to be spackled shut forever.

Mom, come here.

I want to show you how good the drain works.

Okay, close your eyes, Mom.

Why?

Just do it.

You know what? The last time somebody told me to close my eyes, I ended up

you.

U -chrome fixtures, porcelain sink, low -flow toilet with whisper flush and

padded feet?

What do you think, Mom?

The hook for the robe is too high.

Excuse me?

Oh, how am I supposed to get up there? Oh, I forgot that big growth spurt I'm

going to have when I hit 60.

George just redid your entire bathroom with his own hands, and that's all you

have to say?

Hey, I didn't ask him to do it. I just needed to have the drain fixed.

It's fixed.

You don't deserve this.

watching.

But he's killing all the civilians.

Will you please talk to me now?

Come on, George. Let that old lady cross the street and talk to me.

There she goes.

She's almost there.

Okay.

Talk to me.

known she'd do this to me. This whole thing is your fault.

Oh, come on.

Angie, you can't blame the scorpion for stinging you. It's in their nature.

But you can blame the person who talked you into fixing the scorpion's toilet.

Look, I was just trying to help. Angie, I put three days of work in there. I put

my blood, sweat, and the tip of Ernie's pinky into that bathroom.

He's okay.

You're right to be angry, George. She is wrong. You did an amazing job on that

bathroom.

I built an ashtray into the shower.

That's custom.

You don't see that in the catalog. That came from right here.

Maybe deep down she really is grateful, but she just can't express it. Why do

you keep making excuses for her?

I'm not. I'm just saying it's probably hard for her.

Look, saying thank you is acknowledging that somebody did something for you, and

Betty would never admit that she needed anybody to do anything for her. It's a

sign of weakness.

Maybe it would help if you opened up to her.

If I what?

You guys never really talk. You just bark at each other.

Maybe if you opened up and thanked her for all the things that she's done for

you, she'd be able to thank you for all the things that you've done for her.

I don't want to open up.

It'll make you the bigger person. I like being small. I'm very happy with my

size.

George, you're going to have to deal with this. What, are you going to never

talk to her again?

No.

Eventually, I'm going to have to say, it's okay, Mom.

Let go.

Head for the light.

George.

What do I get if I do?

A healthy relationship with your mother.

Once I get that, can I trade it for something I can use?

Like what? A George Foreman grill.

Sure. One of the big ones.

Yeah, with the bun warmers? Oh, that's nice.

Why do we have to talk in the bathroom?

Because I want to talk in the bathroom.

If anything happens to me in here, George, I will haunt you. I swear I

Mom, I just want to talk. We never really talk. We just bark at each other.

Is Angie behind this?

I just think we need to open up to each other.

That sure smells like Angie.

You know why I did all this, Mom?

To get you to say thank you.

Then I realized that there are a lot of things I never thanked you for.

I know how hard it was for you raising me alone.

And thank you for your sacrifices.

And thank you for being my mom and my dad.

And thank you for all the things...

I don't even know that you did for me.

Now, is there anything you want to say to me, Mom?

It's about freaking time.

I don't think you're getting this, Mom. You see, I just opened up. I feel good

about it.

Now I want you to open up. All right, but this is going to be hard for me.

Movies where dogs can talk.

What I'm looking for, Mom, is two little words.

Three if you say it blank, blank, George.

Or you could say it George, blank, blank.

I'll make it easier for you. In Spanish, it's just one word. Adios.

Wait.

Maybe I'm being too vague.

Let's take this nine.

Some people would be thankful for that.

It's just a towel rack.

So you don't care if it's here or not?

My bad.

Let's go to the showerhead.

It's got three speeds.

Steady stream, pulsate, massage.

What are you going to do to that?

Why, do you like this? Yeah, I like it.

Well, say the words, Momworth. Coming up! Thank you.

I didn't hear you.

Thank you for the damn toilet seat there.

You happy?

Is that what you wanted?

Yes. Was that so hard?

Yeah, it was, because I don't have a lot of practice doing this, you know.

Who do I thank for having to drop out of school when I was 15 to work in a

factory?

Thank God I sure know who to thank for giving me a cushion toilet.

a pretty good son.

Thank you.

You give it up way too easy.

Okay.

Angie, the kids are out of the house. My mom's got her own bathroom and it's

just us.

Or shall I say, it's just you and Ramon the towel boy.

Sounds like somebody's ready to be dried.