Original subtitles

Hey, what's all this stuff? I'm giving it to the shelter for Thanksgiving.

Hedge, I don't mind you helping the homeless, but don't give them all my

stuff. Look, homestyle soups only make them sad.

What?

Hey, George. Hedge. Hey, Ernie.

What do you got there, Ernie?

Where's your mom?

It's a full moon, so she's probably out in the yard combing her face.

George, George, I found something here you gotta see.

I was at work moving those old boxes like you asked, and I came across your

mom's personnel file.

Hey, man, you're not supposed to look at that. That's confidential.

Yeah, I know, so keep it to yourself.

In 1965, she was written up for dating this other employee.

How should I put this?

She was found in the break room with her landing gear up and her flaps down.

This couldn't have happened in 1965. I was born in 65. My mom was with my dad.

He was also seeing this other guy, Lalo Montenegro. I looked up his file, and I

got this picture of him.

Hmm. He looks kind of familiar.

He should.

He's got George's eyes, George's hair, George's nose.

What are you saying, Ernie?

This write -up was in March of 65.

You were born nine months later.

Mom!

Remember this guy?

Lalo the Palo Montenegro.

Where did you get this?

At work. You were written up for dating him at the same time you were with Dad.

Oh, for crap's sake.

Lalo and I were just good friends.

It was right before Manny and I were going to get married. We were fighting

the time. I turned to Lalo for comfort.

There was this one night I got real mad at your dad for coming home drunk. I

grabbed a bottle of tequila and ran over to Lalo's.

And then we sort of snuck into the factory.

We ended up fooling around on the manager's desk.

I eat off that desk.

And then somehow we ended up in the break room. And I remember we were

into chairs, rolling on the ground. And then I was...

It was a big bottle of tequila.

Well, I think you did.

Because this guy's got my eyes, my hair, and my nose. This is crazy.

Manny's your dad.

Yeah? Yeah. Let's see that. Okay.

Tell me.

Lalo, Manny.

Manny, Lalo.

Huh. Forget it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. A mother knows the father of her

own baby?

So who is it then?

The sign says no solicitors. Let's go.

George, George.

Come on, man. This could be your dad.

And you look so nice.

He's going to be so proud of his handsome, successful boy.

The boy he never knew.

I can't.

Why didn't you come?

She gets all emotional. She starts crying. Her T -shirt gets wet.

And you should have come.

Yes?

Are you Lalo Montenegro?

Yeah. Did you work at Powers Aviation?

Yeah, about 30 years ago.

Do you remember a woman named Benita Lopez?

Break Room Benny? Oh.

Yeah, I remember her.

What's this all about?

Well, I'm Benita San George, and this may come as a shock to you, but I think

you could be my father.

What do we have here? Oh.

Two studs and me with no hammer.

I'd like you to meet Charles.

Oh, I think there's been a mistake. I was looking for my dad.

Well, we were looking to adopt, but we were hoping for something smaller.

Hey, look, let's not stand on here. Come on in, please.

I can't believe you're Benny's son.

God, look at all that hair. I hate you.

Have a seat, everyone. Sit down.

So, what makes you think I'm your father?

Well, around the time I was conceived, my mom was fighting with a guy I thought

was my dad, and she said one night after work, you guys got together and, uh,

you know.

So, Ernie got your picture from the file, and we, uh, we tracked you down.

Sweet bird of youth.

That was beautiful. I'd do me.

Did your mother tell you exactly what happened that night?

Well, she said you guys were drinking and that you lifted her onto something,

but now I'm starting to think maybe she lifted you onto something.

Oh, my.

We can't possibly have this discussion on empty stomach.

Bruchetta, bruchetta, bruchetta.

You know, you go into too much trouble. This is stupid. Obviously, nothing

happened. You know, I'm just reaching, Max. I'm trying to find my father. I'm

sorry to have bothered you.

Could we take the bruschetta to go?

What's in the book there?

Oh, my wife made this in case this worked out. It's a little photo album.

Can I see it? Yeah.

That's my wife, Angie, and that's my kids, Carmen and Max.

God, they're adorable.

What's this big ear here?

Oh, that's me. My head didn't fit in the frame.

You're a lucky man, George, you know.

I always wanted a family.

It's true.

He never stopped talking about it.

You know, I wasn't as drunk as Benny was that night.

I do remember what happened.

You could definitely be my son.

Are you okay?

Man, this is a trip.

I don't get it. I was young.

I was confused.

I didn't know whether I liked men or women at that point, and, well, Benny

seemed to be the best of both worlds.

You know what? I knew it. The moment I saw the picture, I knew it was you.

Man, I've been wanting to do this my whole life.

This must be a big moment for you too, huh?

How long have you and George been together?

Since the second grade.

About time you took the trip to Vermont and made it official.

Yeah, okay.

Road trip!

Right now, right now.

Joe!

Hey, hope you're hungry. I brought you some bruschetta.

It's fabulous.

I don't want to hear about bruschetta. I want to hear about Lalo. Did you meet

him? Yes, and he was with my mom, and I think he's my dad, and his life partner,

Charles, made me this bruschetta.

All right, go back.

Angie Lalo's incredible.

He's this great guy.

He's sensitive.

He's gay. He wants me, and I'm so happy. I don't care how that sounds.

I hope it's okay I invited Lalo and Charles over for Thanksgiving. I'm so

for you. I told you your mom could turn a man.

I gotta tell the kids I found their grandpa.

Carmen, Max, get down here!

You know you have to explain about his partner, Charles, too.

Take your time, kids!

I got some great news and some interesting news. I think I found your

Really? I might have even found you two grandpas.

What? Let me explain.

It turns out this guy, Lalo Montenegro, is your real grandfather.

And he's coming over for Thanksgiving with Grandpa Charles, who would normally

be Grandma Charles.

He's kind of like a man grandma.

It's just a dress.

And I haven't seen Lalo or his palo in a while.

I'll get it.

Mom, no matter what dress you're wearing, I don't think Lalo or his palo

going to notice.

He found his soulmate.

Hi, I'm Angie.

Nice to meet you.

I haven't seen his soulmate.

The tall guy with the strong chin?

Nice to meet you.

That's Mrs.

Montenegro.

Put on these control tops for nothing. What did you tell me? Doesn't that sound

funny?

Like it is.

Lalo. Charles, welcome to our house. Hey. Hey, Dad.

Hey, Charles. How are you?

Benita. Lalo.

Oh, God, look at you, girl. You haven't changed a bit.

You have.

I'd like you to meet Charles.

I've heard so much about you, I can't believe we're finally meeting.

How you doing?

She's so butch.

George, we have something for you.

Oh, thanks, Lala.

To my baby boy, George.

It's the least we could get you. I mean, you gave us the family.

Damn. There's a lot of smog in the valley today. Come on, let's eat.

This way, everybody.

You didn't eat it already.

George. I'll be okay, Mom.

Oh, that's great. I don't care. Listen.

If he's a flower, then we didn't do it. He can't be your dad.

No, Mom. He said you were the last woman he was ever with.

Let me tell you something.

No man breaks off a piece of this and then gives up women.

Did you say that to him during sex? Because that would do it right there.

Here, Lalo, you sit at the head of the table.

Oh, okay.

Okay, before we start eating, let's say grace.

I'll do it this time. What?

Shut up.

Lord, I want to give thanks for all the blessings you've given us.

For all my family, for everyone's health, but most of all...

For Lalo.

If it wasn't for this man, I wouldn't be here.

I guess 19 hours of working that big head through my pelvis doesn't mean

Amen. Amen.

George,

that was the nicest thing anybody's ever said.

Oh, God, here come the waterworks.

Excuse me, I'll be right back.

Uh, Angie, you forgot the cranberry sauce.

You all right?

Oh, I'll be okay.

It's hard to believe it's been 36 years, huh, Lalo?

I know.

That was a wild night we had, wasn't it? It sure was.

You sure were a good kisser.

And so were you.

You almost sucked a gold cap out of my mouth.

I still remember you tracing the outline of the butterfly tattoo on the small of

my back.

How could I forget?

A butterfly on my buttercup.

Do I look like the kind of woman that would have a... butterfly tattoo on her

butt?

Black Widow?

We didn't sleep together, did we?

Did we?

No.

You passed out.

I held you all night long while I couldn't get you off me.

I knew you weren't George's father.

Benny, Benny.

Don't spoil this.

George always wanted a father and always wanted a son.

Look how happy he is.

Do you think his real father could make him any happier than he is right now?

Well,

I hate to spoil the party, but we have to go.

Don't worry. We'll see you all next Saturday when we take you fishing.

But before that, we're going go -kart racing.

All right.

Cool. Hey, he was talking to me. Back off. You have a dad.

This has been a great Thanksgiving.

And it shows you what's really important.

Family.

Family.

Come on. I'll walk you guys to the car. No, we'll do it. Come on, Grandpa.

Bye -bye. Bye.

Come on.

This has been the best Thanksgiving ever. And we made it through the whole

holiday with no fighting.

Well, it's not over yet.

Here we go.

Look, I got something unpleasant to say, but I don't know how to say it.

Well, do it like you usually do. Get drunk and call me at three in the

Okay.

Here goes.

Remember those fairy tales?

where the prince would come and save the princess and they would live happily

ever after, but all that crap doesn't really happen in real life. Well, Lilo's

not your dad.

But why would you say that, Mom?

Because it's the truth.

I'm telling you, I talked to Lilo.

We didn't spend the night together.

Nothing happened.

You know what this is?

You're jealous.

You're jealous because everybody likes Lilo more than they like you.

When are you going to face it? this, George?

Your father is that bum that ran out on us.

George, if you don't believe me, ask Lilo.

Out.

George, I was just going to make a little play. Out!

And now it feels like a holiday.

What? Has it been a week already?

George, I've been thinking.

Why would Benny lie?

Because that's what she does.

I mean, this is a woman that had me searching for Easter eggs in the yard

three weeks before she told me she never hid anything.

Angie, I ate things from that yard.

Okay, George, just for a second.

Let's say maybe Lalo isn't your dad.

And Manny is.

Are you going to be okay not meeting your real dad?

As far as I know, he never wanted to meet me.

Maybe that's why you want to believe Lalo.

You know what? I'm not talking about this anymore.

Now you got me all worked up.

There's only one thing that'll get me back to sleep now.

All right.

No, I'm talking about turkey.

Nothing, Grandpa.

Oh, hey, that's just the beginning.

Next week, we're going to see the Lakers, and the weekend after that,

Disneyland. Oh, right.

Hey, maybe I can bring someone.

Max, you got a girlfriend I don't know about?

No way. Girls are gross.

I said nothing.

He really likes her, you know.

Well, I like him.

I wish I was around to see you at that age.

We've got a lot of catching up to do.

Hey, can you catch me up on allowance?

Too late. I already spent it on Botox for Charles.

You know, I always wanted to play catch with my dad.

Lalo, are you really my dad?

Why would you ask that?

My mom told me nothing ever happened between you two, and I want to believe

man, I do.

But I just gotta ask, are you really my father?

Depends on how you define father.

Somebody who cares about you.

Somebody who wants to be part of your family.

Somebody who made out with your mom and had a pretend it was Sean Connery.

No, George, I'm not your father.

Then why would you say you were?

Because I always wanted a child.

You know, but back then it wasn't an option for guys like me.

And then you showed up.

And you were everything I ever wanted in a son.

And you had that photo album with all those adorable pictures of your family

that weird picture of your ear.

I couldn't resist.

That's too bad.

You would have been a good dad.

I'm sorry, George.

You know, kids don't have any uncles.

Taking applications.

Uncle Lalo?

Aunt Charles?

I like the sound of that.

Oh, boy, are you sure we're not related because you're so like a girl?

I don't need that, especially from a stranger.

Hey, Max, take over for me.

Sure.

I think I owe somebody an apology.

So I've got something unpleasant to say and I don't know how to say it.

Well, what is it?

Okay, remember in those fairy tales when sometimes the evil witch is right and

the handsome prince finds out that the gay guy really isn't his father?

Does it end with the prince giving the witch the rest of the turkey?

Mom, you really can't blame me. I mean, when you lie so much, it's hard for me

to tell when you're being honest.

Hey, I only lie to protect you.

Or when it's convenient.

Or, you know, when I'm just too damn tired to tell you the whole truth.

Well, I guess I gotta keep searching for Manny Lopez.

At least we know he's not gay.

That guy.

He broke a piece off me.

And he came back for seconds.

And thirds. Okay, Mom, you can have the turkey.

What about the beer?

Don't push your luck.

Oh, yeah, that Manny, he was an animal. He was the only man who could make me

howl. Okay, take the beer.

Hey, I got a story that's going to make you give me the whole house.

This doesn't feel right. You're a guest and you're always cleaning.

Don't even think about it. It's what I do.

Cleaning is my football.

Touchdown.

Extra point.

Extra, huh?

So, um, how long before I can tell him I'm not really your dad?

Hey, wait till he finishes the living room.